You Never Really Can Fix a Heart

When I got to the salon, it was pretty busy so my aunt put me to work pretty quickly. Around ten I took a break so I went to the Starbucks across the street. When I got back I was frozen in shock to see the girl who was sitting in the salon. By then Briana had come into work and was doing this girl’s highlights. I pretended like nothing was wrong and sat down at the station I was working at as I eavesdropped on their conversation.

“So you’re getting all beautified for your boyfriend?” Briana asked the girl.

“Technically we’re on a break, but they never last longer than a couple weeks.” She shrugged. “and he invited me out to LA, so I know that we’re going to get back together, so I thought why not look extra sexy for him.”

I felt my stomach drop and my heart began to race. My eyes are burning from the tears that are threatening to fall from my eyes. You see the girl who is getting her hair done is none other than Lisa Ruocco, Alex’s ex-girlfriend. I’ve seen her a couple of times and heard plenty of stories about her and Alex’s relationship. How could I be so stupid to think getting involved with Alex was a good idea? Jack and Zack are always telling us how those two were always breaking up and getting back together. And how even though they tend to fight a lot and Lisa has jealousy issues and hates that Alex is gone a lot, that they are hopelessly in love and probably will get married one day. Why did Zack think it was a good idea that I give Alex a chance given my past? Is he trying to be cruel and make me get my heart broken again?

I couldn’t stand sitting here any longer listening to Lisa go on and on about how she can’t wait to see Alex again and have things go back to normal. I stood up, startling a few people, and ran to the bathroom. I locked the door behind me and fell to ground in tears. I took out my phone out of my pocket and called Zack but it went to his voicemail. I let out a frustrated groan and called Jack.

“Hey pretty girl, what’s up?” Jack answered cheerfully, but quickly got worried when he heard my sobs. I couldn’t form any words because I was crying so much. “Lo, you’ve got to stop crying. Tell me what happened.”

“Zack. I need Zack.” I said in between sobs. I wasn’t sure if I the words made any sense to Jack, but that’s the best I could do.

“He’s doing an interview right now, but I’ll see what I can do.” he said. I could hear some shuffling going on like he was walking, but he stayed on the phone. “Please tell me that you haven’t done anything stupid.” Jack knows enough about me that he knows that when I get in these moods and are in desperate need of Zack that I have either self-harmed or I am about to self-harm.

“No.” I choked back a sob.

“Okay, good. Now just stay on the line, you don’t have to talk but please don’t do anything to yourself.” He said desperately. People may think that something is going on between Jack and me, especially after everyone finding out about us hooking up, but in actuality he’s just a really good friend. He may not be as close to me as Zack or Rae, but he has been there for me through a lot of things. He may not know how to comfort me at times because he’s scared shitless that he may do or say something wrong and set me off but he does the best he can and that means the world to me.

“Hey, can I borrow Zack? I know you’re doing an interview but there’s an emergency and he really needs to take this call.” I hear Jack say. “I’ll take his place.” I don’t hear what is said but there is a lot of shuffling around and some murmuring before I hear Zack’s voice on the phone. “What’s wrong, Lo?”

“I can’t do it anymore.” My voice squeaked.

“Can’t do what anymore?” he asked cautiously. I could hear the fear in his voice and it broke my heart. I know he thinks I’m talking about ending my life, because I have tried to do that before.

“Everything hurts, I can’t take it anymore. Everyone hurts me and I can’t take this pain anymore.” I continued to sob.

“Who hurt you? Did Blake do something? Was it Alex?” he asked in a panic. I know I am not making any sense to him right now which is adding fuel to his panic, but I don’t know how to be coherent right now. everything in my head is so jumbled up and it’s not coming out the way I need it to.

I took a couple seconds to collect myself so I can say this without being a blubbering mess. “I would love for it to be one of them so you can tell me that everything will be okay and you slap the fear of God into them, but for the first time in my life, it was you that hurt me. You said that I would be okay, that I am strong and to give life a chance, take a risk you say, but guess what that risk came and bit me in the ass. You said that this risk would be okay that I wouldn’t get hurt. But guess what I did get hurt and it’s your fault!”

“What happened? What risk?” he asked dumbfounded.

“It doesn’t matter.” I shook my head. “I’m just done.” I sighed then hung up my phone.

I stood up and looked at myself in the mirror. I looked like scary; there was mascara and eyeliner running down my face. I grabbed some paper towels and wiped my face off before walking out of the bathroom. Briana was at my side the second she saw me. “Are you okay?” she asked.

“No, I really just need to get out of here.” I told her as I went over and picked up my purse.

“Do you want me to come with you?” she was clearly worried about me.

“This is your job; don’t take off on my account. I will be fine.” I kissed her forehead and walked away before I started to cry again. When I was safely back home, I did something that I haven’t attempted to do in a long time.

Zack’s POV
I tried to call Lauren back but she turned her phone off. I didn’t know what to do so I punched the wall out of frustration. I don’t even know what she’s talking about, I would never hurt her. She is a part of my family. Most of the time growing up she stayed at my house because her mom worked so much to try and support them. I feel so helpless right now because I am across the country; there is nothing I can do. Well there is one thing I can do, the only thing I can do at this moment in time, I called Rae.

“Hey fuck tard, what’s up?” she answered the phone. I was confused at first, then realized that I used Jack’s phone to call her.

“It’s me actually, I forgot I was still on Jack’s phone.” I told her.

“And why are you using his phone?” she asked confused.

“Uh, I was in an interview and Lo called his phone then she hung up on me so I called you not realizing I still had his phone.” I rambled. “But that’s beside the point, you need to leave work and go find Lo, she was frantic on the phone. She said she couldn’t do it anymore; I’m not entirely sure what it is that she can’t do. But she said that I hurt her and I don’t know how I hurt her.”

“Whoa, calm down. I saw her this morning she was perfectly okay. What the hell happened?” Rae was now really concerned.

“I don’t know. I was doing an interview with Rian and all the sudden Jack comes in saying there was an emergency call that I needed to take and it was Lo. She was sobbing and not making a lot of sense. I haven’t spoken to her since yesterday so I don’t know what the hell I did.” I explained to her.

“Okay, I will go find her and call you as soon as I know anything.” She told me then hung up then phone.

I knocked on the door and walked back into where they were doing the interview and they were done now. Jack stood up quickly and walked over to me. “Is she okay?” he asked.

“I’m not sure. She hung up on me. She said I hurt her and she is tired of being hurt.” I said quietly and I finally let myself break down. Jack immediately hugged me and Rian came over and patted me on the back.

“What does she mean you hurt her? I don’t understand.” Jack asked.

“I don’t know. Something about me telling her to take a risk and got hurt.” After the words left my mouth I finally got what she meant. I told her to give Alex a chance. Alex hurt her and now I am going to kill him.

I guess Rian and Jack noticed the change in my demeanor because Rian spoke up. “What did you realize dude?”

“That asshole.” I growled then stormed out of the room and searched for Alex. I found him in the studio room that we were using today. As soon as I saw him I pushed him against the wall, I had both fists full of his shirt. I heard gasps from behind me as Alex yelled “What the fuck dude?”

“What the hell did you do to Lo?” I growled at him.

“I haven’t done anything to her?” he said as he grabbed my wrists and pushed me off of him.

“You had to have done something because she was sobbing her eyes out and said that she is tired of being hurt. And I am being blamed for it because I am the one who told her that she needed to try and break down those walls and I trusted you that you wouldn’t hurt her. Now she’s gone backwards and I swear if I lose her I will kill you with my bear hands!”

“Dude, calm down.” Jack told me.

I turned to him and just let the tears stream down my cheeks. “I can’t calm down. I won’t lose her. You were there; you know how bad this can be.”

Lauren tried to kill herself about a year ago; it was the darkest time in her life. She’s contemplated it before but she never attempted to do it. I’ve never been so scared in my life. It was me and Jack who found her; I couldn’t even call 911 because I was frozen in shock. I just sat next to her and cried. I’ve never cried that much in my whole life. Sometimes I wish I could love her as much as she loved me, because if I had then she never would have gotten hurt by Alex and Blake and she wouldn’t be so wounded and guarded.

“I know, and it won’t happen again. Rae is with her, and Liam is in Baltimore. You know he will protect her.” Jack tried to reassure me.

“But she hates me, this is all my fault.” I cried.

“She could never hate you.” Rian told me.

“What do you all mean? What is going on?” Alex was completely confused. But we all stayed quiet because we all know that Lauren would kill us if she found out we told Alex about that part of her past.

“Nothing.” I mumbled as my phone started to ring. I quickly answered it. “Is she okay?” I knew it was Rae.

“She’s okay for the most part. She cut herself pretty badly. But nothing that I can’t handle, she won’t need to see a doctor.” Rae explained and I let out a breath of relief.

“Did she tell you what happened?” I asked as the guys looked at me curiously.

“Umm...” she trailed off. “She really doesn’t want me to tell you, but you have a right to know. Did you know that Lisa would be going to LA in a couple of days?”

“No she’s not. I would know about that if it was happening and it’s not.” I shook my head.

“Well Lisa was at the salon today raving about it and how she and Alex are going to get back together. She said that Alex is the one who asked her to go. It upset Lo pretty badly because she feels used. This is how it was with Blake; he only wanted her around when he couldn’t have who he wanted. It’s too much on her.” Rae sighed; I could tell she had been crying because her voice is really hoarse.

“Hold on.” I told her then turned to Alex. “Is Lisa coming to town?”

He scrunched his eye brows, “No, why would she? I’m not interested in her crap anymore. I wouldn’t be talking to Lauren if…” his eyes widened like he just realized something. “Fuck!” he ran his hands down his face. There it is, the truth coming out. Now I know that Lisa would be here. “I swear to you that I didn’t ask her to come! She told me weeks ago that she was coming, I completely forgot.”

“Somehow I don’t believe you. And even if you are telling the truth, I don’t want to hear it because my best friend is hurting because of you.” I snapped at him.

“Please you have to let me explain it to her! I would never hurt her!” he begged me.

“Well Lisa says otherwise. She said you asked her to come and that you guys are getting back together. I thought you had finally grown up from all your bullshit, Gaskarth, but my mistake. I just hate that I had to learn that at the expense of my best friend.” I told him then walked out of the room. “Should I come home?” I turned back to my conversation with Rae.

“No, I have it handled. Liam, Savannah and the kids are coming over in a little bit and are going to be hanging out with her for the duration of their vacation which is about four more days. So she should be better by then. If it gets worse, I’ll call you and tell you to come home. But you have work to do so get it done.” She told me honestly.

“I’m only going to have much time after we’re done with this studio time and before we go on tour.” I sighed.

“We know, and we will be fine.” She reassured me. “Do you think Alex was telling the truth?”

“I honestly don’t know. I want to believe that I was right in trusting him, but I know how he is with Lisa and how he’s been with women. Hell he got involved with a married woman. He’s not mature enough to be with a girl who had to grow up quickly. We both know that Lo is wise behind her years and has gone through so much. She needs someone who is going to take care of her, not mess with her head. I had hoped that Alex was ready for an adult relationship, but I guess I was wrong.” I squeezed my eyes shut to try and stop the tears from falling.

“It’s pretty sad that Jack is the most immature one out of all four of you and he’s been there for Lo and helped her. That’s why I was so upset when I found out that they had sex, because sometimes I feel that he’s better for her than me. I may be guarded, but I’m okay with moving on and trying to take that risk. I see how he looks at her…” I heard her sniff so I know she was crying.

“Jack loves you, Rae. He may look at Lo a specific way, but it’s because he cares about her as a friend. He’s seen her at her worst and he worries about her a lot. But I promise you that he loves you, he’s just too scared to admit to it.” I told her. It was the truth, Jack told me that he was falling for Rae but was too chicken shit to do anything about it.

“Thanks.” She said quietly. “So should we let Alex talk to her, because we both know he’s going to call her?”

“I want to say no because he doesn’t deserve her. But we have to loosen up our reins and let her learn to deal with this shit and pray she doesn’t do anything worse than she has done today.” I sighed.

“Okay, well I have to go. I’ll talk to you later.” She told me and we said our byes and hung up. When I turned around I saw Jack standing there looking distraught.

“What?” I asked him.

“Nothing, I’m just worried. When I heard her crying all I could think of was that day, it still haunts me.” he admitted.

“Me too, dude, me too.” I squeezed his shoulder.

“For what it’s worth, I think Alex is telling the truth. He called and bitched out Lisa.” He told me and I shrugged. I hope he was right because I can’t think about what would happen to Lauren if Alex fucks shit up anymore.