I'm Not Okay

What happened after Gerard told he liked me is a blur, and no, not because I fainted again. Even though I do seem to be doing that a lot recently. We went back to the party, and much to my silent thanks, Gerard stirred us clear us he’s parents who, were talking to Mikey and Alicia. But as we walked the opposite direction of them and laughed about Frank’s rapping that he was doing on stage that moment, we walked straight into Todd. I think I would have screamed if I wasn’t so petrified. I knew Gerard was directly behind me, but my mind went straight back to three nights ago, and I could feel my stomach drop and I clenched my teeth to the bile from coming through as I pushed Gerard from behind me and ran towards the exit. All the sounds just seemed to blend together and rise into a blaring crescendo as I pushed past people whose faces all were blended together, and I gagged at the Picasso my mind was making and finally I pushed through the heavy back EXIT door and puked.

Even now, sitting upright in Gerard’s bed, I feel sick. I can’t possibly get over the feeling of feeling sick. It’s been a week. Can you believe it? And Gerard doesn’t care; he’s taking care of me as if this is just a cold, something I will eventually get over. But it’s not, and I don’t think I will. My cell phone, which Gerard called Sprint and got it switched over so he can pay the bill. I think he’s being really sweet, but when will he realize I’m really just a waste of his time- and money? But anyways as I was saying, my cell phone has been ringing off the hook, well if it had a hook. Every other minute I hear ’I Kissed a Girl’ by Katy Perry playing and then shutting off. It gets really annoying. But the thing is I don’t think I can confront my friends back home. I know they probably miss me and they want to know what’s going on, especially Heather since she already knows half the story, But Glen? Or even Mike? I don’t think I can.

Right now Gerard’s just staring at me its about- seven-thirty in the morning. I think we’re trying to see who can go the longest without talking, I always when this game.

“Holly...,”Gerard blink’s as he crawls tiredly over to me. “You need to get out of bed.”

“Why?” I ask, I’m actually intrigued by what he says.

“Because, it’s been a week.” He says obviously.

“So, I’m on bed rest.” I shoot back.

“Who put you on bed rest?”

“I did, and mother knows best.” I smile as he laughs then gets out of bed. But I quickly frown as I see he’s walking over to my side of the bed. He pulls the covers off quickly so I don’t have a chance at grabbing them, and then grabs my hands.

“Come on kid, go get dressed then we’ll go get breakfast will the guys okay?” I think about it then nod, I haven’t seen the guys since the party and that was… well eventful is all I’m going to say. I quickly a shower and dressed and put my hair is some pig tails and through some make-up on and grabbed Gerard’s hand as he finished lacing his converses and pulled him of the apartment complex.

“So I guess you just need a push to make you happy again?” Gerard said as he slipped on some sunglasses and slipped his fingers back into mine.

“Oh please you haven’t seen me at my happiest yet, buddy,” I smiled as I stood at my tip-toes and kissed Gerard lightly on the lips as we stood at a crosswalk.

“Well,” Gerard laughed again. “I hope you’re headed there.”

“Me too.” I looked around at the buildings of Newark. “Speaking of heading there, where are we going?”

“Oh this coffee shop that serves breakfast and lunch, it’s just a little farther.” I nodded as he kept looking straight. Hmm, he’s kind-

“Ow.” I said just as a sharp pain coursed through my stomach. I dropped Gerard’s hand and put both of my hands around my stomach as if to protect it and my baby. A million different thoughts went through my head at that exact moment but not one of them made me feel much better, and soon enough the comforting black blanket that washed out the noise and pain came.