Back for You

“Jen! I’m leaving for the shoot, okay? Just call me if you need anything. I’m not promising you that I’ll be home for dinner, but I’ll try.” Sienna shouted from outside and I just nodded, though I knew she couldn’t see it, “Bye, Jen. Love you!” I heard her shout one more time before finally hearing the sound of the front door being slammed. I sighed loudly and buried my head in my hands once again. Just like that, I was left alone again.

I curled up in a ball as I held my blanket closer to my body. The fever was gone, but the flu clearly was not getting any better today. I was actually supposed to be at class right now but due to my condition, I had to call sick and miss out on 3 classes today. That meant I just have to borrow my friend’s book and have an extra two-hours reading. Great.

Besides, having flu, I was just sort of having a terrible homesick. I hadn’t called Mike again since the last time he called me at Liam’s flat a few weeks ago. I missed him so much and I hadn’t found the right time to contact him again. I knew he’s been so busy with work and graduate school and I didn’t want to be a distraction for him, that’s the last thing I want to be.

And I hadn’t contacted my parents again for weeks. I couldn’t even hold my tears for the thoughts of missing them so much like this so how could I hold my tears during the routine-2 hour phone call that I have to make with them? I’m sure I’d be swimming in my own tears by the time my Mom picks up the phone.

“Jenna?” I heard a familiar male voice echoing through my quiet flat. Thinking that it was just a dream, I ignored that voice and continued to snuggle under the sea of blankets I just made.

“Jenna!” The voice was coming even closer. Nah, my silly mind was just playing trick on me. Liam couldn’t be here. I knew he had to be at a meeting with management today and I’m pretty sure that it wasn’t going to end fast. Besides, what was he doing here anyway?

I shut my eyes and sighed softly, trying to fall asleep again. But I failed because I could feel the door open so I just opened my eyes again. My eyes fell on the presence of Liam standing in the doorway. He was wearing a simple grey t-shirt above his black sweater. He looked tired but still fit as always. Gosh, Liam should really stop looking so fit like that or else I would just lose my mind.

Oh my God. What the hell did I just think?!

“How the hell did you get in?” I asked as I raised my eyebrows in confusion, I didn’t remember giving him a spare key. Hell, I didn’t even remember telling him my flat number.

“Uh, Sienna told me there’s a key under the mat.” He smiled innocently as he walked in, towards my bed.

“What are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed at a meeting with your management?” I continued to ask as I sat up and rubbed my eyes tiredly. He sat on the edge of my bed and looked at me with concern written across his face.

“Well, that was 3 hours ago. We’re done early,” I just nodded my head, “Anyway, Sienna said that you haven’t gone out of your room for a day. What happened? You look sick.” Typical Sienna. She called Liam to come and check up on me because she had to go to the photo shoot with Forever 21.

He brought up his hand to touch my forehead and then my cheek, trying to feel my body heat or something. He sighed softly, “You are sick.” I just grimaced at his words and turned away to look at the photos of me and Mike that I stuck on a board above my desk. Realizing that it just made me even sadder, I looked down at my hands and played my fingers.

“Nothing serious, though. It’s just a flu,” I shrugged, “And, uh, I’ve kind of been homesick, very home sick lately.” I admitted sadly. Even by saying that, I could feel tears starting to burn in my eyes slowly. God. How could I be so emotional like this?

“Why don’t you call your parents then?” He asked, sounding a bit confused.

I shook my head and finally looked up, meeting his gaze that bore lazily into mine, “Well, I couldn’t talk with them without crying, Li. If they know that I cry while talk to them, they would start a speech of why I should just listen to them and never move here. They never really say they don’t approve of me living here, but I know that deep inside they really don’t.”

Without saying any more words, he pulled me into a warm hug that I really needed. I shut my eyes and inhaled his scent that somehow also reminded me of Mike. I couldn’t bear it anymore. I let my tears fall and sniffled quietly, not wanting him know that I just cried, “Trust me I know that feeling too. I’m always homesick a lot when on tour.”

“But you can always call somebody at home without being worried that they’d try to make you move back home.” I muttered under my breath before sneezing. Liam laughed, making his body to shake lightly, “My nose is killing me.”

We pulled back from the hug and Liam’s eyes were already scanning my face again. He cracked a small smile before wiping a tear from my cheek and tapping my nose that turned a bit red due to my sneezing, “I know why your parents don’t let you move too far from them.”

I raised my eyebrows and titled my head, “Oh, really? Why is that?”

“Because you’re beautiful and smart, so they afraid that someone will catch your eyes or someone will just like you and maybe you’ll fall in love without them knowing who the guy is.” He looked pretty serious when he said that but I just laughed. I was really laughing, until tears brimming in my eyes, while Liam was just smiling and shaking his head a couple times.

“Oh, please.” I rolled my eyes playfully, “Anyway, are you going to stay here for lunch? I haven’t cooked anything at all.” I grinned sheepishly.

“Well, we can just order something right? Like, pizza?” He suggested.

“Hmm, I think it’s too early for pizza,” he just rolled his eyes playfully, “How about we go out and try to find some nice place to have lunch?” I suggested.

“I don’t know about that, Jen,” he sighed softly, “I think it’s better if we stay here. Besides, you’re sick. I just don’t want you to get sicker or something.” My heart just melted when he said that. He cared about me. Well, at least about my health though. Ha-ha.

“Oh, come on, Li!” I huffed, “I’ve been staying inside and lying around since yesterday. I’m better now. Come on, Li. I want to go out and breathe some fresh air.” I tried to bargain and battled my eyelashes at him, trying to change his mind.

He rolled his eyes again, “Fine.”

“YES!” I squealed and leaned in to plant a kiss on his cheek, “Now you can wait outside because I have to shower first. I haven’t showered since yesterday.”

“What? You haven’t showered since yesterday? You’re disgusting!” He faked a gasp.

“Hey it was really cold and I couldn’t really get out of bed.” I smacked his arm playfully and stuck my tongue out at him. He just laughed and shook his head in disbelief at me.

“Go shower, then. I’ll be waiting outside.” He kissed the top of my head and winked at me before walking out of my room and shutting the door. I was star struck at first when he did that. I could feel my cheeks heat up as I made my way towards the bathroom so I could get ready for the day.

*****

When I was finished getting ready, I went out of my room and saw Liam sitting on my couch with the tellie on but clearly he wasn’t watching it. He was typing away on his shiny iPhone, probably checking his Twitter or texting someone. I cleared my throat to capture his attention, “Let’s go.”

He looked up from his phone to see me from head-to-toe, realizing that I wore the clothes that could make me warm so I wouldn’t have to catch the cold, “You sure you’re okay, Jen? We can just stay here, you know.” He hesitated.

“I’m sure, Li,” I rolled my eyes and walked towards him, “Come on. I’m starving.” I said as I tried to get him up from the couch but of course it was no use. He’s bigger than me anyway. He just sat there with an amused look on his face, “Liammm.” I whined.

He laughed, “Okay, okay. Come on.” Finally he got up from the couch and walked out of the flat with me, “Where are we going, Jen?” He asked as we walked into the lift.

“Umm… McDonald’s?” I suggested as we waited for the lift to reach the ground floor.

“Why McDonald’s?” He asked again.

“Hmm, because today I feel like eating McDonald’s.” I just shrugged casually and the lift door opened. We walked out of the lift and the building, heading to McDonald’s, “you don’t mind walking, do you? It’s only a few blocks, though. Plus, I would also stop at this little café where I always get my usual coffee.”

“Geez, Jen. You’re starting to sound like Niall.” Liam said with a laugh escaping his lips.

I turned to give him a weird look, “Well, we both love food.” I shrugged.

“That’s why you both got along really well.” He spoke, “I don’t know what will happen if you and Niall hang out at my flat too often.”

“Well, maybe you’ll run out of food more often.” I chuckled. Among his other friends, I got along with Niall really well. Maybe it’s because both of us love foods. On the other day, I stopped by at Liam’s flat after school and Niall was there. At first we were just hanging out, mostly watching The X Factor and commenting on every single performer before Liam suggested that it’s best if we made something to eat. In the end, Niall and I just messed up with Liam, but mostly I messed up with Liam. His kitchen was so messy because of that, but we didn’t care. We had so much fun that night.

“I wonder how often you have to go groceries shopping in a week.” He put his arm around me, bringing me closer to him which also made me to snake my arm around his waist. Instantly I felt warmer than I already was and I also felt secure and content. But other than that, I could start to feel this weird thing in my stomach that people liked to call as ‘butterflies’.

“Once,” I spoke, “Sienna never really eats at home. Sometimes she’d just stop by at some restaurant and buy something for us to eat. That’s why I never really cook at home.”

“I bet she rarely sleeps at home too, right?” He tried to guess which I replied with a nod, “Oh? I was just guessing, really.”

“Well, you guessed right, Li,” I shrugged, “She’s not home quiet a lot, and I know when she’s not home she’ll be at Ryan’s. Those two are really inseparable and tight as ever. They’re like… sickening love puppies all the time.” I added with a laugh.

“Have you ever felt lonely because of that? Like, you know… Being alone at home without Sienna or someone to talk to…” He glanced at me for a few seconds before turning his gaze at the crowded pavements again.

“Yeah, I have, like almost all the time,” I smiled sadly, “We go to the same University but it’s like, she’s never really around, you know? She’s a pretty busy person. I know that she goes partying almost every Friday, and sometimes on Tuesday, too. And now, she starts to do this modeling job also.”

“Modeling?”

“Yeah, it all started when she just took photos and posted it on a site named LookBook. Today she left for a photo shoot with Forever 21. She told me that she’s wanted to be a model since she was 5.” Sienna told me about that when the first time we met. Going to University wasn’t her want, it was her parents’. Besides, if she didn’t go with her parents’ want, they would stop sending her money.

“What about you? What do you want to be?” I just went silent when he said that. What did I want to be? To be honest, I didn’t really think about that the second I applied for a scholarship. I just wanted to get away and start fresh somewhere new. When I was a kid, I thought about being a doctor and how generous it would be if I decided to be a doctor, but that was years ago. Now I wasn’t sure of what I wanted to be.

I sighed before saying, “I don’t know,” he turned to see me and furrowed his eyebrows, “When I was a kid, I wanted to be a doctor so bad, like really bad. Even sometimes Mom had to scold me so I would stop talking about being a doctor.” I chuckled at the memory.

“Well, then why didn’t you become a doctor? You’re not taking medical, are you?” He asked, pure curiosity written across his face.

“No. I decided to take journalism, and my parents were confused and upset when I told them about my decision. The look on their face was horrifying and entertaining at the same time. After all, besides being a doctor, I also want to be a writer too.” I explained and grimaced a bit, “And I think they don’t understand that, because they still want me to be a doctor until this very day,” I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair, “I don’t understand what’s wrong with wanting to be a writer and taking journalism classes.”

“They clearly want the best for you, but they can’t force it to you too,” he said, “Well, I personally think that you’ll be a great writer.”

I snorted, “What makes you think like that? You haven’t even read any of my writing before, not that I will let you too.” I laughed and he rolled his eyes playfully.

“Well, I know I haven’t, but by the sound of it, I think you’re already a good writer. And now you’re only taking your writing more seriously than before so you could be a great writer. I mean, if you don’t want to take it seriously and pursue your dream, you’d take different degree, right?” He had a point right there.

I decided to change the topic into a lighter one. Talking about my study only made my brain cramp. Anyway, we started to talk about sport. We asked each other about our favorite sport and when I told him I’d like to play badminton, he was surprised (just like the last time I told him when we’re on the phone on the other day). That led into him asking another ‘why’ question that I had to answer with a long explanation about my family, and to my surprise, Liam listened carefully to me.

He really listened to me and I felt good at that. It made me feel like all the energy I used to talk wasn’t going to waste, because he really listened. Even he added a bit comment here and there. It’s good, you know, to have someone who listens to you when you talk. For the first time after so long, I finally found somebody that actually listens to me when I talk and pays attention on the things I said. It felt really good, because I haven’t had someone like this in my life after Joe went away. Yeah, kind of ridiculous but that’s the truth.

“You seem deep in thoughts.” Liam spoke up, pulling me out of my trance.

“It’s nothing,” I shrugged as we finally walked into McDonald’s. Thank God the place wasn’t crowded. It was already passed lunch time so there weren’t too many kids here. A wave of relief washed over me as both of us walked towards the cashier to order.

“Gosh, everything looks so tasty.” I mumbled under my breath and Liam just laughed.

The blond girl that stood behind the counter was pretty surprised when she saw me and Liam standing there, trying to decide something to order. Of course she recognized Liam. Her eyes even went a bit wide when she saw Liam had his arm around me. God.

I sneezed about two times and felt immediately embarrassed, “You’re okay, Jen?” Liam asked, looking at me.

“I’m good,” I managed to pull out a small smile and the blonde cleared her throat, catching both Liam and I’s attention. She greeted us with a smile and asked what we wanted to have. After taking a bit time to think, Liam decided to order a cheese burger, French fries and soda while I decided to order a spicy chicken burger, French fries and medium chocolate milkshake. Cold or not, flu or not, I’ll always order chocolate milkshake.

“Milkshake? Really, Jen?” Liam asked, referring to the flu I had.

“Come on, Li. I’ll be fine.” I said with a roll of my eyes.

And Liam and I had to argue again on paying the food. He insisted that he’d pay, but I insisted that it’d be best if we shared it. I did my best to make him cave in but it’s no use. In the end, he paid all the food and said that I could buy him a coffee later. Well, coffee wasn’t a big deal really.

We picked a seat that’s in the corner of the room, trying our best to avoid all the stares and just less trouble. Liam getting stared by the blond girl was distracting enough, “Do you eat McDonald’s all the time?”

I looked up from my fries and gave him a weird look, “Where’s that question coming from?” He just shrugged, “Of course, not. I’ll be fatter than I already am if I eat McDonald’s all the time.”

“You’re not fat, Jen.” He said calmly before sipping his drink.

I just sighed and shook my head faintly, “Only if you know how I hate having this body. I’m disgusted every time I look at my thighs. They’re big and fat… and disgusting.” It’s true, because that’s what I’ve been feeling all this time. I was nothing compared to Sienna. She’s a hundred times more beautiful than me; that’s actually one of the reasons why she could be a model.

I looked down and immediately regretted the things I just said. I shouldn’t have said that to Liam. He didn’t have to know how insecure I was about my body. He would think I’m a weirdo or something, “Hey, don’t say that. Every girl is beautiful on their own way. You are beautiful too, Jen.” He said softly, causing me to blush madly, “You’re blushing! It’s so cute.” He said once again which only made my cheeks redder.

“Oh God.” I buried my head inside my hands and chuckled quietly.

“You’re insecure, don’t know what for. You’re turning head when you walk through the door-“

My eyes widened in horror as I looked up at him, “Shh!” I cut his singing before he could continue it, “You’re going to cause a scene, Li.” He just smiled smugly and winked at me before starting to eat his food.

“Unbelievable.” I mumbled under my breath before digging in my food too.