Hellraiser

The next day we went to a doctor’s appointment to get some tests done to know if I’d miscarried. I’d noticed some of the early signs after the accident but shook them off as nothing. Now I had to know.
“So, do you want to do something fun?” Manson asks, pushing my wheelchair as we leave the clinic. I raise my uncasted arm up. “Oh, we should go to the zoo!” I suggest. “Let’s go see those red assed baboons. I got in a cage with them once in Florida while on ecstasy, you know.” He states. “How could anyone forget?”
Manson pulls the vehicle into a parking space and I get my crutches. “Oh look, Violet! Electric scooter things for disabled people!” Marilyn exclaims. I can’t help but laugh. He gets in the back of the BMW to unfold my wheelchair. “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” “Which is you pretending to be crippled so we can race the electric scooters around?” I ask. “Hell yeah!” A sign reads “For the disabled and elderly only.” “Oh, oh I’m dying! My, what could help an old cripple like me? Oh, don’t mind if I do!” He shouts, climbing from the wheelchair to scooter. A zoo worker gives him a strange look. “Don’t give me that look, I’m disabled!” Manson barks. I put my crutches in the basket of the one next to it and we take off.
Manson and I spend the zoo day racing old people or terrorizing anyone in the vicinity. Ducks and geese sound their anger, hissing and attempting to come after us or jumping in the basket.
“Look, Vi! Red assed baboons! Manson shouts, entertained. Lemurs and monkeys of all sorts flock around. I watch him as he throws popcorn at the baboons. They pick up the pieces and throw it back. “Sir, you can’t be throwing things at the monkeys!” A zoo keeper insists. “I’m not throwing anything at the monkieys.” Manson replies. They argue. “Do it once more and I will have to escort you out.” The zoo keeper answers. Marilyn picks up a piece and tosses it at the same baboon. We are escorted out just as promised. “I wasn’t lying, I wasn’t throwing stuff at the monkeys. I was, however, tossing it at the red ass baboons. “It’s ok, hun it was fun while it lasted. “Well, there is method for my madness. Close your eyes and open your hand.” Brian says as we sit in the car. I obey and feel something small and soft. It’s moving. “Open.” “Oh, it’s so cute!” I exclaim. A baby ring tailed lemur stares up at me and crawls around my arm. “I knew that little guy wouldn’t stay in my pocket forever, so you know. But yeah. I bet no one’s ever got you a pet lemur before!” Manson says, obviously pleased with himself. “Thank you, honey!” I answer, playing around with the baby lemur. “What should we call it?” I ask. “Grimm. I like that name.” He responds. I smile. “Grimm, I like it.” “Do you feel like going to walmart? I have some things we need to get.” Brian questions. “Yes, that sounds good.”
Marilyn carries me into the store and sets me in a cart. I feel like a kid again, being pushed around in a shopping cart by a guy old enough to be my father. My father never was there when I was young, so maybe that’s why I fell in love with Marilyn. Of course, I loved Marilyn much before now, he’s always been my idol, but now he is many things other than that. My lover, my husband, my best friend and in a strange way, he fills the missing role of a father that I’ve wanted so long.
After picking up a few groceries and some stuff for Grimm, we head back to town, 35 minutes from here. I look over the papers we got from the doctor a few hours before. “Brian, I’m scared.” “Why’s that, baby doll?” “I’m worried about the baby. I think the accident hurt the baby, I can feel it.” I voice. “Sugar, what did the nurse say when she talked to you that day?” He asks. “Nothing, she just told me they found the pregnancy hormone in my blood, she never said there were any other tests done. I just have a really bad feeling.” I admit. He puts his hand over mine, the other on the steering wheel. “Well, sweetheart, we don’t know anything yet but if you did miscarry, we can always try again. I love you and I promise I will be by your side the whole time. I’m not going anywhere.” Manson says, his voice extra scratchy. I put my good hand to my tummy and sigh. What if I am?
Later on that day, I lay on the couch bed in Brian’s embrace. It feels nice. A move is going, something neither of us is really watching until he suddenly raises his wrist up and flexes his hand. “Here comes the creepy hand!” He exclaims. “Oh no!” I say as he tickles me. “Brian!” I playfully say, laughing as he gets at me. “I’m sorry, I forget you’re kind of defenseless.” “Oh, it’s fine. I may not be able to use one arm or leg but I could still get you.” He smiles. “There’s my positive woman!” His phone goes off. “It’s Twiggy. He wants to meet me at the diner to discuss the new album. Baby doll, do you think you’ll be alright by yourself? It’s going to be 30 minutes, an hour tops.” Manson asks. “Yeah, I think so. Tell Twiggy I said Hi.” I answer. “Baby, are you sure? I already feel so guilty.” Marilyn replies. “Sure I’m sure! Have a good time, hun. You need to get out sometimes.” I respond. “Ok.” He kisses me. “Do you need anything before I leave?” “No, not that I can think of. I’ll probably nap the whole time.” I say. “Ok. I love you, Vi.” “I love you too, Brian.”
A phone call awakens me from my sleep. 20 minutes have passed. I answer it. “Hello?” “Violet Warner?” A woman asks. “Yes?” “Your test results came back. You have spontaneously aborted. I’m very sorry.” She says. “So I’ve miscarried?” “Yes.” “Oh my.” I put the phone down and break into tears. What will Brian think? I know I was really looking forward to having his child and now that has been ripped away from me. A weird pain fills my body. I am in mourn even though I never had the chance to meet that child, just know it was growing in my womb only to die. I continue crying as I help myself up to go to my room. I’m crippled and now I’ve just lost my unborn child.
“Honey, I’m home!” Brian calls from the front door. I lay on my bed crying still. My door opens. “Sorry I’m late, I-“ He cuts off there. I notice he holds a fluffy white teddy bear and a bouquet of flowers. “Sweetheart, what is the matter?” He asks, setting the things down and sitting next to me on the bed. I tell him. “Baby doll, I am so, so sorry. Come here.” Brian says, pulling me to him. He lovingly rubs my hair as I bury my tear stained face in his chest and continue crying into his shirt. “Brian, I’m just so upset. We lost something that was a piece of us. We made that and it was going great and now it’s gone!” I sob. “Honey, I know, I’m sad too. But listen, when you feel ready, we can try for another.” He says in a soothing voice. “I am ready but I’m going to be in all these casts for another 5 weeks.” I point out, still sobbing. “It’s alright, honey. I love you so much, you’re my beautiful little woman. We’ll try for another one right now, if you want.” Manson whispers. “We can still have sex?” I ask, confused. “If I’m on top. I’ll be really careful, I know your leg and arm are still hurt but I will take it slow. Would that make you feel better?” He asks. I sniffle. “Yes, what about you?” “Me too, baby. You know you are just as sexy with those casts on as you are when they were off?” “Really?” I question. “Really.” His hands strip off my clothes and it feels really nice to have his hands freely roaming my body with no restrictions, unlike bath time.
Days pass. Manson and I can’t keep off of each other until my parents get back from their voyage. I get back in school and finally after 7 weeks, my bones are all healed from the accident and I can do everything on my own again. Manson and I got our old sex life back and still go to the mansion in Colorado on the weekends or breaks from school.
~
It was a Sunday morning after some fun. Marilyn and I curl up to each other, cuddling and making out. “I have to go pee.” I whisper. “I will come with you.” He replies, taking a small rectangular box from within the nightstand. I know what it is, it is a usual thing for us every day now. We remove the test stick from the box. “Maybe today will be the day.” Marilyn states, holding onto me as we walk to the background. I take his hands in my own. “I hope so.” Manson stands by me as we wait for the result.