She's Not Afraid

Liam and I did not have sex after everyone left yesterday. There was too much pressure on us and it just wasn’t the right time (thought really, it’s always the right time to sleep with Liam Payne). But we did take advantage of the alone time and made out some and talked.

We were in Australia for a week, and we only had 3 shows spread out over the 7 days. We were all excited about the down time we were going to have. Tonight was the first show in Australia, and tomorrow, we had scheduled to rent a boat and spend the day on the water.

I was sitting in the girls dressing room as they ran around getting ready, and doing vocal warm ups. I mostly stayed out of the way, as I took pictures and some video.

“Are you doing any of the 1D day in the life videos while we’re here?” Jade asked as she fell onto the couch next to me.

I shrugged, “Not sure. I kind of just want to enjoy this week you know? I might just film some stuff here and there for future use though.”

“Tomorrow on the boat should be fun,” Leigh-Anne said.

“Yeah!” Perrie exclaimed, “I’m so excited to wear one of my new swimming costumes!”

We all started talking about our day tomorrow and what different swimming costumes we all brought when Jesy oh so nicely changed the subject, “So Jaz, did you and Liam do it yesterday?”

I glared at her, “No.”

“What?” Jade exclaimed, “You mean I had to share my room with Jesy for no reason?”

“Oh thanks,” Jesy shot.

I shrugged, “Guess so.”

“Why not? We practically forced your two together,” Perrie mused.

“That was kind of the problem. Way too much pressure, you know? It just wasn’t the right time,” I shrugged. “It’ll happen when it happens.”

As soon as I finished my sentence, the 1D boys walked in, “You birds ready for tonight? You can hear the crowd from the hall way,” Niall said. I watched as they all filed in, my eyes instantly meeting Liam’s, where he stayed across the room with a sly smile.

“You taking pictures tonight, love?” Harry asked resting his arm on my shoulder.

I shrugged, “Yeah a few. I probably won’t be down in the pit the entire time though.”

“Question,” Louis said catching everyone’s attention, “Since the secrets out about you two,” he said pointing to Liam and I, “Are you going to be as annoying as those two?” he said pointing to Zayn and Perrie. They were off to the side, in their own little world, as always, whispering to each other, locked in an embrace.

I turned and Liam and I shared a look, “We aren’t’ together,” we said in unison.

“But I thought-” Harry started.

“We’re just friends,” Liam explained.

“Ah,” Louis said eying us, “Friends.” He started to pelvic thrust, “Best friends.”

“You’re such a tosser,” I scoffed.

The stage manager popped in the, “Oi, you’ve got 5 minutes ladies!” At that the girls started running around to make sure everything was ready for them to hit the stage.

“So you guys are just… friends with benefits then?” Niall asked.

“Basically,” Liam answered.

I sighed, “Can we not talk about this? Kind of personal.”

Louis glared at me, “Are you new here? Nothings personal with us!”

“Lads leave them alone. Come on,” Zayn said interrupting the conversation, “lets got watch the show.”

Everyone started filtering out of the room and I stayed back as I switched lenses on my camera. “Hey,” Liam said walking up next to me.

“Hey,” I said straitening up and turning towards him.

His hands met my waist, “Come to my room tonight, yeah?”

I smirked, “We’ll see.”

He shook his head as he leaned in and quickly placed a kiss on my lips, “You know you want too.”

I reached up on my tiptoes and kissed him harder before I pulled away, “Maybe. Come on.” I winked at him as I skipped out of the dressing room with him hot on my trail.

*****

I was down in the photo pit with Jeff as the girls sang their last two songs. The crown was mental tonight and loud. I was so proud as I stood there at crowd level looking up at my friends. They’ve come so far since X-Factor and they deserved every second of this.

“I think I’m becoming a big fan of theirs,” Jeff laughed into my ear as the girls ran off stage. Jeff was this artsy, hipster looking type. He was 26, loved his fedoras, vests and anything flannel. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think he was fit, what with his floppy dirty blond hair and his love for photography that gave even me a run for the money.

“You should be,” I yelled back into his ear. The crowd was so loud, “Their amazingly talented.”

“Oi! Are you dating one of the boys?”

“How’d you get this job?”

I’d heard these types of things through the whole tour so far, but tonight, the Australian crowd was more intense than the others so far. Mostly Jeff and I would just share a look and ignore them.

“You’re ugly!”

“Your pictures suck!”

“Stay away from the boys!”

“You don’t deserve to be here!”

Okay, that wasn’t normal. No one had every yelled that at me. I mean yeah, I saw it online once or twice, but I didn’t make a habit of seeking it out. But hearing how blatantly rude some of them were being right to my face really hurt. All I was doing was taking pictures!

I ignored them and tinkered with my camera lens, but it was getting hard not to turn and give them my full attention as people shouted more.

“Come on,” Jeff said and pulled my by the arm out of the pit area. He pulled me back to the backstage area where everyone was running back and forth to get the stage ready for One Direction.

I stopped walking once we hit the hallway, “I’m fine,” I said pulling out of Jeff’s grasp. That was a lie, I wasn’t really fine. I was holding back angry tears. It wasn’t tears over what they said it was more that I was pissed at myself for letting their words get to me. I always thought I was stronger than that.

“Don’t listen to those kids Jazmin,” he tired to reason, “Their just jealous of what you have.”

I know he was trying to help, but he wasn’t. He was just reminding me that I had let a bunch of preteens get under my skin. “I know,” I sighed. “I just… I just need a minute.” I turned away from him to wipe my eyes, which were way too watery for my liking right now, and of course I turned right when Liam came down the hallway.

“Whoa, Jaz you alright?” He rushed over to me and went to put his hands on my waist but I backed away from his grasp.

“I’m fine.”

“No you’re not, you’re crying.” I rolled my eyes at his observation and turned away from both of them now. “What happened to her?” I heard him ask Jeff.

“Liam! I said I was fine!” I snapped sending him a glare.

I instantly felt bad for barking at him when I saw hurt flash across his face before he composed it into a blank stare. “You sure?”

I sighed, “Yes. Go get ready for your show.” He stood there, glancing between Jeff and I unsure if to believe me or not, “I’m serious Liam. Go.”

He didn’t look pleased but he nodded before turning on his heel and leaving the way he came. “Bit harsh, yeah?” Jeff said after a moment.

“I didn’t need him smothering me right now.” I turned and shot him a glance, “You either. You can go back out and get ready to shoot the show.”

“Are you su-” I sent him a glare, “Alright, alright, I’m going,” he said holding his hands up in surrender. “Just don’t take their words too seriously, yeah?”

I nodded before I walked away from him towards Little Mix’s dressing room. When I walked in I noted only Jesy and Perrie were in there, the other two must have been in the shower. Jesy took one look at me and instantly knew something was up, “What’s wrong?” she asked with a look of concern. Her question caught Perrie’s attention as well.

I sighed and practically fell onto the couch, “Just One Direction fan’s being assholes. I’m angry at myself because I let their words get to me.”

“Aw, babe,” Perrie cooed as she sat down on the armrest of the couch while Jesy sat on the cushion next to me.

“That’s not even the worst of it.” I ran my fingers through my hair, “You know how I get when I’m in a bad mood or whatever? Well Liam chose that moment to come over and see what was wrong and I snapped at him.”

Jesy winced, “Yikes. I’m sure once you explain what happened he’ll understand.”

I shrugged. I didn’t want to think about apologizing too him right now. “Would you guys mind if I just headed to the hotel early? The last thing I want right now is to go back out with that raunchy crown.

“You want me to come with you?” Jesy asked.

I shook my head, “No, you go enjoy the rest of your night. I’m just going to shower then crawl into bed or something.”

“Are you sure? We’re gonna go out tonight,” Perrie said, “Seems like you could use a pint or two.”

“Nah, not tonight.”

Perrie gave me a pouty face, “Alright, well, here,” she handed me her room key, “You can have the single room. You deserve it after having to deal with those rude kids. Trust me, I know. The rooms got a hot tub bathtub thing going on. Get a good paper view movie.”

“Are you sure?”

She shoved the key into my hand, “Yes. Take it! Before I change my mind!”

I took it and smiled at both of them, “Thanks guys.”

“We’ll get breakfast in the morning, yeah? Before we go on the boat?” Jesy asked.

“Yeah, I’ll set my alarm.”

*****

I heard when the others got to the hotel after the show. Our group was known for being loud and shouting through hallways, which was why management usually tried to book us all on one entire floor. No one came to my door, which I was grateful for. I did get texts from Louis, Jesy and Jade asking if I wanted to go to the club they were all going too, but I declined. I had taken a long shower and was already change into something to sleep in. I was ready to watch something random on the tellie and edit some pictures. I heard them all rowdy in the hallway as they left as I opened my laptop to start through the pictures.

Well, at least that’s what I intended to do…

I couldn’t help myself, I opened tumblr and searched my name. There were pages and pages of people speculating on my relationship with One Direction. It was stupid really. There were the people who tried defending me, mostly Little Mix fans who’d known who I was and why I was on tour. I was grateful but all it did was fuel the fire.

One of my favorite things that were said over and over again was why I was even aloud around the boys if I was just part of Little Mix’s crew. Or how my photography sucked and that I should obviously focus on my job rather than ‘throwing myself’ at the lads. I get that these things were only being said because they were jealous girls but it was still aggravating.

I don’t know how long I was scrolling before someone knocked on my door. I got up, pushing my laptop to the side, thinking it was Lou or Jeff checking up on me, but I was wrong. When I opened the door Liam shoved his way inside.

“What are you doing Liam?”

“What’s it look like?” he asked as he pushed his way past me into the hotel room. “I’m having a movie night with my friend.”

I watched as he made himself comfortable on my bed, “We’re friends?”

He sent me an exasperated look, “I think that goes without saying, don’t you think?” He turned and looked at my laptop screen, “Why are you looking through your tag on tumblr?” he asked as he pulled it into his lap.

I walked over and shut it close as he tried to scroll through the pages, “Because.”

“Is this why you were in a shit mood earlier?” he pushed my closed laptop onto the nightstand. “Did someone say something to you?”

I shrugged and sat on the end of the bed, the furthest I could get to him, “Doesn’t matter. None of what they say matters.”

He nodded, “Yeah, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. You don’t have to act tough with me,” he said the last part in a hushed tone. The tone irked me, I didn’t want sympathy, especially from him.

“Look, I’m sorry for snapping at you at the venue, yeah?” I sighed, “It was out of line.”

He stared at me for a long moment, “You wanna talk about it?”

I laughed dryly, “No thanks.”

He looked annoyed, “Jazmin!” he snapped, “We’re friends. Friends talk about stuff like this. Let me help. How can I help you?”

I was never one to talk about feelings with anyone, with the exception of Jesy or my mom. So talking about how I was irritated with myself for letting One Direction fans get to me with Liam of all people was the last thing I ever wanted to do. So I did the next best thing, I crawled over into his lap and kissed him.

He only kissed me back for a second before pulling away, “Wait, Jaz-”

“You wanted to know how to help me,” I said before kissing him chastely, “This is helping me. Now no more talking.”

And he did. His arms came around my waist, pulling me closer to him as I deepened the kiss. This was just what I needed to forget about how shitty teenagers were. Liam, and his hands and is lips and this bed. I reached down and pulled his shirt off in one swift moment.

“Wait,” he panted, “I didn’t come over for this, I really was just intending on watching a film.”

I pushed him back on the bed and kissed down his neck and collarbone, “I get it Liam,” I said between kissing across his skin, “You’re a gentleman. We can watch a film after.” I leaned up and looked down at him, “Now seriously, less talking and more getting naked,” I sat up and pulled my tank top off.

He took a second to admire my bare chest before he reached up and pulled me back down on him.

*****

Sex with Liam was mind blowing. I wasn’t prepared for this side of him. I figured it’d just be the typical sexual experience; in-out, done within 15 to 20 minutes. But no, I’ve never been with a guy who was so intent on making sure I got off first. It was usually the guy just caring about his needs, but Liam wasn’t. He took his time, asked what I wanted, how I liked it. And it wasn’t like creepy dirty talk asking, he was genuinely interesting in my needs and for some reason it turned me on even more! I’ve never felt so taken care of in bed ever. And the things he could do with his tongue should be illegal!

Liam rolled off of me as we both panted to catch our breath. I pushed my wild hair out of my face, “Wow.”

“What?”

I glanced over at him and blushed. I didn’t mean for the ‘wow’ to come out of my mouth, “Oh, um. Well that was… amazing.

He let out a hearty laugh, “Oh, well thank you. Strangest, though greatest, compliment I’ve ever gotten.” I pulled the sheet around me and sat up to look over the edge of the bed to find my pj’s. “You do know I just saw like, all of you naked right?”

“Shut up,” I found my underwear and my tank top within reach and slipped them on under the sheet before I pushed it off of me. “Doesn’t mean you can freely see me naked all the time now.”

“More of your ‘rules’?” he asked. She stood up, no regard to the fact that he was stark naked and grabbed his briefs and stepped into them. He caught me staring and smirked.

I rolled my eyes averting my gaze, “So do you still wanna watch that movie?”

He sat back down on the bed, “Do you wanna watch the movie?”

I shrugged, “Sure. Just no cuddling.”

“You really are all about those rules. Live a little Jaz.”

“I like my rules thank you very much.” I grabbed the remote and started looking through the paper view, “So who’s pick is it?”

“Mine!” he said grabbing the remote out of my hand, “You made us watch ‘13 Going On 30’ last time, remember?”

I scoffed, “If I remember correctly, you enjoyed that movie!”

“I did. Still doesn’t change the fact that it’s still my choice.”

“Fine,” I huffed, “But not another Batman film!”

He ended up choosing ‘I Love You, Man,’ and we sat on our own sides of the bed laughing at the plot.

After it was over, true to my ‘rules’ I kicked him out once it finished. “Wow, you were serious about this ‘no sleep over’s’ after sex thing. I kind of thought you were joking.”

I shook my head as I pushed him towards the door, “No, I was serious.”

He pulled his shirt over his head and turned to me, “Is there anything against kissing you goodnight?”

“Not exac-” his cut me off with his lips. His hands cupped my neck and jaw to hold me in place as his tongue snaked though my lips and deepened the kiss. Fuck, was this guy good at everything? Like, that seriously wasn’t fair, I mean he had to be bad at something, no one should be allowed to be so good at everything. I could feel this ‘goodnight’ kiss through my whole body! We were really starting to get into it, again, and it was carrying on longer than I thought so I slowly pushed him away, “Okay, okay,” I laughed against his lips ad he leaned in and captured mine once more, “You got your kiss, now goodnight.”

He smirked, “Goodnight,” he said before he slipped out the door.