Can You Find Me?

Getting to know Daniel was better than I imagined. We hit it off so well that he extended his weeklong stay into two weeks. On top of that, all my friends really liked him too.

After the night I introduced him to Niall, I finally called Blue and told her what happened. And despite my objections, she flew home that day. I also got calls and stuff from Josh and the rest of the band, they wanted to come back and be here for me, but they had band stuff to take care of. Plus I didn’t want everyone to stop their life to come rushing to my side when I was fine.

I learned that Daniel and I have very similar music taste. We spent a whole day going from record store to record store going through countless albums and CD’s and talking about our favorites and stories certain songs reminded us of.

Seriously, we couldn’t be more alike even if we were actually blood related siblings.

He also witnessed firsthand what it was like to go out in public with a member of One Direction. He had met them all now, including Kota, Perrie and Eleanor and they all were really supportive in me getting to know him. Especially Niall. Daniel hung out with Niall and the other lads while I was at the bakery usually, or didn’t want to tag along with me to a photo shoot (though he did come to the DropDead one but I think it was just to meet Oli). It was so odd, but awesome and I was grateful for the open arms.

My aunt was especially proud of me for getting to know my brother. It was still weird calling him that, but… that’s what he was essentially.

The scandal with The Wanted was also more or less ‘old news’ already. Jay and Nathan released a statement about how it was all bullshit and made the magazine retract it’s statement. Harry and Kota were working through it one day at a time. The only issue we had was Louis. He was still being a huge cunt to Kota, and it was really starting to piss me off, but I just hadn’t had a chance to talk to him about it yet. It was like the big elephant in the room with all of us.

Today, Niall, Blue and I took Daniel to all the touristy places; Buckingham Palace, and Big Ben. Max, Josh and Dan met us to take a ride on the London Eye. I’d only been on the Eye a handful of times and I always forgot how much I loved it. We all lucked out and didn’t have to share our carriage with anyone else but our group.

We were crawling to the top when Josh hip checked me. Our friends were a few feet away talking and laughing about one thing or another while I was admiring the view. “Your brother’s pretty cool yeah?” he said.

I nodded, “He is. I was pleasantly surprised.”

He wrapped his arm around my shoulder, “You’re doing all right yeah? You know about your mom and all that?”

I shrugged and looked out over the city, “Yes and no. Like, it sucks that she’s gone you know. But she really hasn’t been a part of my life in a long time, so it’s not like I’m really missing anything.”

He hummed at my answer and watched the scenery as well. Our friends started laughing at something loudly catching my attention. They were being complete idiots as they made comments about things across the city they could see. Niall was coming down from a full body laugh when he caught my stare. He turned bright red when he saw I was staring and gave me a sheepish smile. My heart literally leaped when he did, nerves of all kind shot through my body. I felt nervous under his stare almost, “You’re biting your lip,” Josh chuckled as he looked over and saw Niall. The nodded at each other before Josh turned back to me, “Are you two back together yet?” I just shrugged. “Right, well like I’ve said, just be happy babe, and I support you.”

I rested my head on his shoulder, “Thanks Josh.”

After the London Eye ride, we all grabbed some take away and headed to Josh and Max’s house. Josh, Dan, Max and Niall started talking to all of us about the albums they were in the process of writing and recording. I’d heard a few rough cuts of some new You Me At Six songs that Josh played me but not many. I was secretly glad that I was not the muse for the record like I had been for the last. I hadn’t heard any new One Direction stuff and the more Niall talked about it, the more I wanted too.

After a few hours of hanging out, talking, eating, playing a little rock band, we all decided to call it a night. I was headed to the hotel with Daniel so I could help him pack since he was leaving early in the morning.

Niall pulled me aside, “Hey,” his hands rested comfortably at my waist, “Am I seeing you later?”

I blushed, I couldn’t help it with the way he was staring at me. This intense loving stare that ignited a fire inside of me. I bit my lip for a second, “Yeah, if you’re extending the invitation.”

He smirked, “I always am.” His lips brushed mine briefly before he walked away from me to say his goodbyes to my brother.

*****

Walking into Daniel’s hotel room, I learned he was a complete slob. His clothes were everywhere.

“Wow, you are such a guy,” I laughed.

“Yeah well, I’m more organized like this. I can literally see everything I brought with me.” I rolled my eyes at his answer and started to pick up articles of clothing as I walked further into the room.

“You know, you’re a pretty cool chick.”

“Cheers,” I scoffed a laugh. “You’re a pretty nice lad yourself.”

“Cheers?”

I smirked, “It means thanks, here.”

“Oh, right,” he nodded. He started folding stuff as I threw it onto the bed, “Thanks for this. It was cool meeting everyone and going around London.”

I smiled, “No problem. Seems like the thing to do when you’re brother you didn’t know about comes to the UK for the first time,” I smirked.

“You friends are really welcoming.”

“That they are,” I nodded. “Though I think they’re kinda your friends now too.”

“Free One Direction tickets for life!” he joked.

“They’re good people,” I confirmed, smirking at his comment.

“That Niall though,” he said softly, “He really love you, you know. That’s rare, don’t let it go.”

I shot him an amused look, “Was that your try at brotherly advice?”

He rolled his eyes, “I guess it was. But I’m right. If I found a girl that looked at me the way he freaking adores you, I’d be down on one knee right there.”

I shoved his arm, “He’s not even 21 yet, calm down.”

“I’m not saying get married, I was exaggerating! But still, what’s the deal?”

“I don’t know,” I shrugged looking out at the view, “We’re just… seeing how it goes. Things got… complicated a few months back between us.”

He nodded, “Like what?”

I shrugged as I sat on the bed across from him. I sighed as I picked up a t-shirt and started folding. I started to tell him about what happened almost a year ago. The pregnancy scare, my anxiety over it, and Niall’s apparently. I told him everything from leaving London for a while to just get away from it all, to when Niall drunkenly broke up with me to now.

He whistled, “Well, that does sound a bit fucked, but you’re passed that aren’t you? I mean, it’s obvious.” He smirked at me, “I’m willing to bet you haven’t slept in your own bed, alone, since the day I met you.”

I turned trying to hide the blush that was giving me away, “We’re not talking about this!”

“Fine, fine,” he said through a laugh. “But I’m just saying you know…”

“Don’t let him pass me by, got it.”

We continued to clean up the hotel room and pack up his suitcase and carryon (which was full of all the crap we bought on out tourist adventure), making small talk here and there.

“So,” he said once we were almost done, “I know you don’t want to talk about it, but we have too before I leave.”

I knew what was coming, I’ve been putting it off and avoiding it the whole time we were together. I mean we’ve kind of talked about a few things. Like how his dad was a higher up at a paper company. ‘We aren’t rich, but we live comfortably,’ Daniel had said. “Okay.”

“So, there was a will my parents, well our parents left. Everything went to us. And we split the life insurance money.”

I nodded, “Okay…”

“So the house, it’s both of ours,” he explained. “I don’t need it, it’s much too big for me and the way I live. But if you want it, we can keep it.”

I shrugged, “I don’t see why I’d need a house in LA.”

“It’s on the beach,” he pointed out. “You said you loved the California beach.” I just nodded not sure what to say. “And the life insurance money?” he went on, “It’s enough to live off of comfortably.”

I eyed him, “I thought you said you weren’t rich.”

He shrugged, “We live comfortable.”

This was a lot to take in. “So what you’re saying is-”

“You wouldn’t have to worry about money. Especially with the money you make modeling and at the bakery.” He chuckled, “Unless you want to throw it all way in Vegas or something.” I smiled but didn’t say anything. “What I’m getting at is, I think you should come to LA and see the place. Maybe help me go through our parents stuff. If you don’t want anything or the house, that’s fine, we can sell it. Split the profit.”

I sighed at all the information and thoughts rolling through me, “Alright. I don’t think I can come anytime soon, I have to help my aunt out at the bakery.”

“That’s fine, I kind of figured. But maybe in a month or two, for a weekend or something?”

I shrugged, “I can probably manage that. I’m just anxious leaving town when she’s like, almost 3 months away from popping you know?”

“Yeah, I get it. You’re life is here. But everything is half yours so, if you want anything you can have it.”
I nodded. “I can’t believe this. I’m rich!” I laughed.

He scoffed, “We prefer the term ‘well off.’ My dad never wore his money on his sleeve you know?”

“Yeah I get it. My friends are the biggest boy band on the planet, remember? And they all look homeless half the time.”

He laughed, “I’m gonna miss your sass.”

“You can always visit again. And I’ll make plans to come out to California too. Maybe for a week, I’ve never been to Disneyland.”

“Well that that’s happening.”

*****

“Just let me apologize for being disrespectful about your and Ayden’s relationship.” I hadn’t seen Hanna since Ayden’s aunt had called me that night 2 weeks ago. We’d texted and had a phone conversation, but this was the first time I was seeing her. She’s brought me ‘I’m sorry’ snicker doodles so really, it was hard to hold a grudge. Not that I has.

“It’s alright Hanna. We’re fine. I wasn’t even mad at you.”

“Oh. Well I’m still sorry, it was- is none of my business. If you’re happy then I’m happy for you.”

I nodded at her. We were sitting at my new kitchen table drinking tea and eating the cookies. “I still don’t know where we stand though, Ayden and I,” I explained. “It’s like we’re together, but she’s still holding me at arm’s length.” She nodded as I vented, “Like she told me she wanted to be selfish with me. She crawls into my bed every night,” I pretended not to see Hanna make a playful disgusted face and continued, “and she tells me she loves me. But she hasn’t said if we’re back together or now. Am I just supposed to assume we are?”

She shrugged, “I have no idea Ni. I don’t know her like you do. Or at all, for that matter. Maybe you should ask her?”

“I don’t want to seem like I’m pressuring her though.”

She was about to speak when there was a knock at the door, “Speak of the devil,” Hanna smiled.

I returned the smile as I got us to get the door. When I opened it, Ayden smiled up at me, “Hey.”

I laced my fingers with hers as I pulled her inside, “Hi. Hanna’s here.”

“Oh,” she said surprised, “Should I go or-”

“No, no. It’s fine. I want you to meet her.” I really did actually.

When I guided her into the kitchen, Hanna stood up, “Hi Ayden,” she said brightly. “I’m Hanna, I’ve heard so much about you I feel like I know you already.”

Ayden’s smile was a bit apprehensive as she shook Hanna’s hand, “Hi. I’ve heard lovely things about you as well.” I have no idea why I was nervous. Maybe because Ayden always made small comments about how I should be with Hanna or hinting that I we were.

“Would you like a snicker doodle?” Hanna offered. “I made them myself, so I’d love to hear your thoughts on them. You’re cupcakes are to die for by the way.”

This time a genuine smile spread across Ayden’s face. The girls both took a seat and I went around the table to sit next to Ayden. Hanna wiggled her eyebrows at me suggestively. I shot her a ‘knock it off’ look back. Ayden reached over to the plate of cookies and taking a big bite of one, “These are awesome Hanna,” she said between the bite in her mouth.

“Really?” Hanna literally lit up at the compliment. “Because I wasn’t sure. I’ve been playing around with different ways to make them for years.”

“Have you tried adding a little vanilla to them?”

Hanna’s eyes bugged out of her head, “That’s bloody brilliant.”

I think I was witnessing a new friendship.

*****

“She’s really nice,” Ayden said after Hanna ‘had to go.’ Though she wasn’t subtle at all about giving us alone time at all.

We were lying in my bed now, having just come up, and she was curled into my side. My favorite place to have her. I brushed my lips across her forehead, “She is. And I hope that proved that we aren’t anything more than friend hmm?”

She turned her head to look up at me, “Are you sure? Because if you want to be I’ll support you and-”
“Ayden,” I snapped. Annoyance bubbled up inside of me. I pulled my arm out from under her and sat up, “Why do you keep doing this? Why do you come crawling to me at night and then try to push me into someone else’s arms?” I ran my hand through my hair, pulling on it a bit out of frustration, “I only want you. And I though you felt the same.”

“I do,” she said instantly. “I was just saying that if you wanted an out then-”

“I don’t,” I cut her off. “I can’t keep doing this with you. You say one thing and then you turn around and become distant with me. What do you want Ayd?”

She was silent as she sat up, “I want you. I’m just… I,” she bit her lip and looked down at your hands. I sat there in silence waiting for her to finish whatever she was trying to say. This was killing me, but I needed to know where this was going. She looked back up at me after a long moment, her lip still between her teeth, driving me mad, “I just need to know you’re not going to hurt me like you did before.”

“I won’t.”

“If you’re going to dump me again, please do it soberly,” she said weakly.

It felt like she shot an arrow through my heart, and not in the cute, cupid way either. I wince, “I won’t. I don’t even think I have it in me to break up with you ever again.”

She huffed a dry laugh, “Don’t say things like that. You don’t know what the future holds.”

“No,” I confirmed grabbed one of her hands and held it between both of mine, “But I know that right now, this moment right here, I know that I want you in that future. For however long you’ll grace me with your presents.

She shook her head and tried to hide her smile. She leaned forward and rested her forehead against my shoulder, “Why do you say such sappy shit?”

“Because I love you.”

She crawled up and sat in my lap, straddling me, “I love you too.”

“So…?”

She cocked her head, “So?”

“Am I the boyfriend again?”

I saw the smirk. She tried real hard to hide that one, but I saw it before she masked it, “I don’t know.”

“Don’t make me withhold sex. Because I will.”

She let the smirk show then as she smirked, “You, withhold sex? Yeah right!”

“That a challenge?” I cocked and eyebrow.

The smirked grew, and it almost scared me a bit. That look said many things. She leaned in and pressed her lips to my ear, “I’d like to see you try and hold this challenge,” she breathed against my. Chill went down my spine and her lips trailed down my neck at the same time.

“This isn’t fair,” I all bug groaned. My body was betraying me big time. Fuck. And then she latched onto my neck, “Ayden,” I hissed, “This isn’t fair. Plus we had a no hickey rule remember. That was you’re idea.” She giggled against my skin and started trailing butterfly kisses across the exposed skin. My fingers grabbed onto her waits, my head was spinning. Mostly of images of her naked and shaking under me, but I needed to focus. “Ayden, just answer the question please.”

“What question?” she was at my jaw now and nipped at it lightly.

I moved my head away from hers, “Don’t play dumb right now. I’m being serious.”

She sighed and sat back, her arms around my neck as she played with the end of my hair. She looked me straight in the eyes, “I love you, yeah? I love you and you’re perfect and I can’t even look at another guy without comparing him to you. As stupid and immature as it sounds, I want to marry you some day. I’ve never, ever thought about marriage period and I’ve thought about it with you.” My heart was beating a mile a minute at her confession. I’ve thought about our future countless times, even when we weren’t talking after I messed everything up. “I want you to be there when my aunt gives birth to her perfect baby boy or girl. I want you to be in my little cousin’s life like you are with Lux. I want you to be there when I’m Blue’s maid of honor. I want to be there when you win Grammy’s,” she went on, “I want to be there next to you when Harry knocks someone up, hopefully Kota, and has a freak out, because you know he will. And I want you next to me, even if it’s just as moral support from across the pond, when I go to California to look through my mother’s life with Daniel, oh yeah, I’ve come into a bit of money apparently.”

“What?” My head was spinning at all this and the last part threw me through a loop.

She shook her head, “Another time. But anyways, long story short, yes you’re the boyfriend again. Okay? Are you happy? You’re sappy ass rubbed off on me.”

I couldn’t keep the giddy look I was sure was on my face now. I pulled her against me more as I buried my face in her neck and trailed kissed everywhere I could reach, “I love you. And I want all of that too.” I pulled back to look up at her, “And I love you even more now that you’re rich, I think.”

She scoffed, “I knew you were with me for the fame and fortune. You’re fans have it all wrong don’t they.”

I rolled and flipped us over so she was on her back as I hovered over her, “Call me a gold digger babe.” I reached down and tugged at the end of her shirt, “I forfeit that challenge by the way.”

*****

Dakota showed up halfway through my bakery shift. I was in the back rotating a batch of cookies out of the oven to replace them with cupcakes when Jess let her into the back. “Oh hey,” I smiled a bit distracted, “Did I forget you were coming by? I’m sorry, it’s been busy here.”

“No,” she said coming over to my side, “Oh, can I have a cookie? Peanut putter are my favorite.”

“Sure, they’re hot though be careful.” I washed my hands before giving her my full attention, “So what’s up?”

She shrugged, picking at the cookie, “Nothing. Louis showed up and I just didn’t want to be around the house and have to deal with his shit attitude.”

I sighed, “Is he still being a twat.”

“You know Lou. Holds a grudge like nobodies business.”

That made my blood boil, “I’m going to talk to him, this shit is pissing me off.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“Yes I do. He was a dick to me too when that article first came out too. He should be supporting you and Harry trying to move past this, not bitching like he’s the one that was hurt in this.”

She shrugged, “I just don’t want it to get worse.”

“You have a right to stick up for yourself Dakota. Don’t let him bully you because he’s being a child.”

“I just,” she sighed, “I don’t want to make things worse with Harry and I. We’re having our own issues as it is.”

“All the more reason for me to say something.”