Dying to Be Happy

In all honesty, it only took me two days to grieve over Yoda. I was so depressed that I just couldn't cry anymore. Laya Rae ran away for three days after Yoda's passing. It killed me to think that I had lost her too. But she came back, thankfully. I never let her out of my sight. Laya Rae was MY cat. Yoda was Mama's. I wasn't going to lose MY baby. Luckily, Laya knew that I loved her more than anything, so she followed me around everywhere.

Mama and I are leaving tomorrow for a cruise to Mexico. My show choir had been asked to perform on the ship. It was SO exciting. I have never been out of the country before!
As I pulled out the big suit case, I started folding clothes to put in. Naturally, Laya Rae was right by my side. My little 5 lb kitten was so easily fascinated. She sniffed the suit case and purred. I swear, that girl is me in animal form. She's sassy, very observant, independent, loving, attention-seeking, curious, and she ALWAYS knows when something isn't as it should be. We don't adjust to change very well at ALL. I went upstairs to get more clothes to pack. When I came back down, Laya Rae was sitting in my suit case, as if it were made for her to sit in! I laughed.
"Silly girl!" I said as I picked her up and took her out. She purred and licked me and rubbed her head on my hands so that I would stop what I was doing just to pet her. Then she hopped in my suitcase again! Mama came in and laughed!
"You silly girl! You can't go to Mexico with us! Haha!" Laya looooved this attention she was getting. She KNEW she was cute. She also knew that we were leaving; but without her. How DARE we do such a thing to our little princess.

It was hard to say goodbye to my sweet little Laya. She'd never been away from me this long.

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The cruise was HUGE. It had a pool, a game room, a karaoke room, and a 24 hour pizza and ice cream buffet! I was going to LOVE this.

And I did... When show time came, I could barely squeeze into my costume. It had gotten so SMALL. It was suffocating me. But that wasn't the worst part. When we went to the beach in Cozumel, my stomach was so huge in my bathing suit. And my hair was AWFUL. Before we left, I tried to get a last minute hair cut at the mall's barber shop. NEVER AGAIN. I asked for a trim, and they cut off my hair to where it was at my ears. It was awful. As if I wasn't ugly enough. I was fat, my thighs jiggled when I sat down, and I couldn't even see my toes anymore when I looked down. I was beyond embarrassed. The boat had the most AMAZING food. Ribs, chicken, Baked Alaska! It was all so GOOD.

When I came home, I immediately went to the scale. 101 lbs. My heart sank into my fat stomach at the sight. I was getting bigger and bigger... This had to stop. I had an eating disorder alright... But it sure wasn't anorexia.