Superstar

My old life in New York adjusted nicely. I was back to modeling, which took my mind off of Patrick for a little while. I was comfortable here and I was glad I decided to come back.

In the beginning, it was hell to see local Chicago newspapers focus on Patrick and Becca. I couldn't escape it, even in New York. Everyone was so thrilled about seeing hockeys new golden boy settling down. I stopped checking my emails and cut off any media from Chicago when I got an anonymous email with a link that led to a picture of myself at Midway airport with a caption that read, "The girl Patrick left behind. Why he's marrying someone else and why she's running away".

If I didn't rely on my cell phone for work and to communicate with gram and Corey, I would have shut it off. Each time my phone beeped, my heart jumped, with a little hope that it would be Patrick, begging for me to come home. Since I moved back, I haven't heard from him at all.

I was getting ready to head to a shoot when my cell rang: Erica. I sighed and answered it, I haven't talked to her in a while either, I felt bad but I was trying to forget about Patrick as much as I could and talking to his sister wasn't going to help.

"Hey lex", Erica said, sounding tired. Its an hour ahead in New York so it was 5am in Chicago.

"Whats up, god you're up early", I yawned, which cause Erica to laugh.

"I just wanted you to know Im going to the wedding".

I had to sit down, I knew she was going too, but I haven't thought of the wedding in a long time and just the thought made me feel dizzy, "Of course you are. You're his sister".

"I know, but I feel like I'm betraying you. Standing up there with Pat, its like saying I agree with what he's doing, and I don't, not for one second I don't. But he's my brother and", her voice lowered and I knew she felt bad.

"I love you for caring about me, but I didn't expect you to not go. I miss you blondie, I'll see you at Abs rehearsal dinner. Why are you up so early", I asked curiously.

"YOURE COMING oh lex, I think if he sees you maybe you can talk him out if it. I just wish I could talk him out if it. Im being forced to go with my mom to find an outfit for the wedding", she answered.

I swallowed hard, I didn't want to think about him marrying anyone else but me right now. "I have a shoot and Im gonna be late if I don't go in now, love you and see you soon", I said hanging up and tossing my phone into my purse.

2 weeks later and I found myself heading on a flight to Chicago. I was flying a lot lately and I was getting sick of it. I had a shoot earlier so I had to leave the morning of Abs rehearsal dinner.

I got to the John Hancock Tower at around 630 and headed up to the banquet hall. I kept in touch with my brother of course, the boys tried keeping in contact with me as often as they could but they were all really busy too, but I was excited to see my old friends. As much as I hated to admit it, they became my family during the short time I actually spent in Chicago.

I got upstairs and a lot of the guests hadn't arrived yet.

"LEXIE", Abby said, running and giving me a huge hug as soon as I walked in.

"You are literally the most perfect bride I have ever seen", I said hugging her back. She was wearing http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=89642964 and saying she looked perfect was an understatement.

"Im so glad you came, you look great, I miss you so much here, its unbelievable", I instantly felt bad that I wasn't home to help her out with all her wedding stuff, being the maid of honor. But I sent her all my contacts for Sherri Hill and Vera Bradley, who were more than happy to help design her dresses.

"I miss you too, so much and of course I came, I wouldn't miss it for the world", I said smiling. I wore http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=89647344

She laughed and nodded before excusing herself to greet her cousins who just walked in.

I scanned the room and recognized Patrick immediately. He was standing at the bar with his back towards me, talking to Shaw. He must have felt me looking at him because he turned around and locked eyes with me.

"Kitten", he placed his drink down and practically ran to me.

"I hate when you call me that", I smiled and he pulled me into a big hug. I haven't seen him since he announced he was getting married.

"Are you ok? Everythings ok with you right. Wow, you look…wow", I smiled at his familiar protectiveness.

"Yeah, I'm fine".

I watched as he regained his composure with a shaky breath, "Thats good, I don't know what'd I do if something happened to you".

"Like if I was marrying a complete stranger tomorrow?"

His body stiffened, I watched his shoulders and head drop as the realization hit.

"Patrick, its a mistake. You shouldn't do this. Please don't marry that girl, I'm begging you. Literally begging you not to do this". I felt my eyes start to water but I didn't care. It was still early and the banquet was empty. His eyes glistened as I watched him blink away his own tears.

"Its too late, her whole families in town", his face pinched.

"Its not. Tomorrow is too late, todays not to late", I pleaded with him.

"I already made my decision", he said, refusing to look at me.

"Do you love her", I asked.

His eyes narrowed, "She's not you".

"What does that even mean", I snapped as my tears fell.

"Fuck Lex, what do you want to hear? How much I hate myself for not coming to your show that night? For losing the only girl I've ever truly loved and trusted in my life? Do you want to hear how I tried to talk her out of not keeping the baby so that it wouldn't fuck everything up? I begged her not to keep it, and then how much of an asshole I felt after that? Who tells that to someone?".

I watched as he paced back and forth before stopping and cupping my face.

"I am so fucking in love with you I can't see straight, I don't love her. Ill never love her. But I fucked up and now I have to pay for it. Ill never forgive myself for hurting you….or losing you", he said.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him tightly.

"You don't have to lose me, this is a choice Patrick. Knowing you're marrying someone who isn't me", I squeezed my eyes together to fight back the tears, "is literally killing me".

"You don't hate me", he pulled away and looked at me.

"I wish I could", I wiped a tear from my face and laughed lightly, "I don't know how to recover from this….from you", I admitted, embarrassed.

"How do you think I feel? Do you realize how hard of an act you are to follow Lexie Crawford? I will never be the same".

"Shit", Patrick said apologetically, I followed his gaze to the entrance. A small and chesty blonde who looked like an ooma loompa walked in.

"Who is that", I asked, and suddenly it hit me.

"Its her, isn't it", I asked as I saw Abby glance over to me, looking nervous.

She flung her arms over Patricks shoulders and squeezed, a massive diamond flashing on her finger. I felt everyone staring at us and I felt like puking.

"What are you doing", she asked as her eyes looked past Patricks and landed on me.

I eyed her tiny frame and wished I could tackle her to the ground, but I knew Abby would never forgive me; anywhere but her rehearsal dinner.

"She's trying to stop the wedding isn't she? She doesn't want us to be together, Patrick! She's trying to take you away from me and the baby!", she clutched her stomach dramatically.

"We were just talking Becca, calm down", Patrick said as he glanced at me awkwardly.

"Don't even think about showing up to the wedding tomorrow. You think I don't know who you are", she asked before grabbing Patricks hand aggressively.

Anger swept through me, blocking out all other forms of emotions.

"I don't give a fuck if you know who I am or not. Just be thankful you're pregnant", I hissed.

Her jaw dropped slightly, "or what?"

"Or else I'd be beating your tiny ltitle ass right now for being a disrespectful dirty whore. You're the worst kind of girl".

"How are you going to call me a whore when you dance around on stage in your bra and panties? And what kind of girl is that", she asked trying to sound tough.

"A pathetic, gold digging skank. You have to know he doesn't love you, you're marrying a man and carrying a child for a man who will never love you", I smirked. Damn it felt good to say that.

"You don't even know me! Pat, say something"

"Alexis, thats enough", Patrick said and I cringed. He rarely called me by my full name.

"None of it matters now, does it? Im pregnant and were getting married, so you'll just have to find someone else", she looked at Patrick for approval, but he refused to break his contact with me, "Have a nice life lexie, I know we will", she smirked,

"Im the kind of girl who gets what she wants, and what I wanted was a professional hockey player for a husband", she leaned towards me and whispered.

"Get out. Now", I said through clenched teeth. My eyes were burning from blinking back my tears but I refused to give this girl the satisfaction of seeing me cry.

Soon Patrick and Abby were by my side.

"I'm sorry man, she can't stay here", Sharpie whispered to Patrick.

"My husbands a guest which means I am too", Becca said flashing her huge diamond.

"You're not welcome here. Get out", Abby said sharply as Becca looked at Patrick for backup.

Patrick sighed and whispered something to Sharpie before walking out with Becca.

"Oh lex babe", Abby said hugging me tightly, "I honestly thought if he saw you, he'd change his mind".

"I did too", I said honestly into her shoulder, letting my tears fall.

"Come on, lets clean you up before everyone gets here. You look hot and you're not gonna let that whore ruin it for you", Abby laughed as she lead me to the ladies room.

~Patrick POV~

"Hey man, can I talk to you".

I ran into Corey before heading to my car and if I ever needed a good bro talk, it was now. I glanced at Becca who faked a yawn.

"2 minutes, just wait in the car", I said tossing her the keys, she rolled her eyes and walked to the car.

"Don't marry Becca", Corey said simply as we stood in the parking lot.

"Its a little late for that don't you think?"

"Look, I get why you're doing it. I just wish you wouldn't ya know? We all know you still love Lexie."

I clenched my jaw, "Of course I fucking love Lex, but I got someone else pregnant. Ill spend the rest of my life loving the one person I can't have".

Corey squinted as he shook his head, "Thats some fucked up logic"

"The only kind I can live with. My pain is my punishment. I deserve to hurt since I hurt her".

"You're insane, you know that right? You could be with Lexie right now if you wanted to! She was 100% willing to stand by you with all of this, she understood the fact that you didn't cheat man she didn't care you were having a baby with some other chick thats how much she loves you and shed still take you back if you went in there right now!", Corey said harshly.

"I can't", I said slowly.

"You're still hurting her, everyday you aren't with her, you're hurting her. She's been through a lot of shit but this tops everything, I can't stand to see her like this. You know she moved back to New York right? And following through with this fucked up wedding is probably gonna fucking kill her", Corey shouted before storming off into the banquet hall.

I replayed our conversation in my head. I convinced myself that Corey was wrong, eventually Lex will get over me….find someone new to love, someone who deserved her, especially if she was back in New York, shed forget about me in no time.

me? Id never find another girl like her. And Id never love anyone the way I love her. My pain would last a lifetime and hers would soon become a distant memory.