You Never Really Can Fix a Heart

The sun shining through my windows woke me up. I groaned and covered my face with my pillow. When I moved my blanket fell from my chest and I felt a cold draft. I uncovered my face and looked down, seeing that my chest was bare. Why the hell was I naked? I lifted up my upper body and rested on my forearms only to see a naked and sleeping Alex Gaskarth next to me. Holy crap! It’s all coming back to me now. Alex saving me from Blake, me telling Alex all about my past, breaking down, him kissing me which lead to us having sex. I buried my face in my hands, how did I let this happen? I just wanted closure not to have sex with him. I looked over at my clock and saw it was almost noon, which means that Zack would be coming in soon to get me for our hangover cure jog. I started to panic. I sat up, wrapping the blanket around my bare chest and started to shake Alex. “Wake up, Alex!”

“Five more minutes.” He mumbled then rolled over.

“No! Get your ass up now!” I tried not to yell too loudly. I didn’t need Zack, Rae or Jack to barge in here.

“What’s your prob…” he trailed off but then finally let his eyes flutter open which woke him up completely. “Holy shit.” He nearly fell out of my bed trying to get up.

“Yeah holy shit is right. Zack is going to be coming in any minute now and if he catches you naked in my bed, he will kick your ass from here to Australia.” I told him as I scrambled to find my underwear.

Suddenly my bedroom door flew open, “Lo, time to…what the fuck is going on?” Zack yelled. Both Alex and I froze. He had one leg in his boxers and I was standing there completely naked.

“Zack don’t kill him, let me explain.” I said calmly.

“Explain how this asshole took advantage of your drunken state to fuck you?” he growled as he glared at Alex who was still too scared to move.

“What’s going on?” I heard Rae’s half asleep voice ask before she and Jack appeared in my doorway, rubbing their eyes.

“Holy tittie fuck!” Jack exclaimed as he saw mine and Alex’s naked state.

“Can everyone please leave so we can get dressed?” I yelled.

“It’s not like none of us haven’t seen you both naked.” Rae shrugged.

“When have you seen me naked?” Alex asked her curiously.

“Have you forgotten about Straight to DVD? We got to see it early and the unedited version.” Rae smirked. I have no idea why either of us thought it was a good idea to see the uncensored material that was shot; I saw way more of all of those boys than I needed to.

“Oh, right.” He said as his cheeks reddened and he finished putting on his boxers. I just stood there naked, if they didn’t want to leave them room, then whatever. They were right anyways; they all have seen me naked. I couldn’t find my discarded underclothes so I went to my dresser and pulled out a pair of underwear and a bra.

“Will you stop staring at Lauren?” I heard Rae huff as I pulled on my underwear.

“I can’t help it! She’s hot, and you know I won’t turn down a chance to see tits.” Jack laughed out then yelled ‘Ow’ I’m pretty sure Rae just hit him because I heard her stomp down the hall.

“Dude, you don’t stare at a naked girl in front of a girl you just fucked.” Alex said to Jack.

“How about Jack and Zack get the hell out of my room and I’ll meet them downstairs in a few minutes so I can get dressed, then I’ll explain why Alex woke up in my bed, naked.” I said annoyed then shut my bedroom door, this time locking it so no one can barge in. I put on my bra and put on a pair of running shorts and a shirt. I know Zack is going to need to go running after I tell him everything that happened last night.

“Do people always barge in like that?” Alex asked. He wasn’t being rude, just curious.

I shrugged, “Only them, no one else is allowed in my room. You’re actually the first person who has been in my room that wasn’t one of them. Plus since we got drunk last night it was inevitable that Zack barge in, he always makes me go for a run after a night of drinking.”

“Why? To both the running and not allowing people in your room.” he gave me a curious look as he continued to get dressed.

“Because I usually get in a depressed state after drinking so he makes me run to clear my head so I won’t get depressed. He made Rae promise to make me run if he’s not in town to go with me. And I just don’t like people in my room. This is my private space and I have trust issues so I don’t want people whom I don’t trust in here.” I explained as I walked over to my vanity to brush my hair. I have major sex hair right now.

“Then why did you let me in here? You made it clear at the bar that you don’t like me.” I knew he would ask that question, but I hoped he wouldn’t because I honestly have no idea why I let him in my room and didn’t instruct him into the guest bedroom or even the basement.

“I really have no idea. After what you did last night with Blake, I just was in a shocked state and in that moment I knew I could trust you. What person would help me after having me make it clear that I hated him with no explanation? It’s also why I told you what happened.” I turned to look at him and I suddenly felt self-conscience.

Alex walked over to me and grabbed my hands in his, intertwining our fingers but never letting his eyes leave mine. “I’m glad you trusted me. I may not have understood why you hated me back at the bar, but I would never let a man hurt a woman. I don’t care if that girl has betrayed me and I have no respect for her. No woman deserves to be abused like that.” I felt my heart flutter as he spoke. I hated that that happened and that I have butterflies because I have to faith in men or love. But when Alex leaned in to kiss me, I let it happen. I pulled away when I felt the fireworks explode in my chest, he looked like he understood, but still had a confused look in his eye.

“Can I ask one more question?” he asked. I just looked at him and shrugged. “If you hate me then why keep a picture of me in it? Or even put it on your wall?”

“That’s two questions.” I smirked playfully. “But it’s because that’s my therapy board.”

“Therapy board?” he furrowed his eyebrows.

“You said one more question.” I pointed out. He winced at my accidental harsh tone and I suddenly felt bad. “It was Zack’s idea. All of those pictures are from a time in my life when I was at my lowest. So it’s there to remind me that I survived and no matter what life throws at me that I can survive.”

“Oh, that makes sense.” His voice was barely above a whisper. I guess he’s feeling guilty again because he was looking at the ground and not at me anymore. “I really am sorry for everything.”

“It’s all forgiven.” I told him then heard Zack yell from downstairs. “I swear if you two are fucking I will break down that door and drag you out, Lauren Renee!” I groaned at him using my middle name.

“We better go.” I sighed. “When he uses my middle name, he means business. I swear it’s like he’s my father.”

“That would be weird considering he was staring at your naked body fifteen minutes ago.” Alex cringed.

“True, but he’s the protective older brother I never had. Which is also weird since I dated him.” I scrunched up my nose as I walked out of my room. I heard Alex follow me then my pups come out of nowhere and try and jump on me as I walked down the stairs.

When I got downstairs I purposely avoided the living room and went straight to the kitchen, if I was going to deal with an interrogation I would need coffee first. “Lauren get back here!” I heard Zack yell.

“Let me get my coffee first!” I yelled back. “Alex you want coffee?”

“Uh, no thanks.” I heard him stutter. I rolled my eyes; Zack was probably giving him the death stare of a lifetime. I grabbed a Kahlua coffee packet and put it in the Keurig coffee brewer and waited for it to be done before retreated to the living room. Jack was trying to get Rae to cuddle with him but she was obviously still mad at him. Alex was sitting on the couch while Zack stood and glared at him. I just went over and sat in my oversized chair and sipped on my coffee.

“Okay are you going to explain why you had sex with this asshole?” Zack growled.

“He is one of your best friends, be nice.” I said sarcastically.

“Don’t test me, Lauren.” He glared at me.

“Zack calm your tits or she’ll never explain and I’ll have to piss her off by going behind her back and telling you after she tells me.” Rae scolded him.

He rolled his eyes and sat down on the couch as he grumbled, “fine.”

“If you must know I got to know Alex and he’s not a bad guy. And the sex was a product of alcohol and hormones.” I shrugged off.

“So what he just shows up on your doorstep and you’re like hey I’m horny and drunk let’s bang?” Zack asked in a sarcastic tone causing Jack to snicker.

Zack glared at Jack for laughing but it didn’t stop him. “What dude, you know Lo, it probably went down exactly like that. Plus you wouldn’t bang her so it’s your fault. If you had just had sex with her like she begged you to, then you would have been in her bed and she would have been fast asleep and Lex here wouldn’t have gotten into her bed.”

“Why don’t you just go fuck Rae and stay out of this?” Zack snapped.

“Because he isn’t getting laid anymore until he learns to stop ogling Lo’s goodies.” Rae grumbled as she folded her arms over her chest.

“I’m sorry! But I’m a guy and she has nice tits!” Jack retorted. I’m not exactly sure why she’s been getting so defensive lately because I know that she isn’t PMSing since we get our periods at the same time. She’s on the pill so I know she’s not pregnant. I’ll have to talk to her later and see what’s up with her because she’s not usually this bitchy, especially toward Jack.

“If you guys don’t stop fighting then you’ll never know if it was just my drunken horny self that got laid last night or if there was more to the story.” I scolded them. They all mumbled apologies so I went on. “I came down for some water last night and there was a knock at the door so I answered it without checking to see who it was because I was still drunk. And there stood Blake…”

“Why the hell didn’t you wake me up?” Zack yelled before I could finish my sentence.

“Because it was three in the morning, I was drunk and I didn’t feel like dealing with the cops when you killed him.” I snapped. “Now back to my story, I suddenly felt myself sober up at the sight of him, and to avoid a trip with the police station I just did as he asked. And we all know what that entailed. But thankfully Alex here was scoping out the house trying to build courage to come apologize for being a dick, he saved me from the pain Blake was about to inflict on me. So I was feeling gracious and invited him inside and I told him everything about what he did back in high school and my downward spiral. We got caught up in the moment and ended up having sex.”

“I swear I didn’t take advantage of her. I tried to stop, but she said it was okay. I wouldn’t have had sex with her if I felt that so was too drunk to judge her own thoughts.” Alex defended himself.

“Trust me; Lo is more alert when she’s drunk than when she’s sober sometimes.” Jack laughed. He’s right though, sometimes my thoughts are clearer when I’m drunk. I know that makes no sense, but I spent so much time being afraid to stand up for myself and being brainwashed into thinking certain things didn’t happen that when I got drunk my thoughts became clear. All the things I was made to believe vanished and the truth was evident and I gained courage. Plus drunken words are sober thoughts right?

“Thanks for saving her, I owe you for that.” Zack apologized to Alex then looked at me. “But you still should have woken me up. What if Alex hadn’t been out there? He could have hurt you, I would rather go to jail than see you in the hospital...” he trailed off before he could say ‘again.’ I’m thankful for that; I really didn’t want to tell Alex about that. I told him enough of my dark past, he didn’t need to hear all of the gory details.

“I’m sorry!” I cried. “But you know that I hate feeling helpless. You can’t always be here so I have to learn to fight him on my own.”

“Okay, fair enough. I just am scared of losing you.” he sighed.

I sat my coffee on the table then stood up and walked over to Zack, sitting on his lap. “You will never lose me.”

Zack hugged me close to his body and kissed my forehead. “As much as I love you, Lo, get off of me now.” he said pushing me lightly. I looked at him confused. “You haven’t showered so you still have that sex smell and I don’t want to think of that. Plus you smell like Alex.” He laughed causing me to roll my eyes.

“I would shower, but we have our hangover jog to do so lets go.” I stood up and held my hand out for him. “And Rae, you’re coming with us because I really need to talk to you.”

“Hell no, you’re fucking crazy. Not only do I have a headache but my body is sore for having sex.” She said shaking her head.

“Don’t care, take an aspirin for your head ache and get some water. You are coming. And I will buy you breakfast.” I pulled her off the couch and smacked her ass.

“Fine. But I want your famous French toast.” She pouted.

“Guess I should get going now.” Alex said as he stood up.

“No you can stay. I’m sure this asshole will keep you company. That is if you want.” I shrugged and pointed to Jack.

“Yeah we can have a massive cuddle fest while these losers are running like crazy people.” Jack smiled brightly.

“Well have fun with that, just if you have sex don’t stain the furniture. And please don’t scare the pups.” I told them. I went to the hall closet and grabbed my running shoes and put them on. I looked back into the living room and saw Alex playing with the dogs. I don’t know what was happening inside my head, but I do know that it’s scaring the crap out of me. I have spent so much time holding a grudge, and with me spilling my guts to Alex last night my defenses are down and I refuse to let him in. But what if he’s already in? I need to talk to my best friends and immediately. “Zack! Rae! Hurry your asses!” I yelled in a panic before sprinting out of the front door.