First Time

It had been a week since I'd seen Joe. A whole 7 days since we had any contact. And it was killing me. But I didn't want to make the first move. "Allie." My mom said, walking into the room. "Are you ready?" Today was my 37 week check up. I nodded my head, grabbing my bag. I followed her downstairs and into the car. "So does Joe know you're going for this check up?"

"Yeah, he should do." I replied as we started down the road. "I mean, it's on the calendar and Denise knows." I shrugged my shoulders.

"Why don't you text him? Ask if he is going to be there?" I rolled my eyes at my mom. "Look, I know you probably don't want him there but you've got to involve him." I sighed and gritted my teeth together. I didn't want to talk to him, but I didn't want him to miss out on anything regarding our baby.

"Fine." I grumbled. While my mom kept her eye on the road, I tried to formulate a text in my head. "God, what do I say?"

"Just ask him if he is coming." She replied. I sighed, I didn't know why this was so hard for me.

To- Joe
Appointment today. Will you be coming? x

"That's what I wrote." I said to my mom after reading the text to her. She nodded her head. "I didn't know about kisses so I just put one in."

"I think putting a kiss was a good idea. It seems like you aren't too pissed at him." I sighed, rolling my eyes at my mom. "So have you got any questions for today?"

"How can I get this baby out me without any pain?" I grinned at my mom. She rolled her eyes, giggling to herself.

"Good luck." She told me. "There is only two ways that baby is coming out. The conventional way, or through the sunroof." She pointed to my stomach.

"If I can try, she is coming out the conventional way." I replied. "With a lot of drugs."

"Is that your plan then?" My mom asked. I nodded my head.

"Start with the gas and then move onto the epidural. I'm going to see how long I can wait not to have it."

"That's what I planned when I had your brother. And then he got too stressed out and they had to give me a c-section." My mom told me. I winced; I'd read stories on line about c-section recovery. "Although it didn't hurt to start with, when the epidural wore off, it was horrible."

"I think that the only reason I will have a c-section is if either one of us is in trouble." I replied. "And I think he would agree with me."

"So you're just having Joe in the room then?" My mom asked.

"Yeah. I mean, everyone else is going to be at the hospital right?" I asked. She nodded her head.

"We were planning on it. I mean, you won't be able to go to the hospital into your contractions are 5 minutes apart." I nodded my head.

"Or my waters break." I pointed out.

"So if you let us know when your contractions start and then we will prepare ourselves. You could be waiting days until Sophie comes."

"I really hope she wants to come out." I replied, rubbing my belly. I felt a sharp kick in reply, making me wince. "I don't wanna be one of those women who are in labour for days. It just seems-" I stopped when I heard my phone going off. "It's Joe."

"What does it say?" She asked, quickly looking at me. I opened the text and felt myself deflate a little.

From- Joe
Sorry, won't be able to make it. Got to sort something out.

"He isn't coming." I replied, my voice cracking a little. I coughed to clear it. I felt a little disappointed that we wasn't planning on coming. I thought he might want to be here for Sophie.

"Does he say why?" My mom asked.

"Yeah, he says he has to sort something out." I bit my lip. I wasn't going to cry. If Joe didn't want to be at his daughter's check up then he could stay at home and sulk. "Anyway, doesn't matter." I tossed my phone back into my bag, pushing it to the back of my mind.

"We're here." My mom announced as she drive into the parking lot. I grabbed my bag with my paperwork in it and got out of the car. I waddled towards the door, my mom trailing behind.

"Aleah James." I told the woman behind the desk. She grinned at me as she typed away on the computer.

"Great. Take a seat, Aleah. The doctor will be out in a bit." The woman replied. I thanked her and both of us went to sit down.

"This is your first time today, isn't it?" I asked my mom, pulling the paperwork out and checking it. It read what my birth plan was, what hospital. Stuff like that.

"It is. The other times I haven't been in the state for it." She replied, smiling at me. "Are you excited?"

"It's just a check up." I shrugged. "She is going to measure me and then weigh me and then tell me everything is going well. It's happened every time I have come."

"Do you know how much weight you've actually put on?" She asked. I shrugged my shoulders.

"Probably about 12kg?" I replied, having a random stab in the dark. My mom nodded her head. The average for women to put weight on with pregnancy was about 12.5kg, so I was feeling happy. I heard my name get called so I looked to my mom, who grinned at me. "Let's go." I stood up and followed the nurse into the doctor's room.

"Doctor Coleman will be here any minute. Have a seat." I thanked the nurse and struggled my way onto the bed. My mom laughed at me and then decided to give me a hand.

"Thanks." I muttered sarcastically as my mom sat on one of the plastic chairs. "You were a real help."

"Aleah, hi." Doctor Coleman said, walking into the room. "How are you?"

"Still pregnant." I replied. Both her and my mom laughed. "This is my mom." Her and the doctor shook hands.

"This is grandma." Doctor Coleman said. "And where is dad?"

"Dad couldn't make it." I replied, twisting my lips to one side. "So we will make do without him."

"Okay, so do you want to lie back? I'll just measure how big you are." She wrapped the tape measure around my stomach. "You are a full 32inches now. Perfect for how far long you are." I grinned at her and she helped me sit up properly. "Now are you feeling any different? Anything weird?"

"I'm feeling a little more lower down. I feel like she has moved down further." I saw the look that my mom gave the doctor. "What does that mean?"

"Do you mind if I have a feel around?" The doctor asked. I shook my head and laid back again, slightly panicking. "Okay, baby feels fine." She said, feeling around my stomach. "She is in fact, lower down."

"So what does that mean?" I asked.

"I think you've gone through the stage called lighting." I narrowed my eyebrows.

"I'd read about it. Isn't it meant to happen closer to giving birth?" I asked. The doctor nodded her head.

"Your baby has moved her way down into your pelvis, which means she is in the correct position to be born." I felt my insides scream in panic. She couldn't be ready, I wasn't. "I could have a guess and say she is going to be born in the next two weeks."

"Really?" I asked, sounding like a scared child. "That soon? Her due date is 3 and a half weeks away!"

"She wants to come, Aleah. There is not much that you can do to stop her." I sighed, running a hand through my hair. "I don't want you running overdue, especially with her in the position. She may get a little stressed that nothing is happening. That's why I think that if she doesn't make any sign of appearing in the next 2 weeks, we will induce you and start your contractions that way."

"Okay." I replied, nodding my head. "Will it affect her? Being born that little earlier?"

"No, she is no longer seen, if she was born now, as premature." I nodded my head. This was a lot of information to take in. I needed Joe.

* * *

"Thank you so much doctor." I said, shaking her hand as we left.

"You're welcome. I hopefully, will see you in the next two weeks." We both grinned at each other. "Bye." I shut the door of her room behind me. I looked at my mom, panicked.

"You'll be fine, sweetie." My mom said as we walked down the corridor to the exit. "You are prepared if she comes."

"I'm not." I said, as we walked towards the car. "Me and Joe aren't talking, I have nothing for her."

"Then sort it out." She told me as we climbed into the car. "Joe needs to know what the doctor said in there Allie." I nodded my head as she started the engine.

"Are you able to drop me off? At home I mean." My mom nodded her head as she pulled out of the parking lot. "Okay. I'm going to ring Joe." I pulled out my phone and dialled Joe's number off by heart. I listened to it ring before he picked up. "Hi."

"Hello." He replied, sounding emotionless. But I couldn't care less about how he was feeling, I had just been told that I could give birth any minute of any day and Joe needed to know that.

"Are you at home?" I asked, biting my finger.

"No." He replied.

"I need to tell you something. About what the doctor said." I heard the silence between me and Joe like I had never heard it before.

"I'm at my parents, I can be there in 5." Something in Joe's voice changed. It was suddenly filled with emotion.

"Fine. My mom will drop me off."

"Fine. Bye." And with that, he hung up. I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair. I tossed my phone back into my bag.

"If talking to him is going to be like that, i'd rather not." I muttered, making my mom laugh. "God, he was being difficult."

"He is bound to be, Allie." My mom replied, patting my knee. "Just remember to take it easy with him. No shouting or anything. Stress could make that baby come now and you want to keep her tucked in there for as long as possible."

"Yeah." I ran a hand down my stomach, getting a nudge in reply. "God, I can't believe she is ready to come out now. It only seemed like yesterday I was peeing on a stick."

"It only seemed like yesterday you were a kid yourself. Now you're all grown up, having a baby of your own." I turned to my mom and smiled.

"She is going to be all mine." I smiled to myself. Everyone was getting very nostalgic at the moment, especially when it came to talking about Sophie. "And a little bit Joe's."

"Have you decided if you are going for boob?" I burst into giggles. It was such an oddly phrased question.

"If she wants the boob when she comes out, she can have the boob. If she doesn't, we have bottles and formula at the ready." I told my mom, still not recovering from my fit of giggles. "Now that the doctor told me that she is going to be here in the next 2 weeks, I kinda want her out now."

"2 weeks isn't very long. You've struggled through 37 weeks, I think you can deal with the next 2 weeks."

"I want her now though." I pouted, making my mom laugh. I haven't even realised that we had pulled into the house driveway.

"Sort it out with him. And then when she comes, everyone will be happy." My mom pressed a kiss to my forehead. "Now go." She nudged my shoulder. I smiled at her before climbing out the car. I waddled my way towards the door and knocked.

"Why are you knocking?" Joe asked as he pulled open the door. "It's your house too."

"Oh." I replied, feeling a bit like an idiot. I looked at Joe, finding myself surprised. He obviously hadn't shaved in a week, scruff was decorated all over his chin. He wore his sweatpants and a sweater, obviously not caring about his appearance for once. "Can I come in then?" He nodded his head and stepped aside, letting me in.

"How are you feeling?" Joe asked as I walked into the lounge. I didn't expect him to be this chatty.

"I'm okay. A little worn out, but okay." I replied, sending him a smile. He nodded his head as I sat on the couch. He sat next to me, our knees bumping into each others. "What about you?"

"I've been busy." He said, shrugging his shoulders. "So what did you need to tell me?"

"So I was at the doctors earlier." I started, scratching my head. "And she asked me if anything felt different. So I told her that I felt like she had moved downwards."

"You can see that she has." Joe pointed out. I nodded my head in reply.

"So I saw her and my mom share a look and it made me panic slightly. Basically, I've gone through the stage called lightening. It's when the baby moves its head down into the pelvis."

"Okay." Joe sounded really confused. "What does that mean then?"

"It means that she could come at any moment. Like, my waters could break now and there is no stopping it. She is actually prepared to come out now." I told him. I saw all the colour drain from his face. It was making him panic, just like it was me. "If she doesn't make an appearance in the next two weeks, the doctor wants to induce me. Set things off that way."

"Okay." Joe croaked, rubbing his forehead. "So if she is born early, does it affect her in anyway?" He looked at me. I shook my head, smiling softly.

"She would be no longer considered premature if she is born within the next two weeks. We would be able to take her home, as long as there is no complications or anything like that." I looked at Joe before running a hand through my hair. "I know it's a little scary, but it's happening Joe. Nothing stopping it now."

"I'm just a little...shocked right now." He replied, his eyes flickering around the room. "And a little confused too."

"Confused?" I asked, tilting my head to one side. "Why are you confused?"

"Where do we stand?" He asked. I didn't expect him to be so blunt. I stared at him for a few seconds, before realising that I should answer.

"I don't know." I sighed. "I love you, Joe. So much. But you lied to me." He nodded his head, accepting what I was saying. I was surprised that he didn't start kicking off. "You were with her when I needed you the most and it makes me feel horrid."

"I'm sorry." He whispered, his voice cracking. I didn't want him to cry, not at all. I shifted so my entire leg was touching his. "I can't even begin to explain myself. I don't know what I was thinking-"

"Why don't you tell me what happened? We can go from there." I smiled, reassuringly at him.

"She text me, a few days before we got together. She wanted to meet and talk about it all. She wanted to explain her side of the story and I wanted to tell her mine." I nodded my head, listening to him. I was giving him a chance; I wasn't going to flip out at him. "And then me and you finally got together. But then I was thinking about her and how she must have thought that I'd cheated on her. I felt like she should have some sort of explanation."

"She didn't need an explanation Joe." I told him. "She left you, remember? We both know what happened that night. We don't have to explain ourselves to anyone."

"I felt like I did." He told me. I narrowed my eyebrows, still confused. "I couldn't let Sophie come into this world thinking that her dad was a cheater." He shook his head. I could see the tears in his eyes. "I needed to tell her the truth. But I didn't know you were going to be taken into-"

"None of us did Joe." I replied, shaking my head. "None of us could have predicted it. Yeah, I should have told you about the pain, but I thought nothing of it until it started to get worse. But by that time, you'd already left."

"I just felt like I should have been there with you. If I could change it all, I would. I'd never have met with her. She tried putting words into my mouth. Trying to make me say things that I never said." I looked at him. "I wouldn't change me, you and our little girl for the world, Allie." I smiled at him as a tear ran down his face.

"Why aren't you shouting at me?" I asked, brushing the tear away. I always loved when Joe would show his emotional side; it made me feel closer to him. "Why aren't you screaming, telling me to leave and never come back?"

"Because I'm tired of arguing with you." He whispered, looking emotionally drained. I felt bad, I'd caused all his pain. "If you want to talk out that door again, I'd be fine with it. As long as you were happy, Allie-" I leant forwards, pressing a kiss against his lips. A whole week without being near him had almost killed me. So this kiss was special.

"Shut up." I whispered, pulling away from him. He gave me a weak smile. "You make me happy Mr Jonas. Very." I told him with another swift kiss to him lips. "And if you ever let me leave this house again without a fight, you'll be in trouble."

"God." Joe's voice cracked as he wrapped his arms around my waist. I shifted so that I was sitting on his lap, sidewards. His face was pressed into my shoulder. "I have missed you so much, Allie. It's almost killed me to sleep alone every night. Not being able to hold you, or feel our little girl move."

"I am so sorry." I turned my head to press a kiss against his head. "For all the pain and anger I caused you. I was upset and not thinking straight. I was irrational and scared. I thought that what she said was true. And I should have known it wasn't, but I couldn't help but doubt myself." I gushed.

"I love you more and more each day, Aleah. I wouldn't know what to do without you. I'd be lost, heartbroken. You are everything to me." He pressed a kiss against my shoulder. "We are going to be okay, right?"

"Perfectly." I replied. I felt one of Joe's hand touch my stomach and almost straight away, he got a kick in reply. He sighed, and I smiled. We both had missed the others touch. We couldn't stay away from each other. "I need to ask you one thing." I whispered, breaking the comfortable silence between us.

"Mmm?" Joe replied, sounding somewhere between being awake and asleep.

"Why did you lie? I mean, why didn't you tell me you were going to meet her?" I asked. I wasn't trying to be spiteful in anyway, I wanted to know.

"I didn't lie to you to be spiteful. Or to be secretive. I just..." He stopped to formulate words. "I did it to protect you." I could hear Nick's word echoing in my mind. "I wanted you to know it was you and only you I want to spend the rest of my life with."

"Okay." I accepted without a fuss. I didn't want to fight anymore. "Okay."

"Good." He muttered. "And I'm sorry for mentioning about you leaving me. I panicked and I was angry. I attacked you because I needed some defence."

"I will spend every minute of every day making it up to you." I whispered to him as he caressed my stomach. "I know you'll never fully forgive me for it and I completely understand. But I will try everything to make up those 3 months you had to spend without me."

"Right now." He whispered, taking my face in his hands, turning it so I was facing him. "You are giving me the best thing in life. Something that you didn't have to make up for. Our baby girl."