Don't Fall Back

“You didn’t love her. You just didn’t want to be alone. Or maybe, maybe she was good for your ego. Or maybe she made you feel better about your miserable life, but you didn’t love her, because you don’t destroy the person that you love.” — Grey’s Anatomy.

Colton rubbed his tired eyes with the back of his fingers. He yawned and stretched both arms wide on the bed. He slowly peaked his eyes open and the ceiling caught his sight. He closed his eyes again and rolled over onto his side, wondering to himself why he was up so early.

"Mmh..Mia.." he mumbled, plopping one palm down only to feel the empty space next to him.

He opened his eyes again half-way, only to see the unfamiliar looking pillow. He scrunched his nose and lifted his head up from his own pillow, which was not white--but blue, instead. Then his body instantly jumped up an inch from where he had slept. He scanned the room with blurry vision. The balcony doors where different than what his own home had and the carpet was black rather than creamy white. When he glanced down at his chest, he had his white dress shirt on which was completely wrinkled. He pushed the covers over and saw that he was also wearing his black dress pants. On the ground next to him, his suit jacket and dress shoes were scattered. He grew very confused.

He had absolutely no memory of last night. He didn't know how or when he arrived at the hotel--which was his first thought of what the building was. Then he wondered why he was in a hotel. Colton sat up on the edge of the bed and reached for his suit jacket. He looked at his lock screen and immediately felt wide awake when a gut-wrenching feeling entered him.

Text: (3) Tyler
Text: (2) Frazer
Text: (2) Mia
Missed Call: (7) Mia
Missed Call: (2) Tyler
Missed Call: (1) Nazem

"Holy shit..." he whispered.

He didn't have to be a genius to realize that no one knew where he was or what was going on. Most of the texts and calls were at midnight and the last try was from Mia at 3:45AM. His volume had been turned on silent and he had no idea why. Usually it was left at medium or full sound.

He closed his dry mouth and rubbed his forehead. He viewed Mia's message, his eyes wandering all over his screen, having no idea what to look at first.

12:00- Babe where are you? I called Tyler and he said he thought you came home??
12:14- Colton!? Are you okay??

He shook his head and checked the other conversations. He saw that he had messaged Bozie last night and his words had been misspelled.

11:20- did you mean to say 'don't worry about it'? Haha buddy we gotta go, we're waiting at our booth
11:30- Orrsieee? Did you already leave the club?
1:19- Dude where the hell are you?

So he scratched the hotel idea off his mind. At least he knew where he was now. He had heard of rooms above clubs that could be used for people who are completely wasted out of their minds. But usually the rooms were only for people who could get access and he wondered how he managed to come up here.

Colton quickly got up and started putting on his suit jacket, checking for his keys which were in the inside pocket, along with his wallet. He tied his tie into a knot around his neck while looking through the other messages from Frazer on the phone he placed on the bed.

12:39- lol well I'm not just gonna leave without you. Did you already go tho?
12:41- You didn't get in a fight did you?? Ring me if you need backup
12:47- Oh fuck you'd better not be with that girl that was grinding on you earlier.... you have Mia!

That's when he panicked..hard. The space beside him on the bed did look like someone had been there. Colton found his way around the hall and down the stairs quickly. His memory slowly started coming back in little pieces. Rather than the red, green, blue and purple fast light rays he remembered from last night, only normal overhead lights were brightening up the club. There were two janitors sweeping the broken glass and mess left behind.

He rushed out into the parking lot and sighed in relief when he saw his Mercedes G Wagon. It was the only vehicle in the lot. He unlocked the doors with his automatic controller. His heart was beating fast as he drove home. He wanted his memory to come back, he wanted to know how he ended up in that room, and why his teammates and Mia hadn't known. And most of all--who on Earth was the person sleeping in that bed. After about half an hour, he pulled up into the familiar driveway and parked beside Mia's black BMW X6 in front of the second garage door.

A deep sigh came out of his throat when he got out and stared at his large house. He didn't know what he was going to face when he entered. He slid his key through the key hole and closed the front glass door behind him. Kabby came around the corner and wagged his tail around him. He removed his shoes quietly while petting the cat. He then walked ahead past the kitchen wall that blocked his view of the living room. Colton stared at Mia who was twisting and turning in her sleep. It wasn't even 9 in the morning yet.

She had been sleeping the couch, with her phone in her palm, jeans and zebra printed shirt. He remembered that that's what she was wearing before and after work yesterday. Her mascara was a bit smudged like she had forgotten to wipe it off with her makeup wipes as she did all the time before bed. He felt a fistful in his stomach and guessed that since she had been up all night waiting for him she didn't even get a chance to change into more comfortable pajamas or sweatpants.

He slowly sat down on the coffee table across from her and hunched over with his hands between his knees. When she continued to uncomfortably move around in her sleep, he placed his hand on her arm. She dropped her phone and he then shook her more, trying to get her out of the nightmare she seemed to be having.

"Mia?" he said to her. "Mia, wake up!"

Her terrified eyes popped open and she pushed herself back against the couch. She then blinked a couple times and took in her surroundings. She focused on the man sitting close to her and her pupils grew wide.

"Colton!" she wrapped her arms around his neck, sitting on the edge of the couch so she could get closer. She was in between his knees and felt his arms snake behind her.

"Oh my god!" her voice sunk through him as she rubbed her hand up behind his neck and down his back. She kissed his ear. "Where were you!?"

He felt her fast heartbeat against his chest. She pulled back slightly and placed her warm hands on his shoulders. "Colton," she kissed his lips. "God, I almost called the cops! I thought you got in a car accident or something!"

He sighed, feeling terrible with guilt. "No, honey, no, I'm okay."

"And I thought you were dead, you son of a bitch!" She slapped his cheek with force, making him shut his eyes for a moment. He knew he deserved that.

"The boys were so confused and had no idea what was going on either. I was up all night..." her voice was softer again.

"I..I passed out." he said, avoiding eye contact with her by pushing hair behind her ear. "I stayed overnight in one of the rooms upstairs at the club. I passed out before I could tell you, I'm sorry."

She swallowed and looked at him with teary eyes. "I love you."

He stared at the woman he always loved and gave her a weak smile. "I love you too. I'm here, now."

They kissed again and he shifted even further closer to her, on the very edge of the table. He hugged her tightly and had no idea what to do or what to think. I couldn't have...there's no way..it was just me that left an imprint on the bed. But he was still shaking in fear from the possibility.

She sniffed and pulled back from the hug again, fully, wiping her wet cheek with her fingers. "Breakfast." She stood up. "I'll make us breakfast."

"You don't have to, babe, you're tired. Go back to bed." he grabbed her free hand.

Mia bit her wet lip, and looked at him from eye to eye. "Can you come too?"

"Yes," he shut his eyes hopelessly. "I'll be there in a minute."

"Okay," she said quietly, then using both hands to get rid of the remaining tears left behind on her face. She gave him a small smile.

She walked passed him and he heard her go up the stairs. Colton then exhaled and rubbed his temples. He was beyond stressed. He took his phone out of his pocket and clicked on Tyler's name. After a few rings, a mumble came on the other line.

"Mm-w-what? Hello?" He answered in a sleepy voice followed by a yawn.

"Boz, it's me."

"Oh, umff-shit," Tyler replied. "Dude, is everything okay? Did you get home safe?"

He sighed again and placed one elbow on his knee and rested his head in his palm. "Yeah, I.." he closed his eyes, feeling disgusted with himself. "Uh..I.."

Although at that point he literally felt disgusted. He quickly got up and hurried to the kitchen just in time. His phone fell on the tiles beside him as he threw up in the white garbage bin by the counter. He put his back against the cupboards and laid on the floor trying to control his breathing. He picked up his phone again and placed it to his ear.

"Fuck." Colton said sharply, looking up at the kitchen ceiling.

"I know, there was plenty of that down my toilet last night. And all over Lana's lap." he told him. "Speaking of that, lemme go somewhere so I don't wake her up." A couple of seconds later, he spoke again. "Alright, so what the hell happened last night?"

"Tyler.." Colton replied. Colton made sure his voice was loud enough for Tyler to hear but way too quiet for Mia to hear. She was going back to sleep, but he thought that in case she was still around the staircase, he lowered his tone. "I think I did something bad."

"I feel you, bro." Bozie commented, with a slight chuckle.

"No.. I.." he sighed, with sadness in his voice. "Something really, really bad."

There was silence. "What?"

"You know that girl..that I was dancing with? I don't know if you saw her, but....Jesus, I think I had sex with her.." he wanted to continue, but he felt like he was going to throw up again.

"Oh shit..." Tyler exhaled. "Shit, shit, shit."

"I barely have any memory of last night." he said. "Little bits keep coming back but only things that aren't important. I remember arriving there, meeting Taylor, the things she said while dancing, how her uncle owned the place...oh shit, now I know how I ended up there. She got us a pass."

"Think." he urged. "What happened after? What happened when you walked through the door?"

He started to remember more, the blurry flashbacks of when they went to the balcony and she opened up her purse. "Oh, yeah..fuck. I think I remember smoking weed and.." he sighed. "I don't--"

"You smoked weed four days before pre-season?" Tyler cut him off, with a snicker.

"It's not funny."

"I know, I know. Just a bit amusing."

"No it's not."

"Well, I mean, considering that you're dating a team doctor and--"

"Tyler! I'm having a crisis!" he whispered loudly.

"Okay, I know, it's not funny. This hangover is killing me and I'm just really out of it. I'm sorry." he apologized. "Fuck everything else right now, man, just focus on remembering. You need to know."

'Fuck it, remember?' That's when Colton suddenly remembered the rest of the events. He remembered kissing her first, removing her revealing clothing and taking a condom out of his wallet, and trying all the positions she desired. He recalled Taylor suggesting they put their clothes back on after, since the balcony windows didn't close properly, and it would get colder overnight. As they had been getting dressed, she reached over at the guest nightstand and ripped a piece of paper off the sticky notepad. I'll just leave this in here..so we can do this again soon. She had stuck her hand into his pocket to drop the paper in there and then bit her lip seductively.

"Bozie.." he said, and the world would have reviewed his voice to have far too much weakness considering his profession.

"Yeah?"

He reached into his pant pocket, his hands shaking. He felt nothing. But when he checked the other side, he shut his eyes. He pulled the paper out, stared at her name and number written down in blue ink, and he knew. He knew he had cheated on Mia, and he would never forgive himself for it. Yet he was still even more terrified of her not forgiving him.

"It happened, didn't it?" Tyler spoke.

"Yeah." he answered, feeling ashamed. "What do I do? Cameras were everywhere in the club..shit. A bunch of people were outside, too. If someone took pictures, I'm dead."

Bozie cursed. "Where's Mia right now?"

He ran his fingers through his hair. "Upstairs. She went up to go back to bed."

"Just go to sleep. With her."

"Yeah.. you're right. And..what do I do if it's already online?" Colton stood up and paced around in the kitchen. He thought about Twitter and all the blogs that were made especially for NHL players to get bashed for off-ice events. He knew this particular event could ruin his entire future with Mia.

"Your agent could know what to do. It would take a while. I don't know what to say, though..."

"Okay.. thank you. And Tyler..?"

"Yeah?"

"I was beyond drunk. I know that's not a good excuse and I know I should have known better, okay? I did a terrible thing..and..I just.." A loud sigh escaped his mouth. "Fuck, I'm not a bad person. I was just stupid."

"I know," Bozie responded, and truly feeling bad for him. "But I'll always be on your side."

"Thanks, man."

"Call me when you wake up if you want to hang at my place with the boys or something."

"Alright.. See ya." he hung up.

He then went upstairs and headed for the bathroom. He brushed his teeth and splashed water on his face. He looked at himself in the mirror and shook his head. He dried off with a towel and opened their bedroom door. Mia was on her side of the bed with her back towards him. He changed out of his suit and into a more comfortable T-shirt and Tommy Hilton underwear.

He saw her roll onto her back and smile softly at him under the morning light through the windows. He went under the sheets beside her and went on one side. Just when he thought that guilt couldn't feel worse, she shifted closer to him with promising chocolate eyes. He felt everything inside of him drop. It was more than a challenge to keep the secret from her.

"I want you closer than that." she murmured, kissing his neck and then plopping her head on his chest with one arm around him.