Don't Fall Back

"Unclose your mind. You are not a prisoner. You are a bird in fight, searching the skies for dreams.” ―Haruki Murakami.

September 2014

"Why do they do it?" Mia thought aloud, making Lana question her random topic but then notice the couple blowing smoke out of their mouths ahead on the bridge.

They then both glanced at the water near them. They were on a walk on the trails by the lake where most people jogged or came to bird-watch in the large field of trees not too far back. The yellow sun and the yellow leaves made it a nice but cooler day in the second week of the month.

"Some do it to relax," Lana said. "Some do it because it kills them, I guess."

Mia sighed and shoved her hands in her thin faded green jacket with dark purple on the inside. "I tried it once when I was like seventeen. It does release stress, but, I dunno, I'm glad I didn't go through with it."

"What stress?" she asked her curiously.

"When my boyfriend broke up with me," she chuckled after. "A bit before that, too. Being together for ten months, taking my virginity, cheating on me two months later--yeah, that shit sucked."

"Oh..sorry to bring that up."

"It's all good, that was nine years ago." Mia shrugged, truly not caring about the outcome of something that happened almost a decade before. "Anyway, I want a hot dog."

Lana smiled as they walked towards the hot dog trailer parked further up ahead. "How's training camp going?"

"Some good talent. I think a few of the new young guys will make it."

"What time do you have to get going?"

"It begins a bit later than usual, today it's at 2." she answered. Mia's lips twitched in a light smile as she took her wallet out of her jacket pocket to order.

"What can I get for you, ladies?" A woman that looked like she was only in her thirties asked them behind the counter of the decorated vehicle.

"Two hot dogs, please. One with just ketchup, and one with only mustard." Mia asked.

Lana grinned as she bit into her mustard covered lunch. "You know me too well."

The girls then began walking down the long sidewalk again, heading back.

"Do you want to come over for a bit?" Lana asked.

"I can't, I have to give Kabby a bath. And then Colton, too." she laughed.

She then grinned and hugged her as they both separated. Their houses weren't too far from each other ever since Mia had moved in with him. She put her key in the hole of the door, and walked inside, taking off her jacket.

"I'm home!" she called out, but not receiving any answer. He had been here when she left only an hour and a half ago. She then walked into the living room to see that the T.V was still on but there was a note on the coffee table.

'Went to get some groceries.
Be back soon. Love you -Colton'

She put it back down and then heard pawsteps behind her. Kabby rushed towards her, waving his fluffy tail in the air even after she grabbed her cat and held him in her arms. "Daddy will be home soon, Kabby." She said sweetly in a voice used for children ages one to three.

He meowed and she carried him like a baby around the house, rocking him up and down softly in a soothing motion. "You're so cute." she kissed his head. "Cutest of them all." Kiss. "Very cutest." Another kiss.

"Now, let's go give you a nice, warm bath so you can be sparkly clean." Mia headed upstairs.

Many years ago when he was still little, she would struggle with trying to keep him in the water. He would scratch her, splash her, and leap over the tub and run around the hardwood floors while soaking wet. Now, he was more cooperative and mostly stayed still. He even seemed to enjoy the attention.

After cleaning him, she dried him off with a towel lightly and set him free to wander around the two-story. Thankfully, he didn't shed much hair at all, and he was potty trained. One less worry in Mia's books.

She went back downstairs and saw the white plastic bags on the kitchen floor. Colton carried the jug of milk into the fridge and closed the door, then noticing her.

"I got Nibs." he pulled out a shiny red bag of the licorice candies.

She smiled and helped him organize the groceries, "Good. But you can't eat those until after we come back."

He groaned. "Just a few?"

"I have to keep you in shape," she rolled her eyes and smiled. "It's the third day of camp, and the last thing you want in your stomach is candy before hitting the ice." She patted his belly and put the snack in one of the cupboards they used as a mini storage room.

He sighed and sat on a kitchen stool. "Can you at least make something good before we leave?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing." he replied quickly. "Nothing at all, of course. I'll go get dressed." He got up closer to her face where she raised an eyebrow at him. He kissed her forehead and walked behind her.

He closed the door to their room and took off his jacket. He unzipped the inside pocket and wrapped his fingers around the small velvet box. He sat on the edge of the bed and stared at it. He had been searching for a ring for almost two weeks now, and this one had caught his eye at Blue Nile.

It had a floral-like silhouette with bits of diamond circling around the entire ring, centered with a thick bright diamond. It was worth every penny of the $2,250 he spent. Colton stood up, thinking of a place to hide it until he would plan his proposal. He had yet to know how, where, or when he'd do it. In his side of the large walk-in closet, he knelt down to one of the bins full of old papers, where Mia never cared to go, and hid it under.

After changing into a hoodie and dark blue jeans, he grabbed his equipment bag and headed downstairs. They ate grilled cheese quickly and then headed off to the Air Canada Centre. When the arrived, they split directions as Colton headed to the dressing room and Mia to the lounge room.

"Colts!" Dion waved his hand up and called him over once he entered their practice arena's locker room. He was greeted by him and David Clarkson, whom he had also become good friends with over the past year.

"What's up?"

"Does Peter look like Jay, or is it just me?" the captain asked.

Colton glanced at both Jay McClement and Peter Holland who were standing beside each other while looking back at him. "Uhhh..I..wow, actually, yeah."

"See, I'm not blind!" Dion retorted. "Finally, after over a year, someone agrees with me."

"I still don't see it." Tyler shook his head, grinning as he joined the conversation while putting on his protective gear.

"Alright, everybody listen up," Randy came into the room, clapping once to get the attention of his players. "Get ready quickly and start on your five laps around the rink. Once you're done, meet me at center ice. Let's go!"

As the boys all walked down the halls and stepped out onto the ice, Colton glanced around at the fans that were entering to watch. He noticed Lana sitting beside Elisha, April and Brittany--Clarkson's wife--in the stands. Clarkie skated beside him and tapped the back of his leg.

"How's it going?" David asked him.

"Pretty good, you?" he replied.

"I'm alright. So I heard you're gonna pop the question with the doc." he grinned, jokingly bugging him about Mia.

"Jesus, how fast do things travel on this team?"

Clarkie laughed. "Bozie just told me last night. I'm sure no one else knows, and besides, they wouldn't spoil anything."

"I don't even know when I'm gonna do it, though." he chuckled, finishing the third lap and beginning the fourth.

"Well, tell me when you decide, man." he smiled.

-

Mia was settled in the team's lounge room with Scott and Jordan, discussing the newest prospects' skating abilities and physical testing results so far. It was her first season as the promoted assistant athletic therapist while also holding her role as a doctor. Papers and files were scattered on the long table along with tablets and a laptop with more information.

"Bollie's finger is getting better. It might even be fully healed before the first pre-season game next week." Mia spoke, referring to Dave Bolland who had sprained and almost broken his left thumb on the first day of camp.

"That's good news. We need to show Randy the results of the X-ray scan," Scott spoke, sipping his coffee and glancing down at the report in front of him.

Just then, Randy Carlyle entered the room smiling in his track suit along with the equipment manager Brian Papineau "Alright, time to go out there and test these kids."

Mia stood up from the leather sofa and began walking down the halls and out in the open behind the bench. She crossed one arm over her chest and played with her key chain with the other as she watched the players meet Randy at center ice.

"Morgan and Lilesy, Cody and Gards, Percy and T.J, and Gunnar with Phaneuf." he stated the defensemen pairings, including some of the prospects trying out. "You'll be doing backward snake bites for now. I want to see you doing quality backwards skating around the cones."

He continued listing the pairings of the forwards with different assigned drills. He called over Colton and Frazer to teach them some new fighting techniques. Mia sat down on the bench before Jordan took a seat beside her as well as they watched.

"Can I ask you something?" he asked her.

"Sure."

"I know you were never against fighting in hockey, but did it start bothering you more when you and Colts started dating?"

"It doesn't bother me." she shrugged. "I just find myself cringing every time he gets punched back, or taken down."

They heard Carlyle shout at his d-men, "Let's go, knees bent and chest up!"

"That makes sense." Jordan responded to her. "He's a tough guy. I could never do what he does."

"People underestimate him. He makes unnoticeable but smart passes, plays physical along the boards, and pretty much defends his boys like they're his babies." she chuckled a bit. "And after the Parros incident last year, I think people gained a lot of respect for him."

"Definitely," he agreed. "That was a chaotic game."

She sighed and glanced at some of the fans in the stands taking pictures. "I know. God, I remember him calling for help out there. It's great that you helped out."

"Yeah. Just glad he was okay after." he nodded.

After many drills and practices with the prospects and players, the boys went to the locker room. Mia changed back into her clothes and waited out in the hall for Colton. She viewed the text she had received from Elisha, asking if she wanted to go out with her, Lana, and Brittany to the bar.

"Hey," he smiled at her after he came out.

She glanced up and kissed him. "I'm going out with the girls to the bar for a bit, okay?"

"Girl's night out?" he smirked.

"Yeah, we need a break from you guys sometimes." she grinned before he pecked her lips again.

"I might take up on Frazer's offer to go to the Gravity Sound club tonight." he replied, brushing her hair behind her ear.

"Is it just you and him?" she asked curiously.

"Bozie, JvR, Cody, Kess, and Naz are coming too."

"Alright, well, don't drink too much." she went up on her toes closer to his face. "Love you."

He kissed her and said, "Love you too."

-

"Best music in town here." Tyler assured them with a wide smirk on his face.

All seven of them in their suits and spiked or sleeked back hair paid at the entrance and went inside. They were twenty minutes past the opening mark, so the place felt even more crowded. Lights with coloured mixtures of green, blue and purple were flashing in every direction.

Colton had been here twice before and was still familiar with the place. It was large and had 40 VIP booths, one of which they had booked. The nightclub's speakers were blasting and it was an incredible atmosphere, one that he had not experienced since he left his "hustlers-never-settle-down" attitude.

He pretty much only came with the boys because, well, his friends were going and there really was nothing else to do. The first pre-season game versus the Rangers was four days away, so this would basically be the last time before they'd be busy with practice and tired from all the workouts. Going to the bar after some games didn't take as much time as clubbing would on long breaks.

"Boz, jesus--sorry!" JvR apologized to two girls he had been pushed into by someone dancing. "Bozie, slow down!"

"Here we go, ladies," Bozie motioned them to the leather seated booth that fit all of them comfortably. He picked up the tag on the table for drinks. "'Reserved For Tyler Flowzak'," he grinned.

Cody sighed, "Of course you would."

He placed the tag back down and they left off onto the dancefloor. They ended up scattering apart in the crowd once in a while and found each other with drinks in their hands, dancing to the noisy DJ music.

"I can't hear myself!" Frazer shouted at Colton, expecting him to hear what he was saying.

"What!?" Colton called out.

"I can't---ah, nevermind." he laughed and shook his head.

They glanced over at Nazem who was already dancing next to a girl with blonde hair. Tyler and Phil were jumping to the beat along with everyone else, including Colton, Cody and Frazer. The ground felt like it was shaking and the walls were vibrating. When Avicii's 'Wake Me Up' song came on, the crowd went crazy.

"I don't know, man," Colton over-heard two guys speaking beside him on the lower tone of the song. One of them said, "I didn't know what I was thinking, giving up this single life to settle down forever. I would never want to be trapped like that."

Colton patted Frazer's shoulder and told him he'd be back. He headed off to the bar section at the front of the club and waited for the bartender who was filling someone else's order.

"What can I get you?" he asked.

"Another Molson Canadian, please." he requested. He paid and watched as the man poured it and placed it in front of him.

"Cheers." he held up his bottle forward and thanked him.

"I fucking love this song!" a girl near him shrieked at another who was dancing beside her.

She was shaking her body and jumping on her wedges to the techno music. She turned around and continued dancing, then opening her green eyes with dark eyeshadow. He looked away before it got awkward and sipped his beer, heading back to where he was before with Frazer.

He felt so energized in the building with all these strangers. Colton felt freedom, like he didn't have a chain pulling him back or handcuffs keeping him in one place. He was more at ease with dancing as the night progressed and enjoyed it even more.

"You seem to be having fun," a woman's voice made him glance to his side.

It was the same one from earlier, with her bright eyes and dark makeup. He stared down at her red and black dress that revealed her open cleavage. She carried a small purse wrapped around her, hanging by her right thigh. Her brown eyebrows were filled in and matched her long, brown, straight hair with side bangs.

"You could say so," he gave her a friendly smile.

"That's the whole point of this place." she grinned, still dancing in front of him, moving her body in a rhythmic motion. "You come, you have fun, you throw up, and then repeat."

He laughed and listened as the music transitioned into a different song. He then wondered if this strangely great-dancing and revealingly dressed girl knew who he was.

"So, are you here with your teammates?" she asked him, as if she knew what he was thinking.

"Yeah, I am." he answered, sipping his drink and also receiving his own inner question's answer.

She looked down at her own body as she swayed her hips. "I'm Taylor, by the way."

He gave her a slight nod when she looked up and smirked at him. She turned back around and in the middle of the way-too-overly-crowded club, she showed off her body with him behind her. He couldn't help but watch as her spine inched closer to his chest, her ass rubbing up against him. She reached her palm back to his face and pulled him closer and deeper into her neck. He grew completely unaware of the cameras that sneakingly flashed at them.

"I'm just curious, how old are you?" Colton said in her ear.

"Twenty two." she replied. "I always get asked for I.D because they think I'm underage."

"Yeah, you look young."

She turned her head to look at him and smiled seductively. He then added, "Well, I mean, you are."

She exhaled and waved her hand towards her face, trying to cool down. "I'm sweating."

"Yeah, it's pretty hot right now." he agreed, searching for the boys with his eyes. All he could see were bodies dancing and grinding, but he assumed they were either doing the same or sitting at the booth.

Taylor then said, "You know, my uncle owns this place. There's a few rooms upstairs and I could easily ask for a pass to one of them, if you wanna go relax."

He chugged down the rest of his fifth beer. "Sure, why not."

He managed to follow behind her in the crowd and watched as she chatted with one of the men standing by the stairs leading up to the other two floors of the club. She then glanced back at him, grabbed his hand, and they went up the stairs which had purple lights beaming in ovals for every step they took.

In the midst of his controlling, drunken mind, he still thought it was all harmless. He was just going to cool off with a girl he met in a sweaty club, no more, no less. They entered the room with a queen sized bed and balcony right outside in which she opened the glass doors to. He walked in a shaky line and stood next to her as they stared at the busy streets of Toronto at almost midnight.

She reached into her small side purse and pulled out a tin. She opened it to three joints already rolled up next to a lighter. "Want to?"

"Nah, I don't do that," he shook his head with a developing blurry vision.

She lit it up, inhaled, and exhaled towards the half moon. "You should text your boys, tell 'em where you are."

"Oh, shit, m'yeah, you're right." he grabbed his phone out of his dark dress pants.

He typed in a short message to Cody, the first one to come to his mind, and told him that he and the boys could go home without him.

You sure you're okay on your own tonight? He received a quick reply from Cody.

Colts where are you buddy? Tyler texted him right after.

He stretched his arms out and then replied to both of them with the same thing. dont worrry baout it

He shoved the phone back in his pocket after turning the volume on silent. Colton believed he had thought of everything and didn't need to text anyone else. He looked over at Taylor who blew smoke out in O's and smirked at him.

"Fuck it," he shrugged with a wild smile as he took the joint from her.

She taught him how to do it properly after he unsurprisingly coughed on the first try. "Inhale..slow and steady.."

He did as she said, holding it between his index finger and thumb. "Hold it to the count of five...and exhale."

He blew the remaining smoke out of his mouth after letting most of it enter his lungs. They continued sharing as it eventually grew shorter and shorter. Colton exhaled once more and then laughed.

"What?" she giggled, nudging him with her elbow against the railing of the balcony.

"I'm just--" he cleared his throat. "I'm just wondering what my coach would say."

She laughed. "Fuck it, remember?"

While the alcohol and the weed and the exhaustion in his body circled around him, he stared at her. He found her so sexy in the tight dress and smokey eyed look. Without even thinking about his future, he pushed his lips hungrily against hers.

Taylor wrapped her arms around his neck and kicked off her heels. She shut the glass door behind them and entered into the room. They twisted and twirled until they were half naked on the bed, removing the last bits of clothing off each other's bodies.