Untitled for the Moment

Ever after the kiss incident, things between Tony and I were going great. The tour was back in California. It felt good to be back in our home state. It sad to say I was only out on the tour for four days, I guess I get homesick easily. Today was also the day we get the new roadie. I wonder what they were going to be like. I was editing my blog. Tony came and sat next to me on my bunk. He kissed me on the cheek.
''Hey love what’s up?'' I said. With his left hand he gave me a rose.
''I picked this off the rose bush in front of the hotel,'' he said with a smirk.
''Oooh dangerous, thanks,'' I kissed him back. He put my laptop on his bunk and started slowly kissing down my neck. I gently pushed him off.
''Sorry I keep forgetting, not on the bus,''
''No you need to tell the guys about us,'' I heard the bus door opened. I assumed it was the rest of the guys. I went to jump down.
''Hello, the rest of the guys said there were two people on the bus still" I was horrified by the sound of this voice. I looked to Tony.
''What’s wrong?'' he asked.
''Its JP, that’s the roadie who just walked on,'' I said nervously. Tony started laughing but then quickly stopped when he saw my face.
''Dont worry, you got me and the guys we won’t let anything happen I promise,'' he said giving me one last kiss. He got out from my bunk and closed the curtains. I heard him talk to him and tell him the only bunk was a top one. I heard him get off the bus; I slowly emerged off the bus. I took off to the PTV merch tent. This was going to be hard to avoid him. I saw Mike sitting in a seat; I waved at him in distress. He asked me if I was ok, I responded I’d tell them later that I wanted to discuss with everyone. The rest of the day went off without a hitch. Tony came by to help me tear down the tent and pack the stuff. I pushed the crates to the load up; I left them with the guys from bus four. I got to our bus and took a deep breath. There were no voices or anything. I went straight to my bunk so I didn’t have to face anyone. I closed my curtains to my bunk. When I turned to the wall and stared at my pictures. My eyes just kept staring to the one of Jp and I. Tears started wailing up in me, I reached up and peeled away the photo of Marti and me from the bottom of our photo. After peeling the bottom photo, it showed me with a pregnant belly with Jps Hands on it. The past is in the past just move on to the future. I heard a bunch of commotion, and hopped out of bed. It was most of the guys, minus JP. Tony pushed through everyone to give me a hug.
''Well everyone I have to get this off my chest, Ashleigh is my girlfriend,'' Tony said proudly. .Everyone started making a bunch of noise.
''Are you fucking serious?'' we heard really loud. I turned and saw JP standing there. The guys just stared at him weird
''Everyone this is JP our new roadie,'' I said with my hand out. The guys looked at me weird, and JP ran off the bus. I shrugged my shoulders, only Tony knew the truth. Tony gave me the look to go after him. I took off and let the guys talk amongst themselves. I saw JP out of the corner of my eye. He was pacing back and forth with a cigarette, and it sounded like he was crying.
''Give me a chance to explain,'' I asked walking up towards him. He took a hit of his cigarette then threw it on the ground.
''I wanted to prove to you I changed, I was doing this for you, I even went looking for you at your apartment,''
''Why me, I'm nothing JP,''
''You are the only person that has ever believed in me,'' he said walking away. I didn’t bother trying to catch him. It’s just going to be one hell of an awkward summer. I walked back to the bus to get a drink and sit with Tony. I sat next to him and held his hand. He awkwardly smiled at me. Then the front door to the. Bus opened. Everyone on the bus went quiet. JP waved then climbed into his bunk. Gabe went to go welcome him, but Mike grabbed his arm, and told him no. I had one more drink then decided to go to bed. As I went to lie down I noticed a letter on my pillow, it was JP's writing. I sighed and climbed into bed. I took a deep breath. As I opened the letter, a few pictures fell out. I put them off to the side.
''Dear Ashleigh,
I dont know if you will read this or not. But if you do I want to say I'm sorry. Not just for calling you names, abandoning you when you needed help the most, making you lie for me to Sydney, etc. The worst offense was not being there for my son the short time he was here, I only saw him once and you weren’t there to witness it, I did this so you didn’t know how much I truly cared for him, I should have been there with he passed in your arms, it hurt me so much when I found out, I shut down from everything and everyone for the longest time, I didn’t know who to turn because I already pushed you so far away that for you to forgive me seems like a long shot, even if you dont forgive me I wouldn’t blame you, I wouldn’t forgive myself either, I'll always love you no matter what I've said, You opened my eyes and my mind and helped me, I hope someday we can be together,''
I folded the letter and tucked it away. Tony climbed into my bunk. He wiped the tears from my face. He didn’t ask any questions. Soon enough he was snoring. I couldn’t sleep, I got up to go to the back room to watch a movie or play a game. I swiftly climbed over Tony then gently pushed him to the wall. When I got into the back lounge, there was JP. I walked out quickly and grabbed two vanilla cokes. I handed him one of the cokes. It was bit of an awkward salience. He was fidgeting a lot like he was nervous or had something to say but didn’t know how to say it.
''I read the letter JP, and saw the pictures,'' I said trying to hold back tears. The pictures were of him holding our son.
''I’m not a bad guy, I made some mistakes that is all big ones that I can’t make up,''
''We all do it’s just in our nature,''
''He looked a lot like you, not a thing like me,'' I let out slight laugh.
''No he looked so much like you, thank god he did have your nose, and he had your lips,''
''Was he in pain when he went?'' My eyes began to water thinking back to the day. He was screaming at the top of his little lungs because he was hungry. The nurse gave me him to feed him a little. In the nurses arms he was still screaming, but soon as in my arms. My beautiful son stopped and started eating. A while later I changed him and fifteen minutes later he was gone in my arms I freaked out started screaming at the nurses . I knew it was going to happen but didn’t think it would be that day when I was alone
''No JP, he went peaceful, in my arms, comfortably,'' I said.
''I should have been there, I know you called me that day to go with you, and I went with Sydney instead to see MSI,''
''Its ok, I'm not mad at you for that I let everything go, I dont want the past to effect the future whatever it may hold,''
''The nurses never told me his name what did you name him,''
''They never did?''
''No I would be like hi I’m JP Aeschilman here to see my son he is in nicu, they would bring me in, make me wash up and then give him to me,''
''I named him Aiden William-Francis Aeschilman, Wil was so happy he even stopped by and saw his god son,'' I said smiling
''He hates me doesn’t he?''
''They all do, but dont think about that just move on I’m going to try to sleep again,'' I said getting up to go back to my bunk.