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Lily's P.O.V

My legs hurt. Four hours of solid studying for my upcoming Psychology final and all I could think of afterwards is my legs hurt. I tossed my study guide down on the library carpet and put my head in my hands. I groaned heavily. Studying for college-level finals is never fun, certainly not when you’re in your 4th year. It sucked, and it’d never get any better from here.

“Okay, okay, relax, clear your mind,” I whispered urgently to myself. I picked up my page again and checked the question. “Alright, B.F. Skinner and his theory on—”

“This is boring as fuck!”

I jumped at the loud voice, immediately getting annoyed afterwards. I hated people who couldn’t respect the single rule of being quiet in a library. It was common knowledge, so how much of that did one have to be lacking in order to screw it up?

The voice had been male, followed by laughter. It had sounded close to me, which was odd. I was tucked away in a far back corner of the library that was always unpopulated. I liked to have my own space when I was studying because I moved around a lot and talked to myself. And then I started to get anxious. What if they heard me muttering to myself about B.F. Skinner?

I heard footsteps scratching against the carpet somewhere amongst the shelves of books around me. I went completely still and practically held my breath. I didn’t want to be discovered. I just wanted whoever was out there to go away so I could continue studying.

I heard the voice again and it was just a few feet away from me, but whoever was speaking was blocked by a bookshelf.

“I can’t believe I could be spending some alone time with Nina fuckin’ Richardson, and instead I’m here with you at this old library,” it scoffed. How rude. I for one liked this library, so I took offense to that.

“I didn’t make you come with me,” This male voice was much softer. I immediately liked this guy a lot more even though I had no idea who he was.

“You pretty much did, man.”

“Okay, whatever. Just keep it down for a second, will you? Someone’s going to yell at us.”

Like me. Well, I would yell at them if I could force my mouth open to speak. Instead I just rolled my eyes and looked down at my study guide, trying to block them out.

“Oh really? Like who?”

“The librarian…I don’t know. There’s other people besides us in here, Zak.”

Zak. That sounded like a douche bag name. I giggled at my silent comment.

The voices went silent for a moment. For a second I thought they’d both left, so I continued scanning my neat notes on the page. B.F. Skinner and his theory on—

“Whoa, you’re right, Nick, there are other people here.”

My head shot up from my page and my eyes made contact with a blue pair that was slightly shadowed. One of the guys talking was staring at me from behind the bookshelf. I felt an uncomfortable but not totally unpleasant shiver creep down my spine. I was just opening my mouth to tell him to leave me alone when the other boy poked his head about from behind the stacks of books. The first boy stepped to the side so he could keep looking at me.

I felt like a caged animal at the zoo. I’d been studying peacefully for four hours in the fifth floor of the library and now I had two boys staring me down after thoroughly pissing me off. One was slight, with short brown hair and a peppering of facial hair to match. His eyes were curious and warm. The other one was bigger. He had dark hair gelled up in the front, a strong jaw line, mystified eyes and a well-developed chest and arms. He looked like he was made completely out of muscle and it intimidated me a lot. It almost unsettled me more than their matching stares. There was almost something there, underneath all that scary muscle, which nearly grabbed my attention and held it stationed on that boy. But I looked away before I could let that happen.

“Um,” I cleared my throat, “can I help you?”

The smaller boy shook his head quickly and smiled apologetically at me. “S-sorry, we didn’t mean to interrupt,” He jabbed a thumb in Zak’s direction. “It’s his first time in a public library.”

“I can tell,” I flashed a smile and let it fade quickly. I was unimpressed.

“Right, well…my apologies,” he said. “We’ll just go.”

The bigger guy seemed to snap out of his trance the instant the other boy—I think they said his name was Nick—tried to pull him away from me.

“Wait, wait! What’s your name?” The boy I can only assume to be Zak asked. He spit his words out so fast they kind of blended together but I could pick them apart alright.

“Um, it’s Lily,” I said awkwardly.

“Hi, I’m Zak,” He grinned goofily at me. Who was this kid?

“Cool…” I nodded slowly.

“C’mon, Zak, we’re bugging her.” Nick pulled on his friend’s arm but Zak didn’t budge. Poor Nick. I could tell from his face he was embarrassed and wanted nothing more than to leave. I wouldn’t even stop him if he tried.

“Well I just wanna talk to her,” Zak said, shaking Nick off.

“Well actually I’m trying to—”

“This is Nick,” Zak cut me off mid-sentence, pulling Nick into the conversation. Nick smiled bashfully at me.

“Nice to meet you,” I mumbled.

“What are you doing?”

“Uh, studying,”

He sat down beside me on the floor like I’d invited him to do so. I let out an agitated sigh at his presence but he didn’t leave. He just sat there and smiled at me.

“What are you studying for?” he asked.

“Psychology; the mind.”

“Oh,” His eyes became suggestive. “Maybe you could use me for an experiment.”

“Yeah…I don’t think so,” I shook my head. Although he did kind of look like he’d be entertaining to examine. He seemed to be a little on the weird side. And maybe if I conducted a study around him I’d be able to figure out what made guys become total douche bags.

“Zak, can we just leave her alone, please?” Nick urged. I looked up at him and smiled a little bit. At least someone had some common courtesy. But it looked like Zak was the big man on campus and Nick wouldn’t use force to get him out of my hair.

“What are you doing tonight, Miss Lady?” Zak asked, nudging me with his shoulder.

“Trying to keep a clear mind for my exam tomorrow,” I mumbled, staring hard at my notes. The words just seemed to fall off the page before me. I was too distracted.

“How about you come to a party with me instead?”

I had to look at him in disbelief. After everything I’d told him and the vibe I had to be giving off he was still going to try and get me to go out? What an idiot! I was starting to get extremely agitated.

“I’d really rather not,” I snapped. “I have more important things to do than watch a bunch of strangers become incoherent.”

“Aw, come on! You seem like you’re in need of a little fun.” Zak laughed at me.

“I don’t have time for fun right now, as you can see.” I waved my notes in front of his face. “I’m a little bit busy.”

Nick sighed and looked down at the floor. I got the feeling he’d seen this happen one too many times before.

Zak stuck out his bottom lip. It was then that I realized I’d never wanted to hit a man so badly in my life. “Please?” he asked.

“No.” I checked my phone and started gathering my things. “If you’re done wasting my study time, I need to go pick someone up and make dinner. Thanks for the talk; I can’t say it was nice meeting you.”

I stood up and so did he. He lightly grabbed my wrist and I spun around to glare sharply at him. Instantly he removed his fingers.

“If you don’t show up tonight, I’ll track you down and make you come,” he said. Something a tad unsettling sparked in his blue eyes. There was something there that said he’d actually do it. I swallowed.

I shook it off and grumbled, “You’re a brat. Goodbye.”

I all but ran out of the library. I didn’t want any more fingers on me or voices in my ear begging me to come out. I didn’t know him. I didn’t want to know him. All the muscles and the black clothing and the tan skin and stupid faux-hawk fin screamed asshole. Lord knows I didn’t need another one of those in my life. For too long now that kind of guy had been my type, and the only good thing I’d gotten out of it was Avaya. But even that sort of ended in a disaster. Regardless, I wasn’t stupid. I was not sinking back down to that level, not again.



“Mommy, in kindergarten today, we learned about numbers! I can count all the way to twenty!”

I smiled at Avaya, who was lying in her bed with the blankets pulled up to her chest. I was just cleaning up her room a little before she went to bed. She had the book I’d been reading her in one hand and the other up in the air for effect as she spoke. Her little brown eyes were wide and she had a grin on her small face. My heart melted for her. My baby.

“Can you?” I asked. “Count to twenty for me.”

“Okay, okay,” She braced herself. “One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, el-el-eleven…um…oh no…”

I chuckled. “Having troubles?”

“Yeah,” She looked up at me and sighed in defeat. “I can’t count to twenty anymore.”

“Aw sweetheart, you can count to twenty. It’s just late and your brain is tired. It’s time to get some sleep, okay?” I took the book out of her hand and placed it on her nightstand. I leaned down and hugged her, relishing in the feeling of her tiny arms embracing my shoulders. I kissed her forehead and smiled at her.

“I love you, Mommy.”

“I love you too, cutie. Sweet dreams.”

She nodded and grabbed Furry the teddy bear. I switched on her nightlight and turned the lamp off, shutting the door quietly behind me. I walked out to the living room of my apartment and collapsed in the leather recliner with a big sigh. It’d been a stressful day to say the least. Not only have I been studying for final exams, but Avaya had been with her dad from the time she was finished kindergarten until I picked her up. That never failed to make me want to pull my hair out.

My story is pretty typical, actually. When I was 19 I got pregnant. My boyfriend at the time, Matt, said he’d help me. He’d actually seemed excited for the baby to come. I found that as a shock, coming from a 6’2 muscular guy. But I believed him because I’m an idiot. When Avaya was born I was just about to turn 20. I’d wanted to go to school to get my PhD in Psychology but obviously that had to be put off. Matt was only present for three months of Avaya’s life before he left me and her behind. Avaya was now five years old and only last year Matt had got in contact with me, wanting to see her. We worked out a compromise because neither of us wanted to go to court. He got to pick her up from kindergarten and spend the day with her on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. I should be pleased with that, because it gave me time to work and get school stuff done, but as a single mother it still worried me. I wasn’t even sure what I thought Matt would do. He loved Avaya, but I still felt that betrayal when he’d left us every time I saw him. It was just very hard for me to trust him, or anyone for that matter. So I guess it would make sense that that’s maybe the main reason I got so upset when that Zak kid asked me to party. I didn’t know who he was; what if he drugged me? And if I partied with him once, he might want to continue hanging out with me. Not only did I not need him to know about Avaya, but I didn’t need another douche bag in my life for just long enough to screw it up completely.

I yawned and turned the TV on to some doctor drama and made my way into the kitchen to prepare a bowl of Cheerios. I had cereal every night before bed. A lot of people thought I was weird for doing that and I can see why. Cereal is a breakfast food, right? Why the hell would I eat it at night? My answer to that is simple: because I do what I want.

I was just putting my first spoonful in my mouth when there was a knock on my apartment door. I nearly choked on my cereal. Who the hell would be at my door at this time? No one ever visited me, at least not without telling me about it first. A bit of fear spiked my heartbeat. I set my cereal on the kitchen table and rushed to the door before they could knock again in case they woke Avaya. I opened the door a crack and looked out past the lock chain. I recognized the gelled hair and crooked smile instantly.

Zak chuckled and winked at me through the crack in the door. “Hello, Miss Lady. Can I come in?”