Outlines

ZACK'S POV

I wake up to whispers and my face smooshed up against the comfiest pillow ever. Rian's parents buy the best pillows, I swear.

I look around. The whispers are coming from outside. The window is open and as I get up and move closer I can hear them more clearly. They aren't whispers, just sad words and the voices are being weighed down by their depth.

"Alex... You can't hurt Jack. You haven't seen his scars. I can't even deal with it. I know you've gone through some shit, but that doesn't give you the right to hurt Jack and toy with him."

"Bullshit, Rian. Your brother isn't dead, your parents give a shit about you, you have the perfect girl, want me to keep going, Ri?"

"You can't act this way. Lisa is one thing, screwing with Jack is another."

I can't listen anymore so I crawl back to the couch and tidy up my "bed". I write Rian a note and stick it on the folded up blanket:

"Gotta jet, thanks for the bed, Ri. See ya later."

I sneak through the house as to not wake Ri's parents, who came home drunk at midnight. I open the back door and let myself out.

*****

"Jack Barakat, please." I say to the, er, large lady sitting behind the counter. I forgot Jack's room number and just really need to see him.

"Your name?" She asks in a deep voice.

"Zack Merrick."

"Sorry, you aren't allowed to see him." She says, swiveling around on her swivel chair to another computer. She says it like it's no big deal.

"What?" I demand.

"You aren't allowed to see him until he's discharged- by a family member." she says. Oh god, is the visitor privilege being revoked because of his freak out?

"Have a nice day!" She shouts over her shoulder as I walk back outside.

Bullshit. This can't fucking be happening. Does Jack just not want to see me?

I think of his laugh, his smile, anything I can to hold onto him in my mind. I love him so much it's not even funny.

JACK'S POV

I pace in my therapists office who's name has slipped my mind once again.

"And why do you think Zack would say that?"

"I don't fucking know! Maybe he just doesn't want me to be with Alex because he hurt me? But Alex didn't know so it's okay. He was just blinded by that bitch, Lisa."

"Jack, he caused you a lot of pain."

"He didn't know!"

"Okay, Jack. How long have you had these thoughts?"

"A few months." I contemplate, finally flopping into a chair. I grab a pillow and mumble, "I'll never be good enough." Into it.

"What was that, Jack?"

"I'll never be good enough. For Alex, for Zack, for Rian. I'm just a stupid, worthless kid." I say, in all seriousness. We sit in silence for a moment.

"Jack. Zack came to see me. I probably shouldn't tell you this, but he thought about self harming because he felt responsible." I almost choke on my own spit. Zack? Cutting? No. He would never even think about it.

But apparently he did.

I can feel it in my stomach, and the tears rolling down my cheeks.