Display the Sign to Capture Him

Vic pulled off his skinny jeans and showed me his legs. From the top of his thighs down to the bottom of his ankles were littered in scars. Some looked deeper than others and some were different colors of pink and brown. I ran a finger over a deep, dark one above his knee.

“What made you do it?” I felt tears come to my eyes.

“Mostly bullies. Everyone I knew from 6th to 9th grade always put me down and made me feel like shit all the time. Some would call me a fat ugly fag, and like your story, never find my half. People said I was a terrible singer and I should just give up on the dream of mine to be in a band.”

I cut him off. “Same. Everybody says I sound like a girl so I stopped singing everywhere but my room. Then my parents started telling me I was terrible so I stopped all together. It's probably been about 6 months now that I haven’t sang.”

“It started when I was 11 and I still remember the first one.” he pointed to a spot on his arm. “Then I thought, 'people are just gonna say even more shit about me' so I started my legs. I never really wear shorts anyway so it was easier to hide. I still don’t wear shorts... I remember starting real slow only scratching myself with my nails and sometimes a safety pin and purposely bumping myself into the coffee table to leave some bruises. By the time 7th grade hit after school supplies shopping, I took the blade from the pencil sharpener and started using that. It got to be my routine after a while. I just couldn’t stop. The summer between 7th and 8th grade I felt a little better because I locked myself away in my room but I couldn’t get rid of the addiction so I continued to cut myself daily. After a month in to 8th grade I couldn’t take it anymore. I grabbed the biggest knife in the kitchen and slashed both my legs as deep as I could. This one,” he pointed to the one I was looking at. “was the one that led me to the hospital. I admired everything about it until I blacked out. 'You cut down to your bone,' the doctor told me. He said I would need therapy but my parents decided against it and took me home. As soon as I did, I took off the bandages and cut again, only scratching a bit but enough to break skin. Knives, razors, and pins were my only friends. Luckily, Mike was at his friends house that weekend I was hospitalized and didn’t know about it. He still doesn’t know about it and I don’t want him to know. Please don’t say anything?” I nodded and he put his pants back on. “I was just about to turn 15, Mikey came up to my room and told me to sit down so I did. He sounded really serious that he wanted to talk to me and I was scared that he found out. I wouldn’t have known what to say. Would I have cried? Who knows. He told me how great of a brother I am to him and he wants to grow up to be like me. A loving, caring guy. That’s when I decided to quit. I needed to stop for my baby brother. I told him to come to me if there is ever a problem or if he needs to just scream at someone and he does. I cant even think of watching my brother go through what I did. Kellin, I know how it is. I don’t want you doing this to yourself anymore.”

he reached for my arm and I flinched by his grip. He lifted my sleeve carefully. I was actually really embarrassed for him to see my arm. No one but I have seen it.

“Is this what you did in the bathroom earlier?” he pointed to the fresh ones. I nodded without looking at him and I could feel myself starting to cry.

He kissed down my arm. “Please stop...”

I hugged him. We sat there for a few minutes then we heard Mike snore really loudly. We laughed.

He mentioned something else about cutting but I didn’t listen very well. I was too busy thinking about my next move. I got up and grabbed my bad of 'friends' and brought it to Vic.

It's for the best.. I thought.

“What's this?” he took it.

“I’m done. If you can, I can.” what the fuck am I saying...

He opened my bag and saw all my napkins, razors, pocket knife.. all my stuff. His eyes were starting to water.

“I'm proud of you Kellin. Don't ever do it again.”

“Today would be the last.” I hope..

Vic walked over to the garbage can and dumped all my things into it. He came back over and hugged me.

“I'm so happy I found you.” I whispered in his ear.

“Ooh I see love makin!” fuck, Mike's up.

“Way to ruin the mood Mikey.” Vic laughed.

“Sorry you just look so cute together! I’m happy for you guys”

I remembered that I had a few tacks in my bag and got the best idea. We could hang our necklaces on the wall! I ran to the garbage can and dug around a little bit.

“Kellin what the fuck are you doing?!” Vic yelled at me.

I found two tacks. “Take off your necklace.” I took mine off.

I stuck the tacks on the wall by the door and proceeded to put my necklace on one and Vic's on the other. I closed them together and they stuck like magnets.

“Kel, don’t scare me like that. Especially after what we just talked about.” I laughed but he looked serious as hell right now.

“Sorry Vic..”

“It's ok.” he went off to talk to his brother.

He didn’t seem to realize I grabbed a razor out of the can too. Cos you know.. just in case.