You Never Really Can Fix a Heart

It’s been a week since I remembered everything that transpired with me and that druggie rapist and since Zack told me that I am now working for him. We leave for tour in three days. To say I am scared is an understatement. I’m not scared of the job, because I love what I do. Taking pictures is one of my favorite things to do. Photography and dancing is my therapy, it helps me clear my head and forget all of my problems. But I’m going to be on a bus with Alex for three months, we’ve barely started dating, this can’t be a healthy decision for us. Yeah he’s been living at my house but we have a lot of space and I still go to work and he still does he own thing. Now we are going to be in small quarters where I am working for him so we are stuck with each other all day every day for three whole months. What if we can’t handle the pressure? I don’t think I could bear to lose him. Plus I’ve heard stories from the guys about how crazy tour gets, what if Alex forgets that he has a girlfriend and goes off and fucks some bar skank? Everyone has helped calm my nerves though, especially Alex. He promises that he wouldn’t hurt me and swears that this tour will be like one big vacation for us. I just hope they are right.

But today is all about Rae since it is her twenty-first birthday and this is going to be the biggest birthday bash ever. She’s had the idea for her twenty-first birthday since we were sixteen. It took us about three months to actually plan this whole thing though. Finding the right venue, finding the right caterer and what food to serve, then the decorations then it took us forever to find our outfits. I swear it was like planning a wedding, but I know that her wedding will be much more stressful than this. Rae envisioned this whole masquerade themed party and it’s going to be so amazing. All the girls will be wearing gorgeous dresses and the guys in their tuxes and everyone in masks. We’ve been counting down the days until this party, each day we grew more and more excited.

I got out of bed, trying not to disturb Alex who was peacefully sleeping, but ended up waking up the dogs. “Shh.” I told them as I pressed my index finger to my lips. Max laid back down and went back to sleep while Tarzan hopped off the bed and followed me. I grabbed the box that was on my dresser before leaving my bedroom and walking down the hall to Rae’s room. Usually I would be scared to walk into her room first thing in the morning, but I know that Jack went home last night. I walked in and jumped on her bed. “Happy Birthday bitch!” I shouted.

“Ahh!” she screamed as she fell off her bed with a huge thud. Tarzan and Finn started barking at me for making her fall. “Ow! Do you really have to scream in my ear every damn year?” she asked, getting up off the floor and rubbed her butt.

“For the same reason we still put balloons in Zack’s room and he hates it with a bloody passion.” I said nonchalantly and shrugged.

“What’s with the box? We don’t do presents until after breakfast.” She asked nodding toward the box in my hand.

“I know this one is from your mom. It came in the mail yesterday but she called and told me to wait and give it to you first thing this morning.” I explained as I handed her the box. Rae doesn’t have a good relationship with her parents. Her dad is a world famous surgeon so he was hardly ever at home. Her mom is a fashion designer who travels a lot. Rae and her younger sister, Scarlett, were raised by nannies most of her life. When she turned sixteen she started working in this bakery, she didn’t have to because her parents threw money at her to compensate for always being gone. But she got so tired of always being at home alone that she got a job. At first she just worked at the register, selling the pastries. It wasn’t for another year that she discovered her passion for baking. When Rae turned eighteen the owner promoted her to a baker. Lately she’s been struggling with the decision to open her own bakery; she’s scared that she’ll fail. She’s always afraid of failing. Not long after she started working at the bakery, Scarlett ran away from home. She was only fourteen, but she was fed up with her life. She went to live with their Aunt and Uncle. Rae blamed herself for not being a better big sister and being there for Scarlett. She felt like she failed her sister, but I kept telling her that their parents failed them both. After that Rae moved in with me, which made her parents over compensate more. Ever since though, Rae has done everything in her power to make things up to Scarlett.

“Where is she this time?” she asked sadly. It broke my heart that she will never have the relationship with her mom that I do.

“She’s in Paris until the end of the month.” I sighed.

She just nodded and opened the box. She gasped when she took out the diamond tiara. “Oh my god, it’s stunning.”

“Hey, no gifts until after breakfast!” Zack whined as he walked into the room.

“It’s from her mom!” I defended myself. “Do you really think I could afford a tiara that costs six thousand dollars?”

“How exactly did you know that?” Rae questioned.

“Because I am the one who picked it out.” I shrugged. “She called me a few days ago and asked what you would be wearing to the party so I sent her a picture and she sent me different tiaras and asked which one would you like the most.”

“At least it was her idea this year.” She sighed. Usually her mom and dad send me or my mom, sometimes even Carla, money and ask us to get Rae a present.

“Don’t be sad, we have a huge day ahead of us.” Zack hugged her. Rae squealed and started to jump up and down, I guess it finally sunk in that this was her big day.

“This is going to be the most epic day ever!” Rae squealed then ran to her closet to find something to wear.

When I went back to my room, Alex was still fast asleep on my bed, but now Max and Sebastian were curled up next to him. It was the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. I quietly went to my closet and pulled out a pair of jeans and an off the shoulder shirt. Once I was dressed I pulled out a pair of heels. I really wasn’t in the mood to do a lot of makeup since I would be washing it off later when I get ready for the party. So I just put on some eyeliner and put on my glasses instead of putting in my contacts. I saw Alex stir in the bed. I wasn’t sure if I should wake him or leave him asleep. It wasn’t until Rae came and knocked on my door to ask if Alex was coming along with us that I decided to wake him up.

“What time is it?” he groaned as he rolled over on to his back.

“Five thirty in the morning.” I told him causing him to groan again and cover his face.

“Why are you waking me up so damn early?” he whined and I laughed.

“It’s Rae’s birthday and she wants to know if you want to join our tradition festivities before the big party tonight.” I told him.

“What can we possibly do this early in the fucking morning? Sleep that’s what!” he grumbled.

“We have to get to the train station, we’re going to New York.” I said as I rubbed his back.

“But we’re going there tonight for the party.” And now he’s back to whining. I just laugh at his childish ways.

“I know we are, but we always go to New York for Rae’s birthday and it’s always this fucking early. So you can either get up and join us or stay here and wait for this afternoon.” I instructed him. “There will be food and coffee.”

“What about the dogs?” he asked opening one eye. I love how concerned he is about the dogs, shows me that he does have a compassionate side that I never thought he had.

“My mom is picking them up in a couple hours. Baz will go with her right?” I just realized that Baz doesn’t know my mom so possibly won’t go with her. I’ve never had to worry about that with our dogs.

“He’s pretty friendly, as long as he sees the other dogs going he will want to go.” He shrugged. “How long do I have to get ready?”

“We leave in fifteen minutes.” I said happily.

“So you made sure that everything was delivered to the hotel?” Rae asked one more time as we were preparing to leave the house.

“Yes, our dresses and the boy’s tuxes were delivered to the Plaza. Just breathe, I’ve planned everything out perfectly for you.” I reassured her.

Jack and Cassie met us at the train station and were just as tired as Alex. Zack has been used to this so it doesn’t really seem to faze him much. Both boys and Cassie fell asleep on the train to New York and we got plenty of pictures to tease them with. Once we were in safely in New York we had a limo waiting for us. “So why didn’t we just take the limo to New York?” Jack asked curiously once we were on our way to our destination.

“Because we started this particular tradition when we were thirteen. We ditched school that year and hopped on the train to come here. We got into so much trouble when we got home, but the next year our parents just didn’t care. So we just kept up the tradition with taking the train here but it grew to instead of walking or taking a cab we got a limo. Curiosity of Rae’s parents of course.” I explained.

“Your parents just let you all go to New York on the train all alone?” Alex questioned.

“Pretty much.” Rae shrugged. “My parents were hardly ever home so it wasn’t like they could tell me not to. I think the only one that had set rules was Zack.”

Alex looked at us skeptically; he still had a lot to learn about us. Jack looked at me and Rae and sighed. He’s always felt bad for us because he had the good family and we really didn’t. “I thought you said you had a good family?” Alex asked me.

I took a deep breath before answering. “I said I had a decent family, there’s a difference. You see me, Briana and Liam all have different dads, mine and Leo’s dad was the only one my mom actually got married to and he split when I was seven. We had to live with my grandma for a while until my mom got enough money to have a house. In that time Liam left and went to live with his dad and Briana stayed because she didn’t have a good relationship with her dad. When I turned eight we moved Towson. That’s when I met Zack who lived across the street from me. My mom worked her ass off to give us a good life and even harder when Leo got sick. So she was always working and it was hard to feel like we had a mom. Carla became our second mom and helped us all through a lot of tough situations.”

“Wow, that’s heavy.” Alex said as he grabbed ahold of my hand and squeezed it. “It still feels like you’re keeping something.”

“You met my sister, Scarlett.” Rae spoke up trying to give me time to tell the rest of my story. “She’s two years younger than me and there were times that I took her for granted. I was caught up in my own life to realize that she had been neglected to. It wasn’t until she ran away that I was faced with my reality. I didn’t know why she ran away, I just thought it was because she was as sick of being home alone and being raised my nannies as I was. But I was so wrong. She had gotten into drugs and the wrong crowd; she was attacked by some asshole because she didn’t pay up. She was lucky enough too had been in sports and karate and all the shit our parents made us do and was able to defend herself, but she was still beat up pretty badly. She wanted help and she went to our aunt. I’ve spent every day since then trying to be a better sister.”

“You are a great sister, Rae.” Cassie told Rae as she rubbed her shoulder.

“Thanks.” Rae said with a sad smile.

It was quiet after Rae’s story. Alex was letting it sink in and everyone else really didn’t know what to say. We’ve all dealt with that long ago so we really didn’t need to say anything. I finally broke the silence after what felt like an eternity. “I know you’ve wondered about why Briana still lives at home with our mom.” Alex looked up at me with a confused look on his face once again. “I know I’ve said it’s because my mom helps with Izzy and Briana feels bad about my mom being alone, but it’s a lot deeper than that. I have a ten year old sister and eight year old brother. You see my dad had another family when he left us and when I was seventeen a police officer came to our door with these two scared little kids and asked my mom to take them. My dad and his wife were killed in a car accident they had no family and found our address at their house. My mom took them in and treated them as her own all because of me and Leo. I felt like it was my fault that she had to work extra hard, Leo felt the same way all the way until he died. But I was the one who moved out and Briana decided to move back home to help my mom. My mom told me to move out and live my dreams that she never felt obligated to take in Ryleigh and Johnny and never blamed any of her kids for working as much as she did. She didn’t want Briana to move back home either but eventually gave in after Izzy was born.”

“Don’t feel bad; Ryleigh and Johnny are awesome kids.” Jack spoke up. He’s spent time with them a couple times.

“Why is that such a big secret though?” Alex asked curiously.

“Because my family is so screwed up. When people found out that we all had different dads and my mom was raising my dad’s kids I became the talk of school. It fueled the fire for the bullying I went through. It was hell and I hated it. Everyone thought I would have kids by now since Briana got pregnant at eighteen, Liam got Savannah pregnant when she was seventeen and he was nineteen. Hell I would have a baby by now but things happen.” I ranted as I tried not to cry, I’m still didn’t tell him the full story, but I’m scared to tell him.

“Shh.” Alex whispered as he pulled me to him. “You’re a strong person so don’t make yourself sick of this. It’s a happy day so no more emotional conversation.”

“Looks like we’re here! So no more family drama, no more tears, it’s time to party!” Rae cheered.

“Where exactly is here?” Jack asked as we all got out of the limo.

“Tiffany’s?” Cassie said looking up at the building in front of us.

“Breakfast at Tiffany’s was my favorite movie growing up. Even though I had all the money in the world at my disposal to buy whatever I wanted from here, I always wished I could just be that poor girl who only could sit in front of Tiffany’s and eat breakfast while looking at all the pretty things inside. People think that money equal happiness and that’s the furthest thing from the truth. I’m filthy rich and I would trade all the money to have parents who are at home every single night to say goodnight to.” Rae explained the significance of this phase of her birthday.

“So we’ve been coming here since we were thirteen. We go to the café across the street and get coffee or hot chocolate and some sort of pastry and come back here and sit in front of Tiffany’s and just talk. Then we give Rae her presents and go onto phase two.” I explained further.

We all walked across the street and ordered our drinks and food before walking back across the street to Tiffany’s. Once conversation started Jack started making jokes and it started to feel like a good day. All of us laughing and being here together felt right. I just wish Leo could be here with us. We sat there for about an hour or so talking about so many things before Rae finally got impatient and wanted her presents. “Well I’m going last because I know mine is the best.” I said smugly.

“You are so full of yourself.” Zack rolled his eyes. “I guess I will go first.”

I took out two boxes out of my purse and handed them to Rae. She opened the smaller of the two first to reveal a gold charm bracelet that was full of seashells and starfish. Rae has a pretty extensive collection of starfish and seashell jewelry; she loves everything about the ocean and the beach. Hence why she dyed her hair bright red and loves the Little Mermaid. “Oh wow, it’s beautiful. Thanks.” She told Zack as she stared at the bracelet in awe.

“You’re welcome.” He smiled. “Open the other one; I’m sure you’re going to love it.”

She eyed him suspiciously before opening the other box. I couldn’t help but laugh before she even opened the box all the way because I knew what it was already. I was with Zack the day he got it, it’s supposed to be a joke but I doubt she’ll take it that way. Once she saw the gold necklace and read what it said she laughed. “Hell yeah I am a mermaid and don’t any of you forget it.” she joked. The necklace was shell shaped and had “I’m really a mermaid” engraved on it. It was perfect for her.

“Me next!” Cassie squealed. “Okay so I don’t exactly have your present with me, I had it delivered to the hotel since I didn’t want to carry two big boxes around with me. But I do have pictures! She held out her phone to Rae to take a look. The first was a cute dress that had a Minnie Mouse bow embroidered on the bodice since she is obsessed with Disney. Then a Coach purse.

“You are amazing, Cassie. Thanks so much!” Rae gushed. She’s a sucker for fashion.

“Well you’re going to have to wait for my present because it’s back in Maryland and isn’t something you can exactly wrap.” Alex said conspicuously.

“And what did you get me?” Rae crossed her arms.

“A dog.” I said matter of factly. “I’m not sure why since we currently have four dogs in the house and if this creep continues to stay with us then it will be six.”

“Six? Why six?” Rae asked alarmed.

“Oh because we went to the shelter because for some unknown reason Alex wanted another dog. Why he couldn’t wait until after tour is beyond me. Anyways, I saw this adorable miniature husky and I randomly said that you really wanted one so Alex said hey why not adopt it for your birthday. And we did as well as one together.” I explained.

“We are insane with all these dogs, but I’m so excited!” Rae squealed. “You better have pictures!”

“Lo took a bunch on my phone.” He said as he handed her his phone. “His name is Bentley.” He’s a little black and white fluff ball with blue eyes. He’s so freaking cute.

“Aww he’s so adorable! Finn is going to be jealous.” She giggled.

“We’re going to have two hyper dogs now.” I rolled my eyes playfully. “He’s an energetic pup.”

“I guess I’m next.” Jack announced then looked at me. I pulled out a large envelope from my purse and handed it to Rae.

“You guys are lucky that I carry around a huge purse most of the time.” I joked.

Rae looked confused as she opened the envelope and looked at the papers inside. “I do not understand this. You got me legal documents for my birthday?”

“Those legal papers are to a building I bought. You now can open your own bakery. I know you’ve been too scared to take this step yourself, so I’m giving you the first step, the rest is all up to you.” he explained to her. I swear if this girl does not tell this boy that she’s in love with him I will punch her. Jack stressed so much about this; he nearly backed out of buying the place. But he as well as I know how much Rae wants to start her own business and be able to bake what she wants and experiment with different cakes. She just doesn’t have the balls to do it for herself, she’s too scared of failing, and too scared of disappointing Frank who gave her the job at the bakery she’s been working at. Jack wants to give Rae the world but is too chicken shit to tell her how he feels about her. So instead of buying her some extravagant jewelry or some fancy present, this is what he bought her to show his love and I find it adorable.

“I don’t know what to say.” She shook her head.

“Say thank you and promise that I get the first cake.” He smiled then kissed her cheek. Rae grabbed ahold of his face and placed several kisses on his lips.

“Okay, before your eat Jack’s face I’m going to give you the best present ever. Though I’m not sure if it will top Jack’s, but it will come pretty damn close.” I said as I handed her an envelope.

Her eyes lit up like a kid on Christmas morning when she saw what was in the envelope. “You’re freaking serious right now?” she squealed.

“So serious. You get spend a whole week in Florida. There are two tickets for Disney World and two for the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. You are welcome.” I smiled brightly.

Rae jumped up and hugged me tightly as she kept saying ‘thank you’ “But why two tickets? You’re going to be gone.”

“Well I was going to go with you, but obviously now I can’t. So I was thinking that you could take Scarlett, do some sister bonding.” I shrugged.

“You’re the best friend ever.” She said hugging me one last time. “Okay now it’s time to go to the Plaza! We’re going to have mimosas and have brunch before kicking the boys out and getting ready for the big party! It’s going to take us a long time.”

“And you guys will have to see if you can find us at the party.” I said sneakily. What the boys don’t know is that the girls will be wearing wigs so they probably won’t spot us too quickly. Different hair color plus masks make for one incredibly fun night. I so can’t wait for this party.