This is the End of Everything

I found Carol and sat next to her. She looked up with a small smile. I saw guilt in her eyes, I knew she felt bad about my eye. She spoke up, her voice quieter then usual. I knew she was about to apologize for Ed.

"Sorry about your eye" Carol said looking down.

"You don't need to be sorry, I know how you feel" I said offering a comforting smile.

"I don't think you do" Carol said with a sad sigh. She didn't know about my past.

"I grew up in an abusive family, part of the reason I get along with the Dixon brothers, but before all of this, my boyfriend was abusive. I do know how you feel" I said putting a hand on hers.

"How did you get out of it?" Carol asked looking at me with pleading eyes.

"He turned into a walker, I shot him in the head, best feeling of my life knowing I was free from that." I said giving a reassuring smile.

"Yeah, but Ed is one of the living, and I love him" Carol said looking towards the tent.

"Love can only go so far, I had to learn that the hard way" I said looking down.

"I'm sorry you had to go through that" Carol said looking down also.

"it's not your fault, you don't need to apologize for Ed, ever, you need to find your strength again, I'm sorry you're going through this right now. No one ever needs to know the horrors we've faced" I said giving her a hug.

Carol started crying into my shoulder, I knew all I could do was comfort her. I couldn't take her away from this life, but I knew she was truly afraid of Ed, I knew how she felt, what it was like to be trapped, I got lucky and had a reason to kill him. I shook my head and the thought of him. Carol gave me a small smile and excused herself. I knew she was going to check on Ed. I wasn't going to stop her. I walked over near Hailee, she was laying under a tree, I laid next to her. Hailee smiled and looked at my eye, I just shook my head. We laid there for a while just staring at the sky, occasionally pointing out clouds that looked like random things. I looked at my hands, I had a tattoo on my knuckles, it said victim with a broken heart. I remembered I got it because that's what I was all my life. I heard Lori talking about how they were going to start dinner. I sat up and looked over at Hailee. We had both gotten skinnier, I remembered how high maintenance Hailee was for a while. I laughed a little, thinking back to it, she would've killed herself if she ever let herself look like this.

"What are you laughing about?" Hailee asked getting up.

"You, you used to be so high maintenance. I was just thinking if this wasn't happening, you'd be ready to kill yourself" Hailee laughed and nodded her head.

"Let's go get some food" Hailee said getting up.

"yeah yeah, I'll be there in a minute" I said getting up. I felt like changing my shoes.

I changed into my converse, my feet felt like they could breathe, I grabbed a hoodie and pulled it on. It was definitely getting colder at night. Carol and Sophia sat by themselves, I was glad to see Ed wouldn't be joining us. Everyone started to talk about Dale's watch. I just listened in, noticing Amy leaving to go to the bathroom. I just shrugged and finished my food. I lit a cigarette and stood away from everyone, I always had a weird thing about smoke blowing into other people's faces. I was halfway done with my cigarette when I heard a scream come from the RV. Amy was standing there, a walker attached to her arm. Everyone began to scream and panic. I ran to my tent to find my knife. I ran back out and tried to kill as many walkers as possible. I noticed walkers following Morales' children. I ran after and picked up the two children. They were afraid, I told him to hid in the tree, and when I led the walkers away to get back to their families car. The walkers were still following me, I tried to get them all one by one. I felt one grab at me from behind. I let a scream as I tripped, I got up and ran back towards the camp where it would be at least a little safer. I started hearing gunshots, I hope the Daryl and the others were back. I was next to the RV when a walker came out from behind it. I fell to the ground, my head slamming down on the ground, I felt my vision going a little fuzzy, now was not the time to pass out. I pushed the walker as far away from me as possible. I saw another one getting clothes, it felt like my arms were about to give out, I was reaching for my knife, it had fallen just barely out of my reach. Now wasn't the time to start freaking out, I gave one last reach and was able to grab the knife. I stabbed the walker on top of me in the head. My arm was pulled away by another walker, I started frantically moving my arm around. I couldn't die like this, as the walkers mouth got closer and closer it seemed like time stopped. I was about to prepare for the bite when the walkers head flew backwards, there was an arrow sticking out of it's head. I sighed and let my head fall back down. I felt the walker that was still on top of me being lifted off.

"Close call" I heard Daryl's voice say.

I just nodded and stood up, I saw that Morales' kids came back and had found him. I sighed and rubbed my head, Daryl walked away to make sure everything was clear. I noticed a few good gashes from falling. I'm just glad Daryl was there to save me. After making sure everything was clear Jim said he remembered why he dug the holes. I had no idea what he was talking about, but I didn't ask. I sat down inside my tent and thought about the close call. Had it not been for Daryl and the others showing up, we might of lose everyone tonight. I was mentally scolding myself for not being more careful, and not taking out more walkers. Daryl came into the tent and looked at me.

"What the hell is wrong with ya, almost getting bit!" Daryl said yelling.

"Oh thanks, no 'how are you after having a close call?' I'm fine by the way, and it's not like I was trying to get bit, I just had some technical difficulties" I said looking at him.

"Yeah well, don't do it again" Daryl said looking away.

"Find Merle?" I asked looking up hopeful that he was back.

"He cut his arm off, we're not sure where he went." Daryl said.

"oh..." I just said trailing off.

Daryl looked at me. He seemed like he was fighting the urge to say something. I decided no alcohol tonight, not after what happened. I continued to sit there, waiting for Daryl to make up his mind. I wasn't sure what he was going to say. I knew he wasn't one to talk about his feelings, and I wasn't even going to attempt to know what he wanted. I'd rather things not get really weird. After thinking and spacing out I felt Daryl's lips crashing down on mine. We continued the kiss, Daryl pulled away first and whispered in my ear.

"I don't want to lose you Katie. I love you" He said getting up and walking away.

My brain seemed to scramble. Not even a minute ago I was thinking about how I didn't want things to be weird, and then he comes over and says this. I was at a loss for words. What do I even say back to that? Do I love him? Yeah sure I feel safe with him, I like talking to him. I like knowing that he's been there for me. I can tell him whatever I want. I know he obviously cares for me. If I say it back will anything change? So many thoughts ran through my head at a million miles an hour. I just laid down on the sleeping bag and though. The next few days went by pretty uneventfully, we buried our dead, that included Mark and Hailee, and made the journey to the CDC. I hadn't said much to Daryl, I still didn't know how I felt. But deep down I knew I felt the same way. Daryl didn't seem to mind the not talking. I'm sure after saying something like that he might've freaked himself out...although I'm sure it didn't help that I didn't say anything back. After getting to the CDC the doors to it were shut. Everyone began to get scared. Rick started banging on the doors.

"What the hell?! Your attracting walkers! No one is here, let's go!" I said angrily towards Rick.

"No the camera moved!" Rick yelled.

"I'm sure it did, now lets go!" Shane said to Rick.

Rick kept pleading with the camera, saying we had women and children. I figured it was a useless cause until the doors opened up. We all stared in amazement and ran inside. A man by the name of Dr Jenner came up. He had us follow him into an elevator. When the doors opened he led us down a hallway, Carol asked if we were underground. Of course the answer was yet. We all had to submit a blood test. After the blood tests Jenner allows us to eat food that he has, and shows us where we would be staying, he also mentions hot showers. After sitting down to eat everyone began to drank. We all laughed as Carl tried some wine. Daryl kept looking over at me, he had a bottle of Jack in his hands, while I held a bottle of Southern Comfort. He lifted his bottle and nodded towards me, I did the same taking a drink after. Kevin looked at the two of us with a wondering eye. I rolled my eyes at him and finished my drink. I wondered away from the group back to my room. I hadn't noticed Daryl got up to follow me. All I wanted to do was shower. I got to my room and was about to grab the door handle when someone spun me around and kissed me. I opened my eyes to see Daryl. I still had the bottle in one hand, he still had his bottle in his hand as well. I searched for the door handle and finally found it. We both came into the room, Daryl kicked the door shut with his foot. I hadn't even realized that we had fallen on the bed, Daryl pulled away from the kiss and smiled at me.

"I see someone is being super friendly" I said laughing at him.

"Yeah well, ya haven't come over to say hi in a while" Daryl said looking at me.

"Dealing with these damn mood swings, the withdraws are slowly beginning" I said sitting up and taking a drink.

"How are you doing with that?" Daryl asked while sitting up.

"It sucks, I'm starting to get anxiety like a mother fucker, these mood swings are kicking my ass though, I'm fine one minute, and the next I feel like crying, then I'm fine again. And I don't want to take it out on anyone. And to top it off, I can't sleep, even though I'm dead tired sometimes" I said taking an even longer drink.

"I'm sorry, that's shitty" Daryl said taking another drink.

I just shrugged. It's not like I hadn't tried to do this before. If I could just make it past the week mark I'd start feeling better. I looked over at Daryl he was staring at his bottle.

"So do you mean it?" I asked looking at him, referring to when he said he loved me.

"Mean what?" he asked looking a little confused.

"When you said you loved me?" I asked looking at him.

"Course I did" Daryl said looking down. I knew these conversation made him uncomfortable, but I needed to know.

"I didn't know if you were mad at me for not saying it back" I said taking a drink.

"I ain't mad, I jus wanted ya to know" Daryl said taking a really long drink.

As I went to say something else Daryl cut me off with another kiss. His hands started to roam and so did mine. When he broke away I motioned towards the shower and he nodded. We fumbled around to get out clothes off, and to get into the shower. We knew we needed to be quick seeing as soon everyone else would be wanting to take a shower as well. After we finished Daryl grabbed us a few towels and we got dressed.

"You know, I don't want to lose you either." I said looking over at Daryl.

"Good" He said smiling and kissing me. "I guess we should go back out there" Daryl said walking away.

Being alone with Daryl like this made me feel like nothing was going to ever happen. I just hope I don't get too attached. I can't afford to. I felt a huge headache coming on. I looked at Daryl he was getting ready to go for the door.

"I'm just gonna stay in here, I don't think I'm up for seeing people" I said laying down on the bed.

"Ok, you want me to stay in here tonight?" Daryl asked looking over.

"Up to you, I don't care" I said rubbing my temples.

Daryl shrugged and walked out. I laid there, I knew what I needed. I just didn't have it anymore. I stood up and walked back and fourth. I'm going to go crazy. This is how it always starts, the cravings. I needed it, I wanted it, I couldn't survive without it. It was these thoughts that gave me anxiety. Then the insomnia sets in. I never have a problem falling asleep if I'm still high on coke, but without it I can't have a full night of sleep. I kept pacing. I needed to figure out how to get past this. I knew from how much cocaine I had done this would last more then the normal 24 hours to a week. I hope I could last that long. I laid on the bed, this was the comfiest thing I had laid on in a while. I rubbed my face once more and took a deep breath. I looked over at the bottle, I could feel myself slowly getting sober. I grabbed the bottle and drank most of what was left. If I couldn't fall asleep on my own, I would just need to get drunk enough to fall asleep. I really hope Daryl is ready to deal with this. From this point on I'm not responsible for my moods.