She's Not Afraid

“News flash Jazmin!” Leigh-Anne said, “You actually, genuinely like him!”

“Like, really like him,” Jade continued.

We were on the bus now on our way to another city in another state. After I went to breakfast with Perrie and told her everything, and she pretty much said the same thing the others were telling me. But that didn’t mean I wanted to listen. I’d managed to dodge Liam the rest of the day, and through the show, claiming I was busy, and then hopped on the bus before he could corner me. And now, I was in the back lounge with my girls discussing my life.

Jesy patted my thigh, “Why is admitting you like him such a problem?”

I shrugged, “I don’t know. I’ve been… not one to take affection well since I can remember.”

“I don’t get it, I mean, I’ve met your parents,” Leigh said, “They’ve been happily married for years.”

“I know. I just… I get all claustrophobic when I think about actually being with someone.” I had a few ideas as to why I was probably like this. Like how my first time having sex was at some party with a guy I didn’t know, who just up and left as soon as he came. Or how in school, every guy I liked didn’t like me enough to really want to be with me. I’m sure the list goes on but at a point, I just stopped giving a shit. Relationships were overrated anyway.

“What’s the plan though? Like are you just going to stop hanging out with Liam?” Perrie asked.

I shrugged again, “I don’t know. I don’t want that either. We have fun you know? And he’s so sweet, I like the attention.”

Jade leaned on her thighs to really look at me, “Then just be with him.”

I could feel the anxiety at her words, “No, I can’t.”

“Well,” Leigh shrugged, “I don’t know what we can tell you.”

“I didn’t think you would,” I sighed.

*****

When we got to the next city, we got there only a few hours before the show. While everyone else shuffled off to go get ready for the show, or find food like Perrie and Mikey and Jeffery, I stayed on the bus. I had a lot of editing to do, so no, I wasn’t hiding from Liam.

…Okay, well maybe I was. But I wasn’t ready to go out there like I wasn’t the most confused person on the planet right now!

So there I was, in the back lounge with my laptop on my lap as I sorted through pictures, when I heard footsteps come onto the bus. I was curious, but not enough to actually get up and investigate. I heard the steps bound down the bus until they threw the door to the lounge open, “There you are!” Louis said rather loudly.

“Here I am,” I confirmed not bothering to look up at him.

He fell onto the couch next to me, “Avoiding Liam.” It was a statement not a question.

I glared at him, “No. Getting some work done.”

“Sure you are. Because you’ve never been able to get work done in the dressing rooms.”

“I wanted quiet, which ended as soon as you walked in here, sir.”

“He’s stressed out over this you know.”

I sighed dramatically as I closed my laptop. It was blatantly clear that I wouldn’t be getting anything done now that he was here, “How is this my problem?”

Now it was his turn to glare at me, “Because it’s your fault he’s stressed out. You haven’t talked to him since Florida.”

“That’s not true.”

He scoffed, “Okay, you know talking to him in passing or while we’re all around isn’t what I mean. You guys are always running off to be alone and you haven’t even stood next to him.”

“I’ve just been busy.”

“Yeah, editing shit, I get it.” He stared at me for a long moment before his features softened, “If you’re done with him, don’t string him along Jaz.”

“I’m not stringing him along,” I argued. “And I’m not… I don’t know. I just need a minute, yeah?”

He threw his head back against the couch, “It’s like talking to a wall,” he said to himself. “Look, I don’t know how this ‘friends’ thing works with you but I’m pretty sure you just don’t go days without talking to someone.”

“Well actually-”

“We’re on tour,” he cut me off, “You can’t avoid anyone, we’re always together. Figure it out Jazmin. I love you, but I’m not going to sit here and let you dick around one of my brothers.”

His words hit me hard. Louis was rarely thing serious about things and it was a real eye opener. “Alright,” I swallowed thickly, “I’ll talk to him. Happy?”

A massive smile spread across his face, “Extremely.”

*****

After that Louis left and I sat there and edited a few more pictures before caving and texting Liam. I was going with the whole ‘act like nothing happened’ approach to all of this, and judging by his texts, I think he might be too.

Where you at? I sent.

I think its where r u at?

editing on the bus.

come 2 ours.

I hopped off the bus and walked the few feet to the 1D one. “Hello?” I called out when I walked on.

“Bunk area!” I hear Liam call.

I walked through the messy front lounge to the bunks. Most of them were empty but a few of the curtains on the others were closed “Marco?” I called out.

“Polo,” he replied as he pulled the curtain back from the middle bunk to my left.

“Hey,” I smiled, “Where is everyone?”

“Doing their own thing. Finished sound check and just came back here.” He pulled the curtain open more and sat up, “Make yourself at home,” he said motioning to the empty space next to him. I crawled in and he shut the curtain behind me. Then we sat there in silence. I didn’t know what to say and clearly neither did he. I started picking at a string on his comforter and I tried to think of something to say. But Liam beat me to it, “So, uh… Are we okay?”

I looked up at him, “Yeah.” I cleared my throat, “Yeah, I’ve just been busy is all.” Best to just brush this one under the rug. I was good at that, ignoring a problem until it just went away.

He grabbed at my hand to stop my fidgeting, “Are you sure? Because you were acting weird the other morning, and then you kind of… avoided me until this moment.”

I shrugged not meeting his eyes, “No, I’m fine.” I smiled at him, “Promise.” And because I didn’t know what else to do, I leaned over and kissed him. His lips were only frozen for a moment before he started to kiss me back. I liked this, it was better than talking, talking was overrated too. Liam’s lips and tongue against mine however, were perfect.

He let me pull him down on top of me as I laid back against his pillow. The bunk smelled of him, like cologne, soap and just Liam. He wasted no time trailing his plump lips away from my lips to my jaw and neck. He was good at this, and he knew it. He knew the way to kiss my skin to make me shake, and he knew where to lick to get the goosebunps to run across my body. It was like a game to him I think, because every time it happened, he’d let out this throaty laugh, which also drove me up the wall.

His hand wondered down and popped the button on my jeans, “Liam,” I breathed, “what are you doing?”

He rested his forehead against mine, his breath ragged, “It’s clear that we aren’t going to be talking,” he stated, “ And no one’s here.”

“Doesn’t mean,” he kissed my lips cutting me off for a moment, “That no one will come back.”

He smirked, “What? You can’t be quiet?”

I glared at him, trying to keep the smirk off my face, “Are you trying to challenge me?”

“Is it working?” He licked my bottom lip. Oh god, yes it was working.

I pulled him by the neck back to my lips and kissed him hard, “We have to be quick though.”

In response, he rolled his hips against mine, letting out a moan.

*****

“Was that quick enough for you?” He asked against the skin of my neck. I think we managed that within 15 minutes. I swear I’ve never been able to get off that fast with anyone but him. He was so intent on making sure I was getting something out of it and he paid attention to the places most guys seemed to forget about.

Before I could answer we heard footsteps bound up onto the bus, “Hey Liam! Are you hungry?” I hear Harry shout. We started to scramble to find our clothes in the tiny space of the bunk. “Liam?” Harry’s voice said much closer now.

“I can’t find my bra or my shirt,” I hissed at him in a panic, pushing the blanket around to try and locate them.

“Shit,” he whispered as he tried to help. He’d found his briefs threw his shirt on me, “just put this on.”
“Li- oh look at that,” I heard Louis say right outside of the bunk now.

“Who’s bra-” I heard Harry laugh, “Oh wow.”

“Smells like sex.”

Then the curtain was being ripped back and Liam was throwing himself in front of me to try and cover anything that wasn’t being covered by his shirt and blanket. “Louis!” he barked, “Privacy, yeah?” Over his shoulder I could see a very smug looking Louis, Harry, who was right behind him, was turning red from fighting the giggles I could tell he was holding in.

“Well, well, well,” Louis sang. “Nice undies Liam,” then he smirked at me, “I see you two sorted yourselves out rather quickly.”

Harry held up my bra in front of him, “This yours Jazmin? You shop at Victoria Secret I see.” He and Louis started giggling.

Liam reached over and snatched my bra out of his band mates grasp, “Sod off, both of you.”

“And I thought we’d end up walking in on Perrie and Zayn. This tour is just full of surprises,” Louis remarked.

I rolled my eyes, “You’re such a wanker.”

He winked at me, “Sex hair looks good on you babe.” I flipped him off.

“Goodbye!” Liam announced before he grabbed the curtain out of Louis grasp and shut it.

“Oh, you told me!” he laughed, “Not like I can just pull a curtain back open or anything.”

“Louis!” Liam and I whined at the same time.

“Okay, we’re going,” Harry said.

Louis laughed again, “I just love seeing you two together. Is it shipping? Yeah, I ship it!” He yelled as his voice went back out of the bus.

Once we heard the door close Liam sunk into his pillow, “I am so sorry about them,” he mumbled.

I laughed and kissed his bare shoulder, “It’s alright. I knew it was a possibility before I consented to this… um… activity?”

He looked up at me and smiled, “You’re so adorable when you’re embarrassed, you know that?”

My heart fluttered at his words, which in turn filled me with dread. “Thanks,” I cleared my throat and looked away from him. “You wanna help me find all my clothes before the rest of your band comes back?”

I could feel him staring at me for a moment, a look, I noticed, I couldn’t read on his face. I tried to distract myself by putting my bar on under his shirt. “Sure,” he finally said sitting up.

I grabbed my jeans that were smashed into the corner and pulled them on the best I could in the small space. Liam jumped out of the bunk, and picked my shirt off the floor before tossing it to me, “Thanks,” I said before giving him his back. He just hummed in response, not looking at me as he redressed.

I wanted to ask what was bothering him, but I knew he’d say something I wasn’t prepared to deal with. So instead I crawled out of his bunk and slipped my shoes back on. “I’ll see you later yeah?”

He had just pulled his jeans back on, and ran his hands through his messy short hair, “Sure.”

“Hey,” I said resting my hand on his arm, “Have a good show.” He nodded absently, but he let me kiss him so I knew that whatever was bothering him, he wouldn’t let it affect our physical relationship. “I’ll see you out there,” I said once we’d parted.