She's Not Afraid

The tour started picking up after Australia, and Liam and I continued our… friendship.

We no longer had to sneak in alone time now that out friends knew about us. So we either lucked out and got to room together, or found ways around it. The crew and the rest of the people on tour didn’t know about us though, we, well I didn’t want it to get out to the media, so we never did any PDA whatsoever outside of closed doors.

I also filmed and finished Harry’s ‘day in the life’ in miraculous time.

We were in the states now, Florida to be exact, but only for two nights (two shows). I was a little put off by that because I had really wanted to see Disneyworld but there was no time for that.

“It is so bloody hot in this country,” Zayn whined. He and Liam were bunking together, which really meant that Zayn and I had switched keys and it was now actually Liam and I’s room. We had about 3 hours to kill after sound check and we all just decided to crash- with the AC blasting.

“You know,” Perried piped up, “It was way hotter in Australia.” They were over on the bed next to the one I was laying on with Liam.

I looked over at the couple and saw how they were laying, “It’d probably help if you weren’t spooning. Body heat and all that.”

He scoffed before sitting up, “I think I’m gonna go down to the restaurant and get food. You wanna come babe?”

Perrie yawned and she stood up to follow behind her boyfriend, “I guess. What about you two?”

“No,” Liam moaned. He hadn’t opened his eyes since we came in here. We were lying on our backs next to each other, his hand laying over mine was our only contact.

Perrie made a face in his direction even though he couldn’t see him before looking at me, “Jaz?”

“Nah I’m good. Thanks though.” She nodded before she let Zayn pull her out of the room.

As soon as the door closed Liam rolled into me, wrapping an arm around my waist to pull me into him. “They are so annoying,” he said against the skin of my neck. When he sighed, his breath caused chills to run down my spine.

I patted his hand that was draped lazily on the stomach, “I think you’re just saying that because you were actually trying to have a nap.”

“Wasn’t he the one that brought up the napping idea?”

“Apparently the heat is too much for the Arian prince.” He chuckled, before his pressed his lips to my skin, “Liam,” I warned.

“What? We’re alone. Those are the rules, I’m following the rules!”

I rolled my eyes at his comment. He loved throwing my rules at me. Sometimes over exaggerating them. “Yeah, but we’re cuddling.”

“I believe that rule was no cuddling after sex. This is before. This is pre-sex cuddling. Let me have this one thing!” he whined.

I huffed a sigh but didn’t say anything. Mainly because he sounded so cute presenting his argument, and I felt good laying next to him as he held on to me. I’m not gonna lie, this was new territory to me. I never let anyone cuddle with me. Well, with the exception of Jesy on a few occasions in our life. But there was something about Liam that wore down the fight in me. It was hard to say no to his adorable face.

He grabbed at my waist and pulled me onto my side so we were face to face, “Hey.”

“Hello,” I smirked.

His hand came up and pushing a stray curl out of my face. I loved and hated when he did stuff like that. It was too intimate for what we were. “Can I kiss you?”

And there go the fucking annoying butterflies in my stomach! “Why do you have to be such a gentleman?” I groaned, “You’re killing me!”

He let out a breathy laugh, “I’m sorry, that’s just how I am.” His hand came and planted itself under my jaw holding it in place as he leaned in. His lips ghosted against mine in slow kisses, teasing almost. His tongue would barely slip in and flirt with mine before he pulled it away again.

I didn’t like this. I didn’t like this slow kissing he was doing. It made me feel weird and it was just… it just wasn’t what we were about. I grabbed at his neck, pulling his lips firmly to mine effectively ending the slow kiss business instead going for more of a deep opened mouth, desperate kiss almost.

He didn’t make a comment at my change of pace, instead his hand came down and rested on my hip. He pushed the material of my shirt out of the way so his thumb could rube slow circles into my skin.

Soon all that could be heard in the room was heavy breathing, lips smacking, deep sighs and low moans. I tugged at the bottom of his shirt, “Off.” He pulled away with a smirk and let me pull the shirt off of him before tossing it aside. Before he let me have his lips again, he pulled my shirt off as well.

His lips were back on mine, and we rolled so he was on top of me. His body weight on top of me always felt so good. Like the promise of things to come. His lips trailed down across my jaw to my neck and collarbone. He knew all the spots to hit to have me shaking beneath him with just a few nibbles, sucks and caresses. It wasn’t fucking fair.

My hands were running up and down his back muscles. Jesus his back really turned me on, it was so toned and… oh god who was I kidding, so was the rest of his body. He was trailing kisses and licks across my shoulder and his slowly pulled down my bra strap. I rolled my hips up against his and he groaned against the friction. I grabbed at his sides, my hands moving across his abs. He was literally like a living statue of Michael Angelo’s David, and it almost annoyed me. Seriously, I don’t think I’ll ever get over just how perfect Liam is. Physically and mentally and just everything.

His lips came back to mine just as I pulled his fly down and my hand wondered down. He bit down on my bottom lip as I palmed his through his briefs, grinding into my touch. He unclasped my bra quickly, tossing it out of the way, and nipped at the sensitive skin.

“Liam,” I sighed. I don’t even know why I did that, it just came out. My face heated with embarrassment, but I think it was more so because of the sensations he was giving my body.

He sat up on his knees between my legs. He looked down at me and his hands rubbed up and down my thighs. His eyes were full of lust, and he was breathing heavily. When his hand skirted against me over my jeans I almost came undone right there. But then he bit his bottom lip and I about lost it. I arched my pelvis up at him with a whimper. “Jazmin,” he said my name in this throaty growl that should have been illegal, which just caused me to thrust up into his hand more. He took the hint; his hands moved up and undid the button and zipper of my jeans before he pulled them down over my hips. Once they were off he leaned down and sucked across my hip bones deliciously. I tried my hardest to hold in the moan that wanted so desperately to leave my throat by biting my lip, pretty hard might I add. I managed to keep it a breathy sigh, but my mind and body were going to lose it soon if he didn’t hurry this up. I needed him, now.

I sat up, pulling him by the neck to my lips. My lips and tongue moved against his feverishly. I pushed him to the side so I could help him pull his jeans off, “In a hurry Jaz?” he asked cheekily.

“You have no idea,” I breathed out as I crawled on top of him and started attacking his neck.

*****

I was sitting on an amp as I took some backstage shots of the girls. Little Mix was seconds before going on stage and they were huddled together their dancers getting pumped to go out there. I wasn’t going to the photo pit tonight, choosing to just chill out and capture the back stage action, and from where I was on the unused amp I had a perfect few of the stage.

Louis ran over and hopped up and sat next to me on the amp. “Hey,” he said into my ear as Little Mix launched into their first song. I smiled at him before turning back to the show. I felt him lean in again, “You know you shouldn’t wear a v-neck.”

I turned towards him confused, “What?”

He pointed to my collarbone, “You’ve got a fat hickey love.” I looked down, and sure enough, barely peaking out of the collar of my v-neck was a purple bruise. Heat of embarrassment crept up my neck to my face as I pulled my shirt back so the collar pulled over the hickey to hide it. Louis laughed, “Liam must be an animal in bed.

I smacked his arm, “We aren’t talking about this! Watch the show.”

He laughed and threw his arm over my shoulder so I was leaning into him. “Just giving you a hard time babe.” I rolled my eyes, not taking my eyes off my girls on stage.

The rest of the boys soon joined us. Zayn jumped up and sat on the other side of me while Harry hopped up on the amp next to us. Niall came and squeezed his way between my legs to lean against the amp and he draped his arms over my thighs. I ruffled his hair a bit as we watched the show.

I started to wonder where Liam was when I felt an arm come around my shoulder over Louis’ causing both of us to turn and look. There Liam was with his arms thrown over Lou and I as he smiled at us. “Liam!” Lou cheered before moving his arm off my shoulder so Liam’s was completely draped onto mine, and leaned back to whisper in Liam’s ear that caused them both to laugh. I shook my head at them before turning my attention back to Little Mix.

That’s how we spent the rest of the set, all sitting together like a family as we occasionally sang along. I really was amazed at how easily these boys let me into their little circle with open arms. I didn’t know I was missing something until I had it. As the show progressed Liam’s arms seemed to migrate from my and Louis’ shoulders to my waist. I wanted to push him away, because PDA was a no-no plus there was press at this show, but I figured it’d cause more of an issue to say something then to just let him. As long as it was just him casually holding his arms around my waist, we’d be fine.

Once Little Mix finished their last song, they came running backstage and we all hopped off the amps. The lads headed off to their dressing room to get ready, but Liam held back, waiting for me as I came around the amp to head down the hall to the LM dressing room. “I head I left a mark on you,” he said softly in my ear, his hand coming to my lower back as we walked.

I immediately stepped to the side, giving a good amount of space between us, “Liam,” I warned.

He rolled his eyes, “No one’s paying attention to us,” he said softly.

“There’s press all around here,” I shot back.

“Fine,” he whined as we got to Little Mix’s dressing room. “I’ll see you after the show, yeah?” I just nodded before I headed through the door.

*****

They somehow talked me into going out with them to a club. The club was packed as well as the VIP area. And even though none of us were of age accept Louis, Jesy, Leigh-Anne and I, we somehow kept getting drinks sent to all of us, for free. Our security had warned us all that if we got too out of control we’d be ripped out of the club faster than we could say ‘Jagermeister.’

So we were all huddled in and around a booth, all nursing drinks. Except Niall, he’s thrown a few back, yet still seemed completely fine. Irish little shit.

I noticed, as the night progressed, that Liam seemed to stay close to my side. Not straying more than a few feet from me. Which I felt was odd, I mean, we were out in a club with our friends, he should be off somewhere with Louis causing a ruckus.

Perrie had dragged Zayn off to dance in the corner of the dance floor; he’d really gotten the hand of having her dance on him over the years, and Jesy was scoping the crowd for eligible bachelors to dance with while Jade and Leigh went off to dance together. They’d invited me, but I declined, wanting to have my drink and people watch.

I was talking with Jesy as she continued to scope the crowd when I saw a girl walk over to where Liam, Niall and Harry were. I couldn’t hear what was being said from where I was, with the music and the crowd and all that, but it was blatantly clear that she was talking to Liam. He was smiling but shook his head a lot before she walked off again. When she left the group Liam caught my stare before Niall smacked his shoulder getting his attention again. He excused himself from his band mates before he came over to where Jesy and I were. “You alright?” he asked.

“I’m trying to find a lad good enough to dance with this!” Jesy said gesturing to her body. She’s so modest, that one.

“There’s a guy at the bar staring over here,” Liam offered. We both snapped our attention over to the bar where this guy, that was totally her type, was staring over at us. When he saw us look he nodded his head in greeting. American’s.

“Oh he’s yummy,” Jes commented. I didn’t see it, the guy kind of looked like a T.I. wannabe, which wasn’t my type. She on the other hand, wasted no time excusing herself to go over to him.

“So what was that about,” I asked gesturing to where he and the boys just were.

“What?” his hand ghosted over my side, but I shifted so his hand dropped from my skin.

“That girl, what she want?”

He shrugged, “She asked me to dance.”

I gave him a curious look, “And you turned her down? She was fit.”

He rolled his eyes at me, “Not my type.”

“Skimpy dress and big boobs isn’t you’re type?”

“Nope,” he shot before downing the rest of his drink.

I got a weird feeling with his answer, “You didn’t turn her down because of me right?”

He hesitated, “So what if I did?”

I sighed, “Liam, that’s not how this works.”

“How what works?” he snapped.

“Go ask someone to dance.”

“Why?”

“Because. We’re friends, and as your friend I’m telling you to go dance with someone.”

He eyed me for a moment before it turned into a glare, “That’s what you want?”

“Yes.”

He scoffed and forcefully set his empty pint glass on the table, “Fine,” he stalked off. My gaze followed him until he was swallowed up into the crowd.

“What was that?” Harry asked as I made my way over to where he and Niall were.

I shrugged, “I told him to go find someone to dance with.”

“And that someone couldn’t have been you because…?” Niall asked.

I sighed, “Because we’re just friends. He can go dance with girls all he wants.”

They both eyed me for a long moment. It made me feel uncomfortable under their gaze. “I hope you know what you’re doing,” Harry finally said. “Liam… Liam’s not like us,” he said gesturing between he and I. “He’s not the random hookup type.”

“He said-”

“Don’t you think,” Niall said cutting me off, “That he agreed to whatever you guys have going on because he actually likes you?” Yes. That thought had traveled through my brain countless times, but I always pushed it away.

“You just,” Harry sighed, “You need to be careful with him, yeah? Don’t string him along too long and let him get too attached to you.” I just nodded at his words as I finished off my drink.

We were standing there a good 15 minutes before Louis popped up, “Someone dance with me. You,” he pointed directly at me.

“Why me?”

He scoffed, “Because I already have enough people on my back about being gay to dance with these lads, and my girlfriend would have my bloody balls if I danced with some strange club bird, and you’re shagging Liam, so let’s go.”

“Louis!” I scolded as he grabbed my hand, dragging me out to the dance floor. “You’re such a twat,” I shot as we came to a stop in the crowd.

“Oh come off it babe, and let loose.” He pulled me a bit closer, still keeping a respectable distance between us, and rested his hand on my waist as the other one still held mine.

“This song is rubbish,” I commented as we started to sway to the beat.

“Not a Miley fan are we?”

I shrugged, “Not of this song.”

As the song played through I actually started to enjoy myself with Louis. He made cracks about how some of the other couples were dancing causing us both to laugh here and there. “You know Liam’s dancing with another bird right?”

I shrugged, “I told him too.”

“Why would you do that?” he asked confused.

“Because he’s free to do as he pleases.”

“…as long as he ends up in your bed at the end of the night?” he cocked his head to the side curiously.

I burned with embarrassment again. He was on a roll tonight in doing that to me, “No. We’re just friends. Who occasionally hook up.”

“Occasionally?” He laughed, “You guys are practically sharing a room every time we get a hotel! That’s not ‘occasionally.”

I shrugged, “It is what it is. We’re friends. He can do what he wants and so can I.”

“So you don’t mind that?” he asked nudging his head to the side. I turned to look at what he was referring to and caught sight of Liam through the crown. He was dancing with the girl that had asked him too earlier. Well, I use the term dancing loosely, it was more like they were having sex right on the dance floor with how she was grinding on him. A weird feeling pierced through me. It was a new sensation that shocked me so bad I had to turn away. “Thought so.”

I looked up at Louis’ comment, surprised. He was looking down at me with sympathy and that kind of pissed me off. I didn’t need his pity, Liam was doing exactly what I asked him to do. “He can do what he wants,” I said again.

“Yet that look on your face says something completely different.”

“Stop,” I warned. “I don’t wanna talk about this.”

“Okay, sorry. Subject dropped.” He let go of my waist, “Come on, let’s have a spin!”

I laughed at his insanity but let him push me away from him before I spun back into his chest. Then he dipped me unexpectedly causing me to shriek, “You’re gonna drop me!”

“No I’m not,” he laughed and pulled me back up. I was still laughing when I pulled myself from his grasp and that’s when I spotted Liam again. Though this time he wasn’t dancing. He was in a real steamy lip lock with the girl. I felt like the wind got knocked out of me and my chest hurt. “Shit,” I heard Louis say next to me, effectively snapping me out of the trance.

I immediately turned away from the sight, facing back to Lou, “I uh… I’m gonna go,” I said trying to keep my composure. I didn’t know how to explain what I was feeling, or why I was hurt, but I just needed to get away from the situation.

“I’m coming with you,” he said, grabbing my hand and pulling me through the crowd.

“Lou! You don’t have too,” I said over the music.

He stopped and turned back to me, “Yeah I do,” he said with a serious face. That stopped any argument I had and he continued to pull me through the crowd. He found Paul and told him we were leaving and to let the rest of our group know before continuing to pull me out the back exit to where we had cars waiting for our departure.

We hopped in the rental SUV and the driver took off back to the hotel. “You okay?” Louis asked after we were silent for a few blocks.

My first instinct was to lie, to completely ignore all the feelings brewing inside of me. To just push it all so deep down inside me that it would just disappear. But when I looked over at the cheeky lad next to me, the truth came out on its own, “I don’t know.” I sighed, “I… this… I shouldn’t feel like this.” He was silent at my answer, instead he reached over and grabbed my hand. “This isn’t how it’s supposed to be.”

His thumb ran across my knuckles, “Nothing ever is love.”

I sighed, “Whatever.” I just wanted to forget this whole thing and go back to not caring who Liam danced with or kissed.

“No, not ‘whatever,’” Lous snapped. “You have feelings for him. Just fucking admit it Jazmin.”

I shook my head, “No I don’t.”

He heaved out a laugh, “Okay fine, keep lying to yourself. Real smart.” I kind of wanted to reach over and smack him, but instead I pulled my hand out of his and crossed my arms over my chest. I looked out the window, done with this conversation. He sighed, “Look, Jaz. You can’t ignore the fact that you’re hurt, even a little bit, because Liam was kissing someone else.” There was a stabbing in my heart again when he brought it up.

We pulled up to the back of the hotel then and I still hadn’t said anything to his words. We sat there for a few moments before he finally sighed and climbed out, me following right behind him. We got halfway across the lobby before I remembered that I had traded keys with Zayn. “Hey,” I said to Louis, “You go on up, I’ve… I forgot my key so I’m gonna go get a new one.” He looked at me oddly before shrugging and continued on to the lifts.

After I got my room key situation under control I headed up and went to the room Perrie and I were originally supposed to share. I sent her a quick text telling her I felt sick and that I left early with Louis and was now in our room. I tossed my phone aside before changing and then crawling into the bed and burying myself in the covers.

Images of Liam and that girl floated through my head as well as the things I was feeling. How I was letting him get too close, obviously, if I was so affected by him being with another girl.

After torturing myself for about 20 minutes, I forced all the negative thoughts from my brain and tried to sleep.

*****

When I woke up the next morning, there was s sliver of sun that had peaked through the curtains and was beaming me right in the face. I groaned in annoyance before I rolled over. When I did though, I smacked right into someone’s chest.

Of course it was Liam’s, who else would it have been?

I rolled away from his sleeping form and stared up at the ceiling. I didn’t remember him coming in here last night. In fact, I don’t even remember waking up once after I fell asleep. I was annoyed. I changed my room back because I didn’t want to be around him.

How dare he share a bed with me after he was practically having sex with some girl on the dance floor and kissing her for everyone and their mother to see!

As soon as that through passed through my head, I instantly hated myself for being offended over something like that.

I slipped from the bed as carefully as I could before I locked myself from the bathroom. I took a long shower. As I stood under the water I tried to sort through everything I was feeling. Liam and I were obviously getting too close, we needed some space. We shouldn’t be spending so much time together, especially at night. Everything was getting complicated and confusing.

I finally turned the shower off once the hot water turned cold. I dried myself off and wrapped myself in the towel before I quietly slipped back into the room to get clothes before going back into the bathroom.

I changed, and then attacked my hair with hairspray and moose. It was the only way to keep my curls at bay.

I was hoping to sneak out of the room before Liam woke up, but of course that wasn’t a possibility. When I exited the bathroom again, he was sitting up in bed, in all his shirtless glory, “Morning.”

“Hey,” I said as I walked over to my luggage to re-pack my bathroom stuff. We were leaving after the second show tonight so I didn’t want to forget anything.

“Do you wanna get breakfast?”

My stomach was empty and I was hungry, but I’d just told myself in the shower that I wasn’t going to spend so much time alone with him. “Nah, I’m alright. I’ll probably just grab something with the girls.”

He was quiet at my answer and I went back to sorting my things, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, fine,” I said, still packing and repacking my bathroom stuff.

“Then why are you just standing there, rearranging your bag over and over again?”

My hands stilled, “Just being a little OCD I guess.”

I hear him sigh and get up, but I still didn’t turn around. I heard his belt jingle so I knew he at least had jeans on now. “Is this about last night?”

“No,” I said instantly.

“You’re a shit liar. You told me to go find someone to dance with.”

Finally, I turned to face him. He was just in black skinny jeans and nothing else, “I know.” I shrugged, “Did you have fun?”

He eyed me confused, “Yeah I guess. Look-”

“Awesome!” I cut him off, overly chipper.

I went to go for the door but he jumped in my way, “Hey, wait. You’re mad.”

“No I’m not.”

He rolled his eyes, not believing me. Honestly, even I noticed how I sounded. “She kissed me Jaz. It wasn’t anything.”

I played dumb, “You kissed someone? Was she good?”

“Don’t do that,” he said darkly. “Don’t pretend with me Jazmin. I know when something’s bothering you.”

I just really, really wanted to get away from him. I sighed, “Nothing’s bothering me Liam. I wanted you to go find another girl. I’m happy you got to makeout and have fun last night.” Total and complete fucking lie. “I’m meeting Jesy, so I’ll see you later, yeah?” I said before ducking around him and practically running out the door.

As soon as there was a door between us I felt like I could breathe again. Though there was still something nagging in the back of my mind.

I started walking down the hall to Jesy’s room when Perrie came out of Zayn’s. “Come to breakfast with me,” I said instantly.

She looked at me funny, “Yeah, okay. What’s up with you?”

I waved her off, “I’ll explain at breakfast. Now let’s go. Please.”

She stared at me for a long moment before agreeing, “Okay.”