I Will Soon Forget the Color of Your Eyes

Vic’s P.O.V.
I sit in the waiting room staring at the walls and every now and then I would check my phone to see the time. I check it again to see that I have been here for five hours now; I know I should go home because there is no way that I am going to get to see Kellin, but I just can’t bring myself to move. I need to see him, the doctors say that he is stable but I need to see for myself because every time I close my eyes all I can see is his lifeless body in my arms and I die a little inside every time.
I run my hands threw my hair and think back to what happen after the doctor left.
FLASHBACK
Once the doctor left I turned to look at Trisha and gave her a small smile, “Go, go see him. He needs someone by his side right now.”
As much as I wish that I could go back I knew that I couldn’t so I just sat back and sighed. I watched Trisha walk away and to the room that Kellin is in. I felt the tears coming back but I fought them, I don’t want to cry in front of anyone right now I just want to see the boy I love…..
Whoa what, there is no way that I am in love him. Is there? We have only been together for a short time. Maybe it goes back farther then us just starting to date, maybe it goes all the way back to our child hood, maybe that is the reason that I put up with his shit and why I always had to see him even though I knew that he would be an ass. Even back then I needed to see him to just look at him just to feel alive he was like my own personal blade that would not leave marks on the skin only on the inside. But he also is like my own personal angel if it weren’t for him then I don’t think that I would still be here or it would be me lying in that bed. And I would happily change positions with him if I could, I would give my life for his in a heartbeat. I guess that I am in love with him, and have been for a long time I just didn’t want to admit it to myself because how fucked up is it to fall in love with the one person that brings you the most pain.
I didn’t even realize that I had let some tears fall and once the first one was out they all came. I felt arms go around me again but these were different these were stronger and I didn’t even have to look up to know who they were. I just grabbed his shirt and cried harder.
“Vic calm down he is going to be okay.” Mikes soothing voice told me.
His voice did help a little. He kept saying calming words to me until I had stopped crying so hard. I look up at him a try to give him a small smile “are you sure that you are the older one.” He says making me give him a true smile and a small laugh.
I look around to see Matty, Beau and Josh sitting in chairs a little away from us. Then I see Shannon on the other side of Mike next to Ellee and Nicole, then I look to my other side to see Jaime and Tony, I don’t know when they got here but I’m glad that they are.
We all sat there for about thirty minutes until Trisha came back out. She walked over to us, walking right by the other guys and came straight to me.
I stood up when she got closer, “how is he?” I asked. I could feel Mike right behind me.
“He is in a medicine induced coma he could wake up at any time I just wanted to come out here to let you know I’m going to go back once I tell the others.”
I sigh in relief and worry, “do you know when the non-family will be able to see him?”
“No I don’t I’m so sorry.” She says.
“It’s okay; go tell the others so you can get back to him.”
She gives me a small sad smile and then walks away. I sigh and sit back down, Mike does the same.
“He’s in coma.” I say quietly to no one really, before I know it my head is in my hands and the tears are coming again. This time Mike doesn’t pull me into his arms he just rubs my back and so does Jaime. I don’t know how long I sat there crying this time but I do know that the thing I can remember is Mike and Jaime’s hands leave my back and they and Tony are standing in front of me blocking someone from getting to me.
“What do you want?” Mike asked him a bite.
“Just want to talk to him we swear.” That was Josh’s voice.
“Like hell he is in no state to have you guys fuck with him so just leave.” Tony said
“We’re not here to fuck with him we just want to talk.” That was Matty.
“No you can talk to him some other ti-“
“Guys its fine let them threw and leave us alone please.” I cut off Jaime.
All three of my friend turn and look at me like I was crazy and maybe I am but right now I don’t really care right now. I look at Mike and he soon sighs and says, “C’mon guys lets go.”
Once they leave and I was alone with Matty Josh and Beau I looked up at them. “Guys I’m really not in the mood so can we get this over with please.”
Matty stepped up and sat next to me in the seat that Mike was in and looked me straight in the eyes “we’re sorry.” He said.
I looked at him like he was crazy, for Trisha to apologies was one thing but for them to is a whole different story. “What?”
“We’re sorry we never should have messed with you about something that you can’t help so we are sorry.” Beau said.
I was so confused as to why they were doing this. “Why are you doing this now, how does what happen to him make you think that you need to tell me your sorry?”
“Trisha told us that you and Kellin were or still are dating and that you are the one that found him.” Matty said.
“So what if it weren’t for me in the first place he would not be in here.”
“Vic you can’t blame yourself for this. If it weren’t for you going after him he would be dead. What we did was uncalled for; we didn’t know that Kellin had feelings for you or that you had some for him. We’re no homophobic and Kellin is one of our best friends so to know that he did something like this just because of how guilty he felt for the things he did to you made us think, what if you tried to do something like this and it was all because of the things we said. Just the thought of someone hurting themselves because of us scares the shit out of us, so we are so sorry I really are.” Josh says.
“It should be me in that bed instead of him I’m the one that should be close to dying not him. I’m the one that made this happen and I’m the one that should the one that tried to commit suicide but I every time I’m about to drag the blade deeper I just can’t.” by this time I’m staring at my covered wrist.
Someone grabs my arm and pulls back the sleeve of my hoodie up when the guys see the scars and fresh cuts they all gasp.
“Vic we can’t tell you how sorry we really are for making you do this and all the other thing.” Matty says.
I look at him to see that he was the one holding my arm. “Whats done is done you can’t change the past. Now if you guys don’t mind I would like to be alone.”
They nod and got up and walked away with just one more “I’m sorry” as they went.
It took less than a minute before my friends were back. “What did they want?” Jaime asked.
“They wanted to apologies to me for all that they have done.” I say slowly pulling my sleeve back down hoping that no one sees the last thing I need is for Mike to see my cuts. But for some reason my luck seemed to have run out for the day. Because the very person I wanted not to see grabs my hand “shit.” I say under my breath.
I look up to see Mike staring at my wrist with a terrified look, soon Ellee, Cal, Jaime and Tony have all seen the cuts. “Vic, how long have you been doing this?” Mike asked trying to stay calm.
“Since freshmen year.” I tell him. “Look I know that you are really mad right now but please can we talk about this when I get home and not here? I really want to be alone so can you all leave?”
“Fine we will all go home but you and I are going to have a talk about this when you get home, do you understand?” Mike says, I nod my head. They leave and soon after they leave to so do Matty, Beau and Josh.
BACK TO NORMAL TIME
I sit for about fifteen more minutes before a young looking nurse comes up to me.
“How long have you been here?” she asked.
“About five and a half hours.”
“Why have you not gone back to see the patient?”
“Because I am not a relative and they are the only ones back.”
“Who are you here for?”
“Kellin Quinn, he is the one that came in with the overdose.”
“Who are you to him?”
“The boyfriend that found him you could say.”
The nurse looks at me then sighs “I could lose my job for this but come with me.”
I look at her but get up and walk with her in the direction that Trisha went in before. When we get to room 307 she turns to look at me “if you get asked I if you are related tell them you are a cousin.” she tells me then walks away.
I turn back to the door and take a deep breath and go in.
Kellin was lying on a bed with white sheets and everything, Trisha was pasted out in a chair by his bed. I walk over to her and shack her.
She looks up at me “how did you get in here?”
“A nurse brought me here told me to say I’m a cousin in I get asked anything. You should go home and get some rest I’ll stay here with him.”
Trisha looks over at Kellin and then back at me, she nods and gets up, “I’ll be back in the morning.”
“I’ll be here whether I’m in here or in the waiting room in not leaving.” I tell her.
She leaves the room and I take her seat and bring it closer to Kellin’s bed then I sit down and take his hand in mine.
“Kellin I’m so sorry about everything, I’m sorry that I drove you to this I swear if I could I could trade my life for you’re right now. You can’t do this again you can’t leave me; cause without you there is no me. So I need you to wake up so I can tell you how much you mean to me and how important you are to me. You are my life line you have been since we were those two little kids in the park on the swings. I need you to come back to me I will do anything to keep you in my life, I love you more than life its self so please I need you.” By the end I was crying and I brought his hand to my lips and kissed it with my eyes closed.
When I opened my eyes again I was looking into the most beautiful blue eyes in the world. My heart stopped because I don’t know how much of that he heard but I don’t regret it at all I’m just scared of what he is going to say.
Kellin opens his mouth to speak.