Right Here in My Arms

I huffed as I closed the door to my house behind me. I leaned against it and shook my head, rolling my eyes. The rest of the lunch with Ville and Ensio was just awkward and weird after Ensio told me to stay away from Ville. That was so rude of him. I didn’t understand why he said that and I was trying to wrap my head around it. It didn't make any sense to me and it made me mad. Ville seemed perfectly fine to me. I took my shoes off and set them by the door before I walked into my bedroom. I slammed the door behind me and turned my radio on. I was angry for many different reasons and I wanted to cool off somehow; music being the only way I could think of right now.

I sang and danced around for a few hours and actually cooled off. I tried not to think about what Ensio had said, but I couldn’t. It wouldn't leave my mind. I tried not to get upset over it again but the more I thought about it, the more I got upset about it. I wish he would’ve told me why I shouldn’t hang out or be around Ville other than the fact he was a bad influence. I’ve been around a lot of bad influences and Ville didn’t seem like he was like that at all. My mind was all over the place thinking of reasons as to why he was a bad influence, but never actually figured anything out. I came up with a few theories, but nothing was certain.

Unfortunately, I had promised Ensio that I’d stay away from Ville and I was going to keep that promise. Ensio seemed super serious about it and made me promise and I wasn’t going to go and break that promise. Although I very much wanted to do that because I knew I was going to miss Ville a lot, I won't. Ensio informed me that Ville would try to call me often and that I should make up an excuse to not hang out with him. An excuse that didn't sound stupid. I knew this was going to be a big problem considering I wasn’t exactly that good at lying and I really didn’t have a lot going on.

I turned the volume down on my radio as I heard the front door open and shortly after close. I walked out of my room and smiled as I saw my dad. “Hey,” I greeted him.

“Hey, honey. How was your day?” he asked, smiling at me.

I groaned and shrugged, “It was weird, to be honest.”

“Oh... Well, I’m sorry to hear that,” he frowned.

I laughed and waved my hand, “Its okay. Don’t worry. How was your day?”

He took his shoes off and set them by the door next to my shoes, “It was alright. Kind of slow, but alright.”

I nodded, “I see. Kind of glad I didn’t go, but also upset I didn’t.”

“Were you bored?” he questioned.

“No, not bored at all," I replied, shaking my head, "I just would’ve preferred to have gone to work instead.”

“Oh,”

I sighed and looked down, “Yeah.”

“Have you already eaten dinner?” he asked, walking into the house more.

I looked at the clock in the kitchen and saw what time it was. It was about five fifteen now. “Oh... Uhm, no. But I had a late lunch, so I’m not really all that hungry,” I told him.

He nodded, “Alright, I’ll make a sandwich then.” He grinned as he walked into the kitchen.

I smiled, “Alright.” I walked back into my bedroom and closed the door behind me. I wanted to call someone from back home to talk to, but I didn’t know if anyone would be awake. It would be about seven in the morning back in California on a... What day is it? Thursday? Jaysen would be just getting up to be probably going to work and my younger brother, Ricky, would just be waking up for school. I knew all of my other friends would be sleeping in till about noon or something, so I wouldn’t be calling anyone tonight, unless it was extremely late. I was already beginning to get tired and I wouldn’t be up for any late calls tonight, unfortunately. I found an old notebook on a bookshelf of mine and a pen and wrote in the notebook for a little while.

I didn’t usually write too much, but tonight felt like a good night to. If I did write, I’d attempt to write lyrics or I’d attempt to write a story, of a sort, but it never got anywhere. I figured that writing wasn’t my line of work but I figured a lot of things weren’t my line of work. Tonight I wrote about how my parents divorced and I moved to Helsinki. I wrote about the people I’ve met, what I’ve seen, and what drama came up already. So, pretty much what’s happened with the past two months.

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It had been about two weeks since I had last seen Ville. He had definitely tried to call – all the time, actually – but I did as Ensio told me and told Ville that I was too busy to hang out. I tried to make that lie not so much of a lie by going to work with my father all the time, but he kept leaving me home. I was told that there wasn’t much to do right now and that he could handle everything by himself, but every now and again my father had an extremely busy day and needed me. But, those days were dwindling down more now.

I was definitely missing Ville and it was awful having to lie to him about me being busy. I tried to keep my mind off of it with writing more and hanging out with Ensio quite a bit, but being with Ensio wasn’t really helping me too much. He’d constantly question about whether or not I had seen Ville recently and that got annoying and only made me miss him more. It really sucked because I used to have so much fun hanging out with Ensio and now it just became annoying and a pain. I missed him as well and I wished things were back to normal between us. I wanted to just hang out with my friend without all the pain...

I was bored as I sat at my house alone reading a book that I’d probably already read sixteen times in my life already. I knew how it started and I knew how it ended; I knew it all. I didn’t know what else to do and I sure wasn’t going to go hang out with Ensio. He made it more painful of not seeing Ville by the way he always mentioned him and plus he was recording today anyway. He sure made it hard to forget someone and want to stay away from them when he constantly mentioned them.

I closed my book and set it next to me as the doorbell rang. I sighed and got off of the recliner and walked over to the door. I opened it and my jaw immediately dropped. “Ville,” I gasped, “What are you doing here?”

“May I come in?” he asked with a devious smile.

I hesitated but stepped out of the way to let him in. I closed the door behind him as he entered the house. I turned around and looked at him, completely surprised. He was the last person I would’ve expected to see at my doorstep, “What’re you doing here?”

“I wanted to see you,” he turned and looked at me.

“You should’ve called,” I mentioned, “I could’ve been working.”

“But your not,” he shrugged,

I chuckled awkwardly and looked down at the ground. I was potentially caught in the act of avoiding him. This was clearly obvious, wasn’t it? "How'd you know I wasn't working?" I asked, looking back up at him

"I took my chances," he smirked.

I pursed my lips and nodded.

“Why haven’t we hung out?”

I shook my head at him and shrugged. “I told you that I’ve been busy,” I mumbled.

He frowned, “Even today?”

I chewed on my bottom lip and sighed. “No... But I wanted a day off from having a hectic week,” I lied him.

He nodded. He seemed to have bought my lie, but I wasn’t too convinced on if he actually had or not. “Understandable. But we really need to hang out,” he looked around the house.

I closed my eyes and pursed my lips again. I felt bad. I had to tell him that we couldn’t hang out but I didn’t want to feel incredibly rude. I was tempted to just tell him that I wanted to go out for lunch, but I couldn’t. I couldn't break that promise with Ensio. “I can’t. I’m not really feeling well,” I told him. Great, another lie? How are we going to live up that that one as well, Rowan?

“Oh?”

I nodded, “Yeah. I’ve had a terrible headache all day.”

“I’m sorry,” he replied sounding slightly disappointed, “I hope you feel better.”

I opened my eyes and look at him, feeling completely horrible now. “I’m sorry,” I mumbled.

“Why’re you sorry, love?” he questioned.

I sighed and shook my head, not really wanted to tell him why. I was sorry for lying to him, I was sorry for pretty much ditching him with no explanation... I was sorry for a lot of things. “Nothing... Never mind,” I mumbled, looking down to the ground. His feet appeared in my vision. I sighed and took a deep breath.

“Hey,” he said, setting his hand under my chin and lifted my head up so I looked at him, “Are you alright?”

My breath caught in my throat as I felt his touch and I looked up at his face. His hand was slightly cold and his skin felt soft. I nodded and leaned back against the door, “Yeah... Like I said before... I’m not feeling well.”

“Right,” he nodded and dropped his hand from my face. He took a few steps back, “Well, I guess I should leave now.”

I sighed and pursed my lips. I felt bad and I didn’t know what to say to him. I wanted to tell him to stay with me, but I also wanted to tell him to go. I stepped away from the door and nodded at him.

He walked to the door and grabbed the handle, beginning to open the door

“Wait,” I looked up at him in hopes he hadn't walked out yet, “Don’t leave.”

He looked back at me and smiled.

“Yeah... Please stay with me,” I said, slightly smiling at him. I really wanted him to be here with me. I missed him and I know he missed me.

He closed the door and took his hand from the door handle. he walked back over to me and smiled, "Alright."

“So, do you like... Want to watch TV or something?” I asked him before shrugging my shoulders.

He nodded, “Yeah.”

I walked over to the couch and sat down. I grabbed the TV remote from the table and switched it on and began flipping through the channels.

Ville sat next to me and looked at the TV with a huge grin on his face.

Alright, so... I broke Ensio’s promise and I did feel bad about it but - well, technically it wasn’t even my fault. Ville came over unexpectedly, so it's his fault. What was I supposed to do about it? Kick him out? I felt guilty whether or not it was his fault or mine. I hated breaking promises and I felt horrible about breaking his but... What Ensio didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him, right? Right?