You'd Be My Sun; You'd Be My Light

Talking to Jake about this whole situation was something that I was not looking forward to… But it had to be done. While I was at Hannah’s shop all day, that’s all I could think about. If I didn’t get this over with, I was going to go crazy. Right now, that’s the last thing I need. So… I should probably get this over with.

Even when I got into the driveway, I felt myself shaking. How do I get through this? I don’t even know if I can will myself to go inside and face him. But… I had to. There was no way around this.

When I was inside, there was this quiet, eerie feeling in the house. Never, in the three years that I’ve lived here, have I ever felt this uncomfortable. This should be a lovely conversation.

“Jake…” I called out softly since I had no idea where he was. I wasn’t even too sure he was here! His truck was in the driveway, but the house was just so silent!

“Ky?” he answered as his the messy mop on his head poked up from the other side of the couch in the living room.

“Hey…” I didn’t know what else to say right now!

“Where were you?” he shot right up to come towards me.

“Wil… didn’t tell you?” I wrinkled my features up.

“No! He wouldn’t tell me anything!” he was obviously frustrated and I guess I could understand.

“I was… with Hannah,” I told him, feeling bad. It showed all over his face that he was worried and worked up and so many things. I’m a terrible person.

“I didn’t know what to do! I thought about going to find you, but I had no idea where to even look. And then I didn’t know if you even wanted to be around me or…”

“I’m sorry,” I put an end to his ranting.

Seeming to be suddenly speechless, he took another step towards me, wrapping me up in his arms tightly. It was so tight that I could feel his heart pounding nervously as his hand came behind my head, cradling it against his chest. I didn’t know what to say… or even what to think right now. But something in this embrace made me feel so much better.

“What are we going to do?” I couldn’t help but ask as I felt tears threatening to come out now.

“Everything we need to,” he replied, giving me a tender squeeze.

“But…”

“What else would we do?” he questioned, moving away just a little, making sure his arms stayed coiled around me though.

“I don’t know. I’m just scared,” I confessed and felt tears start to roll down my cheeks.

“There’s nothing to be scared of,” he tried to calm me.

“You don’t have a thing growing inside of you that’s keeping you from riding!” I snapped at him.

My sudden outburst seemed to take him aback. He looked a bit stunned. Instead of letting go of me though, he gently led me over to the couch where he had been previously lying. Once we sat, I broke down. Everything just came pouring out in the form of sobs and tears. Jake pulled me in tighter, cooing at me that it would be all right. I should… probably believe him, but… I don’t know if it was going to be!

Once my tears had stopped, he laid back on the couch, taking me with him. I curled up against his chest, trying to find that perfect, comforting spot. It didn’t come easy. I honestly wasn’t sure if I really did find it, but he started talking again.

“Do you… want to keep it?” he asked softly.

“I don’t know…” I huffed

“What do you mean you don’t know?” he seemed concerned all over again.

“I don’t know!”

“I’m not going to let you put it up for adoption,” he countered.

“Well, that wasn’t really the option I was looking into,” I muttered.

“You want to… get… rid of it?” he seemed like he didn’t really want to ask.

“I don’t know!” I repeated… again!

“Kylee… you can’t…”

“I don’t know what I’m going to do!” I huffed and pushed myself off of him.

This talking thing wasn’t working! He’s not even listening to me! Leaving him on the couch, I went upstairs… and into my room. I hadn’t been in here for a while, but I sure as hell wasn’t going to go into his room! This little moment kind of… overwhelmed me. I didn’t know what to do! I just… didn’t want to be pregnant and… abortion seemed like… the way to go. But… it went against everything I ever believed in. What is wrong with me right now?

Letting out another huff, I fell onto my bed and put my head in my hands. There’s so much I wanted to do at the age of twenty-two… and have a baby with a guy I’ve been dating for five months was not something I wanted to do! How does this happen? Actually… those damn blue eyes and wandering hands is what happened!

While I was trying to collect myself, I heard footsteps shuffle up to my door. They stopped and the soft crackle of the doorframe could be heard, telling me that Jake had leaned against it. I glanced up and saw him looking back at me with worry washing over his gaze.

“What do you want to do?” he asked in a much nicer tone.

“I don’t know,” I started to sniffle again.

“I got… a little upset, because it’s my child,” he countered and walked in to sit next to me. Before he got going again, he let his hand rest on the small of my back, letting it rub up and now for comfort. “But… it’s your body and I will respect and support you in whatever you decide to do,” he finished and brought his chin to cradle my shoulder.

“Thanks,” I pushed out, letting my head rest on top of his.

“I love you… no matter what,” he replied.

“I love you too… even if you hate me,” I managed to giggle a bit.

“I could never hate you,” he chuckled as well.

“I will still love you if that day comes,” I said and brought my hand up to run my fingers through his blond curls.

After a few strokes, he lifted his head to lie across my bed, placing it in my lap. Once he was comfortable, he pushed my shirt up a bit and just let one of his hands stay there. Eventually, he picked his head up and… pressed his lips against my stomach. NO! He was getting attached already! Why would he do that? I don’t know what to do about it and… he’s already being cute. These next few days are just going to be pure hell if he keeps acting like this!