Heart Attack Waiting to Happen

Chapter 12: I Bite My Tongue So You Don’t Hear Me

Josh’s P.O.V

I was on my way to meet Oli in the playground, we were going to buy some ice cream and take the bus into town. He stayed at his house last night, which I hated. I hated being apart from him and when he was home I weren’t allowed to text him so I couldn’t wait to see him now.

I was literally just around the corner from the park when I bumped into Dan.

“Josh!” He beams, more than happy to see me.

“Hey."

“Hey buddy, I ain’t see you in awhile, how you been?”

Apart from a few classes at school I hadn’t really seen or spoken to him or the others in months. After Oli and I got together I kind of just left the group and spent all my time with Oli. There wasn't any real reason why I stopped talking to them, it was just a little complicated because Oli and I were a couple which no one knew about and I didn't know how they all would have reacted if they knew I was gay and dating the kid that no one talks to. I just thought it was best to separate myself from the group.

So this was kind of awkward.

“Yeah, I’ve been good. Just busy you know… how are you?” I ask awkwardly.

I didn’t really wanna know how he was to be honest; I was just being polite and pretended to take an interest.

“Yeah I’m alright. I’m just on my way to meet the others in the pub for Max’s birthday.”

“What? Oh no, I completely forgot!”

I hit myself on the forehead with my hand. I can’t believe I forgot. How do you forget your best friend’s birthday?

Shit. I’ve been so loved up with Oli I just kinda forgot about everything else.

“Aw man, I’ve just been so busy!” I lied, sort of.

I tried to make up an excuse about being busy instead of admitting to being a shit friend and spending all my time with my boyfriend.

“Don’t worry about it mate.” Dan says patting me on the shoulder.

“It’s his 18th though, what kind of a best friend does that make me?”

“Best friend? No offends Josh, but you haven’t spoken to him in months.” He corrected me.

I hung my head in shame, not really liking the feeling of being out in my place.

Dan was right though, I haven’t spoken to Max or anyone else for months. He wasn’t my best friend anymore. A best friend wouldn’t just stop talking to you for no reason. I couldn't even explain because I promised Oli that we would keep our relationship a secret until he was ready to come out. I didn't really have a problem with coming out, I'm sure everyone would have something to say about it but I didn't care, as long as Oli and I were happy that was the only thing that mattered to me.

“Anyway Dan, I’ll let you get going.” I say scratching the side of my head nervously.

I was abit upset with my realisation of being a shit friend…I kind of missed them. We used to hang out everyday and talk about everything together but I took that away.

“Why don’t you come with me?" He offers. I was taken back by the sudden invite.

“Nah I’m alright. Tell Max I said happy birthday.”

I just wanted to leave this awkward conversation as quickly as possible.

“You can tell him yourself, come on Josh. I know everyone would love to see you! And besides you do kinda owe us." He hinted.

He was indicating at how shit of a friend I’ve been and I needed to make up for it by going to Max's birthday drinks.

“I can’t Dan, I’m on my way to meet Oli- Actually, could I bring him along?” I asked. The idea popping in my head.

He pulled a knowing face at me.

“Mate, I don’t think that would be a good idea."

He was right, Max and Oli don’t really see eye to eye.

“Josh come on, I’m sure the emo could survive without you for a couple of hours.”

“Don’t call him that.” I snapped. That annoyed me. Its just no one knew him like I did.

“Okay sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. But honestly, it’s just a couple of hours with your mates. I’m sure Oli would understand.”

Apart of me wanted to go, I did miss them. But I couldn’t just ditch Oli, he was waiting for me in the playground.

Before I could even protest, Dan had his hands on my shoulders pushing me down the street.

“Well you’re coming whether you like it or not Josh.” He sounded so adamant.

“Wait! Dan stop pushing me! I need to meet Oli!”

I tried to stop him but Dan wasn’t taking no for a answer.

“Blah blah blah, I can’t hear you!” He shouts over me in an irritating voice.

He practically pushed me all the way down the street. I had no choice he was forcing me to go! I glance behind me past Dan and stared at the playground which was almost out of my view.

I felt terrible about leaving Oli, he was waiting for me. I pulled out my phone to text him but there was already a unread text from him.

Oli: “Hurry up love, I want some ice cream :P x”

Oh god, he was waiting for me and he was being all cute and excited about getting ice cream. I felt so guilty. I didn't even know what to say to him but I texted him back.

“Bumped into Dan, he's forcing me to go to the pub for Max’s birthday! Xx”

Oli: “What about our day out?”

“I know, I’m sorry! Dan wouldn’t take no for an answer, you can come meet us and we’ll go out after? Xx”

Oli: “I don't think so.”

Fuck, he was annoyed with me and I felt so bad, I just wanted to run away from Dan and be with Oli but Dan wasn’t letting go of me.

“I’m sorry baby, I promise to make it up to you Xx”

Oli: “Have fun with your friends.”

No, I can’t take this! He was pissed off with me and I couldn't take that. I don’t even want to go to the pub anymore.

":( "

I texted Oli a sad face emoji but he didn’t reply. He wasn't talking to me now I've ditched him. Just great.

~~

When me and Dan finally got to the pub, everyone was standing at the bar downing shots.

“Hey birthday boy, get 2 more in!” Dan shouted across to Max.

“Hey my man!” Max shouted back over the music, not noticing I was standing behind Dan.

“Josh!” A familiar voice shouted out my name causing me to look round and see it was Amy. She hugged me briefly and pulled back with a smile.

“It’s so nice to see you! How have you been?”

I smiled back but before I could answer her Max appeared wrapping his arm round her waist and pulling her close to his side.

Oh I see now, of course they were a couple, I’m sure Max jumped right in there when he knew I weren’t interested. I didn't really care anyway, they looked good together. My heart belonged to Oli and no one else.

“Didn’t expect to see you here.” Max said slyly.

“Thought I’d surprise you.” I forced a friendly tone.

It was awkward between us now. We hadn’t spoken in so long we didn’t know what to say to each other. He probably hates me for ditching him for Oli and he probably thinks I hate him for getting with Amy, but it wasn’t like that at all.

Dan came over with shots.

“Here mate drink this quick, you’re gonna need it.”

Tell me about it, I took the shot from Dan and down it in one.

“I see you’ve learnt to handle your drink.” Max raised an eyebrow at me.

“I could always handle my drink.”

“Well then, what’s a party with out shots? Let’s get another round in!” Max yells, heading back to the bar.

I didn't follow him, I just took a seat at a table which was in the corner, already regretting that I came here. They’ve all changed. I’ve change. It's not like how it used to be a few months ago, a lot of things has happened in that space of time without talking and now everything just felt weird and extremely awkward.

I just wanted to leave and be with Oli. I was still feeling guilty as fuck for leaving him alone in the playground.

I sighed heavily and looked down at my phone, he still hadn't text me back. I always worried when he didn't text back and though this time I deserved not to get a reply from him, I still worried endlessly. Yeah I know, I'm just being a overly clingy boyfriend.

Someone took a seat beside me which made me look up from my phone and see it was Amy.

“Here you go baby face.” She teased, handing me a pint of beer.

She knew I was the baby of the group and not old enough to get served alcohol yet.

“Thank you.” I smile politely and slipped my phone back into my pocket.

“So Josh, how’s things been? Really?” She asked.

The tone in her voice caused me to think thoughtfully about her question. She sounded like she was interested and really wanted to know how I’ve been, like she knew about Oli somehow.

But I knew that was impossible, we were careful when we were in school. But Amy wasn't the kind of girl to gossip about someone's personal life even if she did know. That's one of the reasons I liked her, she was respectful of other peoples business.

“Things are really good actually." I smiled at the thought of Oli and our growing relationship.

“That's good to hear Josh, I'm glad you’re happy." She says.

"Erm Josh, about me and Max…” she trails off.

“Oh, don't even worry about it Amy, really. You both look good together.” I reassured her.

We never really talked about the night we almost kissed at her house and I guess she felt like she needed to explain herself now she was going out with Max.

“How’s Oli?”

I was stunned at her question. No one asks about Oli and on the rare occasion he is mentioned, it's someone making a sly commented about him. Like Dan did earlier but I let that one go.

It made me smile knowing she actually wanted to know how he was, not like the others. And I had this sudden growing warmth inside of me that I could actually talk about how amazing he is to someone other than Oli himself.

“He’s fine. Well, he’s pissed off actually.”

“Why?” She look at me in concern.

“ 'cause I ditched him to come here.” I gave a defeated glance towards her.

“Oh I see. He didn’t think it was a good idea to come along?"

"We both know that wouldn't have been a good idea."

We both gave each other the raise eyebrow glance and both burst out laughing a little. Max probably would have slaughtered him if he turned up with me glued to his side as well.

The smile quickly fell from my face though, 'cause it was all fun and games in the moment but in reality it wasn't at all. At times I really did hate keeping our relationship a secret, things would be a lot easier if things were out in the open. But I respected Oli and his feelings.

“You’re a good friend Josh, I’m sure Oli will understand once he's cooled off. I’ve really missed you though.” She placed her hand over mine causing me to look down at the contact.

Funny, if she did this about three months ago I would of died with embarrassment or smiled stupidly like a little kid with a crush. But I felt nothing. I didn’t feel like that for her anymore, I don't think I really did to be honest. My heart was well and truly with Oli.

“You were a good friend Josh." I see the the smile fade from her face and I knew there was more than she was telling me. I knew she liked me a lot and I basically ignored her and left her hanging.

“Amy, I’m really sorry how I left things, I didn’t-"

Max interrupted my sentence as he stills over to us.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa! What’s going on here?" He demands, glaring at both of us and at our hands.

Amy quickly moves her hand away from mine when she realised Max has seen the contact. It was innocent though, just a friendly gesture surely he could see that.

“Nothing hunny, it’s not what you think.” She says nervously, getting up from her seat.

“Oh yeah, you’re both looking kinda cosy to me!” Max shoots back and his attitude makes me frown in disgust.

Amy was more or less shaking with fear at Max's reaction. I don't know what he's playing at talking to her like this and treating her as if she's done something unforgivable.

“Max, nothings going on mate.” I say calmly backing up Amy.

“Mate? I’m not your mate. That ship sailed long ago when you decided to ditch us for your pathetic emo friend.” He snarls with hatred and I glare at him standing up from my seat and standing right in front of him.

"You know nothing about him." I say through gritted teeth as the insult got to me more than it should had.

I had to bite back my tongue. I had to keep in mind that he was drunk and jealous and only because it was his birthday I was going to let it go.

Fuck this, I ain’t going to stay here any longer pretending to enjoy myself and listen to the shit he has to say because he was a jealous insecure asshole. My boyfriend was waiting for me and I wouldn't keep him any longer by this prick.

With one last glare and zipped mouth I push past Max and head for the door.

“Yeah that’s right, piss off, nobody wants you here anyway." He yells after me and I should have just ignore it but I stopped in my tracks.

I clenched my fists in anger, I know I shouldn’t give him the satisfaction of a response but I just snapped and spun around and sent him the deadliest death stare.

“Nobody wants me here, huh? Really Max? Cos Dan obviously wouldn't have invited me if he didn't want me here and your girlfriend seems sure enough to want me here too!” I yell in anger.

I see Amy's face fill with fear. I shouldn’t have stooped so low but I couldn’t take it anymore, he was doing my head in and I wanted to shut him up.

“What the fuck did you say?!” Max yells and he charges over to me, grabbing my jacket by the collar to try and scare me but I was twice his size.

“You heard me." I taunt.

"Shame she had to settle for second best though.” I smirk and I see the rage in his burn.

"You fucking asshole!" He screams and throws a fist to my face.

We immediately broke into a fight. Both our fists were flying at each other, taking blows, knocking over drinks and stools, glasses smashing, people shouting and gathering around us.

This was crazy. You would never believe we were once best friends, it was like we actually hated each other and were always enemies.

Dan jumped in between us and broke us apart when the fight didn't die down.

“Whoa, okay, I think that’s enough now!” He says, looking at the both of us.

We both scrambled to our feet, glaring at each other. We were trying to catch back our breath and wiping the visible blood from our faces.

“Josh, I think you should leave.” Dan hints, giving me an unsympathetic glance. He was the one who forced me to come here what was he expecting to happen?

“Whatever.” I huff and stormed out of the pub.

I was furious. My nose was bleeding pretty badly infact but I just wiped it with the sleeve of my denim jacket.

I wasted my time for what? To be in the presences of that dickhead. He didn’t even know the meaning of friendship! And how dare he tell me that nobody wanted me there, Dan and Amy obviously did. Oh god, Amy. I felt so bad using her to piss Max off, I know I shouldn’t have said it but he had it coming. I hope she can forgive me for it one day.

~~

It was getting dark and I didn’t even realise I has walked straight to the playground.

I was a right mess, I couldn't let Oli see me like this, he'll freak.

I wiped the blood from my nose again and ran my fingers through my hair to try and clean myself up. I don’t know even know if he’s still here, it was too dark to see from this far away.

I still feel terrible for ditching him and to return back to him looking like this… Man, I’ve got some making up to do.