Secondhand

I woke up in the morning snuggled into Austin and immediately decided that there was no better way to wake up or place to be. I might even be able to become a morning person if I woke up with him like this every morning. I almost didn't want to think about that because it scared me. I trusted Austin and there is no doubt in my mind that I love him. I mean, he's letting me stay here, he took an actual fucking bullet for me, and is generally just amazing. I'm still terrified of getting hurt, though. I sighed and cuddled into him more.

“What's wrong?”

I jumped when Austin spoke, not realizing he was awake.

“Nothing. Just thinking.”

“Thinking about what?”

I sighed once again, knowing he would be relentless until I told him what was on my mind.

“Us. All of... whatever it is we have going on. I'm still scared Austin, but I don't want to be. I want to fully trust you because I know I can, but there's always this part of my mind that screams not to let myself get hurt.”

“Oh. I wish that I could just tell you that you can trust me and that I won't hurt you and have you know that I mean it wholeheartedly. I know it isn't that simple though and I'm sorry.”

“You have nothing at all to be sorry for, Austin. It's me who's scared. I'm trying, though. I really am.”

“I know you are. Can I ask you a question?”

“Of course.”

“Can you keep trying? But with one condition?”

“Maybe? What's the condition?”

“Can you keep trying as my boyfriend?”

I looked at him in shock, not comprehending that there was even the possibility of the beautiful man lying next to me wanting to call me his. I was completely stunned into silence. Austin's eyes were darting around and he looked nervous, probably mistaking my disbelief for rejection.

“I shouldn't have asked right now. That was bad timing. I'm sorry.”

I wrapped my arms around him and pressed a kiss to his bare chest, below his scar. I knew what I wanted, but my head and my heart were at odds with each other. I wanted to tell the nagging thoughts in the back of my mind to fuck off and just go with what my heart was screaming. I wanted to, I did. I was so scared though. You should be. I won't get hurt. You could. Austin wouldn't hurt me. You don't know that. He loves me. So did Brady. I love him. You're just lonely. I want to be with him and only him. Have fun getting hurt. Don't say I didn't warn you.

“Yes, Austin.”

“What?”

“I only want to be with you. You make me feel safe. I want to be your boyfriend.”

A smile spread across his face and it was almost as if the sun had come up after month in the dark. Despite the fact that I was sure that we both had morning breath, he kissed me hard and it was easily the most emotion I had ever felt behind kissing anyone. I knew that this is what love is supposed to feel like.