Caged Birds Don't Like to Sing

My brilliant plan has played out well the past few days. Jackson seemed to lay off of me a bit. He wouldn’t tease me or mess with me as much. Nor drag me around with him and make me have sleepovers with him. I can’t believe I haven’t thought of this sooner.

Whenever we did talk though, he seemed a bit more shy. If that is the right word. He’d talk, but just look down at his boots or around the room a bit more. His green eyes didn’t seem like daggers anymore. They hardly had that flash of life and eccentric feel to them. He lost his narcissistic edge to him. Even better. Maybe I could live with this for a little longer.

Except today, he seemed to go back to normal. I was sitting down in the kitchen at the counter by myself and eating a sandwich. After the first few bites, Jackson slid in from behind me and leaned over the counter on the opposite side.

“Jeez!” I shrieked, jumping in my seat. “You almost gave me a heart attack.”

He grinned. “My apologies.” He turned around and leaned back over the counter. His head was upside down and he was staring at me with some kind of goofy grin.

“What’s your problem?” I accused and stuffed a chip into my mouth.

“Nothing. I’m perfectly fine,” he chirped and switched himself back so he could face me forward. His face grew closer. I held mine back farther.

“What’s gotten into you? You’ve been amazingly quiet the past few days and it was so great.”

“Hmm,” he thought out loud as he strutted around the counter. He stopped walking once he was right behind me. His hand pulled one side of my hair and tucked it behind my ear. His mouth grew dangerously close. I could feel him inching in closer and his breath on the side of my face. Oh God, has he caught onto my plan? “Nothing’s changed.”

I hastened to say, “You make me ill.”

And he snickered, drifting further away from me. “I’m going out for the afternoon.”

“Where?” I asked even though I already had an idea of where he was going. That gives me enough time to get a new idea to keep him away from me.

“The usual. Maybe a little farther out,” he said casually. He patted my back and started out the back door.

I need to come up with something fast. I was the dominant for a few days and I couldn’t sink back down. No, I needed a new, stronger plan. Something that would really confuse him. That’s when it hit me.

After a few minutes had passed, I decided to go out there after him. He had to be at least ten minutes ahead of me. I configured this out strategically. I’d meet him there and try to get him back to his dumb, seduced self.

However when I arrived at the creek, he wasn’t there. “Where’d that idiot go?” I nagged to myself. I sat by the water and thought for a moment. He said he was going out farther than usual. But where?

I watched the stream of water flow over my feet. I watched the direction that it was moving. Downstream, obviously. Then it hit me. Maybe that’s where Jackson went. It had to leak into another water system. Something bigger, nicer, and more in the open. Might as well see. What did I have to lose at this point?

I followed the current for a while, skipping over puddles and hopping on rocks. The sun was high past midpoint and should begin to set in the near future. That part worried me. What if I couldn’t find him in time? I would be lost in pure darkness. At least he had an idea of where he was going. I had no clue.

A small breeze picked up and everything cooled. Not the smartest idea to wear a shorts and a t-shirt. My legs grew goose-bumps but I couldn’t take a break to warm myself. The trees blew and made a rustling noise above me. Every so often it would scare me and I’d think an animal was coming out from the bushes and shrubs. But eventually, I reached the end of the small creek.

As I went farther, the creek got thicker and thicker until it reached a small pond opening. The water was crystal blue and as the water dropped off, it became a deep blue. I could see my reflection in it as the water rushed over pebbles and stones. It was a weird feeling, seeing myself in the water and out in the open. I took a good, hard look at myself. Even after the span of a week or so of me being here, I looked different. Not a stitch of makeup was on my face, which was different for me. I used to pound it on everyday. Now it became refreshing to not have to wear it all the time. When I looked up, I could see a figure. Over on the other side is where I found Jackson. I smiled to myself and picked up the pace to reach him.

“Hey,” I called as I reached him. I saw his emotions quickly change from being calm to tightening up as he stood up off the ground. He didn’t want me there, I could tell. “It took me forever to find you.”

He grumbled under his breath. Something along the lines of “that was the point.” He then looked up at me and said, “Oh, sorry. I just didn’t know you’d be coming out here.” I rolled my eyes at his faux emotions of kindness towards me.

“Yeah,” I said, sitting down next to him. He didn’t have Annabelle this time. It was just him out here. “The water’s nice out here.”

“It’s on a park reservation. They clean it regularly. No fish or anything can live here, though. The water is pretty much like pool water,” he explained. The fact about the non-naturalistic water saddened his tone of voice.

“Do people ever come swimming here?” I was attempting to make small talk as ideas spun around in my head. I think I had an idea of where to go with all of this.

“Rarely. No one really knows about this place.”

“Do you ever go swimming in here?” I questioned further.

“Rarely,” he repeated.

I replayed my actions in my mind for a moment. I had a clear idea. I hated the idea of swimming in a pond. But this one was cleaned with no random fish. Hopefully. I took a subtle deep breath.

I took a step closer to him with my chin high. Even though on the inside I was quivering. I half smiled at him. I reached my hand out and caressed his face softly. Then tucked his hair behind his ears. I tried to do little touches here and there on his face, dreading where I was headed.

I held onto the collar of his white, button-up shirt and started to unbutton it. I slowly did each button and kept my eyes locked on his. He didn’t really say anything, his face seemed at a loss. He kept looking down at my hands as they inched closer to the last button. Once it was all unbuttoned, I grabbed the bottom of the shirt and pulled it out from being tucked in.

He started to slowly open his mouth, but words didn’t come out. I couldn’t read his expression. I knew he was frustrated with me for chasing after him, but he seemed to just be bewildered now. Then I started to fiddle with his belt. I pulled it off from around his waist and tossed it on the ground. Then I took a step back and twirled around.

I neared closer and closer to the water. I turned my face around to see Jackson still standing in the same spot. His eyes staring at me. I turned my face back forward and started to remove my shirt. Then I slid out from my shorts, tugging them down my legs and stepped out of it. I wouldn’t dare to take off my underwear. Pond water isn’t meant for naked swims and neither are Jackson’s eyes. I slid out of my shoes and dipped in the water.

Jackson’s eyes looked from the ground, to me, then to the water. It took him a moment before he peeled back his shirt and started walking closer. Here we go. I was still freaking out on the inside. I reassured myself it was nothing but a bit of friendly contact. I honestly couldn’t think of any good reason to feel as nervous as I was feeling. I started to scare myself.

Memories flooded back to me.

Once Jackson was in the water with me, in his underwear as well, I wrapped my arms around him. The water wasn’t deep as some parts. I could touch. There was a plastic lining at the bottom. Yeesh, it was like a pool. I jumped up and his hands caught my thighs. I was at a lighter weight in the water, but I figured he seemed strong enough to hold me out of water as well. He held me up to his body.

“Why are you being like this?” You just said I make you sick earlier,” Jackson asked during our embrace. I just quietly looked at him and let my hands rest on his shoulders. I looked all over his face, from his confused eyes to his almost frowned lips.

Then I put my lips to his and we kissed for a moment. His hand trailed up and down my spine. I was stuck frozen, though. My hands shook as they stayed on his sides. I pulled away from his mouth to take a deep breath to calm myself. It didn’t work. My breathing began to get off-kilter.

Jackson’s hand caught my chin. He noticed my distress. His eyes were comforting. “What’s wrong, darlin’?”

I didn’t correct him this time. I tried to place my lips back onto his, but I couldn’t. Something was stopping me. I got out of his arms and shook my head. “I-I...” Then I ran out of the water and grabbed my clothes. I didn’t turn back to see if Jackson was following me or not.

By the time I was home, I realized Jackson didn’t follow me. That was a slight relief. I needed to be alone. At least for a bit. My breathing was heavy and faltering from the run.

I couldn’t handle that. I’m not a touchy person. I could deal with some hugs and kisses, but something about that didn’t feel right. That felt odd. Maybe it was because I didn’t feel anything like that for Jackson. I felt an old, regretful feeling in the pit of my stomach. Something I hadn’t felt in years.

Once I was in the bathroom, I wrung out my hair in the sink and changed into some warm pajamas. Then I curled up in my bed sheets. I couldn’t close my eyes. I was off in a blank stare. Staring across the room, frozen once again. My mind flashed over the memories. It suddenly made some sense.

His name was Chase. He was my first real boyfriend. I was a sophomore in highschool when we started dating. He was as junior. I was so infatuated with him. Head over heels is the expression, right? The fact that he liked me back rocked my little, naive world. I thought we had a good thing going on. I must have been wrong.

I was best friends with Riley then, our relationship was perfect. She was already twenty-one and graduated. My parents hated the idea of us being friends. That was the only part of my life that they hated. But I didn’t care. Riley would pick up Chase and I from school and we would hang out at a fast food restaurant or her house. We were all the best friends. Except the fact that Chase and I were dating. Riley disliked being the third wheel. I never thought of her in that way, though.

There was one part of the story that never made sense to me though. To this day it doesn’t. But I guess life is like that a lot. Chase was always the sweetest guy. He was the boyfriend that would make sure you called him before you went to bed that night. I didn’t have to beg for him to call me, he would just do so. He would open the doors for me and everything. I thought he was the one. But then again I was sixteen and in love with the idea of love. How foolish was I?

In a lot of ways, Jackson reminded me of Chase. At least when Jackson and I got along. And that bugged me endlessly. They both could laugh at the same things and be just as compassionate. Jackson is a southern gentleman. Chase was a gentleman, too. Or at least I thought he was a gentleman.

Now here’s the part that never made sense.

During the summer, Chase just stopped calling me. He went two full days without contacting me. I wasn’t so attached to him that I had to talk to him. It wasn’t like that. I just knew something had to be wrong in order for him to suddenly stop. That’s when I began to worry about him.

That weekend, I finally got a hold on him. He sounded okay on the phone and said that he would come over and stay with me for the day. After awhile of relaxing around the house with him, I finally asked where’d he go for the past few days. That’s when it got ugly.

Without me actually questioning him, he started to make up excuses. I didn’t really get a chance to talk. He back tracked, lied, got angry, and stomped around. When I tried to settle him down, he got close to my face and punched me. I didn’t know how to react. I still really liked the guy.

Things just went downhill. Everything got abusive. It wasn’t so much as the hitting rather than the yelling, but I would come out with a bruise or two. I convinced myself it was nothing that I couldn’t handle. He began to pressure me into a lot of things like drugs or sex, but I said no every time. We had only had sex once and that was before he was abusive. I regretted it everyday. Especially when I found out another piece of information.

Riley started seeing him behind my back. I found out it that they were dating the day after Chase and I had sex. That was the worst part. Chase persuaded me to have sex with him one time. Riley would do it whenever. Which was sick since he was still a minor. My heart was broken, my skin was bruised, my innocence was shattered.

I bet you're wondering why I am still friends with Riley. I had no one else. She manipulated me into thinking it wasn’t anything. I know more now though. She ruined my life back then. Chase was nice to her, but not to me. He probably just got so mad at me because I didn’t do things Riley did, so he hit me.

That night, I heard footsteps crawl into my room. I didn’t bother to get up, I didn’t think much of it. I was too tired. It was probably just Jackson coming in to bother me.

A heavy weight dropped onto my body and I let out a noise in complaint. Sickly warm breath blew down my neck and on my face. I looked up to see Jackson on top of me. He was smiling widely. I tried to get out from under him, but he weighed too much.

“Jackson,” I plead sleepily. “Get off me please.”

“Why?” he leered wryly. “You left me at the pond today.”

“Yeah. That means I don’t want to be around you.”

I started to wiggle around even more. Jackson didn’t budge. His hands held down my wrists and stroked the palms of hands. The warmth started to become unbearable. Just like it was with Rob.

“Oh don’t say that,” his deep voice tried to soothe. It still seemed malicious and he began to startle me.

I finally got my hands free to try to hit him. When I hit his shoulder, I realized he wasn’t wearing a shirt. That made me more nervous. “Jackson.” My voice was feeble even though I wanted to be demanding. “Move.”

“No,” he said as he pressed his lips down to mine. They weren’t as soft as usual. They were hard and the kiss was overpoweringly rough. I writhed around even more, mumbling screams into the kiss. He chuckled darkly and continued.

I felt his hands slip up my stomach and under my shirt. I started to panic then and tried not to hyperventilate. Memories flooded back in a whirlwind now. He reminded me even more of Chase. What was going on?

When his lips pulled back, I caught my breath. “Jackson, stop!” My voice was a lot louder this time. I still felt like he couldn’t hear me. Or he just didn’t want to.

He kept going. His hand arched my back up and started to undo my bra. I moved around to make it more difficult, but he got it off in an instant. I screamed loudly again. His hand covered my mouth. “Don’t talk,” he stated as my shirt flew off over my head.

I felt his body move around until his hands forced my legs around him. His hands slid my shorts and underwear off. He licked his lips like a wild animal about to catch its prey. I scrambled around more and dug my nails into his skin as defense. He just found his entertaining now, it didn’t even hurt him. I could see the sadistic side of him. His arms reached back up and pinned my biceps down.

“I love you,” he growled in a feral way. I screamed.

“What’s going on?” Jackson shouted as he ran into my room. My back was arched during my slumber and I seemed to be writhing in pain. I shook my head out and sat up. It was a dream. A dream that made me definitely realize I don’t have those feelings for Jackson. No matter what.

“A dream,” I said under my breath. I looked away from him as he sat down beside me. I shrugged away when his hand touched me. My eyes were wet and my breathing still felt heavy.

He gave me a weird look. “This is opposite from earlier. Why’d you leave me at the pond today?”

I started to think of the dream again. He said almost those exact words. It seemed too real.

“I gotta go,” I said, standing up and wiping my eyes.

“Where?” Jackson stood up after me. I couldn’t look at him.

I didn’t say anything back. I just started running. I grabbed the keys off of the counter and rushed to his car. Jackson was close behind me.

I started car once I was in it and started to pull out. “You can’t just take my car!” Jackson screamed. It was too late. I was gone. I went to find a motel for the night.