Chasing Stanley

CS 31 Gigglehonk

PenTv Inside Scoop: Blackhawks 3 vs Penguins 2; Game 6, goes at 7pm EST. The battle continues #becauseitsthecup #agreatdayforhockey #itwillbeblackout #gopens

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‘Are you sure, Biz? Really?’ I can believe that Mario has bought into this cockamamie plan. He’s known for his wild and wooly ideas. What I don’t understand is why Dan is on board? And now Paul Bissonnette is in my office giving it his support.

‘Yeah, Ray. You agreed to hire Tygyrl. Well it’s now time to trust her. If she thinks that the team will benefit by this practice then what will it hurt. It is now time to stand up and be counted. Everyone says we should have been out in the first, second and third rounds. Well here we are at Game 6, don’t stop believing in her yet.’ Paul’s a big guy and usually an enforcer on our team but lately he has stepped up his game by listening to our interim coach. ‘She’s right and you know it.’

I think for a few minutes about everything that has been said to me. Biz is right, of course, but someone needs to be the voice of reason. Dan Bylsma has called me once this morning and twice yesterday. He loves this plan.

‘Okay, run this by me again? How does this go down?’

‘Well, the media is a circus so we cut them out. They don’t need to see this. So when the guys come to practice this morning, you let them warm up and do some dry land then pack them up in the bus. Dana has all of the equipment that they need out at the pitch. If all goes well I’ll be there already and start chirping them. If they ask questions, then we won’t lie. It’s going to be a pick up ball hockey.’ Biz has an evil smile on his face. ‘And then the magic begins. Or so I’m told.’

*****
‘Well, I think, this is just bullshit. We are professionals and this is not a day camp.’ I’m not sure who is grumbling Iggie or Morrow but I don’t share their sentiments.

I like the idea of being outside running around. The weather has turned from the ugly cold grey winter to a soft pretty warm spring to now a bright hot summer. The equipment guys have our sticks laid out and several players are out on the turf field passing the bright yellow ball around. The mood in the room the past few games have been very tense. Our locker room is normally pretty loose and relaxed I think that’s because of Sid. He is our captain and leads by example. When he is loose and happy, the whole team follows suit. Lately, he’s been tense. I guess that we all have been tense.

‘Come on, Sunshine shake a leg. We need help out here with these arse holes.’ Glass calls out as he dekes around to catch up to the ball. ‘Fuck off, Geno. Bortuzzo take him.’

The field has groups of guys running around passing balls between them. They are laughing and challenging each other. I’m about to check Sutsy when two girls walk on to the field. They don’t walk around the edge. They walk straight through the players firing balls. The girls don’t break a step. They don’t look around. They cut diagonally across the field chatting as they go. The players around stop what they are doing to watch these two beautiful gals dressed in short skirts pulling huge black bags pass by them. It’s like collectively the men on the field have lost their brains. It’s like they have never seen a beautiful woman. And the two girls walk calmly chatting like nothing has happen. They across to the bench area beside ours deposit their bags and continue chatting. I hear murmurs from my teammates. I look back across the field to the entrance. There are a few more absolutely gorgeous blondes walking across the pitch. They are long, legged very fit females. They stride confidently through the stunned mass of testosterone filled drones. The ladies don’t bat and eye at the frozen statues of men gaping at them. They walk up to the other two girls and that’s when the screaming and jumping started. We the Pittsburgh Penguins of the National Hockey League stand there stunned by beautiful women.

‘FUCK! Shitting FUCK!’ Sid breaks our silence. I look up and there are two very petite girls jumping and running across the pitch in their obvious delight to meet up with their girlfriends.

‘Glion, Glimi! Hey, we’ve brought second breakfast! You want to share!’ the taller of the two gals calls out as she bounces into a jog. ‘Come on Pippin, I race ya.’

Then it happened … the gigglehonk. Sid laughed followed it up with more expletives. I look back at the now growing group of lovely young women. They are not dressed for playing ball hockey they are dressed for…. I don’t know a night on the town?

‘What’s going on? Adams, who are the chicks?’ Sutsy has found his voice.

‘I don’t know but I suspect that Coach Tygyrl has something to do with this. Listen to Sid I think he’s laughing.’ I glance back over my shoulder to see Biz walking across the pitch with Tygyrl, her friend Lauren and a pretty red head. They follow the same path as all the other girls. Most of the guys are leaning on their sticks showing their full appreciation of the sight. Sid is openly beaming. Biz strides amid the women and opens his arms.

‘Team hug.‘ The traitor, Bissonnette, calls out. Then all the girls crowd around him for a hug session. ‘Aah, I love team bonding. Okay girls lets get you into your uniforms and then a few minutes of warm up. I’m standing in for your coach today, ladies.’

The girls still chatting amongst themselves return to their bench and start stripping off their dresses. They strip down to their bras and panties. It’s very distracting.

‘Come on, guys. Snap out of it. I seen this show and it didn’t end pretty for the hockey boys. And in this scenario, I think we’re the hockey boys. Gather around and we’ll form a plan.’ Sid tries calling us in. ‘Beau, Simon, Sutsy, Tangradi. Get it together. They are just girls in bras and panties.’

I elbow Duper and point to Boychuk. Boychuk is standing with his mouth open gaping at the opposing team bench.

‘Close your mouth or you’ll swallow a fly.’ Duper closes Boychuk’s mouth for him. ‘Turn around son. It’ll be easier to focus.’

‘Ah ba, ah ba.’ Boychuk tries to respond.

‘Oh god, this is going to be a gong show. Duper, Kuni, Jussi, these guys need to focus. I’m betting that’s the gold winning field hockey team from last summer’s Olympics. That’s 91’s team and I hear that they are really good. If we want to be competitive then we’re going to need to focus.’ Sid is organizing the guys into groups. ‘Geno, Nealer, Joey V, grab a few of those crooked sticks and start sorting out the weight with the balls.’

‘What I do with it?’ Geno is holding up a field hockey stick. ‘It a good back scratcher.’

‘You remember that was the stick that smoked you last autumn. Remember that stick skills test. I do and you lost, Geno.’ Sid has a few brightly coloured balls and is hitting them out to some of the groups. ‘We are not going down here this morning without a fight, boys. This is our game!’

‘Ah ba, ahba.’ Beau is now blithering idiot.

‘Beau get it together. I’d have thought growing up in California you’d be used to looking at beautiful babes half naked.’ I try and get the young forward’s attention. ‘Shit Beau!’

‘Ah ba, ahba.’ Beau is staring at the other bench and pointing. I turn around and there is Biz seated on a lounge chair with a sharpie. He’s lifting a skirt on a lanky blonde and writes something high on her butt cheek. Fuck we are totally screwed.

‘What’s he doing?’ Kuni leans over to me.

‘Beau is blubbering and Biz is writing on bums.’ I just don’t know where this is going. ‘Let’s get these young guys off. We are going to need some maturity.’

‘Right.’ Kuni ushers Beau and Boychuk to the sidelines.

The ladies are wearing bright red Canadian uniforms. Snug tops and short skirts. They are finishing stretching out and a few are warming up their shots. I can hear the hard hits. Crack. The ladies begin shooting balls back and forth across the field.

‘This is going to be a ball breaker.’ Flower has donned his gear. ‘Look at them loft that ball. Jeez I’m glad I’m in the cage.’

‘Yeah but look at your cage. It’s got to be 12 feet by 8 feet high. Good luck buddy.’ I laugh at him as his face crumples as the nets are wheeled into place. I slap Flower on the back as I try dribbling a ball.

The sun is warm on the artificial turf. If I really hit the ball hard a spray of water flies up behind it. I glance up at my colleagues practicing. We are totally out of our depth here. But everyone is relaxed and enjoying himself. A young fellow calls we Penguins in near our bench and explains a few basics of the game to us. Then the game begins with Sid at center field. I’ve been put to play midfield. I eye up my check on the other side of the centerline. Tygyrl is grinning at me. I can feel my heart racing just like it did during my very first NHL game. Just like when I got married. Just like when I first hoisted the cup back in 2009. I look Tygyrl square in the eyes and totally miss the pass back to me. I know I missed it by the laughter that erupts from my coach and the yelling from my captain.

‘Addsy, don’t let them touch that ball!’

*****

Crack! Yes I pass the ball through Adams legs again for Arwen who tips the ball forward to Lego. Lego steps around Eaton crosses the ball to Galadreil. Whoot. Flower’s down again and we’ve just scored our third goal. It’s been so much fun playing with my team. I didn’t realize just how much that I’ve missed them. It was such a surprise when Biz called me last night. I couldn’t believe my ears when he said that Mario had flown my teammates here. All 16 of them are staying with the Lemieux’s.

‘Frodo, watch out. In coming Ork.’ Sam gives me a heads up that 87 is trying to break through our line.

‘I’m on it, Sam. I know how to handle this Ork.’ 87 has Duper and Kuni with him on his wings. I yell to my husband. ‘This is an ork free zone. Out, out, out.’

‘Come here little hobbit. Come here and taste some real competition.’ 87 flings his hair out of his eyes then laughs at me.

I stop dead in my tracks and so does 87. I jump up and hug him. I haven’t been this happy in a few weeks. 87 kisses me. I can hear my teammates around me jeering at me but I don’t care because I have my check. I’m kissing him right here.

That’s when the Penguins got their only goal of the game.

*****

The locker room has been really loose this evening. Our warm up with the soccer ball was full of laughter and joking. The guys are still razing each other on and off the ice after our warm up. The crowd in the stands is raucous. The media has been trying to wind up the pressure but it hasn’t worked.

‘So this is Game 6 guys. We play to stay alive.’ Granato is standing at the white board. ‘We’re going tonight with Marty and Nisky on the blue line. Sid’s line up front and Vokoun in the cage.’

The room cheers. The clock on the wall has counted down to 00:00. Game time. The guys line up to head out on to the ice. They are bumping and jostling with each other.

‘Let’s get ’em, eh?’ Neal is laughing.

‘Ja you keep up, lazy.’ Geno has been a cracking people up today. ‘I saw better wing today. You watch out. Move your feet. Or you have no job.’

We move our way down the tunnel to the ice. Neal and Geno are still poking fun at each other.

‘No way I found a great center. I think I might have found the center of my universe.’ Nealer clumps out ahead of me. ‘Sid, you’ve got their phone numbers right?’

‘No, you’ll have to ask 91.’ I laugh. ‘Good luck with that by the way.’

‘I got number! I not stoopid.’ Geno cracks up again.

So we hit the ice as the team is announced, the crowd never lets us down. We stand through the national anthem. I say my private prayer. I line up at center ice between Duper and Kuni. Does life get any better than this? I don’t think so.

The ref waves Toews and I into the face off circle.

‘So ready to watch me raise the cup, Sid?’ Toews chirps at me.

I throw back my head and laugh. I look over that the bench and nod to 91 who is blowing me a kiss.

‘Not quite yet, Captain Serious. Not quite yet.’ I gigglehonk and win the draw.