Inside Out

“Hey.”

I nodded at Kyle but didn’t look up. The paper in front of me made absolutely no sense. It was full of different scenarios and we were supposed to pick one and come up with a plan to rectify the situation complete with an in-class presentation. It was stressing me out to the point where I was only coming out of my room for food, class, and to go back to Massapequa.

“Do you want to come to the bar to watch the game tomorrow night? Ry, Shan and Pete are coming.”

I shook my head as I flipped the paper to look at the scenarios on page two. “Can’t. It’s one of my last games with the Rangers. I’ll be at the rink,” I told him absently as I marked a big X over one of the situations. “Maybe next time.”

Expecting Kyle to leave after that was a mistake. He didn’t give up easily when he wanted something but I was still hoping that he would see that I was busy and take the hint. Instead he covered my paper with his hand, forcing me to finally look up at him. Glaring, I turned my attention to my roommate and fought the urge to say something nasty.

“Are you alright Bren?” He asked and my anger softened. For once he actually looked like he cared beyond it benefitting him. “You’ve been pretty low for the last week and a half. Did things end with that guy?”

My stomach dropped and it took a moment for me to realize that he was talking about the excuse I gave him a couple weeks back when he made me dinner. While it had been an excuse at the time John had also confirmed that it was true that night. But now I didn’t have an answer for him. Was I still seeing someone? His guess was as good as mine.

“I’m fine,” I assured Kyle with a forced smile. “Everything is absolutely fine. I’m just tired and overworked.” It wasn’t a complete lie; the last week and a half saw my workload with the Rangers increase tenfold and classes were really heating up as we quickly approached midterms.

My roommate looked hesitant for a moment but he finally nodded and stepped away from the table. “Sure thing, Brenna,” he mumbled softly before turning to exit the kitchen.

As soon as he was gone from sight I grabbed my papers and hurried back to my room where my roommates were less likely to bother me. In the near two-weeks since the last time I saw John my stress levels were through the roof. I knew I was at fault and I knew that it would probably have to be me to get the waves of communication open between us again. But I was being stubborn and I kind of wanted him to chase me. I wanted him to text or call me until I had no choice but to answer because listening to my phone go off was annoying me to no end.

Sighing, I tossed the papers onto my bed and dove onto it after them. Unplugging my phone from the charger, I opened up my Twitter app and checked on the score of the Islanders’ game. Maybe the worst part of the whole thing is the fact that I can’t watch my Islanders without my whole body tensing up. Or maybe worse than even that is that in the games since my freak out the Islanders are 3-1 with their only loss being a blowout against the Penguins in Pittsburgh. And possibly even worse than that is John’s four points in four games after only one point in five with me at the Coliseum.

After seeing that the Islanders were up 3-1 after two, I sighed and exited out of Twitter. Dropping my phone, I rolled over onto my back and looked to the ceiling. I wanted to have the strength to say something, even if it was only something as simple as ‘good game’ or ‘congrats on the win’ but every time I picked up my phone to try my fingers felt like they were going to fall off and the memory of my freak out sent a tsunami of embarrassment coursing through my veins.

Groaning, I slipped from my bed and picked up my now crumpled papers. Sliding over to my desk, I fought the urge to use my arm to sweep everything off. The frustration was overwhelming but I forced myself to keep it in check and sit down to work on the different scenarios. My midterm was fast approaching and the last thing I needed was to fail a class because my brain wouldn’t shut off enough to focus.

After staring at the papers for another hour and a half without eliminating a single scenario, I pushed away from my desk and peeled out of my t-shirt and jeans. Slipping into a pair of University of Wisconsin Hockey sweatpants and John’s old t-shirt, I paused in the middle of my room and tried to get myself to focus. It was just barely ten and I really needed to eliminate at least one more situation from my PR scenario report. Situating myself at the desk again, I forced all thoughts of John from my mind and pushed myself to really focus on the material in front of me. It was futile and my mind refused to cooperate but I needed to try.

- - -

“Brenna! Bren! B nizzle! BRENNA!”

I jolted awake and slipped out of my desk chair. Shannon was standing above me, her lips pulled down into a frown that didn’t look right on her face. Grabbing her outstretched hand, I got to my feet and swiveled my neck around to stretch.

“S’up Shan?” I asked as I lifted my hands over my head and leaned back to work the kinks out of my back. “’Time is it?”

Shannon shook her head as she pulled me towards the door to my room. “There’s someone here for you and I think you’re going to want to hurry to see them.”

My eyebrows crinkled in confusion as I stumbled behind her. There wasn’t anybody that would come for me, not at this hour. Alexander wasn’t that sadistic and if it was my parents or one of my brothers they definitely would have called enough that I would have woken up to the sound of my phone ringing.

Out in the hallway I frowned. Peter, Kyle and Ryan were all lined up around the door making it impossible for me to make out who was standing for me. Glancing at Shannon didn’t give me any answers, either. She just looked intent on getting me to the door as fast as possible. Sighing as we reached the living room, I pulled my hair up into a messy bun and shook my shoulders out.

“Okay, move aside, let’s see what all the commotion is about,” I announced as Shan and I reached the boys. Being closer to the door didn’t give me any better of a view at who was waiting for me but my heart sped up in my chest and my stomach dropped. The way my roommates were acting didn’t give me confidence that I’d be happy with who showed up.

My roommates seemed to move at a snails pace as the parted for me to get through but as soon as there was enough room for me to see who was at the door I understood the commotion. Embarrassment prickled my skin and crept up my neck as his gaze settled on me. I watched, frozen to the spot, as his eyes trailed up from my legs over his shirt hanging off my shoulders. All I had wanted to do was to grow enough courage to text him but here he was, standing at my door.

“Hi,” he greeted, a warm smile spreading across his face.

“Hi,” I squeaked out as I crossed my arms over my chest. How was I supposed to handle my first face-to-face encounter with him since I ran out of his house without a word? And with my roommates –who didn’t even know he was a part of my life- watching with morbid interest. “What are you doing here?”

A flicker of doubt passed over John’s face but it was gone as soon as it appeared. He opened his mouth to answer but before he could Kyle stepped forward with a frown.

“First, Bren, how do you know John Tavares,” he asked, John’s names slipping from his lips like venom. “Second, do I need to kick him out? You don’t look happy.”

I rolled my eyes and uncrossed my arms so I could push Kyle back a little. “Not that it’s any of your business but John is the guy I’ve been seeing,” I snapped with a little more bitterness than I wanted. “So no, your services will not be necessary. But if you want to kick yourself out that would be great.”

John covered his mouth and tried to disguise his laugh as a cough but I still caught it. I smirked at him as my roommates cleared out with various rumblings of discontent. Once it was just John and I standing at the door to my tiny apartment I crossed my arms again and tried to keep from shooting myself in the foot. Wasn’t this what I had really wanted, above all else? For John to show up and fight for me? Now all I needed was the fighting part.

“Um. Do you want to come in?” I asked awkwardly as I shifted a little.

He shook his head. “Actually I was hoping you might come out with me.”

I paused for a moment before nodding. “Just, uh, let me grab a sweatshirt and my phone?”

“Sure,” John nodded, a small smile playing at his lips.

After nearly two weeks of not seeing him my emotions were in overdrive. I returned his smile with my own and then turned back towards my room. Maybe he was here to end things for real, in person, the right way. Maybe he was here to fight for me, to tell me that I was being ridiculous and he still wanted to see me. Or maybe it was something else entirely. But whatever it was, I was excited to find out.