You Never Really Can Fix a Heart

“What are you doing here Blake? How did you even find me?” I snapped. I suddenly felt sober and very scared. I mentally scolded myself for not letting Zack kill him two years ago. But I know if I let Zack kill Blake then Zack would end up in jail and I don’t want that.

“You’d be surprised what you can find out if you ask the right people.” He said cockily. I gulped and closed the door behind me as I walked onto the porch. I know I should just scream so Zack would wake up but I really don’t want to deal with the police at three in the morning.

“Can you please just leave? Zack is inside and we both know he can kill you.” I said trying to hide my fear.

Blake stepped forward and brushed his fingers over my cheek. “And I also know you well enough to know that you wouldn’t let him do it because you love him too much.” He smirked.

“What do you want? Aren’t you supposed to be in Florida or Washington or wherever? Does Melanie know you’re here?” I glared at him. Melanie is his wife, also one of my ex friends. We weren’t that close, but she was a friend none the less. And she betrayed me by fucking Blake behind my back and obviously he chose her in the end. But that doesn’t stop him from always coming back and fucking me. He knows all the right buttons to push to make me weak enough to say yes. And if I am having a good day and can put up a fight and say no and stand my ground then he forces himself on me. Either way he gets what he wants and I never know why he wants to have sex with me when he has a wife who is always more than willing to fuck his brains out.

“I couldn’t miss your birthday so I just told her that my mom was sick and I had to come home for the weekend.” He explained as he leaned in and tried to kiss me but I pushed him away and tried to walk away but he grabbed my arm tightly. So tightly that I was sure there would be a bruise there tomorrow.

“Ow, you’re hurting me.” I cried but that just made him squeeze tightly.

“I will get what I came here for, whether you like it or not.” He growled at me. Twenty minutes ago I was whining that I didn’t get birthday sex, looks like I’m going to get it now. Unwillingly that is. Blake slammed me up against the side of the house causing me to whimper from the pain. I knew not to voice my pain too loudly because he’d just make it hurt worse. Blake attached his lips to my neck, he kisses, bit and sucked on my flesh. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to think of something else, anything else.

I felt Blake’s hands at the waistband of my sweatpants, and I prepared myself for the pain. But instead Blake was pulled away from me. “Get the fuck off of her!” I heard a voice growl. My eyes flew open and I saw a very angry Alex Gaskarth standing there.

“This is none of your business dude, so just go the fuck away.” Blake brushed Alex off and returned to what he was previously doing. Alex grabbed ahold of the back of Blake’s shirt and pulled him off of me then punched him in the jaw. I gasped at this, I may not like Alex but I didn’t want him to get hurt because of me. Blake lunged at Alex, but he pushed Blake causing him to stumble backwards.

Alex turned to me for a slight moment, “Get in the house, now!” he told me but I couldn’t move. He turned around just in time to punch Blake again. This time Blake ended up flat on his back. “Get the hell out of here before I do more than just punch you.” Alex warned him.

Blake stood up and spit blood from his mouth. “I will get you.” he glared at me then walked away.

“How did you know where I live?” my voice was shaky. I’m still shook up by what just happened.

“I sort of was sitting on the curb down the street. I followed you guys here, but haven’t gained the balls to come over.” He admitted. “But then I saw that asshole attack you so I had to come over.”

“Thanks, you saved me more than you know.” I smiled weakly.

“Who was that creep?” he asked.

“My ex.” I sighed. He nodded but said nothing. “I know you want to ask, and it’s a really long story, one that can only be explained by telling why I really don’t like you.”

“How do the two connect?” he raised an eyebrow.

I sighed and thought about what to say, “Since you saved me from Blake, how about you come inside and maybe I’ll tell you.”

“Sounds nice.” He smiled.

“Just don’t wake Zack, he’ll kill us both.” I giggled as I opened the door. Once we were inside I locked the front door and the pups jumped on Alex’s legs. “Upstairs the second door to the right.” I whispered to Alex. He nodded and made his way upstairs. I went to the living room and made sure that Zack was still sleeping, which he was. I went to the kitchen and grabbed a couple of water bottles then went upstairs to my room. When I entered I saw Alex looking around, specifically at a picture board that had pictures from high school.

Alex turned around when he heard the door close. “So I guess we have met.” He stated as he looked back at the picture board. There was a picture there from a party and we were standing next to each other. It was the same day that I began to hate him.

“I told you that we did.” I shrugged then tossed him a bottle of water. “That was the day that I began to hate you. Before that I actually had a major crush on you.” I admitted without meaning to.

“Then why didn’t you tell me?” he asked curiously.

I snorted, “Look at me in that picture. I had ratty brown hair, glasses and dressed in baggy clothes. Not to mention I had barely there boobs.”

“I’m not superficial.” He mumbled causing me to laugh louder than I meant to.

“You really don’t remember do you?” I shook my head. I guess I really shouldn’t have held the situation against him since he was pretty wasted that night. But because of what he did that night, I lost all my self-confidence. And for that I’ve held a grudge and so hasn’t Zack.

“That was the party that was thrown for us after we got signed, I don’t remember much of that night. I was pretty wasted and blacked out.” he said.

I licked my lips and debated on if I was going to tell him the story. “Because of what you did that night, not only have I held a grudge, but Zack has blamed you for be ending up with Blake, you know the guy you just punched. He threatened to give up the contract you guys signed and quit the band. But I convinced him that he deserved to be a rock star and to stay with the band. Obviously he did, but it took some time for him to get over his grudge and be the friends you are today. But he’s never forgotten what happened that night or all the nights I had to endure with Blake.”

“What did I do?” his eyes widened with fear. There’s no turning back now, so I hope he’s ready to hear about the night that changed my life. I know it’s a huge burden for him to carry, but I think we both need to relive this. So he knows not to get that drunk again, because we both know that he has and doesn’t remember shit. I hear the stories from the boys. And I need to get some closure and to finally confront my past so maybe I can learn to love again.

”Zack, I don’t want to go to this party!” I whined. Rae was sitting on my bed trying to protest it too, but her protests were over ruled about a half hour ago because her boyfriend, Landon, really wanted to go and she goes along with anything he wants. They are one of those sickening adorable couples who give into each other’s every whim.

“Please!” he begged. “It’s just one party and it’s a big party. We got signed, that needs to be celebrated.” I sighed because I knew I was now defeated. Zack has been my best friend since I was eight years old, so I owe it to him to go celebrate his accomplishment.

“Fine!” I threw my hands up in the air. “But I am not happy about this. Not because you’re dragging me to a party, but because you’re going to become a huge rock star and forget all about me.” I poked my bottom lip out.

Zack smiled and shook his head. “I could never forget about you.” he said as he pulled me into his arms and hugged me tightly. I had a love/hate relationship with his hugs. Whereas he gives the best hugs that never fail to make me feel better, but they always leave me wanting more. I fell for Zack when I was fourteen, though before I had the chance to tell him, he told me that we should stop dating and just be friends because it was for the best. I didn’t protest it, I just reluctantly agreed with his argument.

“Okay, can we get this party on the road? As much as I protested going to this, I am in the mood for some damn alcohol.” Rae said as she stood up.

“Yeah let’s go!” Landon cheered. I was driving since I wasn’t in the mood to drink and I knew these crazy people would drink until they were shitfaced.

It was about an hour into the party when Rae stumbled over to me, “I think you should tell Alex you like him.” She slurred her words. I had developed a crush on Zack’s friend and band mate, Alex Gaskarth. Can’t deny the guy is cute and he has an amazing voice. But I’ve only met him one other time and I doubt he remembers me. Zack offered to have a group hang out thing but I denied his offer because I knew Alex was into the blonde hair, big boob type of girls and I wasn’t that girl.

“You’re crazy.” I laughed at her as I took a sip of my water. It was the only thing in this house that wasn’t spiked.

“Do it! I will do it if you don’t. Or have Zack tell him.” She warned me and I knew in her drunken state that she would do it. I looked over to where Alex was talking to Jack and a few girls who I don’t know since I go to a different school. Rae gave me a small push and a look to say ‘go for it’. I just rolled my eyes decided to just go for it.

I walked over to the circle of people and stood next to Jack since I knew him pretty well. “Hey Lauren.” He smiled and put his arm around me. “This is Lisa, Stacey and Ashley.” He introduced the girls. We all waved politely.

“Alex, can I talk to you for a second?” I asked him.

“Sure.” He said a little bit overly excited. Obviously he was wasted, so maybe this wasn’t the best time to tell him that I like him. But if I walk away now I will never have the courage again nor will Rae let me.

We walked away from the group and stood at the bottom of the stairs. “So I know that we don’t know each other that well…” I trailed off nervously, “but I really like you and just wanted to let you know that.”

For a second I thought Alex was going to say he liked me too because he looked deep into my eyes and smiled, but then he burst into a fit of laughter. I felt tears start to well up in my eyes. So much for him being a nice guy that Zack keeps telling me. Suddenly Lisa was by his side and laughing along with him. “You think that a guy as hot as Alex who is on his way to fame would ever like an ugly dork like you?” she snickered.

“Yeah, what she said. I’m flattered, but you aren’t pretty and beneath me.” Alex snorted. That’s when I burst into tears and ran up the stairs.

“Jack ended up following me upstairs and brought a bottle of vodka. I drank away my humiliation away and ended up losing my virginity to Jack.” I finished the story. Alex was no sitting on my bed and looking like he was going to be sick.

“I’m so sorry for that. I know that doesn’t make up for everything, but I really am sorry. I was so drunk, which is no excuse, and that’s not how I am at all.” I could tell he was sincerely sorry.

“I know Zack used to talk you up all the time. And Jack always tells me how cool of a guy you are. But I also know your mistakes, which are pretty brutal. Though I have my fair share of mistakes, we’re human.” I shrugged.

“So how does that connect with that dick of an ex of yours?” he asked after a long silence. I knew that question was coming but I really didn’t want to answer it. That was a dark period in my life, one that I don’t want to relive. But I knew I needed to explain to him. I sighed and sat at on my vanity chair.

“What you and Lisa said that night completely broke me. I already didn’t have much confidence, but that just destroyed any that I had left. Jack tried to make me feel better and asked me out, but I made myself believe it was out of pity and I didn’t want that. Plus y’all started touring and shit so I knew it wouldn’t work out anyways. Since I’m younger than you guys, I still had another year of high school left. So in my senior year I met this guy and me made me feel pretty for the first time in my life.” I paused because I felt my throat start to close up from holding back tears.

Alex saw this and rushed to my side, he kneeled down in front of me. “You don’t have to continue if you don’t want to.” He said softly.

“I need to.” I shook my head. “I’ve never talked about this to anyone, I’ve kept it all bottled up. It’s not fair to you for me to hate you for something that wasn’t really your fault but I couldn’t blame myself so I directed my anger toward you.” I sniffed.

“Take your time.” He said as I wiped the tears off of my cheeks.

“Blake hated Zack because we are extremely close, and sometimes don’t act like just friends. And he read my diary where it said that I had deep feelings for him. I ended up pushing Zack away, but he didn’t like it so of course he kept coming back. Especially after he heard from Rae that Blake started hitting me and raping me. He drilled it into my brain that he was the best I would ever get and that I deserved everything that was happening to me. He even started to get me to believe that he never touched me. There were so many conflicting thoughts in my head that I started cutting and wouldn’t eat for days at a time. It was a dark period in my life. Zack asked me repeatedly why I would put up with that abuse and I told him I was ugly and Blake was my only chance at love. That’s why he blames you because you were the one who made me believe I was ugly.” I finished telling him about my ugly past.

“You should have let Zack kick my ass then kill Blake. You didn’t deserve to go through all of that crap. You are gorgeous, Lauren. You were gorgeous back then as well. I can’t tell you why I ever told you otherwise, I was a dick and I am truly sorry.” Tears were now falling from Alex’s eyes.

“I forgive you.” I said quietly, stunning the both of us. The next thing I knew Alex’s lips were on mine. I froze for a second, not expecting for that to happen, but I melted into the kiss. This kiss was soft and sweet, a type of kiss that I haven’t had in years. It felt like a dream, knowing my luck I would wake up in the morning and this all would have big one huge dream.