She's Not Afraid

I think the one night with Liam to ‘get it out of our system’ backfired for me. Every time he was in the same room as me I felt this pull towards him. I wanted to touch him, holding him, kiss him. Oh god did I want to kiss him again.

I tried keeping myself busy. The next two weeks of tour I spent editing, mixing tour updates and working on Niall’s ‘day in the life.’ But it didn’t distract me enough for me to ignore the want I had for Liam. I managed to dodge hanging out with him in the hotels at night, I didn’t exactly trust myself not to jump him so we hadn’t hung out a whole lot alone. I hadn’t told anyone what happened, no matter how bad I wanted to share it with the girls, and I don’t think Liam had either.

We were in Spain now for a few days. I don’t think anyone got any sleep on the plane ride and we all just wanted to sleep. We’d flown in at an ungodly hour and everyone was exhausted, so we wanted to sleep away this day off. That is, except for the massive crowd of fans outside the hotel. And they were loud, really loud. We could hear them from our rooms and it just made it so much harder to sleep.

While Perrie and I tossed and turned in our beds, Liam took a different approach- snapping about it on twitter. I noticed because I had my friends tweets sent to my phone; it was the only way for any of us t see our tweets without getting lost in the @replies. I sat there for five minutes watching as he tweeted an apology and at a few countless fans bombarded him with hate for being ungrateful or a brat. I exited out of twitter and sent him a text; You okay?

His reply came instantly.

From: Liam
No im fuckin tired and irritated and now ppl are jumping down my throat for being human!

Well he sure seemed to be having a shit day. I got up and slipped my shoes on, “Where you going?” Perrie asked poking her silver hair out from behind her pillow.

“To check on Liam. I think he’s losing his mind from exhaustion.”

“Aw,” she cooed, “Send him my best.”

I waved at her as I walked out. Liam’s room was down the hall, I knew that much. I’d seen him walk into it when Perrie and I got to ours. When he answered the door he a tired, irritated expression on his face. I tried not to focus on the fact that he was wearing nothing but his jeans. He let me in without a word and I took in the room. He had it all to himself, with one king bed, but his room was on the front side of the hotel, right above the fans, so it was louder over here than in mine.

“I see you lucked out with your own room,” I turned to face him, “Where’s your laptop?”

He shot me a confused glance as he fell onto the bed, “Why?”

“Because I’m here to help you out, now where’s your laptop?”

He pointed across the room, “In my carryon.” I swiftly walked over and pulled it out. Once it was on, I dug in the bag to find the iPod adaptor and plugged my iPod into it. “What exactly are you doing?”
“You’ll see, I’m almost done,” I shot over my shoulder. I got up and moved the laptop over to sit on the A/C unit that was right under the window. I turned the volume up as loud as it could go and hit play on this acoustic playlist I had. It seemed to drown out most of the crown down below us. I turned and went and lay on the bed next to him.

“Thanks, Jaz” he sighed rubbing at his eyes. “I don’t know way I didn’t think of that.”

“Because you’re knackered as hell probably,” I smiled.

He rolled onto his side so we were both now facing each other, “You didn’t have to come over here though, I would have figured something out.”

“But I wanted too.” I shrugged, “You sounded like you were having a hard time, so as your friend I wanted to help.”

He smiled at me as he reached over and tucked one of my curls behind my ear then leaned over and kissed me. It was a short kiss, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t intimate. It was mostly just lips, but there was a hint of tongue at the end right before he pulled away, “Thanks,” he breathed against me before resting back on the pillow.

I gulped, “Liam-”

“I now, but you look so cute right now, and you came all the way over to help me out. I had to kiss you,” the lazy smile on his face was killing me. That, plus the amazing little kiss, and his epic shirtless chest right there in front of me, and the tired look in his eyes was enough to make me throw all caution to the wind.

I grabbed at his neck, pulling his lips back to mine. I curled into him as his arms came around my waist pulling me flush against him. It felt so good to be back here after weeks of fighting it. I pushed all weary thoughts of the reproductions of this out of my mind and just enjoyed being in the moment. His lips moving with mine, our tongues fighting against each other, my hands running down his back and his pushed the bottom of my shirt up to rest against the skin of mine.

He rolled us so he was on top of me and started kissing down my neck. He reached up and pushed my hair out of his way and I arched my neck to give him better access. He pulled the collar of my shirt away and he nipped and sucked lightly on my collarbone. Without giving any though a moan escaped my lips. Everything he was doing felt too good.

I bit down on his shoulder causing him to hiss and shutter against my body. His hips were moving so seductively against mine that my own rolled back against his. I’m pretty sure this would be the exact definition of dry humping.

My hands were all over him, to the point that I think I could draw every muscle from memory. His arms were my favorite- they were perfectly toned and the way they held me firmly against him was such a turn on. I just wanted more.

His kisses were slowing down though. He had rolled so we were back on our sides and back to innocent kissing. One of his arms was still around my waist while the other cradled my neck as his lips still battled with mine. But then he slowly started pulling away until he was just resting his forehead against mine, staring into my eyes. “Stay?” he whispered.

God, his tired, throaty whisper was so fucking hot! “Okay.”

He smiled and leaned in and kissed my lips chastely. He then rolled onto his back, pulling me with him so I was resting on his chest. His skin was a little clammy from the activity we just participated in, but I didn’t want to move. His breathing and heart beat were lulling me to sleep. All that, plus feeling comfortable in his arms mixed with the acoustic songs playing through his laptop speakers, there was no way I was moving.

*****

When I woke up later it was dark outside. I was lying on my stomach and it took me a second to realize that the reason I was so hot was because Liam was practically lying on my back. I moved my shoulders to try and wake him, “Hey Li. Liam can you get off me? You’re like a space heater.”

He groaned but rolled over onto his back. Once off of me I instantly felt cooler and flipped over and glanced at him. “Sorry,” he mumbled as he stretched, waking himself up more.

I grabbed his arm and pulled his writs down to my eye level to check the time on his watch. It was almost 10 at night. We’d managed to sleep through the day. I noticed that the iTunes had stopped and I couldn’t hear the crowd anymore. He sat up against the head bored and grabbed the binder off the side table. “What are you doing?”

“Ordering food. I’m hungry, want anything?”

I shrugged, “Sure.”

“Pizza?” he looked at me expectantly.

I nodded, “Works for me.”

He called down to room service to putt in our order. I sat up and stretched, trying to get my bearings and leaned back on the head bored next to him. “Should be up here in about 20 minutes,” he said as he hung up the phone. I just nodded staring off into space, the spell of sleep still fogging my head.

I watched as Liam reached over and took my hand into his lap where he started playing his my fingers absentmindedly. I just sat there and watched as I replayed what we did before we fell asleep. My heart beat sped up as I did which was annoying. I didn’t want to feel like this with him. I didn’t want to ruin our friendship. “Hey Liam?”

“Hmm,” he hummed sending me a glance before turning back to our hands.

“What are we doing?”

He looked back up at me again, “Waiting for food…”

I rolled my eyes at him, “You know what I mean. We were supposed to have gotten this… tension out of our system back in London.”

He sighed, “Well maybe I didn’t think I’d still feel this… pull towards you.” My breath caught when he said that. So he felt it too, it wasn’t just me. “I know you don’t date, but I was thinking… why can’t we just be friends with benefits?”

Well, didn’t exactly see that coming, “Liam, friends with benefits can get complicated. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I’m not that fragile Jazmin.”

“Yeah but… you’re a ‘boyfriend’ guy.”

He huffed a laugh, “Yeah, maybe I am. But maybe I’m into trying other things? I’m 19, attractive,” he wiggled his eyebrows at me, “on tour living the life. You’re an attractive 21 year old. Older woman!” I laughed at his comment, “So you’re not a ‘girlfriend’ bird, I get that, but I do know that I like you. And I love kissing you, and I know you feel the same. So why not see what happens?” he shrugged. “Harry’s done this before, I think I can handle it.”

I bit my lip in thought. My body was screaming at me to take the offer. He knew what he was getting into, or so he said, so I wouldn’t have to feel like I was using him. He wanted this too. “If we do this,” I sighed, “We need ground rules.”

He nodded, “Alright, lay them on me.”

“We keep this private. Just between us.” I ran my hand through my curls, “I’m not saying you can’t tell your mates, but I just don’t want it… publicized you know? Our friends can know, but still, no PDA.”

He nodded, “Okay.”

“No jealousy. We’re friends, we’re not together. If I’m talking to some guy you can’t get all territorial. Just like I can’t go start a catfight when a girl is all over you.”

He smirked, “I’d pay to see that though.”

I nudged his arm with my elbow, “I bet you would. One last thing…” I didn’t know how to say the last one without feeling completely awkward.

“Go on, what’s the last one.”

I looked him in the eyes before looking away. I cleared my throat, “Well uh, if… if we, you know, have sex…um, no sleepovers. If we get naked, we don’t share a bed after.”

“What?” His eyebrows furrowed, “We’ve shared a bed before,” he said gesturing to our positions on the bed now.

“I know, it just… it could confuse your feelings.” His eyebrows were still scrunched in confusion so I backed tracked my words, “I’ve done this a few times, you know that. So I know what to do and what not to do. I know how I feel about getting too close to people but do you?” He shrugged and I continued, “I just think it’s safer if we don’t spoon after we’re that… intimate.”

He nodded, “Well you’re the boss. What you say goes. I can live without post sex cuddling. But can we do it if we’re just watching a film or something yeah?” I giggled and nudged him playfully as he pulled me into him onto his lap, “I kind of like being close to you Jazmin,” he said against my neck before nipping at it causing me to shriek. He laughed pulling back, “So do we tell the others or just let them figure it out?”

I shrugged, “I vote figure it out, but you can tell them if you want.”

“I think messing with them will be more fun,” he smirked.

“I find it usually is, yeah.”

He pushed his hands up through my curls massaging against my scalp as he did so. Chills ran down my body it felt so good. I hummed in delight as he pulled my face closer to his, “Come here…” he mumbled before his lips met mine.