It's All About Stickin' It Out

“I could give you a hundred things I could do that would be better than doing Mr. Bennleys report...”

I was surrounded by boys of my age and older talking and laughing about things and I felt so out of place. I see Jack laughing along at my side, he insisted that I sat at the cafeteria with him, rather than sit all alone at the library.

Jack hung out with all types of people, and all grades. He was definitely not someone to degrade you and make you feel out of place, but right now, sitting here with so many people. All of them laughing at things and talking about topics that I wasn’t paying attention to.

I didn’t feel right.

Even back when I had a few friends, it would be three people sitting at a table, we had our own topics that we mutually enjoyed that we talked about.

Zack and Matt loved all of the bands I do, so we got along just fine, no awkwardness, nothing.

But my social skills were thrown out the window that summer, but I felt okay that no one was staring at me sympathetically.

And when I walked in with Jack they all just welcomed me with ‘heys’ and it was nice to know that maybe they didn’t think of me as an attention seeker, maybe Jack talked to them before I came with him, who knows?

I feel an elbow bump into me, something that Jack does a lot when he wanted to get me out of my drowning thoughts.

“Are you okay sitting here, if not, we can leave.”

Noticing that he said the word ‘we’ I didn’t think I wanted to tell him the truth, he was enjoying time with his friends, why bother?

“No, y-you stay. I have to do some homework a-and projects..”

I tell him, quickly grabbing my backpack from the floor and making my way to the cafeteria doors. A nice hush fell over after the door behind me closed. It was a nice difference from the screaming teenagers all flinging food at each other.

I heard the door open once again, before leaving the hall hushed again and my name being yelled by Jack.

God, I didn’t understand why he was so persistent to talk to me or sit with me. I was a loser.

I stopped my tracks for him to catch up with me.

“You got to let yourself go Alex, don’t bottle yourself up and let your past get in the way of you making friends, hell, you don’t even seem to want to be my friend.”

I felt my face heat up with realization that he was getting the wrong message. My suicidal past wasn’t the major problem pushing him away. I didn’t even know how to tell him the truth. I didn’t know how to tell him why I even tried to end myself.

I shake my head no.

“I like y-you Jack, you’re really ni-ice…”

I gulped down some air, maybe it was time to talk.

-----------------

I felt my headache from the morning growing furiously, bringing pain to the temples of my head as Jack and I sat at the couches in the library. It felt warm and comfortable, compared to the hallways or the cafeteria.

“You can tell me anything Alex, we’re friends now.”

I wanted to smile and tell him thanks, I wanted him to know that I really appreciated what he said, but I couldn’t find the strength to control myself and let words out of my mouth. My parents don’t even know the truth, so was it possible that I could tell this guy that I’ve only known for a month and few weeks.

I couldn’t tell whether or not I was strong enough to do this.

But I felt Jacks arm wrap around my shoulder he squeezed it tightly.

“I want to know you.” Jack says.

I never wanted to tell anyone, but when I see Jack I feel like I can trust him with my life.