These Secrets Are Killing Me

After watching my Mom fall apart at the seems a pang of guilt rushed through me. I looked down at her and I could feel my heart go out to her. "Mom are you okay?" I asked, what a stupid question to ask your Mom when you know she isn't. She looked up from the floor and moved her hair out of her face, the tears still pouring down her face. Her brown eyes were blood shot and puffy along with swollen lips and the little bit of snot that was leaking from her nose. She stood up and for the first time that day I noticed her shirt, and I felt my heart shatter just a little bit. She wore that shirt the day of their wedding, it was the white t-shirt with the unicorn with Dad's name underneath it.

Then it hit me like a ton of bricks today was September 3rd, their anniversary. Holy shit! "Jesse why? Of all the days you decide to tell your father you tell him on our anniversary! I understand you hate me and guess what I hate myself, but do you hate me that much were you have to ruin the only day I look forward to once a year?" She asked, moving towards me. Her hands were curled into a fist and I honestly almost shitted myself.

"Mom I'm sorry I thought Dad was you, and when I started talking I just couldn't stop myself. God I'm so sorry! I never wanted Dad to find out I never wanted this family to be torn apart. Mom I'm so sorry please you have to believe me!" I begged, I looked down at her fist and noticed she was now messing with her wedding band. The tears began to fall from her eyes and the little sob escaped her throat. I held out my hand wanting her to grab my hand. Just like I hoped she would she grabbed my hand, I pulled her into my bed and scooted over so she could have room to lay down.

She laid down next to me her head directly on my chest the tears were soaking my hospital gown, but I didn't mind. I rubbed small circles on her back and moved her hair behind her ear. I run my fingers through her hair and whispered that everything would work itself out. It must have been an awkward sight to see a Mother pouring her heart and the daughter just sitting there listening. She wrapped her arms around my waist and pulled me closer to her. "J-Jes I don't h-hate you, I l-love you more t-than life itself and I'm sorry y-you felt like I hated you." My own will to be strong for her ended when she said that. I let my own tears fall and a little sob escape my own mouth. I looked down at her and noticed she had slipped into an uncomfortable sleep, but it was probably a much needed one.

"Mom I'm going to make everything better I promise you." I said, I slowly slipped out her grasp and managed to get out of my bed. I stumbled a little but it was normal I wasn't supposed to be walking any ways, but I wasn't going to listen to the doctors today. I grabbed the pole that held my medicine and walked out of my room. I searched up and down my hallway looking for any signs of Dad but with no luck.

"Jesse!" Someone yelled, I knew I was in trouble. I turned around and smiled the worlds biggest smile, my heart skipped a beat and the butterflies in my stomach came to life. He ran over to me and pulled me into a hug. I breathed in the sent of my coconut shampoo, and hugged him just as tight.

"Baby I missed you." He said, pulling away from me.

"I need your help have you seen my Dad?" I asked.

He shot me a confused look and shook his head yes. "Yeah he's down at the vending machines. What happened between y'all he's crying his eyes out down there."

"I told him about Mom's affairs and today is their seventeenth anniversary, now I promised my Mom that I would make everything better. I gotta go talk to him." I said, grabbing the pole and began walking towards the vending machines. Only to be stopped by Justin.

"No your Mom is a big girl let her fight her own battles, Jesse you can't keep sticking up for her. Now lets go back your room and watch some t.v." He said. How could he stand there and tell me that. I know my Mom is a big girl but right now I have to fight for her, if I don't then who will? Herself? She'll go down without a fight and then what? I lose my family, not going to happen. Not on my watch.

"No Justin I have to go make things better it's my fault." I said, breaking free from his grip.

I walked away from him and power walked my way down to the vending machines. There I saw the most heart wrenching sight I've ever seen in my life. Dad sitting against the wall, surrounded by all of my Uncles and Grandparents. They were all trying to get him to stand up but he just pushed them away, yelling at them to leave him there to die. His long hair covered his face as he would place his head into his hands. I looked down at the floor and fought my tears. I looked back up again and made eye contact with Uncle Frankie, who came running towards me.

"Jesse hey baby girl, lets go back to your room. There's nothing to see here just a bunch of old people drama." He said, pushing me backwards.

"I'm not fucking five years old. I know what happened please Uncle Frankie please let me go talk to him." I begged. He sighed and dropped his arm on my lower back letting me move forwards. I slowly walked towards my Dad, I pushed past all of my uncles and grandparents. I finally reached my Dad and sat down in front of him.

"Daddy please you have to forgive Mom." I said, not beating around the bush.

"Jesse I can't."

"Why not Daddy? Why not?" I asked.

"Jesse how can I trust her again? It's not that fucking simple." He said, I brought my thumb up to his cheek and wiped his tears away.

"You know what today is Daddy?"

"It's our anniversary." I pulled him into a hug as he let out a scream of anger and just a silent sob. He cried into my shoulder and pulled me closer to him, I looked behind me and saw the rest of my family who themselves were sobbing.

"Daddy please you have to forgive her. You and I both know she didn't mean to do it."

He pushed me off of him and stood up, leaving me on the floor. "I'm leaving." He said.

"Were are you going?" I asked, still sitting on the floor.

"To file for a divorce."