But I’ll Still Sing for You

“No, Oli. I really don’t want to go out with you and the guys. I’m sorry, I just don’t want to be around the drinking and be a bummer on the evening. Go have fun though, alright?” I could hear Alexia rejecting Oliver again. He was trying to get her to come out with us.

I felt a little bit bad about what had happened a couple weeks earlier. I had gotten more drunk than I’d meant to, and I went to her place. I lost my temper, and I remembered it vividly. Her neck was just as soft as before, and although her perfume had changed it was still as tempting as ever.

“I understand, but we do need to see each other soon.” I glanced over my drink to Oliver. “It’s been like three weeks, my hands are startin’ to shake I miss touching you so bad.” His voice got lower as he talked to her. “I miss you,” I scowled and looked away. I didn’t like that one of my best mates was macking on the woman I couldn’t stop loving.

I thought maybe I’d find solace in Dan’s loneliness to comfort mine, but no I was only met with Laura and Max rubbing noses. “Jesus, you guys.” Max cocked his head and smiled at me. “Take it down a couple notches.” Max sighed and kissed Laura’s lips. I rolled my eyes and turned to my left. Dan was smiling down at his phone, which only discouraged me more. I looked up, Oliver was smirking to himself.

“Alright boys, don’t get me too drunk tonight. I have date with Vienna afterwards,” he shouldn’t have said that, because I was then determined to get him so drunk Alexia would be angry.

“Why do you call her Vienna? That’s her last name.” Chris asked, taking a gulp of his beer. Oli shrugged and shoved his phone back into his pocket.

“That’s on me,” Laura spoke up. “It’s her nickname from me, and she just started to call herself Vienna from there on. Oh, and Oliver?” Oli’s eyebrows popped up as he turned to look at her. “I have a small question for you, have you finished the second book yet?” Oliver’s cheeks burned red.

“You read her books?” I asked, laughing to myself. “Whipped much?”

“I read them before I met her, it was dare from Matt.” Oliver explained, his reddened face had yet to pass. “They’re not that bad,”

“I heard my name, what’s up!?” Matt exclaimed, joining the table. “I know I just arrived, but I brought a couple blunts who’s joinin’ me outside?” Oli hopped up and went along with his bandmates to get high.

“Do you think Lex knows?” I mumbled, Matt shot me a look. “I’m just wondering, I don’t care.” Matt nodded slowly, looking back to his girlfriend. “I don’t.”

“Alright Josh.” I groaned and threw my head back.

“You say you don’t care, but her number is still in your phone. You remember where she moved to when she left you, you still remember her favourite food and colour. You’re still in love with her,” Dan said, putting his phone on the table.

Laura pulled from Max and lightly touched my arm. “And that’s okay." She reassured. "Of course you love her, and you’re allowed to love her. But you can’t continue telling yourself you don’t. You have to accept that you love her and she loves you but you are not going to be together. Once you’ve accepted that it’s over forever, you can proceed with your life.” Laura told me, her eyes pricked with tears. “I tell the same shit to Vi, but neither of you listen. Goddamn. Excuse me,” Max quickly slid out of the booth, and Laura followed.

“Where are you going?” Max asked loosely grabbing her arm.

“Home, feel free to join but I’m not really in the mood for a pub.” She pulled from his grip and started towards the door. Max sent me an apologetic look and quickly followed behind her.

“Sorry, she’s my girlfriend and she has sex with me!” He called behind himself. I saw Laura lightly slap his chest.

“You know that she’s right.” I sighed and looked down at my drink. Dan and Laura were both right. I do love Alexia, and I probably always will.

She had been perfect for me, she's supposed to be my perfect girl not Oli's. She was hilarious and cute, she was awful at Uno and great in bed. She talked dirty to me on occasion and the way she kissed my jaw did something to me that few women can conjure up. I loved her, still love her, and will always love her.

I just don’t understand why she left me, or why Katelynn had left me before her. It’s like there’s a sign on my back that begs for women to make me love them, and leave me when I do.

Katelynn was my girlfriend for almost ten months when I came home to an empty house. It took me months and a lot of alcohol to get over that. I’m still not really over it, and it happened three years ago.

Oliver and his mates came back with sloppy smiled and giddy laughs. “Let’s get drunk!” Lee yelled, motioning for another round of drinks.

The night went by in sort of a blur. I tried to keep from drinking, so I could play out my plan. “Fuck, man will you take me to Vi’s?” I smiled to myself and nodded. “Thanks dude.”

I helped Oli into my car and drove him to Alexia’s flat. “Is she going to be upset?” I asked as we waited in traffic.

“She’s probably going to kill me, but I just want to be around her y’know. I like her,” I looked down at him, feeling bad for getting him drunk. “I’m very close to falling in love with her.” Shit.