How Long?

“Move it a little to the right, no, to the right. Damn it Tom” Louise said throwing her arms in the air.
They were at Louise’s new Chelsea flat; Tom and Natasha were helping her with the move.

“You are such a plonker” Natasha said playing with Junior from the couch.

“Sod off! I have been standing on this ladder and hanging up things for an hour now. Louise, why was I chosen to do this? I don’t remember volunteering” Tom huffed.

“Don’t be a cry baby, Tom. You are the tallest among us and you” Louise said pointing to Natasha.
“Stop playing with my dog and get back to work”

“You’re such a slave driver. I was just taking a little break” Natasha said frowning.

“For the past two hours” Tom muttered.

“Fuck off, Skippy” Natasha said sticking her tongue out.

“TO.THE.RIGHT” Louise said again as Tom tried to hang the clock.

“Fuck this shit, where is Hazza? He is fucking taller than me” Tom said.

“Yeah, where is the prince? Is he too busy to help his best mate move” Natasha said setting scrubbing the kitchen counter.

Louise winced at Natasha’s statement. She picked a book from the table and walked towards the bookcase avoiding her friends gaze.

“What? Did I miss something?” Tom asked jumping off the little ladder. “Did you guys have a fight?”

“No” Louise was quick to reply.

Tom titled his head to one side and stared at Louise.

“Stop looking at me like that. I don’t know where he is? Okay” Louise said.

“You don’t know where he is? I thought he tells you even when he goes to take a piss” Tom said and Natasha giggled.

“I hope you are not talking about me mate” Harry’s voice boomed in the half empty apartment. Louise froze in her tracks. They hadn’t seen each other since that night. They had spoken over the phone which was very awkward and surreal. She was hoping to not to run into Harry. Even after two whole months of preparation, Louise still didn’t know how to act around him. She avoided him for the first few days but when he asked about her moving, she couldn’t lie. She never expected him to show up.

“Of course I am talking about you. Is that pizza? I am starving” Tom said snatching the pizza box from Harry’s hand.

“Nice place” Harry said looking around. “Oh, hi there buddy” Harry said picking up Junior as the little dog licked his face.

Harry avoided looking directly at her because it hurt too much but he knew even if he couldn’t be with her that way they both wanted; he still wanted to be a part of her life.

It wasn’t an easy decision for him coming here today. He hasn’t seen her since that night, but her face from that night still haunted him at night. She was just so upset at the time that … well, he was afraid. Afraid that he might hurt her even further than he already has. Afraid that he might ruin their friendship this time for good.

He finally got the courage and looked up at her. So they stood there, eyes on each other, Louise looking angry and Harry entirely terrified.

“Sorry I was late” Harry said letting go of the dog who still lingered at his feet.

“Yeah” is all what Louise said.

In that instant, Harry had an overpowering urge to turn around, to hurry up and get the hell out of here, but as he looked at her, at the sadness in her eyes, he knew he couldn’t possibly leave her again. It felt wicked for him not wanting to see to her, but really what was I going to say?

“I’m sorry I rejected you then realized I love you too but that will just ruin your life so I will continue to pretend that I don’t love you like you love me. Fuck that, though, let’s just stay best mates”

The thing was, though he did love her and they were still best mates. And she was still hurting because of him. He was not going to leave her when she needed him.

“You okay?” He finally asked even though he knew it was a mistake.

“Oh, fine,” Louise said. “I’ve just made a fool of myself in front of my best friend. So yeah, I’m splendid.”

Harry shook his head. Tom and Natasha were in the kitchen laughing at some silly thing, oblivious to what was happening with Harry and Louise.

Harry moved closer to Louise “Lou, I’m sorry,” he said, because he couldn’t think of anything better. “I was an idiot before.”

“So was I” Seeing her this hurt and knowing it was all because of him gave him a jolt of pain through my body. Problem was, he had no idea what to do or say. It physically hurt him not to touch her at the moment. To tell her he loved her more than anything in the world.

“Lou, please. What do you want me to do? I really am sorry and you didn’t embarrass yourself. It’s my fault. I just… I’m just…”

“You’re just what?” She asked weakly. Her words were barely a whisper.

“I’m just confused” He said. “I don’t know what to do. I’m lost. You caught me by surprise, is all”

“You don’t have to apologize. I shouldn’t have…” Louise paused. He could see tears forming in her eyes and every fiber in his body was telling him to take her in his arms but he knew he couldn’t. She shook her head and some hair spilled out from her hair bun. “I don’t know…”

“Lou” Harry said softy. “I just want us… to be normal” It pained him to say these words.

“I do too” She said with her head down. “I just need a little time, please” She said looking at him with pleading eyes. His heart broke at the sight of her.

“Okay” He said nodding his head. “I will just leave then”

“I would appreciate that” She said looking away.

Harry nodded again and turned back towards the open door.

“Hey, where is he going? Can I leave too” He heard Tom saying as he exited the door.

----

The rest of the week Harry didn’t saw or heard from Louise. He spent draining his sorrows from bar to bar with numerous glasses of whiskey. He only left the place when he got massively drunk and Bertie had to intervene.

This night, when he got home, he tripped up the staircase and stumbled into his bedroom. He slammed the door shut behind him, sat down at the edge of his bed, and buried his face in his hands.
What have I done? He asked himself. He wanted to cry again like every other night. In fact, he could feel tears glistening in his eyes already. He just want to punch something, or break down the wall, or whatever it is that will make him feel better and a hell of a lot less alone. Of course it had to turn out this way. Of course the instant he realized he loved her he knew he shouldn’t. Maybe it could be better; if he could just be honest with her and warn her off. She would understand. Maybe she would even want to…. He cut off the thought before he could let himself finish it. He couldn’t do this to her. He wouldn’t do this to her when she could have shot at being normal and happy.

The truth was that he was scared. He wanted to be a part of her life without putting her in a position to ruin hers. But he didn’t know if that was something that was going to work. He expected her to scream at him or even throw him out of her flat. Because screaming meant she cared. It meant they were fighting to find a way to be what they were again. But this silence? This was like she had given up.

Before he knew what he was doing, he reached for his phone and began typing. He sends it without reading it over. He kept staring at his phone afraid he won’t even a reply.

Harry: I handled the whole thing badly and I am sorry again for that. I need you to be in my life. Just don’t leave me again.

It felt like the longest time before Louise responded but in reality it wasn’t more than thirty minutes.

Louise: I am not leaving. I need you in my life too.

After reading the text a couple of times Harry’s heart was in his throat and his whole body felt light inside. He let out a breath of relief even though his heart ached badly.

Harry: Good to know. Can we meet? I am going mental here.

The rest of the night Harry waited for her reply before he passed out. When he woke up in the morning he picked up his phone expecting her reply but there was nothing.

---

“Where is your partner?” The old German dance instructor asked Louise.

“I don’t know. He might be running a little late” Louise said looking at her brother and Emma
practicing for their first dance at the dance studio for their upcoming wedding. Luke looked at Emma with such love and admiration and Emma looked so happy smiling back at him. Sensing someone’s eyes on her Emma looked back at her soon to be sister.

“He is still not here?” Emma said.

Louise shook her head no. She knew Mark would bail out on her.

“I will ring him up” Luke said.

“Don’t bother I’ve already tried four times” Louise said.

Luke cursed under her breath.

“Is there a problem?” The instructor asked.

“Yes, it seems like my sister don’t have partner to practice with” Luke said.

The instructor tsked, Louise and Emma shared a look and smiled at each other.

“Gustav, my assistant can fill in today. Is that okay with you miss?”

“Sure, no problem” Louise shrugged her shoulders.

“Thank you so much” Emma said.

“Okay so for the next lesson I will ask the females to wear this blindfold” The instructor said raising the red satin cloth in front.

“Is that really necessary?” Luke asked.

“Yes, very. Don’t question my methods, sir” The instructor said in a stern voice.

“Sorry, forget I said anything” Luke said picking up the blind fold and helping Emma with it.

After Emma and Louise both were blindfolded the instructor spun them around and asked them to find their partners. Louise walked slowly with her hands stretched out looking for the blond assistant.

“Freeze” The instructor yelled.

Everyone stopped.

“How does it feel to be blindfolded Miss Emma” Instructor asked.

Emma giggled, “Its dark, I absolutely hate it” She said still giggling.

“That’s not what you told me last night” Luke said.

“Eww, Luke!” Louise said shaking her head.

“How about you Miss?” The instructor asked.

Louise heard the studio door open and someone entering the studio. She turned her head thinking Mark had finally arrived.

“Miss?”

“Sorry. I feel abandoned, kind of detached from everything”

“Exactly! That’s what we do not want to feel while dancing. It’s all about trust. Trusting your partner is very important. So grab your partner”

Louise felt a hand on her arm. “Hey stranger, where have you’ve hiding lately” She heard Harry’s voice.

“What are you doing here?”

“Natasha told me you’ll be here today. Just wanted to see you, you’ve been avoiding me”

“I told you…”

“I know…”

“Silence please. The rules for this exercise, you are not allowed to touch your partner just yet. Gain their trust by your words and guide them to the X mark on the studio floor. You have 10 minutes to finish this exercise”

“Let’s win this thing” Harry said.

“You don’t have to do this?”

“It’s okay or would you rather do this with that blond bloke who is giving me the stink eye” Harry said lightly.

Louise couldn’t help but smile. “No, thank you”

“So follow my lead. Walk a little to the left. Yes stop turn a little to your right now” Harry said guiding Louise.

Harry was tired and cranky when he woke up this morning but when he heard Louise was going to be here at the studio he couldn’t stop himself. The air was thick and misty as he took out this bike ditching his security. Riding the bike always helped in clearing his head. He tried not to think about what a horrible idea it was or even what he was going to say to Louise, because it didn’t matter. He had to see her, as he knew he couldn’t go without her any longer. It’s only been a week but it felt like eternity has come and gone, like she ran off with a part of him and he need to get it back. He always felt that when she wasn’t talking to him.

“It’s a pretty sad state of affair that you have to hijack your friend just to find out how she is?” He said.

“I am good” She replied.

“Your behavior recently communicates otherwise”

He stood in front of her and took her stretched hands in his. She stopped walking and he leaned in and took off her blindfold. They looked back at each other, her brown ones meeting his blue and the questions still lingered in the air.

“There is a lot going on. I just moved back. Sorting through four years of your life takes a lot of time. I am also starting my job at the Princes Trust from next week. I am just busy is all” She said.

“Okay” Harry said.

“Let’s just finish this exercise before they kick you out” She said.

“Okay stop! For the next exercise you need to gain your partners trust by letting go of your body and trusting them to catch you” The instructor said.

Harry stood behind Louise stretching his arms “I’ve got you, let go”

Louise stood there, her body rigid.

“Lou, I am here. I won’t drop you, I promise. I will never hurt you” As soon as the words left his lips
he knew he had said something totally wrong.

Louise turned around and stared at him when the studio door opened again.

“I am so sorry I am late” Mark said out of breath. “I over slept. Oh, hey Harry” He said.

“Hey” Harry said back.

“So, where should I stand?” Mark said looking at the instructor.

“Here, with me” Louise said.

Harry looked back at her while she avoided his gaze. He got the message she didn’t want him here anymore.

“I will see ya soon, then?” Harry asked Louise as Luke scolded Mark.

“Yes, will see you around” Louise said forcing a smile on her face.

---

The next time Harry saw Louise was next day at his Kate’s flat where Kate was hosting dinner for some friends. Louise stood in front of him only a few feet away, talking to Kate and William as if she hasn’t seen him, but they both knew she was aware of his presence.

Harry took another breath and walked towards them. They were outside on the terrace. The cold air hit his face, a cloud of freezing air formed in front of his face and dissolved into nothingness almost immediately. He didn’t even realized how cold it is until now, and a shiver raced down his spine.

Finally, Louise’s eyes shifted from Kate, and his breath completely catches. It has only been a day, but he had managed to forget how beautiful she was. He shifted uncomfortably on his feet as soon as the thought crossed his mind. He knew he shouldn’t think like that. As he stepped closer, Kate and William were called inside by as more guests had arrived.

“Hey” Harry said when they were alone.

“Hey” She said back.

“I am not stalking you or anything” Harry said with a smile.

“Every stalker says that” She said returning his smile.

“Let’s just…”

“I think…” They started to talk at the same time and then laughed.

“You go first” Harry said. Before he even realized what was happening, his fingers reached out and brushed her arm. He felt the searing warmth of her skin, then a tingle went down his spine and he felt something else too.

“Harry!” They both turned to see James, Kate brother coming towards them.

Harry visibly shuddered, and Louise giggled. Harry loved Kate like a sister but her brother was not someone Harry was fond of, at all. He tried avoiding any gathering where he had to rub shoulders with him because for some reason James always got on his nerves.

James tried to make small talk with Harry and Harry went with it but Louise could see him in pain.

“James, come inside I need to introduce you to someone” William called from inside spotting James and Harry together. He obviously knew how Harry felt about James.

Once James left, Louise turned to Harry with an amused smile on her face.

“Could you be any more obvious about it?” she said shaking her head.

“Probably”

“You’re an idiot” she said.

Harry laughed. “I know”

“I’m glad. I thought I was going to have to explain to you why, and you know how thick-headed you are” Then, she smiled to herself, a distant kind of smile. She shook her head.

Harry rolled my eyes. A slight breeze whistled past them and she felt the goosebumps prickling across the skin on her arms. His eyes lock on hers. Suddenly, it’s just him and her and nothing but darkness.

He shifted his gaze to his feet. “I miss you” He whispered, letting the wind carry his words.

“I miss you too” she said, her eyes so big and genuine. “Think we can go back to being friends?” She finally asked.

That’s had been exactly what he wanted to hear but as she said those words his heart sank. He didn’t want to be her friend.

He hesitated. A look crossed his eyes, a glimmer of something that looked like… regret to her. But it was gone the second it came and Louise couldn’t comprehend it.

“Of course, you didn’t need to ask that” he finally said.

The air was cool all around them, but between them, with them being so close, it was all warmth.

“Good” She said with a sad smile.

Harry heart clenched seeing that look.

She started to turn away after that, whether to go inside to the party or to end this conversation he didn’t knew. He started to follow her, shoving his freezing hands inside his pockets, but before he could move Louise spun back around. Without a moment of hesitation she leaned into him and gave him one of her bone crushing hugs. Then she let her hand slip from him arm and headed inside.

Harry stood there for the longest time, just staring at the spot where she was standing. Her touch sent tingling sensation all over his body. He felt it but he knew he could not act on it. His heart pounded harder and harder. He went inside and grabbed the bottled of scotch from the bar and poured himself a drink.