Still Strung out on You

I honestly didn't know what to say to Alex. I really didn't. I mean, I don't want to make it awkward, but i don't know. I have all these things that I need to tell him, but I can't. I'm not good with words when it comes to this whole type of thing.

Right now I'm sat next to Alex in the kitchen. We weren't talking. I could see that he wanted to talk to me, and I wanted to talk to him too, but everything that I need to say isn't for the ears of my family. I want just Alex to hear what I have to say.

I think it lasted for about twenty minutes. I'd finished eating for now, and I saw that Alex hadn't eaten for the past five minutes. I decided to stand up and asked Alex to come upstairs when he was ready. I walked off, stopping for a quick toilet break, then stepping into my bedroom. I can't deal with this awkwardness. I just need to tell Alex everything and tell him how much he means to me, because I think he really does underestimate how much I really do care about him.

After about ten minutes of waiting, I heard a knock on my door. I thought at first that it was going to be my mom or my sister coming to tell me that Alex had left and never wanted to talk to me ever again, so I called out "Come in, tell me the bad news then go away". However, it was Alex that walked in, and he headed straight for my bed and sat him self down with his legs pulled up and his back against the wall. He had brought his drawstring bag and his acoustic guitar with him, so I'm guessing that he has something that he wants to show me too.

"Hey, dick face. What's up with you?" He asked, trying too hard to be friendly and not make it awkward again like it was before we went to have something to eat.
"Look, I've been thinking. Uh, a hell of a lot and, uh.. I just wanted to apologize properly."
"Oh, uh, okay."
"Okay, so, uh, you have no idea how much I've wanted to tell you this. I've never had the courage to. But, you're here so I'll tell you now. That day, it was a mistake. I never meant to do it. Hence why I felt so guilty and told you straight away. We could have probably worked things out and we could still be together, but you have to understand that I haven't been able to live with myself since that day. Every night my brain replays the part where you broke down in front of me. I'm not good with words you know that, but.. Ugh. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I mean it when I say I'm fucking sorry okay? I want us to be friends, and maybe something more but I don't wanna push it. Just, I promise I'll never hurt you again. I've learned my lesson."
"Uh- I don't even know what to say to that."

I sighed, "You don't have to say anything. You didn't do anything wrong. Just, let me show you what I wanted to show you then you can go if you really don't believe what I've just said. I care about you a lot, you just don't realise it because of what happened."

I got up and went over to my desk where my guitar was and the guitar tab to Alex's favourite blink-182 song. I started strumming my guitar, making a few mistakes, but just quickly moving on. I started to sing the song that I was playing;

"Oh, how I wish that they would last
Moments of peace that just slip through me so fast
Just when I think that they are gonna stay
Everything inside me just starts fading away"

When I had finished playing Sometimes, I looked over to Alex. My cheeks were inflamed red due to embarrassment of trying to impress Alex by learning his favourite song, then messing up. He was staring intently at me and suddenly burst out with. "Oh my God Jack. That was literally the cutest thing that yu have ever done for me. I can't believe that you took your time to learn my favourite song on guitar and sing it. Wow, I never knew you could sing, it was really good. Thank you for doing that just for me. I believe everything that you said, the only problem is that I don't think a relationship will work just yet."
"I know Alex, I don;t want to rush things, but I'll settle for friendship. I will do anything to have you back in my life."
"Well we'll give being friends a shot. I promise. Anyway, i want to show you a new song I've been working on. I need you opinion on it."
"Okay, go ahead. I'm all ears."

He started strumming his guitar before singing;
"I'm sitting here wishing for something that's missing
I'm waiting for you to tell me
that time keeps on passing
I'm hoping, I'm asking
to stand by your side
at least for tonight"

He told me that it was called hit the lights and I told him that I really liked the song when he had finished it. Maybe things would start to look up for us again. As just friends. Obviously.