Let The Walls Break Down

“Tumors, with an S. But yes.” Jack’s doctor continued, “The good news is the tumors are operable.” Jack snorted “Brain surgery is good news ?” Everything they were saying sounded like I was in a far away tunnel. “Well yes, if you had waited a few more weeks, they would have been too invested in the brain & you would be terminal. As is, in about two weeks we should be removing them. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to work some things out with your mother.” He touched Jack’s shoulder and lead Mrs. Barakat away. Jack & I turned to one another at the same time. My fist clenched, “How could he be so calm & emotionless ? What a prick.” My boyfriend touched my shoulder, “Alex, that’s what doctors are trained to do. They have to be able to handle things.” I shook my head, still disgusted. Here Jack was, just diagnosed with brain tumors for God’s sake, & HE’S the one consoling ME. “How are YOU so calm, Jacky ? It’s okay to be upset.” He shrugged, “I’m not. Don’t you get it ? I thought that I was going crazy, but this whole time it’s been tumors causing my mood changes & stuff. And they’ll be able to remove them, & everything will be back to normal.” I shook my head, “It’s not that simple. There’s still a chance that….you’ll die during surgery.”

“And there’s still a chance I might not. There’s no reason to worry about it, it won’t change the outcome. We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. Let’s just have some fun, we’ve been stuck in a hospital all day.” Jack was right, in a sense, but that wouldn’t stop me from my dark thoughts. I was still shaking, & it had been over an hour since we got the news. Now we were in some shithole diner across the street from the restaurant, trying to pretend that it was just a normal day. In my opinion, making this the elephant in the room wasn’t going to solve anything, but I wasn’t going to push him.
For all I know, we might have too much time left.

Mrs. Barakat called my mom & asked if Jack could spend the night, & she agreed. The car ride back home was awkward to say the least, but the fact that I would be spending the night with my Jacky made it a little better. I lead Jack right into my house, bypassing my mom, who stopped at the door to talk to Joyce. A few minutes later, my mom came into my room & said she would be going to the Barakat’s for a while. I could only guess why. Jack pretended he didn’t notice, so I didn’t bring up the subject to him. My dad was nowhere to be found, so we had the house to ourselves.

I set stuff up for us in the living room, leaving Jack to pick out a movie while I made snacks. I couldn’t help but glance out the doorway at him every so often, just to check that he was okay. He sat happily sifting through my dvd’s, humming softly. THIS was the Jack that I knew, the one that hadn’t been around in a while. Maybe it was the shock of the news, but he was finally back to being himself.

I sat curled around my boyfriend while we watched some apocalypse movie, watching him more than the movie. He was really invested in it though, so I didn’t talk. I huddled closer & combed through his hair, twisting it gently in my fingers. He tilted his head up & kissed me twice, igniting the familiar butterflies in my stomach. I lingered on the second one, causing him to twist around & end up in my lap. He straddled me without hesitation, going straight for my lips once again. My hands found Jack’s waist, resting there with familiarity. Jack was getting really into it, but I just kept thinking “How much of this do we have left ?” He sensed my hesitation & pulled away. “Babe, you’re not still thinking about what the doctor said, are you ?” I sat up, “Of course I am ! I just can’t lose you. I won’t do it.” “No one said you were losing me, Alex ! You heard the doctor, if the odds were bad he would have told me flat-out.” He ruffled my hair, “Things are going to be okay.”

I rolled over in the middle of the night, flinging my arm over Jack. But my arm hit an empty bed. I sat up, “Jacky ?” It was 2AM, & at first I didn’t see him crouched in the dark, ear to my door. “What are you doing ?” I hissed. “Shhh.” He motioned for me to wait a second. He then stood & crawled back into bed, “I heard your mom come home, & I wanted to hear what my mom said to her.” “This late ?” “Yeah she just walked in like ten minutes ago. She was telling your dad that my mom was hysterical after they left here.” I pulled him into my side, “She’ll be okay Jack, she’s just shocked.” “I feel so bad, I made my mom cry !” “Jack, it’s not your fault.” “Sure feels like it,” He mumbled, rolling over the opposite way. I was glad he did, so he couldn’t see the tears rolling down my own face.