I'm Not Okay

“…Nothing you can say can stop me going home.” The strobe lights flashed bright and quick above me and then as I dropped the microphone, they finally shut off and I walked off stage behind Mikey as he handed his bass off to a roadie. Choruses of ‘one more song’ seemed to be following us as we walked backstage. I sighed and a yawn escaped on its own.

“Tired, Gee?” Mikey asked turning his head slightly to look back at me. I shook my head no and walked in front of him. I had to go have a smoke. As I got outside the wind hit me quick. I hadn’t notice onstage. I sighed as I walked towards the bus. My phone started to vibrate. I had forgotten that I had it in my jacket. I opened it to see a picture and a text from Lyn.

She was all over, what looked like Jimmy. My eyes widened and narrowed in seconds. My heart broke and I was furious. Furious that I trusted her, and him! I thought he was my friend. And all of a sudden I remembered the text that was at the bottom.

its over, sry

I slammed the phone shut and jammed it into my pocket and that’s when I saw her shadow. She was sitting on the ground against the tour bus with her legs pressed up against her. I leant down next to her, she didn’t seem to hear me. That when I touched her shoulder. She flinched away from me.

“W-why are you back?” I blinked in confusion. She hasn’t even looked at me, she must think I’m someone else.

“Uh, I just got here. You must think I’m someone else.” I said as she turned to look at me. Her eyes were brimming with tears and as they set upon me they widened and she tried to stand up but she fell, I caught her and helped her sit back down.

“Thanks, Gerard.” She mumbled. I looked her up and down before I spoke. Her clothes and hair was messy and she had blood all over her.

“’Kay, you know my name, now how about yours, and what the fuck happened?” I asked sitting down next to her. She looked away towards the Pavilion were we just played. She sighed and shook her head. I saw a tear roll down her cheek. “Aw, come on angel, don’t you cry.”

“Don’t quote yourself, it looks bad.” She laughed and looked at me. “My name’s Holly, Holly James to be exact. And I really should be going.” She tried to get up again and failed.

“You can’t walk, something has to be wrong. Please tell me? I’ll tell you what just happened to me.” I said trying to bargain with her. She looked bad, and I mean really bad, there seemed to be more blood and all I really wanted to do was yell and go for a medic.

“Sure, why not?” She seemed really not to care that she was seeping blood everywhere but the fact that she wasn’t scared me.

“Well, my marriage is falling apart.” I stated.

“What do you mean?” She seemed interested, like she cared about it. I reached into my pocket and retrieved my phone and showed her the message in its entirety. Her blue eyes went wide again. “I’m sorry, that really stinks. I thought Lyn-Z and Jimmy were cool.”

“Well that makes two of us.” I slipped the phone in my pocket. “So what happened?”

“I-I...” She started cry and I enwrapped her in a hug and started to rub her back. “Gerard can I trust you?” She asked in a small voice.

“Of course.” I said quietly so I could hear her.

“I…I was raped.”