Heart Attack Waiting to Happen

Chapter 11: You're Young and In Love That Should Be Enough.

Josh's P.O.V

Oli didn’t turn up for school today, leaving me with only half of my homework completed for creative writing today.

Mrs Stevens wasn’t impressed with my lack of work and made me stay during lunch to discuss it further. Great. Of course Oli would get away with this, leaving me to deal with the bullshit.

But then again I found that I couldn’t stay too mad at him though. Last night was still fresh in my mind, the event playing over and over again like a little love film.

We kissed. And not just once, we kissed a few times and we ended up cuddling together on my bed and he fell asleep in my arms. It all seemed so perfect.

I definitely had feelings for him. I discovered that after he left last night. At first, I was terrified that I was having feelings for a boy but after we kissed it just felt right. It all just made sense, you know?

When I was with Amy I guess I was attractive to her in some way but it didn't feel genuine. She was such a nice girl and yeah, she did make me smile and she was also so thoughtful. But the party at her house when we almost kissed, I didn't really feel anything towards her.

Compared to my attraction towards Oli, it was completely different. He make my cheeks heat up whenever he smiles at me, we have things in common and my heart races when the rare occasion we make physical contact with each other. I could never get him of my mind and I constantly always to know what he was doing and where he was. And when we kissed, well that was a whole different story.

There was just so much chemistry behind it. With every kissed my stomach was doing flips and star jumps, my heart felt like it was running a hundred laps around a football pitch, my mind clouded over with over powering lust as if I was stuck on a carousel which kept going around and around and I never wanted it to stop.

I haven't stopped smiling since I woke up this morning, I've always felt like something was missing and now I feel like Oli was the missing piece I needed all along.

I took my phone out of my pocket and hide it under the table so I wouldn't get caught whilst I was texting him.

How comes you didn’t come to school today? X

Oli: Sorry, I overslept.

Can I see you after school? X

Oli: I’ll be in the playground.

I knew he should have stayed at mine last night. It around 1:30 when he left and he probably didn’t go bed till really late, it made sense that he couldn't get up this morning for school.

I was exhausted myself this morning and if it wasn’t for my mum practically dragging me out of bed, I would have missed school too.

A part of me did wonder if he was telling the truth... Did he really over slept? Or was the real reason he didn't turn up for school was because he regretted last night and didn't want to face me?

I didn't like the thought of that, it gave me a horrible feeling in my chest. He can't of regretted it because he wouldn't want to meet up after school. I'm just being silly and over thinking it all. Everything's fine.

School dragged on which seemed like forever. Every lesson the clock seemed to tick past slower, It was so boring without Oli around, even though he didn’t talk much I enjoyed his company.

I kept myself to myself again, avoiding to meet up with guys during lunch and after school, I really didn’t want to face them right now they wouldn't understand how I'm feeling. I need to figure it out for myself and by that I meant I wanted to be around Oli as much as he allowed me too without any interference from anyone else.

~~

The second school was over, I grabbed my stuff and headed straight for the playground to meet Oli.

I was dying to see him, I’ve been going out of my mind all day without him today and I could feel the excitement building up inside of me with every step I got closer to the playground.

I came from a different direction so Oli couldn’t see me approach him from behind the swings. I tried to be as quiet as I possibly could. When I was close enough, I pulled out my camera from my pocket and popped my head over Oli’s shoulder holding the camera up in the air in front of us and took our picture.

“Say cheese!” I say, smiling for the photo but surprising Oli which made him jump in fright.

“What are you doing?!” He demands.

“Taking our picture.” I say, ignoring his annoyance and kissing him quickly on the cheek and walking round to stand in front of him on the swing.

“Josh, you gotta stop making me jump like that.” He sounded a little irritated but I didn’t take much notice of it.

“Sorry.” I scoffed and took another photo of him.

I went to take another but he only frowns and holds up his hand in front of his face.

“Josh, don’t.”

“I told you, I want to put photos of you on my wall and I’m going take photos whether you like it or not.” I say sticking my tongue out at him playfully but he didn’t react to it like I hoped he would.

He was quiet. He was always quiet but his silence concerned me today. I hesitated to ask what was wrong, I know he hates me asking questions but after last night being so perfect I didn’t understand what was wrong.

“Are you okay?” I ask timidly.

“I’m fine.” He quickly brushes it off.

He was lying.

Something defiantly was wrong but I didn’t want to push him. Even his body langue seemed off, he was just sat slouched on the swing, resting his head against one of the chains which held it up, as if he was trying so hard not to move.

It concerned me and I really wanted to know what's up with him but I knew by doing that he would push me away and I didn't want to risk losing him because last night was so perfect.

Despite his bad mood, I've been waiting all day to see him and I just wanted to really kiss him again. I'm sure he wouldn't mind if I stole a kiss or two.

Maybe a kiss would loosen him up? Relax him from whatever got him into this mood. I took a step towards him and bent down to kiss him but when he figured out what I was going to do he pushed me away.

“Josh, people are here.” He points out and pushed me away with his hand on my chest, making me frown at his rejection.

“So, I don’t care if they see.” I shrug and tried kissing him again but he pushed me away yet again.

“Well I do.” He says in annoyance.

What is his problem today? Why is making such a big deal if people see us kissing or not, we don’t know them so why should it matter? If they didn't like two guys kissing that was their problem not ours.

His rejection got to me a lot more than I should have allowed it to and I just opened my big mouth and blurted out something without even thinking.

“I just want to kiss my boyfriend!”

“Boyfriend?” he questions, a look of sheer confusion on his face.
Fuck, I shouldn’t have blurted that out, that was a little forward but he was frustrating me.

By the look on his face and the sound of his tone made it very clear that he was definitely not my boyfriend. But I thought that’s what he was now, wasn’t he?

"Just because we kissed last night doesn't make us anything official." He clarified and my heart sinks.

That happy dancing on cloud 9 feeling I've been on all day has suddenly come cashing down. He regrets it doesn't he? I was stupid to think he wanted this to become more.

I know we only kissed last night but wasn’t that the start of something? The start of us? I thought he wanted the same thing to... Last night he said he would never forget it.

Over the last few days I’ve started to care so much for him, I enjoy his company and all I seem to want to do is just be around him and get to know him more but now I feel like I've ruined it all.

Oli being the way he is I’ve probably scared him half to death calling him my boyfriend. And of course, I will never know how he feels about me because he never tells me what goes on inside that head of his!

I was so annoyed and frustrated, I’ve waited to kiss him all day but he was so afraid of letting some strange woman and her child see us. They were strangers, nothing more, we would never see them again but he so damn adamant to not let them see us… and so afraid to become my boyfriend. I thought we were on the same page? Was I the only who thought that last night filled a piece which was missing? That this was the start of something magical? Obviously not to him.

“Shouldn’t that kid be in bed by now?” I cursed.

“Its only 5 o’clock.”

“Yeah so, abit late to take your kid to the park ain’t it?”

I folded my arms across my chest annoyed, I was now in a bad mood and Oli obviously notice it but chose to ignore it.

Ugh, what was wrong with him today? He’s acting completely different to how he was yesterday. Yesterday he seemed to open up a little to me, he seemed comfortable being in my arms and kissing me and now, he’s acting like he doesn’t want to know or as if last night didn’t happen. And that really hurt.

I searched the playground, looking for a way to distract myself from my anger and to also find away to cheer Oli up and get him out of the silent treatment. Something caught my eye from across the playground making my bad mood vanish and I couldn’t help the smile which formed on my face. This could work.

“Why are you smiling at me like that?” Oli says curiously when I turn to face him again.

“We’re in a playground Oli and you’re supposed to have fun in a playground.” I hinted not letting the smile leave my lips.

He just stared at me with curiosity in his eyes, probably trying to read me but I wasn’t going to give anything away. See how he likes the shoe being on the other foot.

“Follow me.” I say starting to take a few steps back, not wanting to turn around until I saw him get up from the swing and follow me.

He pulled a face but he sighed and eventually got up and followed me.

I headed towards the slide across the playground, it wasn’t just a slide on its own, you had to climb up some bars and crawl through a tunnel before you could go down the slide. But the slide wasn’t my intension, the tunnel was.

I climbed the bars and got on my hands and needs and crawled into the tunnel, hearing Oli call out to me.

“Josh there’s no way we’re both gonna fit in there.”

“You trying to say I’m fat Sykes?!” I called out, only joking with him of course.

“I said we!”

I just laughed at him, he was so easy to wind up and I soon found my bad mood had disappeared.

He crawled into the tunnel not long after me but as he approach me closer, he suddenly stopped and let out a loud hissing sound and grabbed the left side of his ribs.

“You alright?”

His face was screwed up as he winced again. He looked like he was in a lot of pain which concerned me.

“Y-yeah. I just got a stitch that’s all.” He breathes.

“A stitch? What are you, an fat 80 year old man?" I laughed, grabbing on to the collar of his hoodie and pulling him towards me.

“Josh this is ridiculous!” He squeals when he falls against me.

We both layed against the tunnel wall beside each other, it obviously wasn’t built for teenagers because our long legs more or less went around the whole tunnel and met back to our heads.

We both looked at each other in our ridiculous position and burst out laughing at how absurd this all was.

Oh man, It was so good to hear him laugh, to see him smile, to see him happy. This is what I wanted to see, to see the beauty of the quiet boy shine bright, the beauty I only saw in him. I felt the butterflies in my stomach flutter, as I continued to admire him.

I waited long enough, seeing as we were finally hidden away from the public eye outside, I thought now was the right time to try and kiss him again and hoped he wouldn't push me away this time.

I turned to face him and gradually lean over him abit, I could already hear his breathing had hitched up but there were no signs of him wanting me to stop. I looked into his beautiful hazel eyes before pressing my lips against his.

My lips sunk down on to his slowly, not wanting to rush or ruin the moment, after all I have been waiting all day for this, there was defiantly no rush.

I smile against his lips when I feel him start kissing me back, he didn't regret it then? He so wanted this as much as I did. I couldn’t control myself biting down on his lower lip making a little moan escape from his lips. The sound was like heaven to my ears and it also gave me the perfect opportunity to slip my tongue into his mouth and he willing allowed me to, letting me know he wanted more of me.

Our tongues began to dance together, just like last night this kiss was perfect. The kiss slowly became heavy as well as our breathing which echo through the tunnel but I didn’t want this to end, every second was mind blowing and my mind was completely lost in this moment. I cradled his precious face with both if my hands, deepening the kiss even more. No words could explain how much I wanted this boy.

I felt one of Oli’s hands push against my chest as if he wanted us to stop kissing but I really into the moment. He pushed me again and more firmly this time which made our lips lose contact.

I glanced down at him breathless and confused. Why did he want us to stop?

“Oli?

“I…I feel abit claustrophobic…” He says breathlessly, biting down on his bottom lip unknowingly making himself look really hot.

“Oh.” Is all I say.

Okay I admit I was a little disappointed that we had to stop kissing but the last thing I wanted was for him to feel uncomfortable. I respected his space after all, so I pull myself off from him and ignored the tightness in my jeans down below and sat beside him again.

I decided I didn't want to lingering in the awkwardness so I crawl my way out of the tunnel, well more or less snaked my way out towards the slide.

“Josh what are you doing?” I hear Oli giggle.

“I’m going down the slide.”

I was far too big for it but I slide down the slide anyway on my stomach shouting out "wee" like a little kid.

My body lands on the ground and I turn myself over on my back, to find Oli sitting on top of the slide laughing at me with my camera in his hand.

“Hey, how did you get that?” I ask searching my pockets.

“I’ve got skills.” He says in a stupid squeaky voice making me laugh.

To my surprise Oli slides down the slide making a crash landing on top of me, which made us both laugh at our childish behaviour, but he had finally loosen up and let himself go and enjoy himself with me, which was all I ever wanted him to do in the first place.

I stroked his hair out of his face, not caring about the slowly healing cut he had on his eyebrow, he was beautiful to me and no bruise or cut could ever change that.

We had a moment staring into each others eyes but then Oli quickly looked away from me and searched the playground for people. We were now alone, which slowly brought him back to me. He smiles shyly before leaning down and placing his lips on mine.

“What was that for?” I asked when he pulled away, surprise at his sudden confidence.

He shrugs his shoulders.

“Do I need a reason to kiss my boyfriend?” He says shyly and looks to the ground.

And I swear my heart skipped a beat when he said that.

I couldn’t help but wear the biggest smile on my face, he really wanted to be my boyfriend? I sat up and pulled him into a long meaningful kiss and to make the scene even more perfect he held my camera up in the air and took a picture while we shared our first kiss as boyfriends.

~~

Two months went by, two months of pure bliss. Two months of us being completely stupid and cute together and enjoying our relationship.

But those two months did teach me a lot of things about Oli and our relationship. He wasn’t ready for us to go public, so we kept it a secret between ourselves. It was hard for me at first because I just wanted to kiss and hug him all the time, but I got used to it eventually, I just had to control myself during school.

He would stay at mine most nights but when he had to stay at home I wasn’t allowed to text or call him… as odd as that may sound, I agreed to it anyway and didn’t question why.

We would make out basically all the time. But there were certain rules I had to go by when we did, such as I couldn’t be on top for too long because it made him feel claustrophobic…

He didn’t like me stroking his arms or even wrapping my arms around his neck, god he hated that. He wouldn’t even let me hug him from behind or spoon him, especially when we were sleeping which I didn’t fully understand why but that meant he always fell asleep on my chest which I absolutely loved so that was a plus.

I wasn’t allowed to look when he got dressed or undressed, I guess it was down to his shyness. It was still early days in our relationship so I get why he wasn’t ready to let me see his body yet.

I never asked him about why he barely ate or why didn’t he take off his hoodie or where all the cuts and bruises came from. Even though I always wondered and some dominate bruises did concern me, I kept my mouth shut and never asked.

In fact, all the questions stopped all together. He didn’t have to explain himself to me, not anymore, I loved him just the way he was.
Yeah that’s right, I said love, I had fallen madly deeply in love with him.

I spent every minute of every day with him and when I wasn’t with him he was constantly on my mind, how could I not love him. Every moment with him was just so magical, it was like I was in a complete different world, everyone around me became a blur and they didn’t matter any more, he was the only one that mattered.

I hadn’t yet told him that I was in love with him, I was waiting for the right moment to say it. I did wonder if he would say it back, he’s not one to show his feelings or talk about them but even if he didn’t, I know deep down inside he feels the same. I didn’t need him to say it because I already know he did.

I love him and that was enough.