First Time

I sat around the corner from our house for hours. I watched the sunset fade before I decided that it was time to go back and face Joe. I started the car just to drive around the corner. "Do you think daddy is going to be mad at mommy?" I asked my belly as I pulled up in the driveway. When I didn't receive a kick, I laughed softly. "Yeah me too." I climbed out of the car and opening the front door. All the lights were out except one coming from upstairs. I dumped the keys on the table before slipping my shoes off. I walked upstairs, seeing that the light was coming from the nursery. I pushed the door open to see Joe attaching the mobile above the crib. I didn't say anything, I just walked over to the chair and sat down.

"Nick showed up at moms, about an hour ago." Joe said, his voice had no feeling to it. And I didn't expect it to. "Mom said he was distraught."

"Yeah, I suspect he would be." I replied, playing with my fingers. I didn't look at Joe, but I felt him looking at me. "Sorry for taking off." He laughed, making me look up at him.

"You think that sorry is going to be good enough this time, Allie?" Joe said, his face turning all serious. I shook my head.

"It's a start." I muttered in reply.

"What did Nick say to you that made you go like that?" He asked, leaning against the crib. I shook my head and stood back up.

"I don't want to talk about it." I replied, making my way out of the room. Somehow, he managed to get in front of me, blocking the only exit I had. "Joe."

"No." He said, his voice sounding oddly stern. "We will stay in here until we work this out. We are about to be parents, Allie. We can't just walk out every time one of us gets upset. We just have to talk."

"There is nothing to talk about Joe." I said, putting my hands on my hips. He looked at me, shaking his head.

"What did Nick say to you?" He asked, raising his eyebrows. I closed my eyes, tired of fighting with Joe.

"He told me that I was worse than him. Because I broke your heart. He said that I was worse than him because I lead you on and then fucked you." I said, staring at him.

"Allie, you aren't a bad person." Joe said, his voice calmer and softer.

"Yeah, I am." I replied. Joe looked at me with narrowed eyebrows. "I fucked you and then left. I left you here with a wedding to cancel and a broken heart. I was 12 weeks before I told you I was pregnant. I kept that a secret from you for over 2 months. How can you say I'm not a bad person?"

"Because I know you." He replied, in almost a whisper. "Because I know you for real. You didn't do those things to be a bad person, you did them because you were scared."

"Explain why I broke up you and Rose." It went dead silent in the room, the only sounds were our breathing. "Explain that Joe. How was that not me being a bad person?"

"How was that your fault, Allie?" Joe asked, clearly confused. "Me and Rose weren't meant to be together."

"Tell me, that if I didn't show up when you sent that letter, you wouldn't have married her." When Joe didn't say anything, I laughed with no emotion. "Exactly. Me being here ruined your relationship."

"You being here made me see what I was doing wrong. You made me see that we weren't suited for each other." I shook my head. "You did. You made me feel all these things I didn't feel for Rose. You made me realise."

"And if I didn't show up Joe, you would be happy. So happy." I ran my fingers down his cheek, making him lean into my hand.

"I am happy, Allie. I am."

"You aren't, Joe." I replied, taking his hand. "You may show it, but I know you aren't. Because I feel exactly the same way."

"Aleah." He said, taking a step forwards. He hugged his arms around my shoulders, pulling me closer. "Why aren't you happy baby?"

"Because every time I look at you, I'm reminded of what I done. Every time I feel her kick or move, I'm reminded of the mistake I made."

"She isn't a mistake Aleah." He said, his stern voice back. "Never was she a mistake."

"Not her." I said. "Never her." I felt her kick as if to say 'I am here!' I rested my head against Joe's shoulder. "If I could take it all back, I would. Especially the bit where I walked out. I should have stayed, I should have woken up beside you and kissed you good morning. I should have made you pancakes. I should have spent the rest of my life with you."

"You still can." He whispered, pulling away from me. He held my face in his hands, tears rolling down both of our cheeks. "We have the rest of our lives to spend together."

"We don't though." I bit my lip as the words came tumbling out of my mouth. "If you can't trust me, we never will be able to."

"I know you made mistakes, I made mistakes too. I shouldn't have let you go first time around. Maybe it would have been us getting married instead of me and Rose. But that's all in the past now, Allie." Joe rested his forehead against mine, taking a deep breath in. "We have to think about the future, where me, you and our little girl live. Together."

"What are you saying Joe?" I whispered, slightly unable to breathe.

"What I'm saying, Aleah, is that I love you. So much that it hurts me to be apart from you. The thought of you not in my life now almost tears me apart. I cannot be without you." Rapidly, tears fell from my eyes. "I can't think of a morning where I didn't wake up and hope that this was it, Allie and Joe back together. There wasn't a night where I didn't wish that I was yours and you were mine."

"Joe." I exhaled, feeling like I was about to collapse. I closed my eyes, just absorbing everything about him.

"What I'm saying is, Allie, I love you. So much." I opened my eyes to see him staring down into mine. "And I want us to have another chance. A chance for the three of us to be a proper family. Can we do that? Can we be together again?"

"Yes." I pulled his closer, our lips hitting each other. Even though we were both crying, making it really wet, it was probably the best time I had ever kissed Joe. He cradled my face while I gripped the back of his t-shirt. "I love you. So much. There are no words to explain it." I whispered once I pulled away.

"I love you too baby girl." My heart fluttered as Joe once again, bent down to kiss me.

* * *

After deciding to get together finally, me and Joe were laid out on the couch. I was pressed up against his chest, his hands resting on my belly. I was slowly falling asleep when Joe spoke. "Do we tell everyone?"

"That we are together?" I replied, turning slightly so I could see him face. He nodded his head. "Do you want to?"

"I don't know." He sighed, rubbing my stomach. "I want everyone to know just so I can show you off." I laughed. "But maybe it will be a bit too much for everyone. It's confusing enough for us and we are in this relationship."

"How about we tell our families first?" I offered up. "And then we leave it a while, see how things go from there."

"Oh god, we have to tell our families." Joe groaned, resting his forehead against my shoulder. I lifted a hand up to entwine my fingers in his hair. "That's going to be interesting."

"I think they were just making bets about when we were getting together anyway." We both laughed. "I should talk to Nick."

"He had no right to say those things to you, baby." Joe said, getting slightly annoyed. "I need to talk to him."

"No, Joe." I stopped him. "He knows he had no right, he knows that. He was just upset and angry at himself, that's why he said them." 

"That doesn't excuse him from saying it though." Joe groaned, making me turn slightly.

"Joe, if he didn't say those things, we wouldn't be here now, like this. So we kind of have Nick to thank for it."

"Great." Joe muttered, pressing a kiss against my neck. "Our relationship is all down to my little brother."

"No it's not." I replied, laughing softly at him. "Our relationship is down to our little girl. If she didn't exist, we wouldn't be together."

"She planned it all, while she is in there." Joe rubbed my belly, making me smile. "Haven't you, little girl? Just been plotting away."

"She isn't even here yet and she has you wrapped around her little finger." I teased. I felt a kick of protest, laughing at her. "It's fine because I've got daddy wrapped around my little finger too."

"That's not true!" Joe gasped. "You do not!"

"I always have." I replied, grinning. I couldn't even see Joe but I knew he was grinning too. "Ever since I saw you that first time, you'd do anything for me."

"I still would."

"See, I've got you wrapped around my finger." I sung, making Joe laugh. "I've got to move, I'm getting a pain in my back." I shifted so that I was sitting with my back against the couch, Joe coping me. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders, pulling me closer. "Christmas soon, babe." I yawned.

"Yeah, the two families together."

"Should talk to Nick. Don't want an awkward christmas." I mused. "Also, I wanna tell him he is an idiot for letting Gabby go."

"I think he knows that, Al." Joe yawned, making me yawn. "That's probably why he was angry. Because he can't talk about his feelings which then affects his relationships. It's his downfall."

"And 3 days before Christmas as well. That girl must be crushed." I replied, leaning against Joe's shoulder and closing my eyes.

"Are you going to see her anytime soon?" Joe asked.

"I was thinking tomorrow, if she isn't busy. I think she will need a friendly face seeing as my best friend is an idiot." I said, making Joe laugh. "And then I will go round and see Nick and tell him exactly what I think. And then come back here and start wrapping presents."

"Well, you're going to be busy." Joe sounded surprised. "Gotta be careful now, you are carrying precious cargo." I laughed as Joe rubbed my belly. "Why isn't she moving?"

"Probably because she is sleeping. She had been pretty active today." I informed him. "I'm going to text them now." I leant forwards, with a bit of a struggle, and grabbed my phone. Joe chuckled as I leant back, sighing. "Hilarious." Joe leant over, pressing a kiss to my cheek and getting up, walking out of the room. I sent a text to both Gabby and Nick while he was out of the room.

To- Gabby.
Heard what happened. Are you busy tomorrow? Thought I'd pop around and have a chat :) xx

To- Nick.
We need to talk.

I couldn't be bothered being nice to Nick, not at this moment in time. I knew that he was angry and didn't mean it but it did hurt me. "Baby, do you want anything to eat?" Joe said, walking into the room with a sandwich.

"I'm fine thanks, babe. I bought myself McDonalds earlier." I turned to grin at him.

"Nice and healthy." Joe rolled his eyes before jumping onto the couch. "Why didn't you bring me back some?"

"Because I thought you'd throw a fit and we would have had a massive argument and it would go cold." I replied, grinning back at him. My phone made a noise, indicating that I had a text.

From- Nick.
Yeah. When?

I sighed and just as I went to text Nick back, I received a text from Gabby.

From- Gabby.
Not busy, you can come around. About 12? xx

I sent a 'yes' back to Gabby and started to text Nick back.

To- Nick.
Don't know. Going to see Gabby, I'll let you know when I have left.

I glanced at the time that flashed on my phone. "Is it really 10:30pm already?"

"Yes Allie." Joe laughed. "Why? What's up?"

"I am so tired." And almost immediately a yawn slipped out of my lips. "As you can tell."

"Go to bed, baby, I'll be there soon." I nodded my head, standing up. I smiled down at Joe who had his hands on my belly. "Goodnight baby." He pressed a kiss above my belly button and then looked up at me. "Goodnight baby." I leant down and pressed a kiss against his lips.

"Love you." I muttered, pulling away. Joe grinned at me, looking like a child.

"I love you too. So much." I pressed one more kiss to his lips before walking out of the room. 

* * *

"Hey." I said as Gabby opened the door to me. I received a pathetic smile in reply as she let me in. "You look like you need a hug." She nodded her head as she shut the door. I wrapped my arms around her neck, pulling her closer to me. "How are you feeling?"

"Okay." She replied, as I followed her into the lounge.

"No seriously." I sat down on the couch after giving her a look. "How are you feeling?"

"Confused, sad, upset, angry." She sighed, rubbing her forehead. "I just don't know what brought it on, Allie." I could hear the tears in her voice so I threw my arms around her shoulders and pulled her in.

"He is an idiot." I muttered as I tried to comfort her. "I don't know what was going through his head. But you know he doesn't mean it."

"You weren't there, Allie." She whispered, shaking her head. "He was so hurtful."

"You should know better than to listen to him, Gabby. You should have stood your ground-"

"There is only so much ground you can stand when your boyfriend tells you he doesn't love you anymore." She replied, sighing. "It hurts y'know? Hearing someone say they love you and then tell you they don't anyone. It makes you feel like it's all your fault. Like you aren't worth anything."

"Gabby." I whispered, wanting to kill Nick at this precise point in time. Hearing Gabby say all this broke my heart. "Nick does love you, so much."

"Then why did he say that? If he did love me, we wouldn't be here."

"Because he isn't good with feelings. He will tell you one thing and then feel vulnerable and change his mind. It's his defence mechanism. When he feels too close to someone, he pushes them away." I informed her. She didn't make a noise so I continued to talk. "Don't let him do this to you. Although he won't say it, you mean everything to him. You are everything to him. He loves you more than anyone. Don't let him go."

"There is nothing I can do, Allie. This is it for us. And even if I could do anything, what would I do? Go around to his and tell him that he isn't breaking up with me?" I moved from her as I was uncomfortable and looked at her.

"If you have to. I know that it sounds stupid and like it isn't going to work, but it might. I'm going around there after here anyway to-"

"Don't!" Gabby sat up and stared at me. "Don't go around there. Don't start an argument." I looked at her.

"It's too late for that." I mumbled. Gabby looked at me, as if to say 'what the hell happened?' I sighed, running a hand through my hair. "Yesterday, the boys were sorting out the nursery and I saw that he looked sad so I sent everyone out to talk to him. He told me what happened and I called him an idiot." Gabby laughed. "And then we started to shout at each other and he basically called me a slut and a bad person."

"What a..." Gabby stopped, unable to form any words. "Dickhead! God, sometimes he really infuriates me."

"You're telling me. So he stormed out and then I stormed out. And took off."

"Bet Joe didn't like that one." She laughed softy. 

"Are you kidding? Danielle told him to let me go. He was on the verge of jumping in front of the car."

"Oh god. I think you two are more fucked up than me and Nick." She burst into laughter, making me smile. It was the first time I had seen her properly laugh. "I should talk to Nick, shouldn't I?"

"I think so." I replied, as our conversation went from laughing to serious in under a second. "I know he wants to talk to you badly, he just doesn't know what to say."

"I don't either, but we do need to. Even if we don't get back together, I still want us to be friends." I nodded my head, smiling. "We were friends before, I think we should be friends after. Otherwise we will be hating each other and I really don't want that."

"Explain to him, he will understand where you are coming from. Just talk to him, the worst thing he can do is not reply." I encouraged her. She nodded my head. "Let's not talk about that idiot. I brought your christmas present." I grinned at her.

"And I have yours!" She cheered, bouncing off the couch and grabbing a box from under the tree. "I know it's only Christmas eve, but this can be our Christmas. Open it." I laughed, taking the box from her. I handed her present over, it being a lot smaller than mine. "Together?" She grinned at me.

"Together." I replied, before ripping the lid off the box. We both squealed in excitement as we pulled out our presents. I grinned as I pulled out the leather jacket I had been staring at for weeks.

"I know you can't wear it yet because of your belly, but I thought it might be a nice thing to have after pushing her out of your vagina!" I burst into laughter and hugged her across the couch. "And I love my scarf, how did you know I liked this one?"

"Because you showed me a photo and said I like this scarf." I replied. "Thank you for my jacket, I do love it."

"I have everyone else's, could you take them back for them? I don't think I will be seeing them anytime soon." She sounded a little sad.

"Of course I will. I'm pretty sure they have stuff for you anyway, I'll bring them around after Christmas sometime. Just because you have broken up with Nicholas, doesn't mean we can't still be friends."

"Good, that's what I want." She replied, giving me a massive grin. I put my jacket back into the box and put it on the floor. "Now tell me what you have brought everyone."

"Well, me and Joe brought gifts together for everyone." Gabby grinned and nudged me in the elbow.

"Brought gifts together ay?" She laughed. "When are you two just going to get back together? You two are disgustingly cute."

"Well, about that." I tried to keep a straight face but it slipped once Gabby started jumping up and down.

"When? What happened?"

"Last night. After I stormed out, I came back and we got into this massive argument and I just told him that I was a bad person for leaving him and he just told me that he wanted to be with me and he loved me." Gabby 'aww'ed, making me laugh. "So we just decided to do it."

"I'm so happy for you two, Allie." She cooed. "And for your little girl, her parents are going to be together."

"Thank you." I grinned at her. "I guess we kinda have to thank the two of you for it. In a weird warped way."

"Thank you, Gabby and Nick, for breaking up so me and Joe could get together." The two of us burst into laughter, shaking our heads. "I knew what you meant. But I am very happy for the two of you."

"We haven't told anyone yet, we are waiting until tomorrow. I think we need sometime to think about how we are going to approach it."

"What do you think that they are going to say?" Gabby asked. I shrugged my shoulders.

"They are going to be happy for us, no doubt about it." I replied, smiling. "But it's going to be hard to explain it to everyone else. Me and Joe are really confused and we are in the relationship."

"Good luck." She said, before bursting into laughter.

* * *

I left Gabby's almost 3 hours later, it being 3pm. It took me almost 30 minutes to get to Nick's place. I parked mine/Joe's car next to his and climbed out. I grabbed my bag, Nick's present from Gabby inside it and knocked on the door. It took him a few moments to answer it. "Hi." He said, sounding out of breath. I gave him a weak smile before walking in. I took off my shoes and walked into the lounge. "Do you want a drink or anything?"

"I'll have a water thanks." I replied, before he walked out of the room. I opened my bag and placed his present on the table. It was a small box, but he would be able to realise it was there. "Thanks." I said as he handed me the bottle.

"What's that?" He pointed at it as he sat down on the other couch.

"Your present from Gabby." I replied, taking a sip out of the water. I saw the panic flash over his eyes before he went emotionless.

"Oh right." He nodded, not taking his eyes off the box. I pushed it towards him and he picked it up. "How is she?"

"Putting on a brave face, but she isn't very good." I told him. I wasn't going to sugarcoat, I wanted to know what he had done.

"Oh right." Nick looked around, avoiding eye contact with me.

"Look, I know I said that we should talk, but if you are just going to sit there, I'm leaving." Nick sighed, running his hand through his hair.

"I'm sorry. For both now and yesterday." He said, finally looking at me. "You didn't deserve me shouting at you. I was angry at myself and I just took it out on the nearest person, and that happened to be you."

"I'm not pissed off at you for that, to be honest, I should be thanking you for that." I got a funny look off Nick, but I brushed it off. "I don't care that you called me a bad human being, or a fuck up basically, I'm pissed at you for how you treated that girl!"

"Gabby?" He asked. I nodded my head, which made him sigh. "Look, I did what I thought was the best for her."

"Well, obviously you didn't think hard enough." I mumbled, flicking my hair out of my eyes. "She made you a better person, Nick. She is what makes you happy, don't deny it. And you just finished with her as if you just shared a cab together." 

"Everyone knows that she meant more to me than that, Allie." Nick almost spat at me. I rolled my eyes at him.

"I am not arguing with you, Nicholas. I don't even have the energy to do that. I'm just saying that what you did was a dick move. And I'm not letting you do that to Gabby." I stated.

"And when did my love life include you, Allie?"

"Shut up, Nick. I don't care if you get back together or not, I really don't. But I think, as you owe her at least this, tell her what actually went into your head when you said that to her." I replied, taking a sip of the water.

"I don't even know what went through my head when I said that stuff to her, how am I meant to explain it to her?"

"Just tell her what you feel, Nick." I said, my voice soft. "Tell her everything. Stop keeping back your feelings."

"Fine." He said, sounding completely exhausted. I felt slightly sorry for him. "I see you and Joe, and Kevin and Dani and think 'wow, I would kill for that.' But then I think, I'm never going to get that."

"Of course you are." I moved so I was sitting next to him on the couch. "Don't be silly, Nick."

"What if I don't? What if I never have that? I'll just be sad, lonely uncle Nick." I wanted to laugh at how pathetic he was being.

"I still don't understand how that thought made you break up with Gabby." I gave him a confused look.

"Me either." He sighed. "I do love her, more than anyone. But when we started to argue, I felt her slipping away. So I thought, this is it, I can't let her do this to me, I can't let her break my heart. So I broke up with her instead."

"You sound like your brother." I chuckled softly. "That's what he said to me after we broke up. He broke up with me so I couldn't break his heart. He ended up breaking his own heart, like you have done. It isn't worth holding your feeling back for. Look how messed up me and Joe were. I don't want that to happen to you and Gabby. You are so good together." Nick laughed softly, making me smile.

"I'll talk to her, I will. I don't know what to say but I will. I want to." I smiled at him and wrapped my arm around his shoulder. "But I am sorry for what I said." I brushed my hand away.

"Don't worry about it. I owe you a lot." Nick gave me a look that said 'explain." I chuckled softly, not being able to hide the smile. "Me and Joe are back together."

"What?" Nick's voice squeaked, making me laugh. "When?"

"Last night. We got into an argument and then it just happened." I informed him.

"I'm so happy for you, the both of you." He wrapped his arms around my neck, pulling me into a hug. "Really, I am."

"I thought I'd tell you, seeing as you are my best friend." I got an odd look off Nick, which made me smile. "You are!"

"After what I've done, I don't think I deserve it."

"Shut up, Nicholas. You are my best friend and I love you, no matter how much of a dick you are. Got that?"