Not Now

Mark fucking kissed me, he kissed me, he kissed me Was all that went through my head the next day, I felt even more like shit but nothing could bring me down. I was floating in a bliss, he was the first guy I kissed, hell first anything, and it was amazing. I could still feel his moist lips on mine, his tongue making its way in my mouth. Pure ecstasy.

I smiled, I probably looked disgusting, with my runny nose and sunken eyes.

“What’re you smiling about?“ I turned my head sideways to see Mark had climbed through my window a grin etched on his perfect chisled face.

“You.“ I said, simply. “You know you’re being pretty cliche? I mean only people in movies sneak into someones house through a window. Where’s the chocolate?“ I asked, jokingly.

Mark chuckled and made his way towards my bed, “You sound horrible.“ He commented and I frowned in mock hurt, I crossed my arms.

“Aren’t you suppose to ask how I feel and offer me chicken noodle soup?“ I pouted, my voice hoarse from not using it.

“I’m sorry, I would but if I went into your kitchen unannounced your mom would have a heart attack.“

“You could of bought me some.“ I leaned up and kissed Mark on the lips, “I think it’s sweet you’re visiting me.“ I said, blushing at my choice of words.

“Of course. I wanted to see your cute face.“ Mark smiled and layed down next to me, he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close to his body.

“What are we? I mean I know we only just kissed yesterday.“ I eventually got over my mini heart attack of being in close contact with Mark, though my heart still beated like it wanted to rip out of my chest.

“Well lets take things slowly, alright? And we obviously gotta keep it secret, so don’t go raving about how your with an older guy.“

“Yeah cause I have friends I totally can tell to, and not get punched in the face and get called a faggot.“ I mumbled.

“Awh, Tom don’t make me sound like an asshole.“ Mark whined burying his face into my neck, I could feel his hot breath against my skin, it felt good.

“Then don’t make me sound like I’m a grade a class loser with no friends.“

Mark pulled away from me, his blue eyes boring into mine like a hypnotizer, I could get lost in these. “You don’t need friends, Tomi. You got me.“

Why does my throat close up every time Mark says something meaningful?, I felt tears push at my eyes, and I hid my face in Mark’s chest, immediately soaking up his shirt.

“I mean it, Tom. When you need someone I’ll be there, when you fall I’ll be there, when you feel like dying I’ll be there to persuade you not to do it.“ I felt him squeeze me as I let out what I could without words because simply there weren’t any.

“I’m such a crybaby.“ I laughed, lifting my head to wipe at my tears, I couldn’t help it though, it seems I can cry in front of Mark without ever feeling judged.

“You know what’ll toughen you up?“ Mark said, another one of his oh so famous grins.

“What?“ I asked, looking at Mark as if he were crazy, which I undoubtedly think he is.

“Have you ever drank alcohol before?“

I snorted, and nodded, how many times have I? probably a million.

“Let’s go to a party this weekend, my buddy Travis is hosting it.“

I shook my head, fear had penetrated my bones. “For one my caretaker would kill me if I did and for two I don’t do well with crowds.“

Mark put his hands on my face making me look at him, god his eyes.. They‘re so blue and so fucking inviting. “What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her. I’ll just say I’m taking you on some educational tour of a museum or whatever. And two, I’ll protect you.“

I sighed, “At night? She wouldn’t ever believe that.“ I shook my head, I didn’t want to go, I really didn’t. I’ve never socialize with anybody, I’d crumble, possibly die of a panic attack while everyone stares at the freak who can’t handle a little bit of jam packed body’s.

“Just let me handle this alright?“

And he did, my caretaker took it all in, it seemed she was flirting with Mark which flared a monster inside of me that I thought never existed. Mark of course noticed and laughed at my expense when we left my house.

“It’ll be fine, baby. Trust me. Take this as our first date, okay?“ Mark smiled at me before hitting the gas and leaving the crappy neighborhood I resided in.

“How romantic.“ I mumbled, I turned my head to look at the flying scenery, letting the spring air hit my face, in truth I felt like puking. I couldn’t do this, a party of all fucking things! I know for sure that Mark’s friends are college bound, I’d be the only high school-er there. They’d immediately notice, and probably take advantage of it. What did I get myself into?

In a short span of time we unfortunately arrived at this guy Travis’s house, I could already hear the booming music from in the car, it vibrated as I stared up at the moving bodies that casted a shadow through the curtains. My mouth hung open and I could feel sweat dripping down at the back of my neck.

“Come on, Tom. Get out. We‘re here to get the hardcore side out of you that I know exists deep inside.“ Mark’s voice suddenly is in my ear, he unbuckled my seat belt and flung me out of the car.

I swallowed the bile that rised in my throat and followed Mark into the claustrophobic house, I already had people banging into me but Mark had a pretty tight hold on my hand. He pulled me towards the kitchen where it wasn’t as crowded so I could at least breathe better.

“Hey Travie my man.“ Mark yelled over the increasingly loud music, he dropped my hand and hugged Travis who was absolutely covered in tattoos. I didn’t mean to stare but fuck it went up to his neck!

„“And this is Tom, Tom?“ Mark said, shoving me a little, I blushed crimson and shook Travis’s awaiting hand. I looked around the kitchen, the whole counter top was littered with alcohol beverages.

„“Nice to meet you, Tom.“ Travis said politely, he didn’t strike me as nice, he looked like a guy that’d jump your bones but you wouldn’t of guessed cause he’s so scrawny.

I nodded my head and smiled, I couldn’t talk for some reason, maybe it’s the increase of homosapiens.

„“Travis, I think you need to mix a drink for Tomi boy over here.“ Mark clamped my back and grinned.

„“You’re sooo hottt.“ I slurred to Mark who was practically straddling me, ‚‘Vogue‘ by Madonna was blasting somewhere in the back.

“No you are baby.“ Mark was drunk as I, we had at least 10 drinks and smoked two buds of weed, we were beyond sensible.

“I don’t think so.“ I pulled Mark closer, letting our hips rub against each other erotically, I moaned and felt Mark’s growing boner against my leg.

“Mmh lets go to Travis’s room.“ Mark grabbed my wrist and pulled me towards the stairs, I stumbled after him, my mind was hazy and I had no reconciliation of anything.

Mark pushed me on the bed after shutting the door, he slowly crawled on top of me, god he’s sexy when he does that, the way his sparkling blue eyes looked into mine. He finally laid on top of me, letting our boners collide, I moaned and leaned up to kiss Mark hard, our teeth clashed and our tongues in each other’s mouths; fighting dominance.

“I wanna fuck you baby.“ Mark purred, he watched me waiting for my response, I nodded furiously, I wanted it too, I wanted him inside me, I wanted Mark to take my virginity away.

“Then lets get these clothes off of you.“ He crawled off of me and pulled at my shirt, I lifted my arms and he took it off, he fumbled with my zipper, pulling it down and throwing it on the ground along with my boxers. The cold air hitting my dick made me moan in pleasure, I closed my eyes, the pain almost unbearable.

I opened my eyes to see Mark fully naked, I couldn’t take my eyes off of him as he layed on top of me again, he pulled me into a kiss, my lips I’m sure were bruised.

“I’m gonna prepare you so it doesn’t hurt as bad when I go in, okay baby?“ He said, I nodded my head, he spread my legs apart and inserted one finger into me, I gasped the pain is horrendous, I closed my eyes tightly, my rectum tightening around his finger. He inserted another which is possibly more painful than the first. He did this until all five digits were inserted, by this time I had gotten use to it.

“You ready?“ I nodded, Mark smiled and put both of my legs on his shoulders, he spat on his hand and rubbed it on his pulsing erection, he lined his dick to my hole and pushed all the way in. I screamed, tears for sure now streaming down my face. I bit down on my pierced studded lip, I could taste blood.

Mark didn’t stop, it seemed he ignored my screams as he pulled in and out, eventually the pain turned into pleasure and I’m moaning in sync with Mark. My dick was long forgotten, I could feel the pain from it not being touched, I put my hand around it but got slapped by Mark. I whimpered. “Please, Mark. It hurts.“ I whined.

“No.“ He growled, I chewed on the inside of my cheek, the ecstasy of being fucked gone, I laid there limply until Mark orgasm-ed inside of me, he pulled out and immediately passed out.

I pushed him off of me and found my clothes strewn across the floor, I pulled them on and opened the window, I looked back to see Mark sleeping peacefully. Tears stinged my eyes. I shook my head and left the room. I jumped down and started running down the street.

By the time I reached mine I was crying. I was high and drunk; nothing made sense anymore. I didn’t mean for this to happen.

I ran up the steps of my house and started banging on the door, sobs racking my chest at the realization in my fucked up mind. I banged until my caretaker opened the door. She looked angry for a second until I fell into her arms. I never felt so dependent on this woman.

I struggled with words but I eventually got it out, “Mark H-Hoppus raped me.“ I spat out.