You Have My Attention

Previously…

“Ashley, do you mean ‘want’ as in ‘want me in a relationship way’ or...?”

~

“No, honey, this is just some fun” he murmured, sounding amused as he rolled his eyes and continued to attack my mouth. When he rolled his eyes, it was so sarcastic, almost mocking, unlike how CC is when he does it. He rolls his eyes in such a way that you can tell whatever you just did was endearing to him.
By now, the original surprise had disappeared and I was starting to think about the situation properly.

What was I doing?

I don’t even like Ashley in that way! And yes, he’s good looking and making out with me but that’s not a justifiable reason to be doing this. He doesn’t even think anything of this, I’m just a quick fuck in his mind! And what about CC?

Wait, why did I just think about CC? I’m not in a relationship with him or anything! Maybe I thought of him because I want something to do with him? No, let’s not go down that road. When we were play fighting the other day though… gah, whatever it is that I feel about him is irrelevant anyway, because even if I did like him, he wouldn’t like me back. Ash likes me though, well, he wants me, like is probably the wrong word. But do I even want this to happen with him? Do I really want to be someone’s fuck buddy? No. What if he wanted a relationship though, if he’d of said that instead, what would I be feeling?... No, it still wouldn’t feel right. Plain and simple, I don’t feel this way for Ashley, I should push him off before this gets any further…

I grabbed Ashley’s hands, which were digging into my waist. When CC and I were tickle wrestling, he was gentle with me, Ashley is anything but. I was about to pull them off of my hips and push him back when I heard a door creek and looked up to see that we’d been interrupted yet again, but this time it was by CC, and something about that fact it was him made my stomach feel sicker than it did when Andy caught us. I felt almost… guilty as I looked at CC; it didn’t help that his expression was a horrified one. I shouldn’t have felt guilty, I wasn’t doing anything wrong, but it still felt wrong to be kissing Ashley and I felt like a school kid caught doing something bad when CC walked in.

“Um, sorry, I’ll just… yeah…” he babbled before fleeing the room as quick as humanely possible. He looked undeniably hurt as he left, and that in turn made me feel awful. Even after our second interruption of the day, Ashley still seemed eager to have his way. This time though, I pushed him back without hesitation. Before he could try and protest, I was on my feet and heading towards the door CC had just left out of.

“No, Ashley, I’m your maid, not your whore” and with that, I stepped out, smoothing down my top as I stepped out the doorway. The last thing I saw on Ashley’s face was a scowl; I guess he wasn’t used to being rejected…

I made my way through the doorway with my head down; I couldn’t look at any of the guys – who were probably all on the bus by now – especially CC, if he was out there. I moved straight off the bus, desperate to just go and sort out the speakers and amplifiers with John and the crew, even if it was only because it would hopefully take my mind of what had just happened.

Why do I feel so damn bad about CC? We’re not together, he doesn’t like me like that and I don’t like him like that –well, at least, I think I don’t… So I made out with Ashley, surely that shouldn’t affect him in any way, should it? I’m already regretting letting Ashley get that far with me before I came to my senses and pushed him off. At least I did before he took it further though…

The why CC?

Ever since that tickle thing…

… Oh fuck…

…

I have a crush on CC…

And he’s just seen me making out with Ashley and probably thinks I like him…
Fucking fantastic.

“Hey, Lukass!” Benjamin – a fellow member of staff – called out to me. “Come help me with these leads?” he asked. I nodded immediately and set my mind to focus on work and tried to push any thoughts of CC and Ashley to the back of my mind. It would probably be unsuccessful, but I had to try, even though I’m sure I’d never get CC out of my mind completely – especially not now, when I’ve just worked out what it is I’m feeling for CC.

This is going to be a long day…