Heart Attack Waiting to Happen

Chapter 26: My Heart Beat's For You.

Josh's P.O.V

He’s back. He finally came back to me. And there’s no way I’m letting him out of my life ever again. Everything is such a mess but I know now everything will be okay because he’s here… he’s here with me and that’s how it will be forever.
We can get through this, I know we can. This is just a rough patch but I know we can fix it and be happy again… it’s the only hope I have left and I will waste no time and try everything I can to make things go back to how they were.

I sniffed, my nose was running as if I was about to get a cold, great that’s the last thing I need right now.
Our wet muddy clothes were scattered a cross my bedroom floor, I guess I should make better use of myself while Oli’s in the shower and put them in the wash. I bend down and pick up our dirty clothes and walk towards my bedroom door but I stop when I see his ruck sack on the floor by the door. Maybe I should put his other clothes in the wash too, I bet they haven’t been washed in months… I unzipped his bag and pull out all his clothes and that’s when I realise why he panicked earlier and asked to wear my clothes instead of wearing his. Every item of clothing was either ripped, dirty or covered in blood stains. Oh Oli why? I let out a sigh, he needs to find away to stop hurting himself like this.
I gather up the rest of his clothes from his bag and walked towards the door but I stepped on something which stopped me in my path. It looked like a folded piece of paper, curious, I unfolded it to find it was the first ever photograph I took of us. It was all crumbled up and stained with water marks, I assumed they were tear marks. My heart sunk through my chest and ached at the pain, he took this with him… he took this photograph with him so he could remember me, remember us… maybe he did care about me when he left.

There was so much I needed to know from him but I know today isn’t the right time for any questions, they can wait.
Despite its poor condition I stuck the photograph back on my wall, I guess this gives me the excuse to put the others back up again so this one don’t look so lonely.

After about twenty minutes or so Oli came back into my room, wearing a long sleeve top of mine which was basically the size of a tent on him, baggy sweatpants and wet hair from the shower.
He fumbled through his bag and looked up at me frowning when he couldn’t find whatever he was looking for.

“Josh where are my clothes?”
“Oh erm, I put them in the wash because they were dirty.”
He bit his lip frowning, looking uncomfortable.
I saw his eyes shift to the crumbled photograph I put back up on my wall and he looked back to me like he was annoyed.
“Please don’t go through my stuff.”
“I’m sorry.” I felt guilty, the last thing I wanted was to push him away. I didn’t go through his bag to go snooping or anything, I just wanted my room to be alive of him again. I even put his Sonic the Hedge Hog teddy back on my bed, just to make it that little more homey.
I've just missed him so much, I didn’t mean any harm, surely he can understand that.

After my quick shower, we both sat on my bed and ate our Chinese take away in silence; allowing the tv to do the talking for us.
“Are you done?” I pointed at Oli’s half eaten vegetable noodles, which he more or less just moved around the plate. I knew he wasn’t going to eat it, I only hoped he would… but I guess this is something I need to try harder on getting him to eat something another time.
“Erm, yeah.” He says nervously.
I put our plates on my bedside table, not bothering to leave the bed to put them in the kitchen.
“Cuddle with me?” I say with such hope with my arms wide open, inviting him in.
He smiled shyly and crawled into them, snuggling his face into my chest.
God I missed this so much. Him being back in my arms, it was like he never left them. It kinda felt like he automatically healed the hole in my chest... almost.
I buried my face into his damp hair and inhale his scent; he was honestly like a drug to me. A drug I couldn’t say no to.
“I missed you.” He mumbled, I almost missed it because it was that low.
I swore my heart just skipped a beat, he really missed me?
“I missed you too baby.” More than you will ever know I thought.
I kissed the top of his head and I tighten my arms around him; he wasn’t leaving them any time soon I hope he knows that.

Oli looked up at me shyly; I couldn’t really read his face… tell me something new. His eyes locked on mine for a second but then he quickly looked away looking all nervous. What was he thinking?
His eyes met mine again, longer than before and he didn’t seem like he was going to turn away this time. He was biting his lip, he seemed abit nervous, I don’t know why it’s only me and he knows I would never hurt him. Oli’s face slowly moved up towards me so our eyes were now levelled, my heart started to race faster when I realise what he was doing… our lips lingered inches away from each others, I let out a little gasp of air, afraid to make the first move. I was afraid if I did anything he’d freak out so I stayed where I was waiting for him to feel comfortable to take the next step. But over all the anticipation was killing, I’ve waiting for too long for this.

Suddenly Oli moved forward and placed a gentle soft kiss on my lips.
My head and heart were both about to explode, no words could explain the rush which flowing through my body right now. Six months I have waited to taste his lips again… six horrible agonising months. I could literally feel the hole in my chest piecing itself back together, he was my cure, my everything.
My heart beats for him and only him; it felt like he was kissing life back into my body, he was turning everything bad back into good, I was reunited with my true love once again. The kiss was soft and gentle, like a simple reminder of how we once were, it was perfect.
His lips gradually pulled away from mine making our eyes lock together. There wasn’t nothing else in this world I wanted more than him. I was lost in the moment completely; I wanted more, so much more... I moved forward kissing him back again, but this time the kiss wasn’t like the last, it become heavy and passionate, filled with nothing but desirable love. I pushed him back against the bed, my lips not leaving his; I felt him lock his arms around my waist making our bodies more close and compacted together, we were one.

I had to pull away from his lips to catch my breath, even though I didn’t want to. I lent my forehead against his, lips swollen and heavy breathing filled the silence. I needed to have him so bad.
“There is one thing you can give me for my birthday…” I trailed off, almost scared to ask him.
I was hinting at him. It’s been so long since I last had him. I needed to feel him under my touch, I need to feel that connection with him again. I don’t think anything could be more perfect if we did.
“Josh…” Oli hid away under his hair, the look of alarm forming over his face. I know he was nervous about what I was suggesting but so was I… I know I was asking for a lot from him but there hasn’t been a time where I’ve wanted him so much as I do now.
I know it would heal the hole in my chest completely if I made love to him now.

“I know its abit soon and I know I’m asking a lot from you… but please baby, I need you so much.”
He glanced up at me with so much sorrow in his eyes, I didn’t want to force him or make him feel like I was guilt tripping him into this, which I wasn’t, my heart was just aching so much to have him, its been months and I still craved to be able to have him in that way.
“I don’t think I can.” He whispered.
“Can we just try, please?”
There was an awkward silence between us for a few moments, making me instantly regret asking him. Fuck, I knew it was too soon, I should have kept my big mouth shut and just appreciate the kiss that we shared but no, I had to go ahead a ruin it for asking for more. I had annoyed myself with my stupidity and was about to pull away from him until Oli’s next words shocked me.
“I’ll try for you…” he mumbled anxiously.
A smile appeared on my lips, he was going to try and that’s all that I can ask for.

I lifted my leg over him and sat in his lap as I began to make out with him again. I missed his warmth, his smell, his touch, everything. I missed him so much I still don’t believe that this is real because it was all so perfect. He tugged at my jumper, hinting at me to take it off, and that I did without a second thought. His hands snuck under my t-shirt and his fingers stroked my bare skin, sending a chill down my spine, causing me to moan in his mouth. Fuck, he can still manage to send me crazy with just a single touch on my skin, for someone so nervous about having sex again he seemed to have his confidence under control with touching me. I moved away from his mouth, leaving my kisses across his jaw and down to his neck where I began to suck and bite.
His breathing became extremely heavy and ragged, it wasn’t normally like this which made me concern; I pulled away from his neck and took a look down at him to see if everything was okay.

“Are you alright?”
“Y-yes.” he breathed out, trying to connected his lips back with mine but I sat up further in his lap so he couldn’t reach.
“You’re breathing is really heavy… you don’t have to do this if you don’t want too.”
I placed my hand on his chest; his heart was beating like crazy, as if it was going to jump out of his chest any second.
He sat up with me in his lap, brushing his fringe away from his face and lean in again.
“No, I want you.”
“Oli, we can do this another time if you’re not ready.” I felt really bad asking him to do this in the first place but now he seem determined to do this with me and I didn’t want him to do this just to make me happy, this has to be a joint decision.
“I am ready. I’m just a little nervous. I’m fine, please I want you.” He begs, pulling at my t-shirt so he was pulling me back down on him.
He then ran his fingers through the hair at the back of my head and held me while he lent forward placing a breathtaking kiss on my lips.
Fuck, if he really does want this then who am I to say no? I placed my hands either side of his face and kiss him deeper. Our tongues were in perfect sync with each others, our chemistry was a fiery blaze, my heart beat was now racing at the same crazy paste as his and I knew then there was no turning back now.
Man, what is he doing to me; I feel like I’m losing my mind with every touch and taste he shared with me.

I pulled out a condom from the draw but tighten my grip on it when Oli tried to take it from me. I glanced down at him slightly worried, wanting to know why he stopped me.
“Are…Are you sure your going to be okay to do this?”
I guess he thought me drowning today took a lot of my energy, which it did but I’ve recovered from it now, I’ve had a bit of rest now I just want to make love to the boy I’m madly in love with.
“I’m sure.” I confirmed.
"I’m… I’m scared Josh.”
I saw the anxiety in his eyes, he really was scared. I know it was because he won’t have any control over his body, but he needs to remember I love him no matter what and I’m going to take the fear away.
“Do you trust me?” I asked.
He hesitated but nodded slowly.
“I promise I won’t hurt you, I’ll take it slow. I’m going to take the pain away baby.” I reassured, leaning down and kissing him softly on the lips.

He said nothing but sunk his head back into the pillow, as he trusted me to have power over his body, which I knew took a lot of guts from him.
I didn’t bother to try and take off his top, so I just pulled down his sweatpants and boxers and tossed them to the side.
My heart was beating so fast, I was too busy worrying about him I didn’t realise how nervous I was. I didn’t want to hurt or disappoint him, I just wanted to show him how much I love and missed him.

I began by separating his legs and entering one of my fingers to start preparing him. I then added a second finger and he hissed out in pain not used to the feeling of being stretch but I knew the pain would past soon. When I thought he was ready, I pulled out my fingers and picked up the condom and rolled it down onto myself. I a line my hips with his entrance and looked down at him making sure this was defiantly what he wanted. Unable to speak he nodded for me to continue which I then entered into him slowly, causing him to let out a small cry of pain.
I couldn’t help but feel guilty; I didn’t want to hurt him like I promise but I knew it would get better soon.

"I'm sorry baby." I whispered, but he said nothing and kept his eyes squeeze shut as I entered more and more into him.
I took my time, there was no rush; I waited long enough for this I knew I was going to enjoy it and make us both enjoy it. When I felt comfortable that Oli had adjusted to me enough, I slowly started to move in and out of him at a reasonable paste trying my best not to hurt him.
Fuck, it’s been so long yet I feel it was worth the wait; my mind and body felt like it was going to explode from the sensational feeling from being inside of him.
Oli hands were gripped on to my shoulders, every now and again his grip would tighten and moans would escape his lips. That’s when I knew he was now enjoying it, which cause me to smile smugly and slightly begin to pick up my paste now I knew we were past the awkwardness.
I was grateful that my tv was left playing in the background, drowning out the moans and groans coming from both me and Oli so my parents wouldn’t hear us from downstairs.
Our bodies fit perfectly together; we were one again…I have found my missing puzzle piece.
With every soft pleasurable thrust, the hole in my chest began to close up more and more. He was fixing me just by letting me be apart of him again and I couldn’t be more grateful to have him back in my life.
To think months of therapy did nothing to fix the hole in my chest compared to being back with Oli within a few hours it was more or less almost healed.

“Fuck.” I cried out. I could fell myself getting close but I didn’t want it to end, every second was perfect, I didn’t want to leave him.
I grabbed onto the end of his t-shirt as the build up to my orgasm became unbearable, oh god please tell me he’s close too? I don’t think I can keep this up any longer.
“J..Josh!” Oli moaned out my name and that was enough for me to take his length into my hand and pump him quickly and literally within seconds, he was releasing in my hand.

I came pretty much straight after he did, halting my thrust to a stop and collapsing down on top of him as I tried catching my breath back.
Fuck me. That was perfect.
My body felt to weak to even move but I could feel Oli shaking from beneath me. I think maybe I was abit much for his fragile body to take right now… his breathing was still really loud and ragged like before.
I didn’t want to crush him any longer than I already was, I finally manage to find the strength and pulled out and rolled over next to him and allowing my body take in the after effects of this perfect moment. I looked over at him and smiled breathlessly, he was so breath taking to look at.
“I love you.” I whispered, causing him to open his eyes and look at me.
“I love you too.”
It was the first time he ever said it back to me. The butterflies fluttered in my stomach, my heart sank at his words and the smile on my face grew from ear to ear. He had no idea how happy he’s made me by being here, letting us have sex and now hearing him say those three little words without even having to ask or wonder.
“Happy birthday Josh.” He whispered, kissing my cheek.
“Thank you.”

Despite everything what happened earlier today, it was the best birthday ever. He made everything so perfect. I kissed him on the nose before pulling him into a hug; I felt safe again, there was nowhere else I’d rather be than right here with him. He honestly saved me in so many ways a person could be saved.

~~

It was late and Oli was still in my arms; I was nervous to sleep, I don’t think I could sleep anyway… I was too scared to let my guard down. I know everything is perfect right now but the last time we made love and the last time he told me he loved me, he disappeared.
I guess I was paranoid and had trust issues now but was I bad for having them? Everything was absolutely perfect, I don’t think I could forgive myself if I fell asleep and woke up with him gone again. I just couldn’t go through that pain all over again… I’m still healing from it.
I tossed and turned all night, I kept checking to see if he was still in my arms every time I nodded off to sleep. It was too dark to see his face, his head still resting against my chest, I couldn’t make out if he was asleep or not.
“Josh love, please sleep.”
Shit, he was awake! I guess all the moving around and constant checking on him kept him awake too…
But I can’t sleep, I’m too scared to sleep. As much as I wanted to trust him I couldn’t, not yet it was too soon. I wrapped my arms around him tighter and I felt him nuzzle his face into my chest and sighed.
“I promise you I’ll be here when you wake up.”
Apart of me wanted to believe him but I didn’t… my eyes watered in fear and guilt.
“Please be here.” I sobbed in his hair.
“I’m not going anywhere.”
Please, please, please, be here when I wake up, please. Those words were circling around in my mind all night long. I needed him to keep his promise so I could trust him again… he’s broken promises before but I really need him to keep this one.

~~~

My eyes flung open in fright, ignoring the bright sunlight blinding me as I opened them; I quickly turned to my side.
“Oli!”
I was greeted with his beautiful dark puppy dog eyes, showing concern. He was still here… just liked he promised.
“I’m here.” He calmed me, placing his hand on my waist.
My heart was beating so fast with fear; I didn’t mean to fall asleep, I let my guard down… A tear rolled down my cheek, but Oli caught it before it fell from my face.
“Hey, no need for tears love, I’m right here.”
“I… I thought you…” I sobbed.
“I promised you didn’t I?”
I hung my head in shame, I didn’t believe him. I hated myself for not being able to trust him. Man, I’ve turned into such an emotion wreck, he probably thinks I’m such a cry baby now. I wiped my eyes with the back on my hand as I felt more tears form in my eyes.

“You were up most of the night love. You needed some sleep.”
“You’ve been gone for so long… I guess I’m not used to you sleeping next to me yet…” I croaked out. I held my throat, I still sounded croaky and horrible; I was defiantly coming down with a cold… in the middle of August, great!
“I don’t blame you for not trusting me Josh.”
He was slumped into the pillow, his hair covering his eyes; he was feeling sorry for himself. He was punishing himself for my pain but he doesn’t need to, I’ll be alright now knowing he’s back.
“I will never forgive myself for leaving you.”
My heart shattered into pieces after hearing that. No, I can’t bare him being unhappy and beating himself up over this. His here and we’re together now, we need to move on from this otherwise we’ll never get over this.
“Stop this now! I don’t want you beating yourself up over this. You’re here with me now and that all that matters, okay?”
“It’s not okay Josh! I’ve hurt you so fucking bad; you can’t even sleep without having the fear of me leaving you again!”
His words startled me abit but I managed to back them up.
“It was the first night you were back… your still here, I can sleep okay now knowing you promised me.” For a moment I actually believed my own words but who am I kidding… it’s going to take awhile for me to trust him again. But I don’t want him to know how much he hurt me, he’s back now and we can get through this, I want us to get better not worse.

“I’m so fucking useless, I don’t even know why you want me back!” he yells, getting up from the bed. I was so frightened he was going to leave me again I freaked out and grabbed hold of his arm and pulled him back down onto the bed.
“Don’t go!”
“Ow, fuck Josh!” he cried out in pain, pulling his arm out of my grasps and clinging to it.
Shit! I forgot about how bad his arms were; he was sitting on the edge of my bed with his head down sobbing with pain, whilst he held on to his injured arm.
“Oli I’m so sorry, I forgot, I just panicked!”
“I just needed a bloody piss!” he yelled.
“I’m sorry.” I whined, feeling hopeless.
I felt so guilty; I’m so paranoid about him leaving my side I lashed out in fear. I didn’t mean to hurt him, it was an accident.

A few minutes went by without us saying a word to each other, he was still sat on the edge of the bed sobbing into his hands; I couldn’t stand the awkwardness, I had to do something which made us communicate in some way.
Shift over to him on the bed and hugged him from behind wrapping my arms and legs around him as I lent my chin on his shoulder. I could literally feel every bone of his body sticking out through his t-shirt… his arms and legs were as thin as tooth picks! He seriously had become underweight… we both had lost a huge amount of weight these last few months, but he was just ridiculous! Other than Chinese take out last night I’m not sure when the last time he ate and he didn’t have no more than two mouth falls! This really worried me… I can’t bare not knowing anything about him, not knowing if he was suffering or if he’s eaten anything or not… I need him so much…I need him to be safe and okay again. I needed him to talk to me and let me know everything is going to okay between us.

“Say you'll never leave me cos I need you so much.” I said in soft voice.
He peeked his head over his shoulder and kissed me softly.
“I promise.” He whispered against my lips.
I leant my head on his shoulder again, he promised me… am I a fool to believe him? God, I love him so much I just don’t know anymore. I want to believe him I really do but I’m so confused and I needed to know things what happened when he was gone… or do I? There’s so much we need to talk about but I don't want to push into anything… Maybe things are better off left unsaid.
The heat of the sun shining through my window was burning into my back and I shifted slightly as it became uncomfortable.
“It’s a nice day today, let’s go to the playground.”

~~~

We both sat on the swings of the playground, rocking slowly back and forth on them. Our hands were entwined together, I liked the contact, we were like a happy couple again... well sort of.
Oli’s sad words broke me away from my happy thoughts.
“Did he ever come back here?”
I didn’t need to ask who, I already knew who he was referring too.
“I came here everyday and there was no sign of him… or you.”
I forced the truth past my lips… he needed to know I tried.
“I’m so sorry Josh.”
“No, I’m sorry… I should never have told them to leave, it wasn’t my place.”
There was an awkward silence between us before he spoke again.
“I looked everywhere for them… everywhere.”
His sorrow tore me apart. He left me to try and find his family; how could I hate him for that? I more or less sent him away… all this was still my fault. I just really hope one day he forgives me for this mess. I truly am sorry for everything I did…it was only because I love him so much.
Oli was about to speak again but we were interrupted by an unexpected visitor.

“Josh?”
My head whipped round to look behind me as I recognised the familiar voice and to my surprise, Vic was standing there, his eyes filled with sadness and confusion as he saw me and Oli holding hands.
“Vic!”
I stood up from the swing in shock, letting go of Oli’s hand; this wasn’t exactly the best time for Vic to be here.
“W-what are you doing here?”
“You haven’t been answering any of my calls and you haven’t been to therapy in the last two weeks. I was worried about you.”
“Therapy?” Oli whispered, raising an eyebrow up at me and I winced.
Great, I didn’t want him to know I’ve been going to therapy, he’s only going to blame himself for that as well.
Vic walked around me in front of the swings, he was curious to see who the boy sitting on the swing next to me was.
“Oliver?” he whispered, Vic’s eyes were wide and a look of sadness fell across his face as he stared down at the boy on the swing.
Oli didn’t say anything to him. I watched him glance up at Vic for a couple of seconds and then looked down to the ground to avoid him. Why do I feel like something bad is going to happen?
Oli’s reaction caused the sadness on Vic’s face to disappear and replace with anger.
“So you’ve finally decided to show your face again have you, how long do you plan on staying this time huh?! You better not think about causing Josh anymore pain while you’re here!” he scowls.
“Vic, please don’t!” I warned him, of course I had to jinxed something bad to happen, this is the last thing I need.

“Are you seriously going to let him back into your life? After everything he put you through?! Josh he fucked you up, he don’t deserve you!” Vic hissed at me.
I’ve honestly never seen Vic so angry before, it shocked me but his careless and hurtful words only angered me.
“Stop it! You have no idea what he deserves or not!”
“Josh please don’t do this, don’t go back to him, your better than that!”
He grabbed my hand and pulled me towards him and away from Oli. My blood started to boil, what the fuck was Vic playing at?! He knows damn well how much I love Oli.
“Hey, don’t pull him away from me.” Oli stood up from the swing, but Vic only snapped at him more, pulling me close to his side.
“You have no right to turn up out of the blue and assume you still have rights over him!”
“Vic stop it, you don’t know what you’re talking about!” I yelled, trying to get through to him.
“Yes I do Josh! Where were you when he needed you most huh? Where were you when he was breaking because of all the shit you put him through?! You don’t deserve him, he’s mine! I was there to save him not you!” he hissed back at Oli, who just stood there and took in everything Vic was throwing at him. I know all too well Oli was letting Vic’s words tear him apart inside as he told him the truth about my suffering and I couldn’t bare it.

I couldn’t listen to him rip Oli apart like this anymore, he’s gone far enough! Who the fuck does he think he is, speaking for me like I don’t have my own mind.
“Vic that’s enough!” I snapped, pulling away from him.
“No its not, he needs to know what he did to you! He needs to understand he can’t just have you back, you’re a different person now, and things have changed since he’s been gone.”
“Fucking stop this now! How dare you come here and speak for me! You know more than anyone how I feel about him, so don’t you dare try and make out I don’t love him! You know I do Vic, what the fuck has got into you?” I scream, standing in front of him.
Vic shook his head but only came back at me with more anger.
“No I don’t believe you do… he left you and I was here to pick up the pieces. You have me Josh you don’t need him, you really don’t. You know I’ll keep you safe.”
We were lost in each others eyes for a moment, I knew what those last words meant. He did keep me safe for awhile… and I’m grateful but I don’t need him to keep me safe anymore, I have Oli back.

Oli took my hand and pulled me back to his side.
“Oh no you don’t Sykes!” Vic pulled at my other hand, refusing to let Oli have me. They were fighting over me, pulling at me like some sort of rag doll! I’m not some prize that can be won over! I have feelings or don’t my feelings matter anymore?! My heart ached because the two people I care about most in the world were about to rip each other apart.
“If you’re such a good friend like you say you are, then where the fuck were you yesterday when he tried to kill himself?!” Oli blurted out.
Oli’s words shocked me which made me gasp, I can’t believe he just told Vic that! Fuck no; Vic didn’t need to know that! No, why did he have to tell him?! Vic’s never gonna be able to handle that, fuck, fuck, fuck!
“Oli!” I shot a horrifying look at him, which made him instantly regret saying it.
“What?! Josh please tell me he’s fucking joking?!”
Vic looked appalled as he realised Oli was telling the truth and refuse to say anything. He grabbed both my shoulders and shook me aggressively.

“Josh please tell me that’s not true!"
I bit my lip and kept my head down, I couldn't even look at him.
"Josh? H-how could you… you had me, why didn’t you come to me for help?!” he sobbed.
He was in pieces, I could see the tears filling his eyes as I looked at him. I didn’t know what to say to him… everything was a big mess. Fuck I knew this would hurt him, why did Oli have to tell him. He’s never going to leave me alone now knowing this. The agony in his eyes left and filled with anger as he went mad at Oli yet again.
“This is all your fucking fault! Look what you’ve done to him!”
“He doesn’t need you Vic, just back the fuck off!” Oli shouted back.
They were inches apart from each other, if I didn’t do anything now, I swear Vic was going to hit him or something, which wouldn't end well. I couldn’t take them ripping each other apart anymore so I jumped in the middle of them and pushed them part screaming at the both of them.

“Stop this! I can’t fucking take this anymore; you can’t hurt each other without hurting me! Please just stop!” I scream, looking back and forth and the two of them.
They both hung their heads trying to hold back their anger. My words worked but I’m not sure how long for though… they need to learn to get along for my sake for any of this to get better.
“Vic please, can you just go. Me and Oli really need to be alone right now…” I pushed my hand against Vic’s chest, hoping he would just walk away.
“No, I’m not leaving you here with him!”
“Please Vic, you know how much I love him.” I pleaded.
“What about me Josh?” Vic’s voice broke a little.
“You’re my best friend… I’m always going need you but please Vic, try to understand I need to be with Oli right now.”
“Best friend?” you could hear the pain in his voice and I couldn’t feel as worse as I do at this moment. It hurt me so bad to ask him to leave me alone but it had to be done.
“Vic please don’t do this here…”
I tried pleading with him, I couldn’t do this right here in front of Oli; it wasn’t fair.
“Promise me you’ll come to therapy later.”
My eyes fell to the ground; he knows I never break my promises, so if he makes me promise I will have to go no matter what but was I really ready to leave Oli on his own? The fear lingered in my mind.
“Promise me otherwise I'm not going anywhere Josh.” He demands. And I give up there and then cos god knows how long we’ll be here otherwise.
“Okay fine, I promise.”
We stared awkwardly at each other, there was so many things we needed to talk about too but none of that mattered right now, Oli was my only concern.
Vic’s eyes left mine and wondered behind me; anger filling his face again when he looked back at Oli.
“You better not hurt him anymore than you already have!”
“Vic.” I warned him.
“Whatever, I’m gone.”

My eyes followed Vic walk off into the distance; I didn’t want to hurt him, that was the last thing I wanted. He’s my best friend and I know he’s going to find it hard having Oli back in my life… but he just needs to learn how to deal with it now, because I’m never letting Oli go again.
I slowly turned to face Oli who was just standing there with the saddest look on his face.
Fuck, I bet that was really hard for him to witness.

“Oli I’m sorry.”
“Since when are you and Vic Fuentes best friends?” he demands and I instantly feel myself tense at his question.
“I… I met him in therapy…” I answered nervously, biting my lip.
“Great.”
He huffs, hanging his head.
“Oli please don’t blame yourself for this.”
He just stared at me with his big dark eyes; they were filled with so much misery and gloom it pulled at my heart. I took his hand in mine and walked us over to the gate of the playground.
“Let’s go to our secret place. We’re safe from any interruptions there.”