Forever

My brain began to function before my eyes did. The whole of my being felt heavy and tired so that I couldn’t even imagine trying to move. In general, I was comfortable, but my body seemed to be aching for something. As my nervous system kicked in, I became aware of familiar silk sheets around my body.

Finally, my eyes opened and the assault of light from three of the four walls in my bedroom blinded me. The light pink canopy over me did just shy of nothing to protect me. I rolled over with a little groan before yanking the comforter over my head. I was only still for a moment before I noticed I was merely in a pajama t-shirt and panties. This lack of attire gradually flooded my brain with memories of being in a similarly dressed situation where instead of a blanket, a boy had me pinned down. I remembered the hopelessness and my longing for Twitch…Oh god, Twitch.

I was also reminded of my savior. In retrospect, he sounded so much like my Twitchy, but I was too unsure due to my far away state at the time that I couldn’t base it off of anything solid. All I could visually recall was the dark colors of his body and the green of his eyes. I had nothing to judge against for that other than the black and red ones I had seen in my dream. Well, they did turn that same lovely shade of green…

Heart pounding, I sat up and swept the room with my vision hysterically, coming up empty. If it were Twitch, I’d assume that he’d have stayed with me and clearly he hadn’t so for the billionth time in my life, my heart began to sink. But I had spoken too soon. As I went to gaze out the window across from my bed, I was frozen solid when I saw a dark male figure watching me intently from the window seat. His knees were tucked up to his chest as his arms crossed tightly on top of them. The two-toned, moppy haired head attached to his slim frame was ducked down so that all that could be seen of his face were a pair of vivid and piercing green eyes. We stared at each other for God knows how long before his thin legs timidly slid off the cushion and into a straight position. Thus, he had uncovered his face to reveal the most unconventionally stunning entity that I’d ever seen. Each movement he made was calculated, and rightfully so, as not to scare me. He walked across my large room and ever so cautiously climbed to sit on my bed and face me. He crossed his legs and anxiously started to fiddle with a hole in his jeans that I knew all too well. We’d still failed to lose eye contact and my heartbeat sped up even more.

He was the first to speak. The tone of his voice was perfect and unlike any other. “Hey, babygirl...” A small smile followed and my breathing had become so forced that my chest began to move erratically in order to meet the needed intake of oxygen. Without warning for both of us, I raised my hand and slapped his face so hard that a mark formed right away as my palm burned. It recorded every curve of my tiny fingers against his cheek and I felt bad, but I couldn’t muster up any regret. After he’d slightly recovered, his head lifted back up to search my expression. He didn’t appear angry or hurt, but sad and understanding. Not surprisingly, given that it was me after all, tears surfaced on my waterline a second prior to the instinctive action to gasp and fling my arms around his neck. I’d never held someone so tightly in my life. He’d returned my embrace instantly, but did not respond with the same force, as though he thought he might break me. Yearning to be ever closer with him—the only man I’d ever love and my soul mate—I moved so that I straddled his lap. Unashamed, I inhaled his scent greedily and placed my hand on the back of his head, combing my fingers through it gently. It felt so good to touch him, and as much as I wanted it to be more than a hug, I was content in the simplistic circle of his arms.

I also had the great urge to pull away and stare at his flawlessness, but I refrained due to the warmth his body provided me with. However, the desire to see him again became too great after a while; as this had been the first time I’d actually had the privilege to do so. The second I’d separated us just enough, I was once again captivated by his astounding eyes. Their shape was a beautiful thing as well. They were large, almost curiously so, and drooped ever so slightly at the corners. I would’ve loved to draw him one day.

Perhaps it was the almost blank interest on his face that accentuated how sickly he looked. Of course, he may have naturally appeared ill, as do many, but it seemed like more of an acquired physical trait than genetic. I brought one hand to his cheek to gently soothe the red sting of his skin after running the pad of my thumb against the intense violet beneath his lower lids.

“I can’t believe it’s you. If it wasn’t for your voice, I’d have doubted,” I whispered. A pause followed as I contemplated whether or not to say what I was thinking. Before I knew it, the words had already escaped me. How could I ever keep anything from him? “And you’re so beautiful. Not in the model way, but rather…the imperfectly perfect way.” He laughed then and smiled goofily to show a set of crooked teeth. An instantaneous giggle bubbled from my mouth. “Just like that.”

It was so easy to talk to Twitch. My stomach was in knots at the sight of him, but I’d spent two whole years just speaking with him; it felt natural.

“You’re perfect in the perfect kind of way.” He words were serious, yet his face looked amused.

“I can’t decide if that was cheesy or not, but this whole situation is extremely surreal and I’m still not in it fully so I’ll just leave it as is.”

A silence overcame us again and his rough hands glided down my sides and onto my bare thighs before settling back at my hips. The movement notified me that I wasn’t wearing pants, and I instantly felt shy and slutty, for lack of terminology. I blushed and dropped my head, yet made no attempt to move.

“What is it, baby?” his soothing voice spoke. I shook my head and told him it was nothing, but he saw through my lie. He sought to take my mind off of whatever had plagued me. “I missed you…a lot.” A breathy laugh accompanied the last part of his sentence.

“I missed you, too.” My words were a mere whisper and I knew I had to ask, “Why did you leave me?”

His eyes widened before dropping somberly, never leaving mine. “I know you must have a thousand questions for me, Marilyn, but there are only so many answers I can give you. You have to understand that, okay, Princess?”

Dejected and a little angry, I bit my lip to fight back tears before, oddly enough, ripping my gaze from him like I couldn’t bear to see his face any longer. This, of course, was not true, yet I couldn’t say that I was pleased with him. How dare he disappear for years and just show up with zero explanation?

“Look at me, babygirl…Look at me,” he murmured and I did as he asked, my tears surfacing as I was once again caught in his eyes. “What we have is beautiful, but it’s not normal and you know that. This is because I’m not normal. I wasn’t lying when I told you that no one would understand us, or that there would never be any two people like us. I’ll tell you absolutely everything you need to know, but I will protect you from the rest because you are the most important thing to me and the last thing I want is for my problems to affect you.”

“But I don’t mind! I want to help you if something is wro—”

“And I am grateful, but you can’t. Please don’t ask me for answers you won’t wanna hear.”

“But—”

Out of nowhere, my body was thrown back and I thankfully collided with the abundance of pillows at the head of my bed. As I was experiencing this, I heard him snarl, “Goddamnit, Marilyn, I said no!”

Surprisingly enough, my tears seemed to have desiccated. I was shocked by his aggression, but I also remembered who I was talking to. This was just the first time I’d been able to physically understand his hostility; I was no stranger to his temper. He’d bolted to his feet and had his back to me, positioned a good distance away. The breath entering and escaping his lungs was heavy whilst his face was hidden by his hands. With caution, I crawled to sit at the edge of the circular mattress to wait for him to calm himself. I had the inclination to comfort him, but I chose against this for both of our well-beings. Not long after, my patience proved effective and he apologized in a low tone, “I’m sorry, this is not how this was supposed to go…I don’t really know what I expected, but it wasn’t this.”

He ran his hand through his hair in a careless manner, mussing up the already astray state even further before spinning gracefully on his heels and quickly stepping over to kneel in front of me so we were almost eye level, me being the one to look down upon him. I accepted his grasp warmly when he fumbled for my hands.

“I could tell you how regretful I am for many of my decisions, but I’m sure it would just become redundant as hell, so I really have only one thing I need to say because I’m far too nervous to try and hold an actual conversation with you,” His stare held sincerity as he stroked my knuckles. I was surprised that he felt anxiety over just communicating with me. Wasn’t he supposed to be the smooth one? “Well, at least until I clear this up, that is…Ah fuck,” he groaned and dropped his forehead to our hands in my lap. I sat idly as he collected himself and built up the courage to tell me what was on his mind. When he finally spilt his thoughts, I could tell he had decided to just say it rather than let the idea simmer. With pure adoration in his almost glowing orbs, he admitted the one thing I’d been waiting to hear for all my life, “Marilyn, I’m in love with you. I don’t think I’ve ever made that clear because I was too fucking stupid to see it. I’ve never loved a woman before and I believe I failed to understand the signals I was sending not only to you, but to myself as well. What I feel for you is not pet love or anything like that and it’s not just lust because fuck knows you are hot, but… I mean…when I think about you, it almost burns, how much I love you. I want to be with you and hold you and kiss you because I’ve never held so much of anything for anyone before. I’m rambling and I know I should shut up, but I know I owe you a million words for all I had taken away from you when I left.”

At that moment, I saw his eyes target my scarred forearms, particularly my wrists. The heartbreak read all over his face and it was then that I knew I had made the right decision in saving myself for his sake. Just seeing remnants of my pain clearly disturbed him and I was hit with remorse for that fact that he’d have to go through new discoveries of my healed wounds as time went by. I had many of them hid, but if we were to ever make love, as I so obsessively hoped, he’d be exposed to every single one. He’d just confessed his heart to me and he received a display of my weakness as response. Oh, how I wished I’d been strong for him! It was so foolish of me to mar my body. I should have waited for him instead of falling to such depressing lows.

My mouth opened to apologize to him, but froze as his soft lips kissed my scars ever so gently. “I know you’ve probably changed since we last were together, but I’ll love you ‘til the end of time. Hopefully, you can see past my flaws because I don’t deserve you…Just know that will never stop my need for you, despite how selfish it is.”

The icy coat that had held me still had thawed and I shakily lifted his chin so we were face to face. “As if I could ever look you in the eye and say I didn’t feel the same way.”

I led him to his feet by tugging lightly at our entwined hands. Nervousness radiated from both of us as that moment seemed to speak a thousand silent words. Awkwardly, as the movement wasn't particularly a graceful one to begin with, I scooted back in a way that would not cause the light pink comforter to bunch up. The farther I became, the lesser our grip was until we had entirely let go.

He didn't move as I settled against the pillows, waiting. I knew what I wanted and despite that we'd only been in each other’s conscious presence for a little while, I was one hundred percent ready. I tried to make that clear to him as he stared intently at me. My knee cocked up lightly because I was still a tad insecure about only being in panties and also because many of the beautiful women I'd seen in my mother's fashion magazines were in poses of that nature. I didn't know what to do with my arms, so I opted to propping myself up on my palms so I could watch him.

It was unbelievably cute how he grabbed at the end of his shirt like a child in deep thought. Goosebumps raised on my skin as his eyes ever so timidly scanned my body. He’d said he loved me, which almost numbed my heart in happiness, but it was at that moment that I knew he desired me as much as I did him. A mental war was evidently displayed on his face and I wanted nothing more for than for him to let go of his opposing thoughts and just do it.

"What are you thinking about, Twitchy?" His name on my lips felt amazing as I made a weak attempt to purr sexily. Luckily, he didn’t seem to notice as I crashed and burned.

"I don't know."

"Yes, you do. Stop fighting with yourself," I had no idea where my voice had come from, "and if you love me like you say you do, I want you to show me." Against my instant regret of being so overt with my sexual innuendo, I could see that it had an effect. He bit his lip with an almost pained expression.

"I can't...you— you are a minor still, I think… and I want to be a gentleman and respect you and your morals...yet all I really want do right now is touch you and that's dirty, but goddamnit you look amazing and I really wish you’d stop so I could think clearly and I do love you and I know how badly I have been wanting this but I—I...oh, fuck it."

He bit his lip once more before lifting up one ripped knee and placing it on the bed. Slowly, he crawled toward me and sat just off to my side so that his leg was almost on top of mine with how close he pressed himself against me. All the while, he had me locked in his hypnotic gaze. Every nerve in my body was aware of his hand as it came up to hold my cheek. A shaky breath sneaked past my lips as I leaned into it, relishing in his presence. Just the night before, I had burnt cupcakes over him, so stricken with grief that I couldn’t wake myself from it…but only a few hours later, there he was, hesitantly bringing his lips closer to mine as we both waited for what we knew was to come. What a coincidence.

He finally looked away to target my mouth. I did the same and shivered involuntarily when his tongue flicked out to wet his lips in a very…lizardly manner. I was not fazed by it or anything, it just intrigued me. If anything, it was actually a bit sexy. My mind instantly made a list of all the shameful things I’d like that tongue to do to me.

The thought made my cheeks burn red. Quite unfortunately, he sensed the shift in heat under his hand and grinned as the other settled against my waist. I giggled, embarrassed just before his lower lip brushed with my upper. The sensation caused my lids to flutter shut and my mouth to succumb to the small kisses he placed repeatedly upon it, each increasingly passionate.

What I did next felt pretty ironic. Without thought, I gently dropped my hand on his thigh, rubbing the familiar fabric in a circular motion before pushing my touch upward at a tantalizing pace. He had frozen completely as I did so, his breath heavy on my face. I watched how he squeezed his eyes shut in the slightest as my fingers inched closer to the destination of choice. What made it ironic to me is that all the times I had drawn little shapes on those same jeans, never had my young mind had the stinging desire to unbutton and unzip them as I did then. At that time, I doubted that I even knew to do that.

I just wanted to please him. Maybe it was because I figured he’d leave if I didn’t give him something, even though he’d just told me he genuinely loved me…or maybe it was because I just wanted to, which was an odd thought, given my naivety towards life in general. All I knew is that I needed him, and if that consisted of me servicing him with nothing in return, I would gladly do it, the act alone being a gift I suppose.

What was that called? A blow-something, I thought.

A blow-job? I didn’t know. Whatever it was and however one did it, I’d do it for him; that I was sure of.

I reveled in his reaction to my hand. His forehead had been resting against my own, so his breath tickled my lips as he let out a small moan when I massaged the very top of his thigh. Because I couldn’t wait any longer, I finally ghosted my fingers over the seam, feeling something hard under the fabric.

It was these moments that I really wished my parents had allowed me into the Sex Ed lessons.

Taking a deep breath, I palmed and rubbed him. The low groan he let out was so sexy. He buried his face in my shoulder instantaneously to muffle it a bit, but I wished he hadn’t. It was one of the loveliest sounds I’d ever heard in my whole life, if not the best. How long had he been wanting this, exactly? I thought.

To my displeasure, he grabbed my wrist and pulled it away so he could lace our fingers together. The hand he held on my face gently fell down my neck and down my body. His movements were shaky, however, as it grazed my chest. It didn’t take a genius to see that he had every desire to feel it, but I knew he wouldn’t without my permission. I fell more in love with him because of his sensitivity towards this, yet I just wanted him to go with his instincts because chances were that they were the same as mine.

His hand lay dormant just below my ribcage and I went to change that. “It’s okay, Twitchy. I want this, too. You are not taking advantage of me.” He had not said these words aloud, but I liked to think I knew him well enough after all this time to know that was what he thought. “I love you so much.” Placing mine over his, I led our hands down so that I could pull them under my shirt. As his skin made contact with my bare waist, his breath hitched. Torturously, I slid it up at a timid pace, just as outwardly nervous as he was. When his fingertips finally reached the underside of my breast, I shivered lightly. I was so, so ready.

He took control from there, lovingly finishing the distance and he just held his palm above it for a moment before beginning to caress my skin. I felt very self-conscious all of a suden. I knew he wanted me and I was sure he was attracted to my body, but what if I had underwhelmed him? My breasts weren’t alarmingly sized and under his strong, rough hand, it seemed far too small.

Yet, I was proven otherwise when his second hand let go of our grasp to quickly move it to the other. The jolt his hands sent through my veins was crippling. I leaned into him and was surprised by the low moan that escaped my throat. I think he was, too, as he gasped and began to kiss my neck. My eyes involuntarily fluttered shut as I held tightly to his heavily tattooed arms.

Oh Lord, how my mother would react if she saw that.

“Marilyn! My love, are you awake? We’re home!” How convenient; speak of the devil and he shall appear, I thought.

Twitch ripped himself away to lock his panicked gaze with my own. I analyzed my surroundings and pushed him off of my bed, whispering as I followed suit, “Quick! You’ve gotta hide!” His green eyes were wide as I shoved him backwards towards my walk-in closet. Apologizing, I twisted the knobs and violently pulled the doors open to put him inside. As I was about to shut it, I decided to snatch his shirt and yank him down to me instead. Our lips collided roughly as we were both fired up, making my family’s premature arrival at the absolute worst time possible.

“Marie? I hear you moving up there! We got you some presents!” my mother shouted again.

“One moment, Mother! I’ll be down soon!” I stared at him for only a second longer before huffing and going to change into something more presentable, given that I’ve never dressed frumpy in front of my parents before. Rather than trying to find a pajama set, I opted to rip off my shirt, practically ignoring the fact that Twitch was with me. Not that he wouldn’t see it all later anyway, but I was still the same girl with no self-esteem, sexual drive or not. It was when I turned, realizing that in my haste I had gone to the wrong drawer, that I noted I was quite as topless as they come. Twitch’s green eyes were enormous as they deliberately travelled from my exposed chest to my face. I loosened at his expression. I had no reason to be insecure around him. Just by looking, I could see that he was utterly in-love with everything about me, which was a mindboggling thought that made me feel butterflies in my stomach.

I smirked at him to which he painfully bit his bottom lip. I strutted past him, basking in his appreciation and proceeded to bend over as attractively as my childish self could to pick out a night gown from my sleepwear section. I settled for a light pink one and spun to face him so that it twirled, something I always did with dresses, only to find his small smile dropped as he saw what I had put on. His eyes clouded with an alarming mix of sadness and horror and I only froze under his scrutiny. I would have to ask him about it later.

Just then a knock broke the silence between us. “Honey, are you decent?”

I gasped at my father’s voice. “No, just give me a second.” I called back before dropping my voice and placing my tiny hands on Twitch’s chest. “You’ll be here when I get back right? You’ll stay?”

“Yes.”

“You promise?” I questioned desperately whilst holding my pinky out toward him.

He responded with a dead smile and latched his finger with mine. “I promise.” He kissed our pinkies.

In case he left me again, I leaned back in to press my lips to his softly. I’d never get used to that, but I hoped he’d allow me the chance to, unlike he had before. The negativity radiating from his body was unsettling. I pulled away and left the closet, closing it gently behind me before letting my parents in.

“Hello, sweetheart! Our team lost the first game unfortunately, so we got to come home early.” My mother wrapped me in a tight hug to which I returned obediently. “Guess what we got you?” I did not guess. “New clothes! I knew how you wanted that blue dress, so I made your father stay with Lucas as I went and bought it for you.”

“Thanks, Mother.” I pecked her cheek as my father brought two large bags out from behind his back.

“Clearly, I couldn’t stop there either. It’s surprising how lovely some of these offbeat little stores are. I wanted to buy every single thing they had in your size, I swear it.” I reciprocated her grin. “Let’s take a look.”

My father winked at me before silently sneaking out as Mom animatedly started her review of inventory. I really was quite pleased with what she purchased, however. It was unusual that she failed to get me something I didn’t adore. No matter, I kept thinking about the man in my closet. I just wanted to go back in there and make sure he was okay. Something was terribly wrong.

“Let’s put them away. I’ll help you organize.” Mom clapped her hands before picking up one of the five piles she had made and nearly skipping to my closet.

I panicked. “No!”

She turned sharply and frowned. “What’s the matter?”

“Just…you can’t go in there. I’ll do it.”

“Baby, what could you possibly be hiding in there that I would not be allowed to see?”

A boy “It’s—It’s uh…dirty.”

“Nonsense! Marilyn, you know I don’t care what state you keep your room in, so long as you’re comfortable.” With that, she opened one of the doors and I was convinced she’d sealed my fate…That is until she made me aware of her confusion, causing me to open my eyes in which I had shut when I braced for impact. “My child, there is a single shirt on the ground. How in the world would you consider this dirty?”

My heart stopped and started a few times over.

He was gone…again?

“Relax, babydoll. I’m here,” the ever recognizable echo of his voice rang out within my skull, startling me. “I didn’t mean to scare you. I just figured it’d be best if I wasn’t hanging out when your mom came by, y’know?”

I could’ve cried. “Yes, I know.” I made sure he could hear the smile in my responsive thought.

“Marilyn, are you all right?” my mom interrupted.

“Uh, yes. I’m just very tired.”

“Oh…Well then I’ll do this fast and leave you be.”

She did as she said prior to feeling my temperature with the back of her hand. She left puzzled.

I flopped down on my bed and waited a long moment to see if I could hear him; I couldn’t.

“Twitch, are you still here?”

“Yeah, baby. I’ll be here.”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

“How did you do that?”

“What, get inside your head? Same way as I always did.”

“You really aren’t going to tell me anything, are you?”

“Nope.”

“Can you tell me one thing, though?”

“I can try.”

“Are you still able to be in my dreams?”

I heard a smile in his voice as he replied, “I sure am.”

“So if I go to sleep now, you’ll be there?”

“Yes, babygirl."

"Can you do it now?"

"I can. Go to sleep, angel.”

One thing I was able to do very well was to fall asleep on command. I’d spent two full years constantly wanting to dream so I could be with him, perfecting the art of knocking out as soon as my head hit the pillow. After he had left, grief had fueled me to stay awake, but the ability still lingered when I was able to kick the insomnia.

That’s why I was confused as to why I still hadn’t fallen asleep after a good five minutes. Perhaps it was my excitement, or even Twitch’s, as I could feel his as well. It was obvious that he just wanted to talk to me but had to stay quiet and that stressed him out.

“Twitchy, I can’t do it.”

“All right, give me a second.” True to his word, only a blink later, I heard my closet door open and I eagerly trained my eyes on him as he grinned cheekily, all traces of previous discomfort vanished into thin air.

“I’m never going to figure you out, am I?” He only shook his head and winked in response. Taking a step forward, he got caught on the single t-shirt I had left on the ground and fell forward with a deafening thump. A pillow was shoved into my face to stifle my laughter. He looked up at me with his lips pressed tightly together before a chuckle slipped past so and he put his hands over his face and plopped on his back.

“Marie, you okay?” Lucas shouted.

“Yeah, just tripped! I’m fine!”

Twitch let out a pretty loud laugh at that and rolled over on to his side before silencing himself with his fist.

“Okay…Well if you need anything, let me know, weirdo!” Lucas replied playfully.

I jumped out of my bed and ran to my door to open it wide and blow the biggest raspberry possible so that he could hear it.

“Children! Cut that foolishness out!” Mother snapped and I giggled before shutting the door and sprinting on my tip toes to Twitch, who was still on the floor. I wrapped him in my arms and held him tightly until we both calmed down; never in my life had I been so utterly happy.

When I was sure there was no more laughter in me, I murmured, gazing down at him and stroking his head, “You’re my very best friend and I’m so happy you came home to me.”

“I could never stay away, Marie-baby. I have a feeling that I knew from the second I left that I’d come back one day.” I kissed him once. “You are the fucking light of my life.” He grabbed my hand on his cheek. “Let’s get you to sleep, then, Princess.”

I squealed a tiny bit as he picked me up effortlessly and placed me on the bed, having to nudge the canopy away with his shoulder. No words were spoken as he lay down beside me and pulled me into his arms. I really was content. Soon enough, his fingers combing through my hair was enough to lull me into slumber.



When I opened my eyes, I was assaulted by the beautiful sight of our field, green and colorful with life. The flowers scattered about were healthier than they had been in years and their fragrance once again strong. I inhaled deeply and smiled as I realized fingers were running in blonde hair yet. I flipped my body around to find him beaming at me. How was I so lucky?

I settled crossed-legged in front of him, taking in the fact that this was the first time I’ve ever gotten to face him in my dreams. Blood rushed to my cheeks and my lips curved up sheepishly. His inked hand came up to brush my platinum blonde hair out of my face as he breathed, “You really are beautiful.”

I grinned wider in appreciation and pressed my lips to his again. I wished that I could’ve kissed him forever. “And you’re a blessing.”

“Not even close.” He scrunched up his nose before wiggling his eyebrows. “To be a blessing you have to be holy, and the things I would do to you…Absolutely devilish.” He put emphasis on the last word by shaking his head obnoxiously before biting his lip in the dorkiest way and winking just as ridiculously.

“You’re right. You are a fiend.”

“But you love it.”

“Yes, I do.”

We stared at each other in an almost mesmerized state. I was flooded with memories and asked him after a long while, “Do you remember how we used to make flower chains all the time?” He nodded with a smile. “You know what I find funny about that, though? I completely—”

“-hated daisies but you always used them because they were the easiest to tie up,” he finished my sentence precisely the way I would have.

“How did you remember that?”

“I don’t forget much when it comes to you.”

“I still hate them, you know.” I plucked one of the wretched flowers from the grass beside us and twirled it in my fingers.

“I don’t like them either. They smell gross.” He picked one as well and held it to his nose. I giggled at his instant scowl. “They smell like…” he paused with his lips pursed, contemplating, “butt.”

I burst into laughter. “Butt?”

“Yeah, like dog-butt.”

“How do you know what dog-butt smells like, Twitchy?”

“I don’t know. I made a wild guess. Maybe cat-butt.” The look on his face was precious; it was as if he was genuinely considering this topic seriously.

“What is wrong with you?” I placed my hand on his knee and bent over laughing.

“Why are you laughing at me, girl? You know it’s true. Smell this shit.” He shoved the white flower into my face. Surely enough, it was as stinky as ever. “Why the hell are these even here if we both hate them?”

“Because they are good for chains.”

“Oh, yeah…” he grabbed the one from my hand and began to knot the stem with his. “Look, we are now forever bound by dog-butt flowers. Wow, I’m so romantic, goddamn.”

“So charming,” I choked on another giggle.

He chomped his teeth at me before picking more flowers from the patches around us. “Damn all of these daisies. They are everywhere. They need to go.” Just like that, they all disappeared. “Great, that’s better.” The sly smile on his face was enough to push me over the edge with laughter. “I don’t understand what you are laughing about. I just eliminated the most annoying flower ever. Take a whiff of the air now. No dog-butts.”

“I’m just so happy.” I gave him a content grin.

He stopped fooling around for a moment and mirrored me, “Me too, baby…Now, why don’t you pick out all your favorite flowers and we’ll figure out how to make a good chain. Fuck the daisies.”

I nodded, still glowing. I handed each to him as I plucked them from the earth and he tied them onto each other. He even tied in the two daisies, but made it so they were almost hidden under the prettier field flowers. I helped a bit and began to make my own portion.

“Shit, this is hard. The stems keep breaking.” He threw down a ruined dandelion exasperatedly.

“You have such a potty mouth, Twitch. It is hilarious.”

“You don’t even know. It was so hard for me not to swear when you were younger…Wait, you don’t mind anymore, do you?”

“No, it’s fine.” I gave him a reassuring pat to the leg and he sighed in relief.

Soon, we attached our two separate chains. I tied them together again to make a circle before placing it on his head.

“Look at you, so pretty.”

“Really? You think so?” he posed dramatically. I giggled for the hundredth time and he joined me after a second of modeling our creation. “It’d look better on you.” He eased the crown onto my head with an overly stunned expression. I snickered when he crossed his eyes goofily. “I am dumbstruck.”

“You are such a dork. What am I going to do with you?”

“Kiss me.” He said theatrically.

“Not with your eyes like that, you weirdo,” I shot back.

“Aw, why not? Don’t you love me anyway?”

“You’re right; I’m so attracted to you right now. I love not knowing which eye to look into. It leaves mystery in our relationship.”

“Are you asking me out?” He deadpanned.

“What?” Suddenly, he kissed me hard. He was so playful today, I was actually surprised. When he pulled away I told him so. “I’ve never known you to be so silly.”

“I’ve never really been so silly. This is honestly the first time that I’ve got to interact with someone like this in a long time. I obviously don’t have friends and it was hard to joke with you when I couldn’t even look at your face before. I’m serious when I say I’ve never been this…I don’t know…joyous in my whole damn life.”

He connected our lips once again, this time more passionately than before. I pulled us apart again and nervously asked, “Does this mean I can call you my boyfriend?”

He blinked a few times and stared at me. “Yeah, I suppose it does…Huh,” he grinned, “I’ve never been someone’s boyfriend before.”

“I’ve never been someone’s girlfriend, so we’re even, I guess.” I felt giddy, almost to the point that I felt a bit sick. “This is so strange, isn’t it?”

“Kinda, but I’m glad with our conclusion,” he said matter-of-factly with a nod.

“Thank you,” I whispered after I pulled him into my arms.

“For what, my angel?”

“Everything…Loving me, saving me last night…I mean, you took what could have been one of the most traumatizing experiences of my life and turned it around, making me almost forget it even happened. I don’t know what you did to those boys, but I have never loved you more, Twitch. You are everything to me.”

He kissed me once, but his eyes darkened almost immediately after. “They’ll never touch you again. I made sure of that.”

“Do I even want to know? As long as you didn’t kill them, I suppose.”

He didn’t respond, but I didn’t take it as an unspoken confession to murder. “How long has it been going on?”

Here it comes, I thought. I knew he would be furious as to what I was about to tell him. I greatly wish the topic could’ve been postponed. I just wanted to enjoy our reunion. Everything had been so fun and lighthearted before. This confession would ruin all that. “Well, ever since I moved here I guess,” he took a deep breath, “which was several years ago. I had friends at first, but I lost them all when the boys began to notice me.”

“What did they do to you, Marilyn?” his almost growled through his teeth and it scared me in just the slightest.

“They like to touch me and talk dirty; that’s all, Twitchy. Please don’t get upset.” His eyes bore into mine and I began to cry at his intensity and feared that he was angry with me. “I’m sorry, please, I didn’t want them to, I swear. I told them I loved someone else but they didn’t care.”

“Why are you apologizing? Never in a million-fucking-years would this be your fault! I’m pissed at them because they are sick fucks and I am pissed at myself because I should’ve been there to protect you from them.” He dropped his forehead to my shoulder. “I’m the one who is sorry. They’ll never touch you again, I mean it.”

I knew I needed to tell him about Charlie, and while it might’ve been the worst time, it could’ve also been the best time as I was already coming clean about the years without him. I blurted it out after a few minutes of me sniffling and holding him as he simmered down. “I kissed someone else last night.”

In a flash, his head popped up to cut his eyes at me. “What?”

“His name is Charlie,” Twitch froze, “and he goes to my school. I agreed to go on a date with him because I was very heartbroken and I thought it would—would hurt you if you found out. I wanted you to hurt. I had a dream about you, and I’m sure it was all my mind playing tricks on me because you had these…terrifying black eyes. I thought you were with me when I woke up and then you left again but I know it was all fake because you—you are so sweet to me and so beautiful and I just know that wasn’t you. You wouldn’t do that to me. I acted stupidly. Charlie is a nice boy, but he’s not you; he’ll never be you. I love you, Twitchy.”

He wouldn’t look at me and it tore me apart. We hadn’t been together for around six years and the love of my life was so disgusted by me that he couldn’t even meet my eyes. The look on his face was unreadable. It appeared as pain, but also guilt and I didn’t understand why.

“Are you mad at me? Please don’t be. I was foolish—”

“I’m not mad at you, babygirl. I’ve been unfaithful as well. Actually, a single kiss has nothing on what I’ve done.” My heart dropped. “I kissed a woman the other night as well and that’s probably the most innocent thing I’ve committed since I left you.” I couldn’t breathe. I knew he would go off and do something like this, but that didn’t make hearing it any less excruciating. “I slept with a different woman almost every night…I know it’s a horrible excuse but I was only trying to numb myself because I missed you—”

I shoved him away and stood up then. “Because you missed me, you piece of shit?!” I cried. “You shouldn’t have left in the first place!” he looked to his scuffed Converse. “And here I was ashamed that I kissed a boy. God, I wish I’d fucked him, too!”

Twitch bolted up, “Marilyn—”

“No! Just shut up! How dare you try and victimize yourself about this! If you’d have stayed and just waited a few years I would’ve given myself to you and you would’ve never broken my heart! How could you betray me again?!”

Everything around us darkened several shades as the sky festered. “I’m so sorry,” he whimpered.

“Don’t even speak. I don’t want to hear it. I don’t even care that you slept with all those women…not really. It’s just that you tried to use your pain to justify it. If it had been my way, you’d have never even gone at all. You brought it upon yourself.”

“You think I don’t know that?” he snarled, gaining back some of his usual bite.

“I’m not sure you do if you’re actually standing here and trying to defend yourself right now.”

He growled, “You don’t have any idea what you’re talking about.”

“Ha!” I laughed. “As if! I was checked into psych wards fifteen times in one year for trying to kill myself because you made me love you and then disappeared. I was popping pills with the idea to overdose while you were messing around to get your poor, dejected dick wet!” I mocked.

“I wanted to die, Marilyn. Believe me, I wanted to kill myself, too.” His voice was low and threatening. I had clearly struck a nerve.

I wasn’t fazed though, but I regretted my next words before they even left my mouth, “So why didn’t you?”

The expression on his face ripped me to pieces. I felt my heart in my throat as his features contorted in anguish before it shifted to pure wrath. Angry tears were forming in his eyes when he suddenly screamed, “Why didn’t I? Why the fuck didn’t I?” I stood my ground as he stepped closer to me. “Because I can’t! Did you know that? Did you know that I can’t die? Do you wanna see me fucking try?!” At that point, I my outrage had begun to suffocate under the weight of his. I opened my mouth, but I didn’t know what to say to him. It’s not like I had time to say anything anyway before he pulled a knife out from god knows where and instantly slashed his arm with it. I screamed at the deepness and the amount of blood that shot out but was silenced when the cut healed almost as quickly as it had come. I could only watch in horror as he violently repeated the act consecutively a few more times. "Does that fucking satisfy you?" I just stared more, covering my mouth with my hand. “I jumped out of a goddamn fourteen story window because even though I knew I'd live, I also knew I would still have to feel every single bone in my body break before they painfully snapped back one by one.”

“W-why would you do that to yourself?” I was petrified and disturbed by his statement. There wasn’t a single angry nerve in my entire system.

Tears rained down his face as he responded and dropped the now bloody dagger, “Because I deserved it after what I did to you. I am the most resentful person you will ever meet and out of all the bastards I know, the fact that I hate myself more than all of them combined means a hell of a lot. I don’t pity myself; I’m not trying to be a victim. I despise myself and I am so fucking sorry I fell in love you because I will let you down and I will make you hurt. You are perhaps the most unfortunate thing to ever live. I really wish I could kill myself to save you, Marilyn. If I had the ability, I’d blow my brains out. Then you could move on and marry that Charlie fucker and live life like a normal woman. But I can’t and I’m too goddamn selfish to try and stay away from you any longer because I’m so fucking obsessed with you.” His voice had died down considerably toward the end of his speech. He watched me for a moment and I him before he yanked the sleeves of his zip-up, black hoodie down from his elbows so he could press them against his face to wipe away the wetness. “And I told myself I wouldn’t cry in front of you. How much more can I fuck up?”

At that, I walked up to him and pulled his hands from his bloodshot eyes. My arms wrapped around his neck and I had to get up on my tip-toes; he reciprocated and lifted me just enough so that he held most of my weight to help me reach him. “Don’t feel bad about crying around me. I don’t think you are weak or that you’ve lost any dignity over it. I don’t know what has happened to you or why and I don’t need to know…but I can see that you’ve been strong for far too long. You’re allowed to break, my love.”

He kissed the top of my head, “Please don’t be mad at me. I make a lot of mistakes, but I don’t do them to hurt you.”

“I know…Gosh, today has been one huge emotional rollercoaster, hasn’t it?” He nodded. “I’ve come to the conclusion that as long as you don’t hurt yourself anymore, I don’t need to know anything. I just need you and I want you to be happy…like we were today, okay? I’ll stop asking questions. Let’s just start over. We know all that we need to know right now and I think we deserve some peace after all this time. We can go lay and count the stars and tell stories and go dip our feet in the water…We can do absolutely anything. I just want to enjoy this; I don’t want to fight with you or have any dark clouds hanging over us. We’re a couple now we should celebrate. We're together. The past is the past and you’re with me now and that’s what matters most.”

“I really love you a lot.”

“I love you, too.” I kissed his chest before laying my ear against it, once again searching for a heartbeat. Still nothing. He truly was something otherworldly, wasn’t he?