Heart Attack Waiting to Happen

Chapter 30: God Forgive Me For All My Sins.

Josh's P.O.V

The sun was shining bright in the sky; there was a slight breeze so it wasn’t too hot for me and Oli sitting in the filed.
I had my guitar with me and Oli was writing down some lyrics in his journal, we were working on that song we started writing last week.
I sang the verse we had already written.
“We’re young and in love heart attack waiting to happen, so come a little closer, tell me it’s all in our heads.
We’re young and in love heart attack waiting to happen, so come a little closer tell me those three little words…”
“Perfect.” He smiled at me;
"I missed hearing you sing to me." He smiled at me again, making me blush slightly.
He ducked his head back down and started scribbling down more lyrics onto the page. I peeked over his shoulder to see what he was writing, he didn’t mind so much letting me look at them, seeing as we were writing it together.
“Your voice makes my heart skip beats,
So keep quiet before it quits on me.
Your voice makes my heart skip beats,
So keep quiet before it flat lines.
Before it flat lines…”
Wow he really was talented when it came to writing. It was even more flattering when he wrote such lyrics about me.
I started kissing the side of his neck, he smelt so good. He was so perfect.
I was about to pull away but I heard him let out a little moan, turning me on slightly, so I continued.
“You know, I’m finding it really hard to concentrate while you’re sucking on my neck like that…”
“Hmmm, sorry baby…you carry on writing…”
My lips didn’t leave his neck; his taste was far too good for me to pull away. My lips started to move their way up to his jaw line, noticing his breathing begin to get abit heavy.
“Josh we’re never going to get this done.” He groaned.
I let out a little husky laugh through my kisses.
“You know you can’t resist me...” I teased.
“Fuck it.”
He sprung round to my face, quickly pressing his lips down onto mine. He finally gave into me!
Oli removed my guitar from my lap which was keeping us apart from each other; pushing me back onto the grass, caressing my head in his hands as he passionately started making out with me.
We've never kissed like this before, it was heavy and heated and fucking hot as hell, it was too good to be really happening.
I felt his hands move down to my jeans, rubbing his hand on my hard erection, making me gasp loudly. He started undoing my belt.
My lips pulled away from his.
“Oli baby, what are you doing?” I gasp.
“Josh Franceschi, I’m going to fuck you right here and now!”
Holy fuck!
The way he spoke my whole name drove my mind wild.
My heart was racing like never before as he pulled down my jeans; my body was flooded with adrenaline at the thought of my boyfriend about to have rough hard sex with me right here in the middle of the field. I wasn’t complaining, the moment and scenery was perfect.
I felt his warm lips slide down on to my hard erection.
My eyes flung open in shock, Jesus Christ I was not expecting that! I let out a ragged loud moan; the feeling was sensational, his lips were sliding slowly up and down my length sending chills down my spine, my mind going crazy.
My head fell back against the grass, letting Oli continue pleasuring me.
My hands curled up into the grass, as my fists pulled them from their roots.
I was continuously bucking my hips up at him, as I wriggle in absolute pleasure under him.
He was such a fucking tease, my god! I needed him so fucking bad, if he kept this up I was going to cum all over him.
Without any warning he flipped me over on my front and pushed inside me hard.
“Fuck!” I screamed out.
He gave me no warning what so ever like he usually does, he took me completely off guard.
Fuck! He didn't even prepare me for it, he just went for it. I'm not gonna lie, it was fucking painful as hell, i'm surprise my body even let him in... I whimpered a little, but I didn't want Oli to stop because he hurt me, I wanted him to carry on.
He pulled my arse up towards, positioning me on my hands on knees; he was practically slamming into me as fast as he could; I felt his nails digging into my hips as he tighten his grip. His groans ragged and never ending.
The pain faded not long after and the pleasure was unreal, we've never had sex like this before, it was rough and hard and I was loving every minute of it. He was definitely going to have his dirty way with me more often, I can't believe we hadn't done this sooner.
Every pleasurable thrust was sending me more and more off the edge, I wouldn't be able to keep this up any longer.
He tugged at my hair, pulling my head up as he breathlessly whispered into my ear.
"You going to cum for me love?"
Oh fuck, finally the magic words.
"Y-yes baby."
He continued to thrust hard into me.
"Hurry love."
He was getting impatient with me, he was obviously near to his end just as much as I was.
But I didn't want this to end, it was just amazing.
"Almost there."
"No, now Josh!" he demanded.
He grabbed hold of my hips an thrusted hard one last time into me, making us both cum incredibly hard and loudly, breaking the silence of our beautiful field.
We both collapsed forward onto the grass, still shaking from the adrenaline pumping inside us. We turned smiling at each other, which soon followed by both of us laughing at the pure thrill of having sex in the field…our field.
“I wasn’t expecting that.” I panted.
“Well that’s what happens when you tease me.”
“Hmm, maybe I should tease you more often then…” I shot a big beaming smile at him.
"But next time...please prepare me first babe."
"I'm sorry, I kinda of got carried away..."
"Yeah, I gathered."
We both giggled as I pulled him on top of my chest; softly connecting our lips together.
It was perfect. He was perfect.
We were interrupted from a text on my phone; it was Kellin asking where we were.
Shit. I didn’t realise what time it was, we were meant to meet the guys at the fun fair now.
“Shit, I forgot we were meeting the others at the fair!”
Oli glanced up.
“What, right now?”
“Yeah, they’re waiting for us.”
I stood up while I quickly, pulling up my trousers and belt buckle. Oli was still sitting on the grass, he didn’t really seem to care that we were running late.
“Oli come on.”
He grunted and frowned at me whilst pulling up his skinnies.
“Its not going to be as fun as it was when it was just me and you…”
“I know…but we said to Kellin we’d go.”
I pulled him up from the ground, ignoring his negative out take about going to the fair.
“Josh, I much rather it just be you and me here…”
I wrapped my arms around his waist, this always helped me convince him with things.
“I know baby… but come on we need to try and get along with the others.”
He frowned; I know he didn’t want us to be around Vic, I guess he knew it would be asking for trouble. But I wanted to spend some time with my friends... I missed them.
“Please baby, for me?”
I pulled the whole big puppy dog eyes look at him, hoping to convince him.
He let out a sigh.
“Fine, I’ll do it for you.”
Yes, I’ll knew it would work!

“Finally! What took you guys so long?” Kellin moaned.
“Oh err, me and Oli kinda lost track of time…”
We both blushed and giggled to each other, replaying the naughty event in our minds which happened in the field not long ago.
Kellin cringe, raising up his hands avoiding to know any more details.
“Ew okay, forget that I asked.”
We continued giggling to each other, but a low sad voice broke us out of our little bubble.
“Hey Josh.”
I felt Oli’s arms tighten around my waist as Vic approached us; he wasn’t letting me leave his side.
“Hey Vic.” I smiled a little.
Vic smiled back; I decided to put all our differences behind us and try to just get along as friends again.
Its been a week since I last saw him, I didn’t realise how much I missed him…Everything what happened last week felt so stupid, I wanted my best friend back and all this two word conversations were killing me.
“Hey Oli.”
Oli completely ignored him, what the fuck. I felt so awkward.
I nudged him gently in the ribs, making Oli answer him.
“Hi…”
Oli didn’t even look at Vic, Gosh why is he being like this? Vic is at least trying! He even called him Oli, which he never does.
Vic rolled his eyes.
“Whatever.” he mumbled.
He walked off towards some rides, making Mike and Kellin follow after him. I wanted to go after him too but I was glued to Oli’s side.
It killed me to see how much he was hurting but there was nothing I could really do.
I was annoyed at Oli, for making it awkward.
“Oli please at least try.”
“I said hi.”
I lent my face into his neck; he knew what I meant he was just being complicated and not making the situation any easier.
“Baby please…he’s my friend.”
“Fine.” he sighed.

Everything seemed to be going okay from now on, we all were laughing and joking and having a really good time together.
Oli and I didn’t leave each other sides; we sat together on every ride, on every game, in every photo, shared every little bit of candy floss and ice cream, our hands stayed intertwined together the whole day and we still manage to join in and have lots of fun with the others as well.
Oli shocked me a bit; he never wanted to go public about our relationship before but he was literally all over me the whole day and he didn’t seem to care who saw us.
He ended up winning me a Sponge Bob Square Pants teddy on the shooting hoops game and took me by complete surprise, he kissed me. Some strangers commented in disgust but he just put his middle finger up to them in response. I giggled, I kinda like this reckless ‘I don’t care’ attitude he was pulling off, it made me feel so much more attracted to him.
I notice Vic was quiet than usual, I guess seeing me and Oli happy together wasn’t so easy for him. I didn’t want it to look like we were rubbing it in his face, which was the last thing I wanted…I know how Vic feels about me and I really didn’t want to hurt him.
But this is how its going to be from now on, we all just have to learn to get used to it.
Oli and Mike headed to the toilets while they left me,, Vic And Kellin playing on the 2p machines, trying to win some funky looking key rings.
Vic stood awkwardly next to me, handing me pennies for the machine.
“You really do love him don’t you?”
His question knocked my by surprise, which I just continued to look down at the penny machine and replied.
“Yes.”
“Josh I’m sorry for hurting you.”
He placed his hand in mine, I didn’t know how to react to it but I didn’t pull away.
Kellin was too busy shoving all his pennies into the machine to notice us.
“No I’m sorry…I know today can’t have been easy for you.”
“I did it for you…I miss you so much Josh.”
I really missed him too, more than he knows.
He placed a soft kiss on the back of my hand, I smiled lightly at the little butterfly feeling which appeared in my stomach.
Fuck, what am I doing?!
I pulled my hand out of his instantly when I realised I was letting him get too close again...
I took a step away from him.
“Vic no.”
“I love you Josh.”
My heart dropped. No, why is he doing this?
“Please don’t do this here…don’t ruin it.”
“Sorry.”
He hung his head in shame; I felt horrible inside, I just wanted to pull him into a hug and forget everything what has happened. He's my best friend and I care so much for him, I hated seeing him like this.
I stepped forward towards Vic about to wrap my arms around him but Oli’s hands sneakily slid their way around my waist pulling me towards him as he stood behind me, kissing my cheek.
He scared me a little, I hoped he didn't see Vic holding my hand...
“Hey.” I smiled back at him.
Vic just awkwardly stood there biting his lip, not saying a single word, his eyes were filled with nothing but sadness as he watched Oli hold me in his arms.
I felt terrible.
I hate being stuck in the middle of all this, it wasn't fair.
Mike suggested that we go through the mirror maze next, but to make it more interesting we made it into a race. The loser had to buy the rest of us hot dogs at the end!
Me and Oli stayed together of course, but after about 20 minutes or so searching for the exit I started to get fed up with this stupid game!
“Let’s go this way.”
“No love, I’m pretty sure the exit is this way.” Oli pointed.
“But that’s just going back the way we came.”
“No its not, we haven’t gone this way yet.”
We were lost and we started moaning at each other what way we should go next, everywhere just looked the same…well we were just surrounded by our own reflections, it was kind of scary and this place was starting to make me feel sick.
“Oh I don’t care anymore, we’ve probably lost anyway!”
I pulled a tantrum; I just wanted to get out of this place now.
“Josh love, honestly I think the exit is this way.”
I wasn’t convinced it was the right way; I turned around and carried on walking the way I thought was the right and bumped into Mike.
“Mike!”
“Josh, thank god I’m not the only one still in here!”
“Yeah, me and Oli are pretty lost.”
“Where’s Oli?”
I sprung round to find Oli gone.
“Oli?” I called out but I heard nothing.
The little shit took off without me when my back was turned; I thought we were in this together? Obviously not.
Why did he leave me? I felt a little hurt and annoyed.
“Hey don’t worry dude, we’ll find him again when we find a way out of this place!”
Mike joked patting me on the shoulder, but I wasn’t in the mood anymore. The lights and all of the reflections in this maze had given me a headache from hell, I felt so ill.
I guess all the candyfloss and ice cream didn’t do much help either.
“Josh you alright?”
“I just feel abit sick…”
I stumbled towards the way I thought Oli had took, Mike followed close behind me.
We decided to split up but stay close by so we could direct each other if we found the exit.
“Mike don’t come this way I think it’s a dead end!” I called out.
I started to head back where I left Mike but something caught my attention in one of the mirrors.
I stepped back to take a second look and saw Oli’s and Vic’s reflection…
I wasn’t exactly sure what I was seeing but it didn’t look good.
Oli was backed up against the mirror wall and Vic’s arms was resting either side of Oli…they looked rather close and personal… far too close for my comfort. Their lips looked inches apart... Like they were just about to kiss.
What was going on? My vision became blurred as tears filled my eyes, I can’t believe what I was seeing…my heart sank through my chest.
Oli glanced up and spotted my gloomy refection staring at them both in the mirror.
Oli’s face filled with panic as he saw me.
“Josh! Its not what it looks like!” he shouted out to me.
I ran, disappearing from their sight but I came to a mirror dead end…I was lost.
Shit, I just want to get out of here!
My breathing was extremely heavy; I felt hot and sweaty and I was so disturbed from what I saw…I threw up everywhere.
I felt so dizzy and weak, what the fuck did I just see?! My boyfriend and my best friend? No it’s not possible, they hate each other…don’t they? They've been at each others guts since the start, what is going on?!
I fell against the mirror wall and slid down to the floor hugging my knees to my chest, as I cried quietly into them; I heard Vic and Oli call out my name repeatedly. I begged they wouldn’t find me here; I just wanted the ground to open up and swallow me. I didn't want anything to do with either of them right now.
My heart was being ripped into a thousand pieces yet again, by the two people I love most in the world. Why is this happening to me? The tears didn't stop falling, I could hardly breathe, I couldn’t think…I didn’t know what to think anymore. How could they do this to me?! After everything I’ve done for them, this is the payment I get… My head felt like it’s been run over by a truck, my heart felt like its been stabbed to death, I was shaking like a leaf…what was happening to me? Everything suddenly went black.

I woke to find myself in my bed; how did I get here? I slowly sat up taking in everything around me, I still felt abit dizzy and confused by everything. Oli was sitting on my computer chair across the room from me; he was sitting completely still, like he was a statue.
“What happened to me?” I chocked out.
“You fainted.”
“I fainted?”
“Mike found you in the maze and carried you home…two hours later and you’re now awake.”
He sounded so cold.
Tears started to roll down my face as the flashbacks filled my mind. I fainted because of Oli and Vic... I was so disturb from what I saw, how could they do this to me?
Oli didn’t move from his position at all, he just sat and watched me cry.
“H-how could you do this to me?” I tried sniffing back my tears.
“Josh, it wasn’t what it looked like.”
“Did you kiss?”
“No…”
“Don’t fucking lie to me Oli!”
I threw my pillow at him, making him jump with fright. I wasn’t messing around anymore, he has no fucking idea how much he’s hurt me!
“Josh I’m telling you the truth!”
“Bullshit, you never tell me the truth! You never tell me anything! I’m just sad pathetic gullible Josh that should have ‘mug’ written on my forehead!”
“Love that’s not true.”
“Don’t call me love! What the fuck where you and Vic doing?”
I was furious; I was done being Mr Nice Guy, I wanted answers and I wanted them now! I wasn’t taking any of this shit anymore.
This has gone far enough!
“W-We…We were just talking.” He shifted in his seat.
“Yeah right, you both looked pretty cosy at talking if you ask me!”
“Like as cosy as you and Vic look when you talk? At least we weren't holding hands!”
He caught me off guard.
Fuck, he saw us holding hands...but me and Vic were different.
“That’s different…” I trailed off.
“How is it different?"
"It just is..."
"The worse part of it is, I know you’re both madly in love with each other!”
I saw his bottom lip tremble and his eyes watered, not this again!
“How many times do I have to tell you, I don’t love him!”
“How can you say I don’t tell you the truth…yet you sit there and lie to me…you won’t even admit your feelings to yourself.”
He slouched down in the chair and cried into his hands, making me feel incredibly guilty. Why was I suddenly the bad guy?
And why does this stupid bloody subject about me being in love with Vic keep coming up?! I don’t fucking love him; I love the stupid boy crying in front of me!
“Oli for fuck sake!”
I kicked the duvet off me and walked over to him.
I hated seeing him cry I couldn’t bare it, I would rather hear nails scratch against a black board!
I curled up into his lap and pulled his arm away from his face and wrapped it around me. I nuzzled my face into his neck, making myself comfortable in his hold.
“Why does this keep happening to us?” I mumbled.
“I told you, I don’t do friends… friends and the past just don’t mix well with me…” he sobbed.
“Today was going so perfect…” I trailed off.
I just wanted Oli and my friends to get along but it just seems impossible for that to happen. Why is it so fucking hard?
"I'm sorry for making your day shit."
"You didn't." I felt bad.
I didn't want him to starting blaming himself for today, it wasn't just him it was all of us. I couldn't hate him for today, even though the start was the best and I really didn't want it to end...especially not like this.
“I promise you love, I didn’t kiss him… I wouldn’t do that to you.”
I felt him kiss my hair, his sobs pulling at my heart strings.
Guilt flooded my mind; I should have told him the night Vic kissed me. I know it wasn’t my fault, Vic was just being a dick but yet I decided not to tell Oli about it… I hated keeping secrets from him.
I had to tell him, this would tear me apart if I continued to keep it from him and I felt it was only a matter of time he would find out.
“Vic kissed me…” I whispered, hiding my face back into his neck, hoping Oli wouldn’t get mad at me.
“What, when?”
“When I went back to his after therapy… we were arguing and he pushed himself onto me…”
He said nothing but I felt his hold tighten around me.
He clenched his jaw.
“But it was only a kiss, I pushed him away and he knew he made a mistake!”
I pulled away from his neck and look up at him.
I tried to defend both of us, but Oli didn’t look impressed at all, fuck, why didn't I just tell him from the start!
“Oli I promise it didn’t mean a thing!”
“But it meant something to him…and it probably meant something to you more than you know...”
“Oli I swear, it meant nothing to me.”
I burst into tears again; he was going to hate me for this. I should have just told him when it first happened and saved myself from all the consequences now.
Fuck no, I can't have him hating me for this, I can't have him leaving me again, I just can't, the kiss was nothing.
I burst into tears, fuck what have I done.
He pulled me back to his chest
“Please love, don’t cry.”
“I’m sorry…” I chocked.
“Shhh.”
He started rocking me in his arms softly; soothing me to calm down… this was usually the other way round.
Why is it when everything is so perfect between us, something has to come along and ruin it! It’s never ending, Oli has only been back in my life again for a little over a week now and I’m scared how much more of this agony of our relationship he can take…
Everything seems to be getting worse, awkward situations from the past kept coming up and dragging us down.

We didn't talk to each other much after that, it was late so we decided to just go to bed and start again in the morning.
I twisted on my side and put my arm over Oli; but instead I was met with an empty cold space.
My eyes flung open.
“Oli?”
He wasn’t in bed; I turned on my side light and searched the room, my heart started to race with fear.
All his belongings were still here and I notice my bedroom door was left slightly opened…maybe he just went to the toilet.
I sunk back down into my pillow and relaxed, fuck I need to stop being so paranoid about him.
5 minutes pasted and he still wasn’t back from the toilet yet… I just wanted him to hurry up so I could cuddle with him in bed.
I groaned and forced myself out of bed, I needed to know what was taking him so long.
I saw the bathroom light shine through under the door, he was defiantly in there.
It sounded like he was crying…
I knocked on the door softy.
“Oli baby?”
“Fuck!”
I heard a lot of fumbling about in there, I pulled down the door handle but the door was locked. No, what’s he doing in there? I started to panic and knocked again on the door.
“Oli let me in!”
“Just a minute!” I heard a faint cry.
“Oli please, let me in now!”
Oli and locked doors never end well, I fell into panic mode.
The door slowly opened but I pushed my way through; the bathroom was a complete mess, what the hell was he doing in here?
I turned to face him; my eyes frantically searched his face, looking for any signs of distressed.
His eyes and nose were pink from crying, he also looked a really pale ill colour.
“What were you doing in here?”
“Nothing…”
Yeah right, hes not crying over nothing.
He ducked his head and hid under his fringe, he was shifting around a lot and that’s when I noticed.
There were blood on side of his t-shirt; the vibrant stains over powered the white material.
Both his arms were hidden behind his back…No, please tell me he didn’t!
I grabbed his left arm forward from behind his back, he let out a scream but I ignored him.
Crimson blood trailed down his arm, there were freshly cut wounds…I was disgusted with him, how could he! Especially when I was in the next room!
I pulled at his other arm but thankfully it wasn’t in the same condition as the other. His fist was in a tight grip and that’s when I knew he was hiding the blade from me.
“Oli give it to me now!”
“No!”
"Oli!"
He tried to push me away from him but I grabbed hold of his wrist.
I forcefully uncurled his fingers and manage to take the blade from his hand.
I quickly turned on my heel and flushed the blade down the toilet; Oli pushed me out of the way hoping to catch the blade before it disappeared; it was truly a disturbing scene to witness.
“Why are you doing this?!” I shouted at him, completely confused.
He was crying hysterically over the toilet seat, what the fuck is going on?
I crouched down beside him.
“Oli speak to me! Why have you cut yourself again? I don’t understand, you don’t need to do this anymore!”
“Y-yes I do!”
“No you don’t!”
“The vultures watch me bleed…” he mumbled.
I was confused at his response but before I could question him more, he threw up down the toilet. Great, this is the last thing I needed! He was in a right state, I don’t even know where his mind was at… he really started to frighten me.
I think he's been pushed too far and I don't know what to do.
I picked him up from the bathroom floor and carried him back to my room.
I put him down on my bed, his bloody arm stained my bed sheets, his t-shirt was covered in all sorts…I can’t let him sleep like this.
I tugged at his t-shirt, hinting that I wanted to take it off him.
“What are you doing?!” he freaked out.
“Oli you’re t-shirt is covered in blood and sick, let me take it off.”
“No!” He panicked.
Oh for crying out loud, why can't he just do as hes told for once!
I ignored him and forcefully pulled it off over his head, its nothing I haven’t seen before anyway, I wasn’t taking no for an answer. He struggled but failed against my strength, I dropped the t-shirt from my hands, I was wrong…I hadn’t seen this before.
I let out a gasp as my hand flew to my mouth, I was in shock at the sight of him.
He was just skin and bones.
Every bone was abnormally sticking out through his pale tortured skin. You could see them all; his hip bones, his ribs, his collar bones, his spine, even his bony wrists!
Not only did the scars run deep in his tattooed tortured body but he was also starving himself…he might had physically stopped trying to commit suicide but he was killing himself in a complete different way… a way which killed him slowly and painfully and without my awareness.
I felt sick at the thought; WHY IS HE DOING THIS TO HIMSELF?!
Tears well up in my eyes but I refuse to let them fall, I had to be strong and get down to the bottom of this. He tried to cover up his body with his blood stain arms, as he whimpered into the bed sheets; but the damaged was already done, I had seen it all.
He was beyond fucked up.
I knew this wasn’t the last of it either... I needed to know where they were.
“Oli where are the rest of the blades?”
He shook his head.
“Oli I know there’s more."
He continued to ignore me as he shook in his bare skin.
"God help me Oli, if you don’t tell me where they are now, I swear to god…!” my blood started to boil.
I saw him flinch a little and shakily pointed over to his ruck sack, when he realised I wasn't messing around.
I practically pulled his bag apart looking for the other blades; I came across a small black box.
I hesitated to open it at first but when I did, I was welcome by five shiny blood stained blades. My stomach twisted into knots, they were all didn’t shapes and sizes and all coated in his blood…it was as if he used a certain blade for a different situation…this was beyond fucked up.
I slowly turned to face him, holding the box tightly in my hands. This had to be done or otherwise nothing is never going to get better.
“It’s me or the blades Oli…"
"Josh please no!" he cried out in pain.
"Choose.”
"Please." He begged.
"Well, what is it then Oli?!" I shouted at him, getting frustrated.
I stared deep into his lost eyes, hoping his answer would be me but his silence spoke loud enough…my hand clung to my chest as I felt the same raw pain as before when Oli left me… the hole in my chest ripped open again.
I threw the box of blades on the floor; making the little black box break open in two allowing the blades to scatter on the floor around him.
“You’ve made your decision…but I’m not gonna sit and watch you destroy yourself!” my tone was filled with hurt and heartbreak.
I wanted out of here; I can’t believe he chose those disgusting lethal objects over me!
This wasn't happening.
“Josh please, where are you going?!”
He was shaking violently but I just ignored him, I couldn't give in to him now, it would just go back to the same old, and i just can't live like this anymore... it was just another one of his choices... Rejecting my love and help, hes made it clear he doesn't want to be saved.
“You’ve made it clear I can’t save you…I hope those vile things will bring you more happiness than I ever could.”
I grabbed hold of any item of clothing I could get hold of, and threw them on, I needed to get out of here now!
I can't believe this is actually happening, I can't believe its coming to this and i'm about to do this.
My hand grabbed the door handle of my bedroom door, but Oli’s cry stopped me in my path.
“Josh!”
I hesitated, feeling the tears enter my eyes. No don't look back at him Josh, you'll only give in to him. You need to stay strong.
The horrid words I’d dread the most lingered on the tip of my tongue, I wished I’d never had to speak them…but I really had no choice this time.
I slowly turn away from the door and looked over at him on the bed.
“It’s over Oli.”
A tear rolled down my cheek as I spoke the words; seeing the last bit of hope leave his eyes, I couldn’t bare to be here any longer.
“No Josh, please don’t leave me!” He held his hand out to me, I was shaking, no I can't give in to him, not this time...I ran out of my room as fast as I could.
I heard him cry out for me again, but I just ran down the stairs faster and out of the house, leaving him on his own to do do god knows what to himself.
My heart was breaking all over again; the tears refuse to stop falling, my heart was in my throat, I can’t believe I’ve just left the boy I was so madly in love with, I left him when he needed me the most, just left him there alone, in his bloody stained body on my bed… I carried on running as far away from my house as possible, I just need to get away from everything. This was really the end of me and him.