Heart Attack Waiting to Happen

Chapter 16: When In Front Of You I Feel Invincible.

Josh's P.O.V

I wiped the tears away from his pale face and kissed his nose lightly.

“I promise you, I will put a smile on your face everyday.” I smile, leaning back and looking at him.

“Josh, you don’t have to promise me anything.” He shrugs, looking defeated.

“Yes I do. I’m going to help you get through this.”

I run my fingers through his hair and rest my hand gently on his cheek which he leans into. I promise him and myself I will never leave his side. I’m going to make him smile everyday for the rest of my life. He deserves to be happy, my boy deserves to be loved and enjoy his life. I will prove to him love is a beautiful thing and show him the beauty in being alive. I'm going to make everything okay for him, I will give him reasons to live and be happy.

These last couple of hours have been heartbreaking, listening to him pour his heart out about his mum leaving with his brother and never seeing them again. That must have been devastating to go through. How dare they leave him with his stupid drunken father, my poor boy, he’s never had a proper family, he must have been so lonely without them. This thought hurt me deeply, knowing I could never live without my family. I will give him everything they didn’t.

Right okay, enough with the heavy stuff, its time to make my boy smile and laugh.

I stand up from the muddy ground, taking Oli’s hand in mine and pulling him up with me.

“This place is beautiful.” I say, taking in the beautiful surroundings of mother nature.

I can’t believe I’ve never been here before, it was unbelievable stunning and peaceful. It was like some sort of little forest, we were surrounded by tall trees, a river with stepping stones which lead to the other side and it got deeper further down. Oli laced his fingers in with mine and walked me further down stream where a huge tree had fallen a cross the river.

And like the big kid I am I really wanted to investigate it. I let go of Oli's hand and started climbing up on the tree.

“Josh be careful, I don’t want you falling in the river.” Oli says worriedly. I scoff, it was usually me worrying about him.

“Oh come on, its fun to explore things.” I chuckled.

“It’s okay for you to say that now, but if you fall in I’ll be the one who has to jump in and save you!”

“Are you afraid to get wet?” I smirked his way.

“No.”

“Then come and join me.” I motion for him to climb on over to me but his concerned expression told me otherwise.

“You know you can’t resist these.” I pointed to my lips and pouted at him, he shook his head but I saw the smile, my plan was working.

I had reach the middle of the tree and sat with one leg over either side of the tree, my feet dangling down above the water.

I let out a little laugh when I see Oli had starting to crawl along the tree towards me, he just couldn’t resist.

“You couldn’t resist me aye?” I tease when he reaches me nervously.

“Shut up.” He says, a frown on his face as he tried to concentrate not losing his balance. He was adorable.

When he settles and mirrors my position on the tree he leans in to kiss me and I cheekily give him a quick peck on the lips and pull away.

“Is that all I get?” He huffs, pulling a face which was priceless, I just burst out laughing.

“Well, I did just risk my life crawling over here to you." He complains and I roll my eyes at him. And he thinks I overreact.

“Stop being such a drama queen, Come here.”

I snake my arms around his waist pulling him towards me, placing my lips on his longer and more intimate this time. It lasted a couple of minutes, our soft lips fitting together perfectly and I could feel it becoming needy so I hesitantly break the kiss wanting to be a tease.

“Was that better?” I ask.

He bit his bottom lip and nodded. He blushed and went all shy and hid under his fringe from me. He liked it, good so did I. I smiled.

I pulled my camera from out of my pocket and started taking photos of us in the forest. Everything from earlier just disappeared from our minds, it was nice to spend time with each other without worrying about the heavy stuff and just enjoy being reckless teenagers in love.

We adventure back up stream and I picked up a stick and started poking it in the river to see if I could find some fish.

“Tom caught a frog once. He got all excited but he dropped it because he said it was slimy and he started crying.” Oli laughed at the memory of his little brother.

I smiled to myself, he was finally letting me into his life. I don’t know if he realise he was doing it or not but either way it felt good to hear him speak about his past. He seems to really miss his little brother. I hope he's reunited with him one day.

“There’s more of this place I want to show you.” He says.

“Is there? And I thought this place couldn’t get any better.”

Oli reaches his hand out to me and I happily take hold of it and let him lead us into the trees. Wherever we were going it seemed to be away from the river because the sun was becoming clearer through the tops of the trees as we started to walk through less of them.

We came out of the trees and walked onto an open field which kind of looked like meadow. The grass was long but filled with millions of daisy’s and buttercups, with white butterflies fluttering around them all. You could see the clear blue sky above with the sun shining brightly down on us, it was truly beautiful.

Oli let's go of my hand and stands in front of me, making my eyes fix on him.

“This is the only place where I feel safe…I know nothing can hurt me here.” He whispers.

He seemed nervous to tell me this but he was finally opening up to me more and more while we were here, just like he promised.

My heart ached at the thought of him never feeling safe, not ever. Only this one place out of the whole entire world, not even when he was in my room with me? I frown, hurt by the idea. I'm going to change that.

I wanted to try something with him, but I know I’ll be risking a lot by doing it, especially as he’s already abit on edge with me admitting I’d seen his bruises. But if I don’t try I’ll never know.

I had to act on it quickly before he reads my mind and stops me. I walk up to him in the field, bringing him into a tight hug and kissed him passionately. My actions startled him a little but he caught on and started kissing me back just as eagerly.

I knew the only way this was going to work was if he was relaxed and felt safe and I know that this is one of the things which makes him feels safe, he never resists me. He feels safe in my arms.

I pull my lips away from his slowly, catching my breath as I spoke.

“Oli I want to try something…but you’re going to have to trust me, okay?" I say softly not wanting to make him nervous.

His eyes searched mine for answers, fear filling his face as his silence grew louder.

“I promise baby I won't hurt you." I reassured him, stroking his cheek.

He remained silent, taking a few moments to think about what I said. He was debating whether he trusted me enough or not. Man, I really put my foot in it earlier.

“Uh, okay…” He says nervously.

I didn’t want to make him feel uncomfortable so I took it slow. I place my hand on the zip of his hoodie and unzipped it, he seemed a bit confused at first but I continued with my plan. I put my hands under the material and pushed the hoodie off his shoulders letting it fall, but Oli stopped it as it fell to his elbows.

“Josh-"

“Trust me baby.” I soothe.

The nerves had got to him and I could see his breathing hitch up as he stared at me anxiously.

“Josh…I…I can’t do this.” He stutters, eyes welling up with tears.

“Yes you can. Baby, none of your scars can make me love you less.” I say truthfully.

He looks to the ground as I say that. I know he can do this, he’s stronger than he thinks he is. He just needs a little encouragement and to believe in himself.

“Oli your scars need to breathe, they need air, they need sun light…They need me.”

His eyes find mine, his bottom lip quivers, but by my surprise he lets his hoodie slide off his arms and drops to the grass.

He was only wearing a t-shirt, which exposed all his tattoos and scars. I take a step back to admirer his body, he was beautiful to me no matter what was there. I take his left arm in my hand and lift it up to my lips and press light kisses on his cuts and scars, filling them with my love.

“Josh…” Oli chokes.

I know this was hard for him, but I was letting him know that nothing about him could stop me from loving him. I was here for keeps.
I stopped kissing his arm and put it back down to his side and wrapped an arm around his waist and lent my forehead against his.

“I’m so proud of you. I know you can do this.” I kiss his forehead and I hear him let out a shaky breath.

“Now come sit with me in the field with all the daisies and buttercups.” I grin, pulling him further into the field, finding the right spot for us to sit down on.

I made him sit in between my legs, I wanted him to be as close to me as possible. I picked a buttercup from the grass and placed it under his chin, seeing the vibrant yellow reflect off his snow like skin.

“This buttercup says you like butter.” I say making Oli laugh.

“You don’t really believe that do you?” He raises an eyebrow.

“Yes, of course I do! Here, now you tell me if I like butter.” I handed him the flower.

“Josh love, you’re so stupid.”

“Hey, come on. Do I like butter or not?”

He sighed but then smiled as he held the buttercup under my chin.

“Yes, you like butter too.” He rolls his eyes in amusement.

“But not as much as I like you though.” I smile stupidly.

I pull Oli on top of me as I lied down on the grass. We were giggling ridiculously and I started kissing his face all over but then it gradually lead to us making out.

This was all so perfect, nothing could take this moment away from us, he was mine and nothing could hurt him here. Everything was bliss.

I stroked his bare arms with my hands gently. Loving being able to finally feel his skin, I hated him hiding in that hoodie all the time, it was like it was suffocating his body.

My hands left his arms and slowly trailed they're way down to his hips and gently stroked his skin with my thumbs underneath his shirt. I knew his bruises were there and sore so I was being extra careful not to hurt him.

Our innocent little kisses somehow lead to this intense make out session. It's never been this heated and filled with nothing but powerful lust for one an other before. I could feel our hearts beating together as one, our breathing had become heavy and ragged but neither of us pulled away for some air.

Oli's hands were holding my face, making sure I wouldn’t move away, unlike I would anyway. He was driving me crazy kissing me like this, my jeans have become extremely tight and I could also feel Oli poking into my inner thigh sending my teenage hormones wild. I've never wanted him as bad as I do right now, I was so turned on I wanted him right here and now in the middle of the field.

He parts his lips and I eagerly slip my tongue into his mouth earning a delightful little moan from him. My right hand leaves his hip, letting my fingers tips stroke his belly just above the waistline of his jeans. I feel him shiver against me and lets out a tiny moan at my touch causing me to smile against his lips. The thought of him liking my touch had my manhood twitching, turning me on even more. Fuck, I need to have him now.

I took a sneaky risk and put my finger tips under his jeans and waistline of his boxers. He seemed okay by my actions so my hand crept further down into his boxers, when I was just about to grasp him he broke our kiss and grabs hold of my hand stopping me.

“Josh-" He pants breathlessly.

“What?”

“I’m…I’m not ready…” he bites his lip nervously looking away embarrassed.

Ugh, cock block! My head falls back on the grass and I close my eyes in frustration. Fuck! He’s such a fucking tease, I need him so bad, I was so worked up right now and desperate for a release.

“I’m sorry love.” He mumbles.

I suddenly realised I must have looked like the biggest dick of a boyfriend right now, shit! My eyes fling open and I sit up with Oli still straddling my lap, his legs placed either side of me. I shake my head and rest my hand on his cheek and look him in the eyes.

“Hey, don’t be sorry, I understand if you’re not ready. I won’t rush you into anything.” I say honestly.

“Believe me Josh I want to… Just, not now okay?" He says timidly.

“Whenever you’re ready baby.” I kiss his nose to reassure him.

I'm just the horny younger teenager who's unbelievably turned on right now but whatever. I would never pressure him into this, I would wait until he's ready.

I pick a daisy and tuck it behind his ear making me grin at how adorable he is and watch him blush immensely making me laugh.

“I love you, you know that?”

“Yes I do.” He sighs.

“Can you promise me one thing?” I ask but he stays quiet so I continue.

“Promise me whenever we’re here, you won’t wear you’re hoodie.”

“Josh I- I can't." He stutters, with wide anxious eyes.

"I believe you can do this. Just try it, please?"

"Fine okay." He sighs in defeat.

I know he can do this, he just needed a little encouraging. I put my finger under his chin and lifted his head to look at me.

“Thank you.” I smile and he nods in return and kisses me softly.

~~

Another month went by and I’ve been keeping my promise to Oli, making sure I made him smile everyday as much as possible. Even when he went home I broke the rules and texted him something funny knowing it would make him smile.

We went back to the secret place many times and Oli stuck to his promise as well, not wearing his hoodie while we were here. He started to become more comfortable around me in just his t-shirt, it was only baby steps but it was a start.

I would always kiss his arm while I was here too which gave me the opportunity to check for any new cuts but there weren’t any, which was good. I felt like I was keeping him happy enough and giving him the reason not to cut anymore.

We've been on a few dates this past month too, like actually going out and doing something together as a couple. My favourite was when I took him to an arcade across town which turned us into the biggest kids ever.

We still kept our relationship a secret but we manage to sneak some kisses inside the photo booth and feed candy floss to each other and shared the same motor bike as we raced just so I could be close to him. I discovered that Oli was the master at the claw machine game and he won me a Tails plushie and some miracle I managed to win him a Sonic the Hedge Hog plushie after several attempts, which he went complete nuts over. I honestly hadn’t seen him so happy it warmed my heart to see the light if life light up in his eyes.

It’s now been 4 months since we’ve been together and everything just seemed to keep getting better, our relationship was getting so much stronger. He would talk to me more about his life, not a lot but the little parts were something unlike before. We still hadn’t slept together yet either which was killing me because he was such a tease when we made out. But all good things comes to those who wait right?

Oli still hadn’t returned the words and told me he loves me back… But I understand a lot more why he hasn’t though. I guess his mother is the blame for that and I believe he was just afraid of getting hurt again. But I know deep down that he loves me, I see it in those beautiful eyes of his when he looks at me sometimes and I just know. And that was good enough for me.