Pinky Promises

Matt dropped Jimmy and I off at home, and before I left the car he cast me one more look. I knew he wasn't trying to be a jerk but what was I supposed to do?

"Night guys." I said as I shut my door.

"Night Layla, see you later." They all echoed.

I watched the vehicle drive out of sight, my mind racing with everything going on, until finally Jimmy cleared his throat.

"Everything alright?" He asked.

I turned and looked at him. "Yeah. I'm fine."

"As long as you're sure." He glanced up at the sky and then sighed. "Lay... can we talk?"

"About what?" I asked trying hard to cast Will out of my head. How
dumb was I?

"I'm pretty sure you know what about." He said.

I didn't want to look at him for fear of making eye contact so I looked up too. "Yeah... I do. Okay, what do you want to say?"

"Can we go inside? Maybe sit down and actually talk about this?"

I sighed. "Jimmy, I have plans tomorrow, I'm so tired. Can we do it tomorrow night when I get home?"

The look that came over his face was disappointment and sadness. Instead of arguing though, he nodded. "Alright, yeah. That's fine. Go ahead and get some rest."

I groaned. "I'm sorry Jimmy... we can talk. I can stay up."

"No! No, no. If you're tired-"

"I'm fine." I snapped and he winced as though I had hit him. I ran my hand over my forehead to wipe away the sweat from the warmth of the night and then walked over beside him and looked up. "We do need to talk about it. I know. I just...I don't know, I'm afraid to have that talk with you Jimmy. If we talk about it more than we have been it'll just complicate things, won't it?"

"I guess." He said slowly.

"I don't mean to sound like an ass, I'm really not trying to be one."

"I know you're not." He said quietly.

I reached out and put my hand on his shoulder. "I love you though, Jimmy. We will talk about it. I promise. As soon as I get home tomorrow. I'll come over and we can talk all you want. Or all we need."

I could tell I had hurt him even though I tried to backtrack and make up for my tone. Hurting Jimmy was like hurting a piece of me. The look on his face made me feel like absolute shit.
So why couldn't I just shove aside Will and be with Jimmy? Why couldn't I just follow him in to his house or invite him over to mine so we could talk about us?

"Okay, sure. I love you too Layla." He hugged me but it wasn't the same. Instead of a tight embrace that made me feel like nothing else in the word mattered, it was more like a cautious unsure type of deal. As though it physically hurt to give me a hug.

"Jimmy..."

"No, it's okay. I understand. I'll see you tomorrow when you get back from work."

I bit my lip.

"Not work?" He asked, then realization hit him. "Oh. A date, huh?"

"Jimmy it's not like that-"

"I understand. It's not like we're going out or anything. Right? No big deal."

"It is a big deal." I said, feeling as though I were about to cry. "It's a huge deal."

"Layla, it's alright." He smiled.

"Jim-"

"I'm tired too, I think I'm gonna go to bed. Don't worry about it, it's perfectly fine. You're a single person why shouldn't you go on dates. Can I ask you something though?"
I nodded, afraid to speak.

"Who's it with? That guy from the store? What's his name? Bill?"

"Will." I said quietly.

"Ah, Will. Right." He looked thoughtful for a second then motioned to his house. "We'll talk tomorrow I'm gonna head in. You look like you're about to cry but I gotta tell you, it's really okay. Things happen right? What happened between us was kind of like, I
dunno. A best friend comfort thing. Right?"

"It was more than that to me."

"Me too." He said. I looked at him for a moment longer then turned to head to my apartment when his voice stopped me. "Do you regret it though?"

I couldn't bring myself to look at him. "Of course I don't. There's no body I would have rather spent that night with than you."

"Good. I'm glad. Alright, goodnight Layla. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Night Jimmy." I said. I barely made it home before I started to sob.

-

"So how've you been?" Will's question lingered in the air for a few minutes before I answered him.

"I've been good. Been super busy with everything going on and work, but other than that, awesome. How about you?"

"Pretty good. Working, saving up to go kayaking soon with a few buddies. You ever been kayaking?"

I had. Plenty of times with Jimmy and the others. I always somehow managed to end up in the water but usually that was Jimmy's doing.

"Yeah, I've been. My father owns a camp and we have kayaks there." I said taking a sip of my drink.

"Oh really? That's awesome. So you have a kayak?"

I nodded, not really paying attention. I hadn't been able to stop thinking about Jimmy all day. He had kept his blinds closed and the lights off all day not coming outside or to the door when I knocked. I knew he was in there but what he was doing I wasn't sure.

"Yeah I do. An orange one. Orange is my favorite color."

He smiled having gained a little bit of personal information about me. "Right on. Well hey, if you're interested maybe we can get yours and you can come along with us. It'd be fun to have someone there who's not someone I see all the time. Those clowns get old."

I automatically smiled and then looked up at him. He was handsome. Well mannered, hadn't even asked to sleep with me yet. Hadn't tried to force me to sleep with him either. But he was no Jimmy.

I sighed and nodded. "Sure. If you just text me or something I'm sure we could work it out."

"Nice. I'm sure the guys will like you. I know I do."

I felt myself blush then looked back down at the menu. "So! Will, tell me a little about yourself."

He gave me a puzzled look then smiled. "Sure, what do you wanna know?"

"I dunno..anything. Like, how long you've been working at the store or ...did you live here before or did you move here... or you know. Whatever you think I should know."

Will started talking and it lasted through out dinner, and the ride home. I was thankful for that and that he really didn't ask many questions about me. Well, he didn't honestly have time. I kept asking more and more before he could get any out himself.

Finally we pulled in to my parking lot and parked next to my car. Will turned the vehicle off and looked over at me."So, I had a really good time tonight."

"I did too." I said.

"Are you sure? You seemed kind of...distracted, if you don't mind me saying so."

I nodded and then looked at him and smiled, hoping that it would relieve him a little. "Yeah, I've just been stressed out with work and my Uncle passing and the funeral, which I'm not even sure I can go to..." I waved my hand. "But don't get me wrong I did have fun."

"Good. I'm glad I'm not too boring."

"No, you definitely aren't boring. I'm sorry I asked you so many questions. I guess it just helped me get my mind off stuff."

"I don't mind answering questions. Actually, I'm better at that than asking someone else a bunch of stuff. I'm no good at that."

I smiled then sighed and looked across the street. Jimmy's lights were on but he was no where to be found.

"Well, I had fun. It's been nice, and thank you for dinner." I said opening the door to get out.

"No problem."

I exited the car and walked around to his side and bent down to look in at him. "We'll have to do it again sometime."

"Yeah, hey kayaking is still on the table if you're interested."

"Sure, maybe. I'll let you know."

I couldn't have stopped it even if I had wanted to, because it happened so fast. Will leaned over just slightly and pressed his lips to mine.

"Goodnight. I'll call you later." He said as he pulled away and started up his car again.

"Alright, yeah...sure. Goodnight." I watched him back out and drive off toward the hill, then turned and headed toward my apartment.
I was almost there when the sudden sound of a slamming door caught my attention and I spun around just in time to see Jimmy fall over in the dirt and cuss.

"Jimmy!" I yelled and ran over to him. My heart was pounding in my chest, I never should have went on that stupid date with Will.
"What the hell is going on, Jimmy are you okay?" I asked and bent down beside him.

"I'm fine." He spat. "Fine. Just can't get in the fuckin' car. Someone locked me out of it."

I felt my blood go cold. Jimmy was beyond wasted. To top it off he was angry. "Come on, no one locked you out. Why are you trying to get in your car anyway?" I asked trying to help him up but he kept pushing me away.

"Because, I want to go to the store." He growled.

"No, Jimmy you can't go to the store. You're drunk."

"I'm not fucking drunk. Jesus."

"You haven't drank?" I asked.

"No. I'm fucked up. Why? Do you care?"

"Of course I fuckin' care!" I scooped my arms underneath him and then hauled him up to a semi standing position.

"No you don't. You don't care." He shoved at me again and then leaned on the side of his car. "You don't care, if you cared you... you... you don't care! Why do you tell me you do? You know you don't."

"Jimmy, I care! Of course I care! The whole night I was on my stupid fucking date I couldn't stop thinking about you! I'm such a fuckin' idiot for going and I'm sorry! I should've stayed last night and talked to you!"

"So?!" He yelled. "So fucking what! It doesn't fuckin' matter. We don't need to talk anymore. I saw you kissin' up on that fuckin' ...scrawny... stupid..mother fucker from the god damn fuckin' store." He fell again but pushed himself back up again.

"Jimmy don't do this. You're too messed up, come on... I need to get you inside."

"I don't wanna fuckin' go inside with you."

"Jimmy!"

"Shut up! Layla..." He looked at me and the look on his face made the tears come.

"Fine." I said. "Fine, I'll go."

"Good! Go." he yelled. "Go on and go call your friend and tell him that things between us weren't good enough for you so you want him to come back over! Go ahead! Fuckin' tell him!"

I spun around and looked at him. "I don't want him to come back! I don't fuckin' even wanna see him! He kissed me and I wanted to puke, not because he was terrible or whatever but because of you! I thought about you the whole night, I've thought about you the whole time! I love you Jimmy and I don't wanna lose you! I just lost my Uncle and now you're pushing me away! I'd lose my fuckin' mind if something happened to you tonight and you died mad at me!"

He was silent for a second then shook his head. "There's nothing to talk about."

"There is too! I want to talk to you!"

"It's too late." He mumbled. "It's too late. You left me!"

"I know I did. I know, and I'm so sorry."

"I don't...." he paused. "I mean, I care..but... you screwed me up. Bad." The last word came out barely above a whisper.

"I'm sorry." I said with tears streaming down my face.

"That's not even it. You didn't just...hurt me Lay." He looked at me with tears in his eyes. "You broke my fuckin' heart."