Kissing in Cars

I was glad I got to sneak away with Vic for a little while. We lay on a grassy patch of ground, our fingers connected between us. My head was spinning from Tony’s words earlier. I couldn't believe he really asked Mickey to marry him. Mickey had spent a large of the last hour staring at her ring. Which made it easy enough for Vic and I to get away from everyone. I moved closer to Vic, placing my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. I didn't move, I stayed perfectly still as if that would somehow freeze me in this moment. As if my lack of moment would keep me here, with Vic, forever. Vic started to sing to me, running his hand up and down my arm. I was afraid to speak, afraid that I would reveal that today would be our last day together. That very soon, I could no longer linger in his arms, or curl into him on the tour bus. I looked up at him; his eyes were closed, lips moving angelically with each word he sang. I watched him, feeling completely at peace here with him. If it wasn't for Grands' I would never leave him.

“Lei,” he kept his eyes closed as he said my name.

“Yes,” I prop my elbows against his chest lightly.

“Do you think we will be next?” He didn't have to elaborate because I knew exactly what he meant.

I almost choked on the lump that formed in my throat, “we need more time.”

I didn't dare so more than that.

“Of course, I know that. It’s just Tony’s decision made me wonder if I would ever settle down. It also made me realize that I wouldn’t mind if you were the girl that I settled down with.”

I kissed him, mostly to get him to stop voicing the words I always wanted to hear. The word I dreamed about so many times. I grabbed his hair and deepened our kiss. I wanted him to feel what I dare not say. I wanted him to know that he was and will always be my love. He bit my bottom lip and smiled at me as I stared into his eyes. Tony called him inside so the boys could discuss a new album while they had the time. I was grateful that he would go inside and away from me but I hated the thought at the same time. Mickey came out as Vic went in and sat on the grass by my side.

“Duncan’s messengers said to be at the overpass by midnight or Grands will pay.” I rolled my eyes.

“We will be there and he knows that. He doesn’t need to pretend that we need any more motivation after the bomb last week.” I shuddered at the thought.

“Yeah well,” Mickey absentmindedly twisted her new engagement ring.

“You can still stay you know,” I put my hand over hers’, “you have much more to lose now.”

She gave me a sad little smile, “I set my alarm, on vibrate of course, for 11:30. That should give us enough time to get to the overpass on time. The real problem will be making sure these guys go to sleep.”

“I got sleeping pills crushed up and ready to be slipped into some Jack, so they sleep well and heavy.” I sighed and looked towards the house. “I am going to miss him, more than I ever imagined.”

“At least you have his voice prerecord on you mp3 player.” She handed it to me and I placed it in my pocket.

“At least you have a ring.” I stared at the diamond glint in the sunlight.

“Yeah, but it will always be missing its band.” Then she got up and headed back, to be with Tony no doubt.

The hours flew by faster then I liked, and soon Mike was pulling out a bottle of Jack. A knot formed in my stomach as I stared at it. I offered to pour it right away, and Mike shrugged and handed me the bottle. I slipped in my extra ingredient, and handed each of the boys their glasses. Afterward I ran and poured some for Mickey and I. The boys guzzled the whole thing down right away and I felt a sad form of relief. For about an hour more we laughed and goofed off until they started to feel too sleepy to fight it. They chalked it up to all the touring catching up to them before each went off to bed. I curled into bed with Vic, which was unusual since I usually slept with Mickey in our room. I just wanted to spend these last few moments with him.

He kissed me and before he drifted off to sleep he said, “I love you baby, so so much.”

I watched his eyelids shut after those words and his breathing get even. I cried to myself. Took out a post it from in his bag and wrote: I love you too, you are my world.’ on it. I placed it on his pillow, with my favorite hat for him to wear when he missed me. I decided to pull out the bundle of letters I wrote him and place them by his head too. I kissed his lips one last time before slipping out of the bed. I wasn’t surprised to see Mickey sitting on the couch waiting of me, I knew she wouldn’t be able to sleep either.

“Let’s go before I can think this through and regret all of this anymore.” Mickey said as she got up and grabbed my hand.

We walked out of the door, closing it without a sound behind us. We both stared at the house for a while before walking away from it. I put one of my headphones into my ear and one into Mickey's, as we walked out of the front gate. I went straight to playing Disasterology, thinking of the beauty created, and how it would now be destroyed. I held Mickey’s hand as we walked into the night, that was sure to be our last.