On the Edge

*note: the section between the asterisks in this chapter are based off real chaotic events that I have experienced in Philadelphia.

-

Frank pulled his face away from his clammy palms with a sigh. He leaned against the blue railing, allowing a group of tourists to walk past. He diverted his eyes to the ground, watching their feet as they passed. "Good morning," a few voices from the group echoed. All Frank could manage was a slight nod of the head while awkwardly avoiding eye contact. As they made their way down the bridge, he hoped they didn't notice his distraught appearance and blood shot eyes. He looked up, watching their bodies disappear into tiny little specks on the huge bridge. The focus through his bloodshot eyes shifted. His vision was now fixated on North Philadelphia; the place he met you.

-

The chance to speak to you slipped beneath me with the blink of an eye and you were heavy on my mind once again. I could kick myself in the ass for not speaking up in time before you darted out of the store. Would you have even responded if I spoke to you? I knew you recognized me. You recognized me as an asshole that would rather have sex with a complete stranger than help a stranger that was in complete despair. If I was you, I wouldn't talk to me either. Confused and shocked by the events of that evening, I made my way to Parker's apartment to relax and have a few beers.

Parker lived in a beautiful loft apartment on the outskirts of Center City with his roommate, Kennedy. Ordinary guys in the twenties wouldn't even think about renting a place this expensive. But Parker and Kennedy weren't ordinary guys. Parker was a rich frat boy who was still living off his parents money. Daddy's paycheck paid off half of Parker's share of the rent. But Parker wasn't the typical rich frat boy douche, he was humble. In fact, he was the most generous person I knew.

Kennedy was a full time drug dealer, which helped him pay off his portion of the expensive rent. I got in good with Kennedy over the past couple of years. If there was a deal that had to be made in public, he would give me free weed wrapped in twenty dollar bills. He was a very outgoing guy and not sketchy like most other drug dealers I came in contact with in years past.

I cracked open a beer and plopped down on the couch that had a view overlooking the city skyline. I rested my feet on the coffee table as Parker joined me on the couch. He looked at his expensive watch and sighed, "they should be getting here any minute now."

Whenever there is a small get together at Parker's, it always turns into a huge party. Normally, I'd be down for anything. But the only thing I had on my mind this night was you. I didn't know anything about you yet you had the power to control my every thought. I knew if I didn't let the thought of you off my chest, it would tear me apart inside. I was afraid I was going crazy, going as far as to think that you were just some perfect girl I made up in my mind. I had to get it off my chest and tell someone. I couldn't bare to constantly think about you for the next few weeks, hoping I'd see you again. I took a deep breath, exhaling slowly as I thought of how to begin this story. "You know that bar we've gone to a few times?" I asked, nonchalantly. "Jon's?"

"Hell yeah, man." Kennedy stated, walking into the room with a blunt wrap in hand. He sat in the chair next to the couch, placing the blunt wrap on the coffee table. He dug in his right pants pocket and pulled out a bag of weed. Carefully, he poured the contents of the bag evenly into the blunt wrap. He paused to look up at me, "what about it?"

"Back in April I went there with a few of my friends from back home," I began, watching Kennedy bring the blunt wrap to his lips, lightly dapping his tongue against the edge. He began sealing the blunt wrap together. I struggled with how to explain the first moment I saw you. I took a second, finally gathering my thoughts together. And just as I opened my mouth to speak again, there was a loud knock at the door.

"Must be them." Parker jumped up, heading to the door. Kennedy now had the blunt placed gently between his lips as he pulled a lighter out of his back pocket. First entered two girls who each had a bottle of liquor in hand. They were followed by two guys that were each holding a case of beer. "You can just sit that shit on the counter," he said, coming back into the living room with Kennedy and I. The four guest followed suit. "You didn't have to bring all that." Parker chuckled.

"Ah, no problem man." One of the guys stated.

Conversation began as Kennedy began to pass the blunt around. I sat there listening to what was being said as I stared out the window at the city lights. I was jolted out of my gaze when one of the girls tapped me on the shoulder, passing the blunt to me. I smirked, taking the blunt out of her hand and placing it to my lips. I inhaled deeply, holding the smoke in my lungs before letting it slowly escape my mouth. She watched in amusement as the smoke vanished into thin air. She looked back at me with a grin and my lips grew into a smile. Her face became flushed with pink as she shyly looked away. "Yeah man, listen to this shit." Someone announced loud enough to break the trance this girl put me in. "These guys, they're called OCD: Moosh and Twist." One of the guys stated dramatically. "They're playing at Union Transfer in a week. You guys have to go."

"It'll be the best show you've ever been to." The girl sitting next to me added. I smiled, thinking yeah, right.

Rap music began to fill the hazy room and everyone quieted down to take a listen. I found myself beginning to bob my head to the beat. I was so transfixed on the music, stunned by how good it was. I'm not sure if it was truly that good or it was just my high increasing the quality of shitty rap music. Either way, I agreed to go to the show with them. Later, that agreement would become the best decision I have ever made.

Having to work every day made the week go by faster. I still had a little glimmer of hope that you would wonder back into the record store, but I knew you weren't going to. At least not that soon. It was the day of the show and I was in a hurry to get off work. I had never been to a rap show so I had no idea what to expect. What happened that night was an experience I'll never forget.

* We arrived at the venue about thirty minutes before the doors opened, making us the first people in line. Kennedy and Parker brought a few bottles of liquor in a book bag so we could pre-game before the show. I cracked open the bottle of Svedka and took a shot straight from the bottle. My throat was coated with a burning sensation from the 80 proof liquor. I let out a disapproving sound, stating "this is why I tend to stick with beer and smoking." Kennedy just chuckled and took the bottle from me, drinking the fiery liquid with ease.

We stood there passing bottles for a few minutes before a large group guys stood in line behind us. None of them looked a day over 18. Parker leaned into me, saying "looks like everyone has the same idea," as he saw them pull bottles of liquor out of their bags. They were loud as they passed bottles around, making it obvious they were drinking on the street. Kennedy, Parker and I engaged in our own conversation until the group behind us noticed we were drinking too.

"Hey, what do you got?" One of the boys asked, looking at the bottle in my hand.

"Svedka, man." I stated with a wave of the bottle.

"Here," he said, thrusting his bottle of liquor at me. We swapped bottles and before I could examine what type of liquor it was, the sweet taste of cotton candy liquor drenched my taste buds.

"Hey," I heard a female voice shoot daggers in my back behind me. I brought the bottle from my lips, and as I recovered from the sweet shot she stated, "I wouldn't be drinking in front of the venue security like that. Especially if you're underage." She pointed at her shirt that had the venue logo on it, glaring at me. I stayed quite, trying not to have any problems though I was offended she blatantly told me that I was underage. Behind me, the underage college boys erupted into slurs.

She stood there and watched as I switched bottles back with the boy that stood behind me. I sent her a glare as she walked inside the venue, only to come back outside with a trash can. She set it down on the dirty Philadelphia sidewalk harshly, as if to make a statement. None of us gave her any attention as she turned to walk back inside the venue. "What a bitch." One of the boys in the group behind us scoffed.

I shrugged it off and took another swig of my Svedka. What could she do? Call the cops on me for drinking legally? I shook those negative thoughts from my mind as the fragrance of marijuana swept through the warm air. I turned around, expecting Kennedy to be lighting up but to my surprise it was the boys in the group behind us. I chuckled as they all stood in a circle, passing the joint around in clear view of anyone that would happen to walk by.

As they finished their joint and our bottles became shallower, the line became longer. Everyone in the line was clearly fucked up on something whether it was from alcohol or drugs. It was getting closer to the time the doors were supposed to open and the mob of drunk college kids were getting a little rowdy, causing the venues bouncers to stand outside the front entrance. I hid the bottle behind my back from the bouncers and leaned over to Parker. "How much longer until doors open?" I asked.

"About ten, man." He stated, looking at his watch.

From behind us we heard the line erupt into screams and shouts, causing me to look back. I laid my eyes on two big yellow school busses pulling up to the venue. The two busses were packed from head to toe. People were sitting four to a seat and others stood crammed in the aisle. Their hands were raised above their heads, holding red cups and liquor bottles. The busses stopped right in front of the entrance and opened its doors. College kids stumbled off each bus one by one, with their red cups and bottles still in hand. "Holy shit." Kennedy watched in amusement. "This is getting out of control."

We watched as the drunk kids made their way to their friends in line. This was turning out to be a security guards worst nightmare. I wanted to tell the first security guard I had an encounter with that I was the least of her worries. But she stood there in front of the entrance with the coldest blank stare on her face. "Parker!" I heard someone yell out. "How'd you cop a spot so close!"

I turned and saw the four people that had invited us to the show. The girls were visibly drunk and they whole group reeked of weed. "Dude, where the fuck did you guys get busses from." Kennedy demanded, laughing.

The question was never answered. As soon as one of the guys opened their mouth to speak, the group behind us started yelling for security's attention. Through the legs of the crowded group, I peered down to see that one of their friends had collapsed on the dirty sidewalk. He was a bigger guy which resulted in none of his scrawny friends being able to pick him up. Two big bouncers pushed through the crowd, hoisting the kid up by his shoulders and pulling him out of the crowd. They held him from underneath his arms and pulled him away as his feet dragged on the ground. They propped him up against the wall on the other side of the entrance and he began droop down to the dirty sidewalk.

'Jesus,' I thought. 'They're never going to open the doors.'

The crowd erupted into screams once more. They were all wide eyed and had looks of disgust on their face. I looked over and their friend had hurled all of the contents of his stomach out onto the sidewalk. He sat there, hunched over the bile as his eyes rolled to the back of his head. This kid obviously had alcohol poisoning and needed serious help quick.

The group of guys behind us began to raise their voice at one of the bouncers. The crowded sidewalk was so loud I couldn't make out exactly what words were being exchanged. The bouncer got into one of the kids face and pointed down the street, "you come back when you've sobered up or you don't come back at all." He yelled. His deep voice boomed over the entire crowd. "Now go." The kid he was yelling at stormed off only to return later with a different shirt on, hoping that would be a good enough disguise.

After a kid passing out and a few heated arguments later, they finally opened the doors. The sound and breaking glass filled the sidewalk as each person threw their bottles away in order to enter the venue. Kennedy, Parker and I walked up to the barricade with the four of their friends standing near us. Within a few minutes, the venue was packed with 1,200 drunk underage kids. The vibe turned from frustration into excitement as we all stood on the crowded venue floor, facing the stage OCD would be playing on.

The exciting vibe didn't last long though. All of a sudden the place broke out into yelling. The crowd behind us pushed my body harshly into the barricade. "Fight!" The petite girl next to be screamed to the bouncer in front of us. I turned around to see what was going on. The crowd was pushed into a circle as if there was about to be a mosh pit, but only two guys danced around it.

"C'mon," one guy screamed. "Just fucking hit me."

And with that, the guy punched him right in the face causing him to stumble back to us. In a daze, he lunged his body forward and gave the guy a bear hug to his legs. The guy lost his balance and was knocked to the ground. The guy that got punched first started wailing his fists at his face. He must have gotten a good 20 punches in before security stepped in to pull them both away.

The crowd mended itself back together as I turned my focus back to the stage. I stood there, wishing people could handle their liquor. The crowd began to push harshly, crushing the petite girl beside me against the barricade. "Are you okay?" I asked her.

"Yeah," she said, standing on her tippy toes to look at the sea of drunk kids behind her. "My boyfriend should be here any minute."

I nodded as we continued to get crushed by the weight of angry drunk kids. Girls that stood behind the petite girl started to yell. "Stop fucking pushing!" I chuckled. They obviously haven't been to that many shows if they weren't numb to the constant crushing your body has to go through. The girls began to raise their voices more. Their high pitched screamed pierced my ear drums. "Calm down," a girl with black hair, whose back was turned to me, reasoned. "Everyone is pushing!"

It only took a few moments before the girl she was yelling at took her fist and violently punched the girl in the nose. The punch was so forceful it knocked the girl to the floor. She landed behind the petite girl that stood beside me. The petite girl began to cover her head but I went with my first instincts and pulled the tiny girl into my arms, shielding her from the cat fight. The girl that threw the first punch disappeared into the crowd before her victim could recollect what just happened. Her friends helped her to her feet and she stood facing the stage again. I paused for a moment, looking deeply into this girls eyes. This can't be, I thought. But it was.

It was you. Tears welled in your eyes from the pain as blood gushed out of your nose. The blood ran down to your quivering lips, staining them crimson red. The contrast of blood dripping down to your pale skin made your blue eyes so vividly bright in the dark venue. "Oh my god," your friends shrieked. You wiped blood off your lips with your fingers, looking down at them in some state of shock. You needed help.

I dropped my arms from around the small girl. "Thank you. " she said, gratefully. "My boyfriend should be the one protecting me but he's an asshole." She spoke, but the words went right through me as I stared at you. I began to push through the people behind me to help you, but your friends were pulling you away. You disappeared into the crowd. You slipped away yet again.

"No problem," I breathed, overlooking the crowd. I wanted to run and find you, but I couldn't leave Kennedy and Parker.

We were standing there for what seemed to be hours waiting for the show to start. Thinking that I had just missed another chance to talk to you made it seem longer. The security and bouncers on the other side of the barricade began to whisper to each other. The security guard that stood in front of us pushed his ear piece against his ear firmly, listening to whatever was coming from the other end. He looked over the crowd with a worried expression on his face. "The show is canceled?" Kennedy leaned over and asked me.

"What?" I asked, confused. "It's canceled?"

"I don't know, that's what I've been hearing from over here." Kennedy said.

"The show is canceled?!" The girl beside me exclaimed, overhearing my conversation with Kennedy. "Excuse me." She said, tapping on the security guards shoulder. "Is the show cancelled?"

He didn't look at her. He kept looking over the crowd as if he was looking for someone in particular. He kept his fingers pressed against his earpiece. "Yes." He said. "The police are here to shut this place down. There's been too many riots and its just unsafe."

We all heard him as he broke the disappointing news loud and clear. I looked behind me, knowing that no one in this crowd knew that they were supposed to be leaving. They definitely didn't look like they'd be leaving any time soon. "C'mon," I said to Kennedy. "Let's get out of here."

Everyone followed me as I pushed through the crowd of angry kids. I freed myself of the hot sweaty crowd and made my way to the door. Outside, there were nothing but police cruisers lining the streets. Cops were ushering drunk kids down the dirty sidewalk. Empty bottles of liquor, beer cans and red cups were strewn down the sidewalk. I looked past all the chaos, trying to spot you.

"The fuck do we do now, guys." Parker breathed, looking at the chaotic scene before him. The sidewalk was again packed with angry kids. Some guys would talk shit to the cops that were ushering them away from the venue, only to have the cops spit in the their face. I stood there watching the asshole cops push kids around. "Shit, we're about to witness some police brutality." Parker scoffed.

Across the street, people hung out of their apartment windows watching the scene unfold. They were probably thinking a fire had broken out or a bomb had gone off inside the venue. Kids stood beneath their windows, telling them that everything was fine. We began to walk around the block. Drunk kids were everywhere. Some girls were sitting in the curb crying. Cops were on the kids phones calling their parents. I looked at the time. It wasn't even 10 o'clock yet and we had nothing else planned. "Well what are we gonna do now?" I asked, stepping over a guy that was passed out on the ground.

As soon as I said that, our prayers were answered. The screeching sound of breaks filled the chaotic city block as the two busses pulled up, opening their doors. * I looked to Kennedy and Parker, giving them a sly smirk. "Fuck it," Kennedy threw his hands into the air. "Let's go."

We boarded the liquor stained bus and made our way to the back. Quite a few people were already on the bus and more followed behind us. Once the bus was packed from front to back, the bus driver shut the doors and pulled off. We had no idea where we were going, we were just along for the ride. I stood in the aisle. I looked around on the sticky floor that was covered in liquor bottles, spotting one that was pretty full. I picked it up. I shrugged, opening the bottle of cheap vodka and bringing it to my lips. I took a shot and passed it to Parker. He took two big shots and handed it over to Kennedy. After all that chaos, I was no longer drunk. I was only a bit tipsy and I was desperate to get fucked up.

The bus was loud as it made its way down the narrow city streets. People were passing around all types of liquor, drinking the liquid straight from the bottle. I guess they were all in the same predicament. A few girls made their way down the aisle. They were pushing people to the side as they made their way to the back, which caused us to be pushed up toward the middle of the bus. I peered out of the dark windows, realizing that I didn't recognize where we were. "Where are we going?" I asked the girl sitting in the seat next to me.

She began speaking as she turned toward me. "We're going back to campu-" she stopped, stunned by the sight of me as her bloodshot blue eyes locked with mine. I felt my heart begin to beat at a rapid pace. I blinked a few times. This can't be, I thought. What are the chances? Maybe I was more fucked up than I thought.

I wanted to pinch myself and wake up from this dream. But it wasn't a dream, this was reality. And the reality was that you were the girl sitting next to me on that cramped loud school bus. There was no way you could slip beneath my reach this time. But would this encounter be just another failed attempt at getting your attention?