Heart Attack Waiting to Happen

Chapter 9: That Little Kiss You Stole

Josh's P.O.V

Detention.

I stopped in the door way and scanned the room before finding Oli sitting at the far back of the classroom.

My heart started to race again, my palms were sweaty, my throat became dry and my cheeks burn red.

2 whole hours I’ve waited to see him again, 2 hours I was going out of my mind, staring at the clock hoping time would move faster so I could get myself to detention.

I wasn't desperate to get to detention to be punished, I was desperate to get there so I could see Oli again.

And now I’m here, standing outside detention glued to this spot, my eyes not leaving him. Everything about him was drawing me in and I couldn't understand why.

I swallowed hard to calm my nerves before I entered the classroom and taking a seat next to him.

“Alright?” He whispered.

“Yeah.” I smiled feeling my cheeks burn red even hotter as his pretty face made my stomach do somersaults.

I looked away nervously hoping he wouldn’t notice me blushing. Pull yourself together Josh for crying out loud! This isn’t the right time for him to notice that I have a silly school girl crush on him.

Mr Jones came over to us with a look of disappointment as he saw us just sitting there doing nothing and chatting.

“I’m sure you both have work you could be getting on with.” He raised his eyebrows, shifting his eyes back and forth to both of us.

He gave Oli a look of disapproval as he glanced down at his tattooed hands and I couldn’t believe what I was witnessing right now.

I looked back at Oli with a ‘wtf?’ look on my face as Mr Jones walked away leaving us to get on with some work. Oli saw my shocked expression and answered my unspoken question.

“I’m used to it.” He smirked shaking his head.

“Prick.” He murmurs under his breath, making me laugh which only cause Mr Jones to shoot us a look to be quiet and get on with some work otherwise we’ll be in more trouble.

We both got our creative writing books out. We had a hand in tomorrow so I guess this subject had first priorities. We never really spoke much in that lesson, Oli would usually keep him self to himself and more or less hide what he was writing from me.

I don’t know why he felt like he had to hide his work from me, I wasn’t one for copying other peoples work, I was only curious in his writing skills and creativity.

I glanced down at his hands as he began scribbling down some notes and I couldn’t help but notice he cut holes in the cuffs of his hoodie again. Poor mum, she wouldn’t be happy if she saw that.

~~

I couldn’t concentrate on what I was writing, my mind was still all over the place about Oli and couldn’t figure out the feelings I felt towards him and sitting in silence was driving me crazy and wasn't helping at all.

I huffed and put down my pen and rest my head in my hands like a little brat. Pull yourself together Josh!

“What’s wrong, Josh?” Oli whispered, placing a hand on my back as a friendly gesture but the contact made my whole body tingle.

I think I have feelings for you, that’s what! And you smiling at me and being unreasonably nice to me all of the sudden isn't helping!

How could I tell him? I couldn’t. I finally felt like I was slowly becoming close to him, slowly becoming his friend. I couldn’t ruin what we had now with my stupid feelings. I still wasn’t exactly sure what these feelings were but I’m pretty sure that I have a crush on him and there’s no way in hell he’d ever know about them.

I let out a tiny sigh and pulled my hands away from my face.

“I’m stuck.” I lied but I wanted anything to not draw attention to what I was really feeling.

“Let me have a look.” He pulled my book towards him whilst I lent my face in my hand not paying much attention.

“Are these lyrics?” he questions, looking back at me.

Shit yeah, I was too busy worrying over my feelings I didn’t even notice what I left for him to see on the page.

“Err, yeah.”

“I write lyrics too.” He sent me a small smile and I swear I just died inside.

Not only did he just smile the cutest smile at me but he writes lyrics too! Can he be anymore perfect?! Oh no, stop!

“Really?” I say not being able to hide the excitement in my tone.

He nodded.

“Can I read some?”

“Erm, I’d rather you didn’t.” he says timidly.

He slowly turns away from me, closing his text book so he wouldn’t risk me seeing any of his lyrics. He just ducked his head down, falling back into the shy silent mystery Oli I first met.

I frowned. Great. just when I felt like we were connecting and getting somewhere, I had to mess up. I hated this, I don’t know why he felt like he had to shut everyone out… well, he didn’t have to shut me out, I wasn't going to hurt him. Far from that indeed, I just wanted to get to know him, if only he let me.

All of a sudden I was hit with a thought, he’d probably say no but mum always told me “if you don’t ask you don’t get” so here goes.

“Hey Oli, you can say no if you want to... But would you like to come round mine after detention? We could maybe write a few things together? And get a kick ass essay ready for tomorrow's assignment? I asked him shyly, I was rambling because nerves took over me.

My whole body filled with nerves as I waited for his answer. I didn't dare look over at him incase I fell apart. Fuck, I must seem really needy and desperate which isn’t me at all but it was a long shot.

Detention was almost over and I wasn’t ready to wait till tomorrow to see him again, so I thought why not invite him over and hopefully send some time to hang out as friends if he wanted to.

After a couple of minutes without an answer I slowly glanced at him. He flipped his fringe out of his eyes and stared at me for a couple of seconds before saying anything.

“Can you play an instrument?”

“I can play a little guitar.”

“Cool. Erm, yeah sure okay.” He mumbles, fiddling around with his pen. My heart literally just skipped a beat.

I feel my eyes grow in disbelief. He said yes. He actually agreed to come back to mine. Oh my god, I really wasn’t prepared for this, my heart felt like it was going to jump out of my chest and run away from me.

Calm down Josh, nothing is going to happen, the boy just agreed to come over, no big deal. Yes, it was a big deal because now it was definite that I had a crush on him and he agreed to spend time with me and write lyrics and holy fuck… anything could happen.

~~

We were currently at my house, sat beside each other on the end of my bed. I was playing a few notes on the guitar while Oli was reading through the lyrics I had wrote and allowed him to look at in detention.

Nervous was an understatement as Oli chose to sit so close to me. I mean, I’m not complaining I’m flattered that he wants to be close to me and I’m dancing on cloud fucking 9 right now that he’s finally decided to hang out of me. But I'm just a little scared that I’m not going to be able to control my feelings around him for long and he’s going to catch on... which I know for a fact, Oli will most likely runs for the hills and never talk to me again if he found out.

I need to relax, clear my head to get rid of this feeling and I know the only thing which always made my nerves disappear was when I was singing. I strummed the strings in my guitar and I started to sing the lyrics I wrote earlier.

“If one drink can make tonight slip your mind, then you
Should drink up so you can convince yourself that I’m cute
We are an example of why not to fall in love
It takes a turn and then it hurts
More than you could dream of
You’ve got nothing to lose
Except for me and you…”

I stopped singing as that was only what I manage to write so far. I didn't realise what I had written until now, they were about the party on the weekend and how I felt about Oli. Oh no, I hope he didn't suspect anything.

I turn my head and see Oli was wearing the biggest smile I have ever seen him smile. And it was at me.

“You’re voice is beautiful.” He says.

And right there and then I felt my heart sink thump loudly in my chest. With wide eyes and burning cheeks I stared back at him as he literally just said I have a beautiful voice. Oh my god. I looked away quickly so he wouldn’t notice my school girl reaction.

“Honestly Josh, you’re really good.”

He places his hand on my knee to reassure me, but little did he know it only made my heart beat like crazy. I tried to focus my mind on something else so he wouldn’t catch on but when I glance down at his hand on my knee, I notice that he had the name “Tom” tattooed on his hand.

Without even realising I ran my finger across the tattooed name on his hand, curious to know who this Tom person was.

“Who’s Tom?” I asked. My curiosity getting the better of me.

Oli moved his hand away from me instantly and shifted on the bed, my question obviously made him uncomfortable.

He stood up and walked over to my bedroom window. He turned cold and quiet, basically everything he was when I first met him.

Shit, what have I done now?

“Oli?”

“Please Josh. Just don’t.” His voice was harsh and low, as if he was trying to hold back tears.

No, what have I done? The last thing I ever want to do is upset him. I put the guitar down and walked over to the window and stood close behind him. I could sense how hurt he was and it really wasn’t my intention to hurt him, it was just my idiocy I have a problem of not thinking before I speak.

I’ve really screwed up now, there’s no way he’s going to let me close again… I mean, I don’t really know what I’ve done, I’ve just mention someone’s name, how was I suppose to know he was going to react like this. I guess it was a sensitive subject And I should just drop it because it's got nothing to do with me.

I sighed and lightly placed my hand on top of his which was resting on the window seal. Surprisingly, he didn’t pull away from me, he allowed the friendly gesture. I guess that’s sort of a good thing. He had his walls up but he was still reluctantly letting me close.

I stepped closer to him and hovered my head on the hood of his hoodie, taking in his scent from the back on his neck.

“I’m sorry.” I whispered into his ear.

I couldn’t pull myself away from him. My feelings and stupid teenage hormones were all over the place and I just needed him so bad. I don’t know what’s come over me but I had a feeling it was too late to turn back now.

I hear him let out a sigh but did nothing about our current position.

“It’s fine.” He says, continuing to stare out of the window.

I had no idea how he felt about me, he was impossible for me to read, every time I tried to get close he would shut me out instantly. I never seem to have a chance, he always wrote us off before we even become something… but right now, even though he was upset and giving me the silent treatment, he wasn’t pushing me away.

I couldn’t control myself any longer, everything I was feeling for him right now jump out of me and basically pulled me into him. I risked everything and step forward, placing a little soft kiss behind his ear.

My lips lingered agains his skin. I actually thought I was going to float away if I wasn’t holding onto him right now. I don’t know what came over me but everything inside me was telling me that this was right, he was who I wanted.

“Josh?” Oli’s words brought me back to reality and I freeze.

Oh shit! I stepped back away from him immediately, hanging my head in embarrassment biting my lower lip. Fuck, what was I thinking?! I just kissed him behind his ear like it was a normal thing to do. What the actual fuck Josh? Better say goodbye to him now because he’s never going to want anything to do with me now after that little stunt, no matter what excuse I come up with.

I was waiting for him to go mad, preparing myself for the rejection and insults but a few seconds passed and he didn’t say a single word. I looked back at him, to find he was just staring at me…

I feel our eyes lock and the chemistry between us was unreal as electricity spark between us.

Not one of us broke eye contact, afraid that if one of us did we would lose the perfect moment we were sharing. I nervously stepped closer to him, he didn’t step away or flinch, he remained perfectly still as I approached him.

When I was comfortable with how close our bodies now were, I searched his eyes for any resentment, making sure he was okay with this and wanted this as much as I did. He seemed perfectly fine, there were no signs of him feeling uncomfortable or wanting me to step back, he seemed to want this too.

So I took it upon myself to take the next step and lingered my lips just inches away from his. It took a couple of seconds to register what I was doing but by then it was too late to back out now, I could feel his breath against my lips as his breathing hitched, inviting me in.

My eyes shift to his mouth, admiring his small perfect pink lips, I couldn’t deny that I wanted to feel them against my own and I had a feeling I would soon enough. I cupped his cheek with my right hand and gently brushed my thumb across his lips, earning a little breath of anticipation in return from him. My eyes flicker back up to meet his, but to my surprise I see him flutter his shut and I did the only thing which felt right and placed my lips softly against his.

The moment was beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.

I couldn’t have asked for anything more perfect, this was everything I hoped for and more.

It was only a little kiss and I didn't want to risk it by making it last longer. I slowly went to pull my lips away but I feel Oli move forwards and kiss me back more, not wanting the kiss to end.

Knowing he wanted more, sent chills down my spine, making the kiss even more exciting. I felt him relax into my chest and I then wrapped my arms around his waist, pulling him even closer to me. I feel him wrap his arms around the back on my neck and run a hand through my messy hair, causing me to moan into the kiss and feel another bunch of feelings flow through my body in the heat of the moment.

The kiss unexpectedly became heavy and passionate, our lips moved perfectly together, as if they were made to do this. Our breathing had become breathless and even though I really really didn’t want to stop the kiss, I had to pull away for some air.

I reluctantly pulled away and we were both left panting for air. Neither one of us dared to break the silence, it was a comfortable silence which spoke many unspoken words.

When I eventually came down from cloud 9 I realised that we kissed. I kissed him. I kissed a boy. Not just any boy but the boy I've been crushing on since the first day I met him.

I was a nervous wreck and tearing my mind apart right now because I didn't know what this meant. I kissed a boy and I liked it. I liked it a lot and I was so afraid that Oli didn't feel the same way.

Had I just messed things up for us?

As if he knew I was silently freaking out, Oli placed his hands on my shoulders and I automatically tighten my hold around his waist a little. He simply rest his forehead against mine and I instantly relax, he was okay with this? He wanted this too?

I pushed all the thoughts aside and just stood comfortable with this boy in my arms and just enjoyed this perfect moment.