Just Let Me Go

Vic sits across from me, his hands wrapped around a coffee mug--that has hot chocolate in it--an his eyes stare at me, attempting to make eye contact with me. Jaime sits on a counter kicking his legs, waiting for someone to say something. I grip Tony's hand tighter, he squeezes my hand back. I can feel eyes burning the back of my head, Mike. He's been the most awkward person yet, not bothering to make any form of contact with me. But why?
I see Vic take a sip from his cup, then clears his throat. "So, Anastasia....you know why we're all here. Tell us, what the hell were you thinking last night?"
Tony rubs my hand with his thumb, encouraging me to answer. "I was, um, tired of, uh, feeling alone and stuff. I was done having to fix myself, since there's a lot to me you guys don't know, and I didn't want to fix anymore, I wanted to go."
"Then tell us about you."
"I can't."
"You owe me an explanation about your brother comment. Care to enlighten?" Mike hisses.
My eyes grow wide. Shit, I forgot about that. "Um...that's just for you and me."
"Don't care. Share it with everyone, I was bound to share it with them anyway."
"You guys already know that my dad died, right?" They all nod, "Well...I had a brother, too."
Vic's eyes light up. "Oh yeah, I remember him! He was in my classes...but then he--"
"Committed suicide, yes."
"Awe, baby cakes, I'm sorry."
"It's fine, really. I didn't feel much, except for relief, in all honesty."
"What the hell? Relief? Who feels that?" Tony asks, stunned.
"A person who was sexually assaulted, raped once or twice, and beat around when she wouldn't obey that person, that's who." I whisper.
"What? He...he did that to you?"
I nod my head. "And a friend of his..."
Mike comes and kneels in front of me. "Sweetheart, I'm so sorry."
"It's fine...I'm over it." The words slipped out of my mouth, but I feel like they're poison, making me want to puke.
Tony can sense that. "It's okay to not, we'll help you get over it. It'll make you stronger."
"Yeah, people have said something relatively close to that before..."
Vic nods his head, letting it all sink in. "Your friends."
"And ex."
"Why did they...?"
"I have no clue. At first they all were there for me, but when my boyfriend found out that the V-card was already swiped, he got pissed. He acted like it was my fault it happened, then proceeded to tell everyone that I cheated on him and was a slut, and may have slipped a few things about my brother out. People started to judge me, and at first my friends were there for me, but left when they started to get treated differently--slipping a few more secrets about my life out to appear to hate me, too."
"Do they hate you?"
"At first, I didn't think so. I understood why they turned against me, but when sophomore year started to end, I noticed that they became some of the worst tormentors--they knew what would hurt me and used that to their advantage. So now, yeah, they hate me."
Jaime jumps off the counter, and hugs me. "I want to beat them up, please let me."
I shake my head. "Nah, they're gonna rot for everything. Especially Lexie, she used to be the closest friend I had, but turned evil."
"You....Her...No way...Friends?" They all voice.
"Yeah...that was interesting to say the least."
"How?"
"We were polar opposites. She was the blonde, I was brunette, she liked pink, I liked darker colors, she was the cheerleader, I was the artsy person who liked soccer, and so on and so forth."
They all sit there in shock. Yeah, I know that was a lot to take in in under twenty minutes, but they'll get over it. I try to, but, ya know...I never seem to get over anything anymore. Jaime loosens his arms, only for them to be replaced my Tony. I lean my head into his chest, letting him hold me tight. My whole life has been full of secrets, now that I'm letting some out, I feel lighter. It's nice--to feel like this--because I'm starting to realize that I need to expose myself.
"Okay, Anastasia, lets get down business. We are going on tour again--soon--and we want you to come again. One, to keep an eye on you and Two, because you're the best babysitter when we get too drunk to function."
I laugh and look at Mike, "Which is almost every other night for you."
"Hey now, I can handle my liquor."
"Uh huh."
Vic pounds his hand on the table, "So it's settled, in a month we ALL shall go!"

*ONE MONTH LATER:*

I tap my foot against the ground. My nerves are starting to pick up, and I have no way to fix it. Seriously. They took away anything sharp from me--even pencil sharpeners, though I now have some dull ass pencils. If I can't cut, I can't relieve stress and emotions, I have to go to the guys, which is what they want. They want to know when it's too hard for me, so they can try and help. Luckily for me, it's been a month since I've cut or harmed myself, and the boys are making me eat. And eat...And eat. I've gained ten pounds.
I feel my eyes fill with tears.
"Anastasia, what's wrong?"
I walk towards Tony, who opens his arms for me from his position on the couch/lounge/whatever. I curl myself next to him. "I've gained weight."
"That's good. You were underweight by, like, twenty five pounds."
"I don't feel like it's good, though."
"It is, trust me. You're gonna get your curves a-kicking again."
"What curves? I had fat."
"No you didn't. You were beautiful."
Were...
"Hell, you still are."
"You know how much I wished I believed you, right?"
I feel his chest rise slowly, then fall. "Yeah, I know. It'll get easier, babe, a lot easier. You're just not used to this."
"I know."
The bus door opens, and in walks Mike with some tall, lanky, guy. They both look at us with these intense, sneaky faces. Tony looks at both of them, eyeing them cautiously.
"What are you two doing?"
"Well, I was here to introduce this amazing man right here, but don't let us interrupt you two." Mike adds a wink.
"Dear God, Mike, just introduce me so the poor children can get back to their cuddling in peace!" The man shouts.
I laugh. I like him. "Yeah, Mike, just spit it out."
"Hush, Sassy Pants." He glares at me. "This is...AUSTIN FROM OF MICE AND MEN!"
Austin bows. "Thank you, thank you, you're all too kind."
Tony sticks out his hand, "I'm Tony, the guitarist, and this is Anastasia, our friend."
He takes my hand, and kisses the top of it. I feel color rise to my face. "So you're fair game, huh?"
Tony stiffens under me. "Not really, no." I tell him, instantly feeling Tony loosen up.
"What a shame, you would've been a fun challenge."
Mike looks at me like I"m crazy, and like there's something going on. I just told Austin that because I didn't want to be flirted with. I hate flirts like that. And...yeah, I like Tony. "Not really, I'm not into being chased or anything."
"Ah, you're a straight forward type?"
"Ding ding ding, we have ourselves a winner!" I jump up and grab his hand, attempting to lift it high into the air.
They laugh at my efforts. "Well, thank you. Now we're about to leave. Get ready." Mike says, clapping his hands once as he concludes his business.
"Okie dokie." Both of them leave. Tony and I just sit there, until I curl back up next to him. "I can't believe this is going to be the third tour. Weird, right?"
"Yeah, it is. The pass two years have been pretty cool."
"Just cool? That is such an understatement!"
"I know, just trying to stay calm. There's also gonna be this band called, 'Bring Me The Horizon' there, they're sweet."
I smile. "I know, I love them! Just like I love you guys."
"And we love you."
"Hehe I know."

"Meanie."
"Brat."
"Ass munch."
I look up at Tony, at the same time we yell, "CUNT MUNCH!" then laugh.
"Tone, I can feel my abs coming on!" I giggle while pressing onto my stomach to ease the burn.
He laughs more, "I know, me too!"
We calm down just as the boys walk onto the bus. They stare at us like we're insane, but go to the bunks to sleep. You see, they don't like mornings as much as me, but it was their bright idea to get up at five in the morning to get going to our fifth show. BUT they stayed up until two in the morning whereas I went to bed at like ten.
Tony turns on the TV, and starts to flip through the channels. Nothing. Ugh. "You wanna watch a movie?" He asks.
"Sure."
"Go pick it then."
I get up, sit on the ground, then look through a cabinet. Hm. What to pick. OMG. "ANASTASIA! I LOVE THIS MOVIE YOU HAVE NO IDEA!" I put it in the DVD player and run back to Tony.
"Are you sure you just like this movie because it's your name?"
"Hush, I like this movie because it's awesome! I could care less if it was called, 'Penis Kings'--that's how much I like this movie."
He shakes his head, "Whatever you say."

"Shhh, don't wake them up! They look so cute."
"Yeah right, Tony looks like an idiot with his mouth open like that."
"Mike, shut up, you're just jealous you're not cuddled up with her."
"Oh yeah, you know it, Jaime. I want that ass so much."
"Guys, shhhhhhh. Anastasia is stirring."
"So?"
I punch the nearest person in the leg. Oops, Mike. "That means to get out of arm distance, stupid." I mumble before flipping, cuddling more into Tony's chest. "Sorry, Mike."
"It's fine...you can sure as hell hit, though."
"I know. Now let me sleep."
"You can't anymore! In abou two hours it's concert time, and it's time for sound check!" Vic says excitedly.
I groan. "Then get Tony up and leave me. I tired."
"Not gonna happen! You need to comeeee." He puts his face in front of mine. "Pleeeaasse!"
"Fine."
"Yay!" He kisses my nose then runs around with his arms in the air. "Victory is MINE!"
I roll back over and glare at Vic. He's obnoxious right now. Apparently I'm not the only one who thinks so, because a pillow flies across the room, hitting him in the balls. He drops to the ground.
"Vic, shut up." Tony mumbles while flipping him off.
I get up and push the hair out of his face. "Come on, Prince Charming, time to get up!"
"No."
"Yes."
"No."
"Yes."
"No."
"Fine then, I'll just go with Mike to watch Harry Potter, it's a lot---"
"DON'T SAY THOSE WORDS! I'LL GET UP, I'LL GET UP!" He yells while covering his ears.
Everyone laughs at his reaction, including him. "Whatever, grumpy gills."
"What is with you and your Nemo references?"
I pout. "I like my Nemo, leave me be!"

"Thank you everyone for coming out tonight! You guys were awesome!" Vic yells into the microphone.
The show was amazing, as always, and tonight there was an extra spark to Tony's performance. I don't know what it is, but he was absolutely playing his hardest and kept looking at me. Yes, I looked at him, too. How can I not?
"But before we get off--"
"Dude, that sounds so wrong!" Mike laughs into his mic.
"SHUT UP MICHAEL! I didn't mean it like that!" The kids laugh. "Anyways, I want our dear friend, Anastasia, to get her beautiful little ass out here. Anastasiaaaaa, dahling, come 'ere!"
I walk out, hesitating at first. The crowd screams my name, which makes me incredibly nervous. They know my name...that means they can judge me and actually refer to me when they bash me. Oh no...Tony looks at me, and gives me a smile. I try to smile back, but I feel like if I do, I'll puke all over the place because it's so fake.
"Guys, today is Anastasia's eighteenth birthday. And I swear this girl forgot because she didn't make a big fuss out of it."
I face palm. "Holy shit, I did forget."
"Thought so! So, everyone, help us sing, 'Happy Birthday' to her! Happy Birthday to you," Mike bangs on the drums. "Happy Birthday to you!" Tony plays a few things on his guitar. "Happy Birthday, Anastasia," Jaime plays a few things as well, "Happy Birthday to you!" Vic plays a few things next, then everyone joins in.
The crowd goes crazy, shouting tons of, "Happy Birthday"s and such at me. I nod my head, and shout, "Thank you!"
"Goodnight everybody!" The boys shout while going off the stage.
Someone drapes their arm across my shoulders, and I look up and see a grinning Tony. "Hello to you, too."
"We're throwing you a party."
"No, I don't need one."
"Yes you do! You haven't had a party since last year!"
"Because you guys threw one against my wishes!"
"Oh well, it's been set up and it's too late to cancel, anyways."
I groan. "How many people?"
"Just us, the Men, and Horizon."
I nod. "Okay. As long as it's just them and--"
"And my mom, but she isn't staying long."
"Anyone else?"
"Not that I know of."
"Good."
"But that doesn't mean that Mike didn't invite anymore."
"That is true....he always brings more than he should."
Tony opens the door for me, and I begin to walk onto the bus. Then I hear, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" and nearly piss myself.
Everyone stares at me, cheering loudly--and laughing--for me. I bow, and turn to face Tony. "Thanks for the heads up, jackass."
"You're welcome, buddy."